Skip to comments.Dealing with gay family member situation (vanity)
Posted on 12/08/2011 11:52:02 AM PST by AUJenn
We have a close family member who decided a few years ago that she was gay. I say 'decided' because up until then, she had always dated men and was actually about to get married. It came as a huge shock to everyone and has taken a while to get used to. She has had the same partner since she announced her lifestyle change. It has been difficult for me and other family members to accept and get used to their living arrangements, lifestyle, etc, especially on holidays. But as time has gone on, I have accepted this is how she is going to live and there is nothing I can do about it. But I don't like it.
I have always been polite and cordial because I see no sense in being rude or hostile. And if I were hateful, it would just give conservatives/Christians a bad name IMO, and would add fuel to their fire. That being said....she has announced that she and her partner are having a baby. The partner is pregnant. This has really thrown us for a loop, as we never expected this to happen.
It so happens that I have a small child and am expecting again, so it really makes me think. I am completely against their doing this. But I have no idea how to publicly act or respond to this situation - especially at upcoming family holiday events. I don't feel like happily telling them 'congratulations!' or talking about baby things. I think about how this poor kid is going to feel about his/her parent situation, or how I'm going to explain to my children why this baby 'has two moms' and on and on.
If anyone has a gay family member or has been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear how you handle it. Thank you -
Remember, its THEIR life to live not yours.. you don’t have to agree with their decisions, but you aren’t the ones making them.
My son’s best friend in grade school was the child of 2 lesbians, granted not immediate family, but still.. I don’t recall ever having very deep conversations with him about it all, just was the way his friend’s life was. Now they weren’t radical in your face lesbians which did make it a lot easier, and we never treated them any different than any other couple.
Another couple I know that are doing this, I would not want my children around at all and truly do fear for their son, the one is a completely over domineering anti male dyke, and I feel for their son every time I see him.
I can’t give you answers, but I think you are making more of this than probably there is. You have to make decisions about your life, and your child’s, but you cannot control what others do, and trying to is just wasted energy.
Went through this with my brother about 5 years ago. If I told you everything that has happened since then you probably wouldn’t believe it. I can barely believe it myself.
Bottom line? He’s slowly destroyed himself in the interim and tried to take everyone around him down with him.
My conclusion? The world “gay” is such a misnomer. Sure, there are undoubtedly exceptions. But as a rule there’s a lot of self-hatred, self-pity, and it’s more of a horror show than anything else.
It won’t start out that way. But see if it doesn’t end up that way. If it doesn’t consider yourself lucky. But be prepared.
What to do about it? Be polite, be respectful, but don’t fall for the “alternative lifestyle” BS and prepare yourself emotionally for the fecal matter to hit the oscillating rotatory device.
and - YMMV.
Would He condemn her?
Would He accept her?
Would He be overjoyed at the knowledge that another child was being born to an obviously loving couple when so many others are being aborted, abused and cast by the wayside?
Just random thoughts........
Not to sound cliche', but when all else fails, just ask yourself "What would Jesus do..."
I'm also surprised at some of the responses you're getting.
As I see it, you have to think of your family and your kids first. If that means alienating family then so be it. Your kids come first and you want to protect your kids as long as possible. Let them remain kids as long as possible.
The problem, as I see it, is we've been desensitized in so many, many ways. Because of this, doing the right thing or even mentioning it will make us look like we're from another planet to some people. In all things I am a Christian first, so in that sense coming across as if I'm from another planet doesn't bother me because of what the Bible says in regards to those who belong to Christ.
There's no need to be rude or hostile. Treat this family member as Jesus would. Love them. Tell them the truth. At the same time, keep your kids away.
it would logically follow that most of the family does not approve of the lifestyle.
This is not a one person alone at revulsion, it is most likely the entire family against this one person’s sex fetish and the destruction of a child’s life in the name of that fetish.
We have a good friend who has a lesbian niece. She and her husband made a BIG mistake helping her out financially. Now her niece has her hand out for every little shortfall.
If you love her and want her in your life, then you are going to have to accept the situation. I do not believe that one chooses to be gay. I do not believe that one wakes up and says "I think I will be gay today". You are or you aren't. At least she realized it before ruining a marriage.
Bear in mind that your family could be torn apart by this, one side with her, and one side against her. Look past the gay at the person before you decide. Know that if this is truly her, that she will never change and that you are at a crossroads here. One way will exclude her from your life and will most certainly cause attitudes and tension. In the future you may regret this decision. The other way allows her to be a part of your life and allows you to maintain a relationship. Remember, she is family, and she will always be family. You cannot ever change that.
I was faced with the same situation, and I chose to keep that person in my life and accept them as they are, and it is richer with them than without.
Some of the advice offered here is eye-opening. I find it amazing so many freepers are willing to put up with homosexual behavior in front of children.
Wow, I am overwhelmed at the response. I really thank you for taking the time to ‘speak’ with me! For the record, I have never told them how to live, offered my opinion or tried to convince them to change. That’s not my job and not something I’m interested in doing. I’m more in the ‘lead by example’ persuasion. I really never thought their relationship would last this long and thought it was a weird phase. I definitely never thought a baby would be brought into the mix.
I know it will be the elephant in the room at Christmas. While others are saying “congratulations!”, I don’t feel that I should do so. I feel very sorry for the unborn baby who is being brought into quite the odd situation. Of course I would always be kind to a child. But I also imagine conversations with my son in the future about why this child has two moms, etc. Not something I look forward to.
I don’t believe Jesus would condone this at all, but I don’t know what He would do or say. Love the sinner, hate the sin is pretty much the way I’ve treated it since she has come out.
Again, I have gotten a lot of good thoughts and advice here and I really appreciate it. Merry Christmas!
“Love them. Tell them the truth. At the same time, keep your kids away.”
Did you even read the original post?
I wonder how many of these posts are really trolls.
What was it Jesus said? Something about loving your neighbor?
This is not hard at all.
She is the same person she was before. As long as she is not wiping your face in it, or trying to recruit your daughters...there is not much you can do about it.
Are you all about how you have sex and with whom? Neither is she.
Our God daughter is marrying her girlfriend soon. No one is thrilled about it. But in this case, there was not any decision...it was pretty clear from the git-go which team she played on.
<I don’t feel like happily telling them ‘congratulations!’ or talking about baby things. I think about how this poor kid is going to feel about his/her parent situation
Think about how this ‘poor kid’ is going to feel with family members who can barely restrain themselves from telling the child how disgusted they are and how sorry they are for having gay parents - even though the child had no choice in the matter.
This child is as much a child of God as you are. You could try treating it as one. Loving kindness from other family members could go a long way to helping the child deal with what may be a difficult situation as s/he grows up.
“...There’s no need to be rude or hostile. Treat this family member as Jesus would. Love them. Tell them the truth. At the same time, keep your kids away...”
That is the answer in a nutshell.
I will categorically state that Jesus would NOT be “overjoyed” that a child would be raised in such as situation, nor would He sit and chat with them without commenting on their blatant sin. We have example after example of Jesus doing just that in the New Testament.
No the child is already lost.
You go ahead and handle the situation as you see fit. I’m not going to turn my back on any family member over stuff like this. Life’s too short.
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