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(-:(-:(-:THE SUBSTITUTE FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)
December 23, 2011

Posted on 12/23/2011 6:27:22 AM PST by BenLurkin

Celebrating (almost) Christmas with Some Silliness

BenLurkin here, doing my best to stand in for the vacationing Lucky9teen. Please be kind…

The Night before Christmas for Moms

It was the night before Christmas, when all thru the abode
Only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode.
The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds,
While visions of Nintendo 64 and Barbie, flipped through their heads

The dad was snoring in front of the TV,
With a half-constructed bicycle on his knee.
So only the mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter,
Which made her sigh, "Now what's the matter?"

With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand,
She descended the stairs, and saw the old man.
He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug.
"Oh great," muttered the mom, "Now I have to clean the rug."

"Ho-ho-ho!" cried Santa, "I'm glad you're awake."
"Your gift was especially difficult to make."
"Thanks, Santa, but all I want is some time alone."
"Exactly!" he chuckled, "I've made you a clone."

"A clone?" she asked, "What good is that?
Run along, Santa, I've no time for chit-chat."
The mother's twin. Same hair, same eyes,
Same double chin.

She'll cook, she'll dust," She'll mop every mess.
You'll relax, take it easy, Watch The Young & the Restless."
"Fantastic!" the mom cheered. "My dream come true!
"I'll shop. I'll read., I'll sleep a whole night through! "

From the room above, the youngest began to fret.
"Mommy?! I scared... and I am wet."
The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart."
"Hey," the mom smiled, "She knows her part."

The clone changed the small one, and hummed a tune,
as she bundled the child, in a blanket cocoon.
"You the best mommy ever. " I really love you."
The clone smiled and sighed, "I love you, too."

The mom frowned and said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal.”
That's my child's love, she's trying to steal."
Smiling wisely Santa said, "To me it is clear, "
Only one loving mother, is needed here."

The mom kissed her child, and tucked her into bed.
"Thank you, Santa, for clearing my head.
I sometimes forget, it won't be very long,
When they'll be too old, for my cradle-song."

The clock on the mantle began to chime.
Santa whispered to the clone, "It works every time."
With the clone by his side Santa said,
"Goodnight. Merry Christmas, Mom, You'll be all right."






TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: ofst; silliness
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1 posted on 12/23/2011 6:27:26 AM PST by BenLurkin
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To: BenLurkin
Well done good Sir!!!
2 posted on 12/23/2011 6:31:04 AM PST by starlifter (Pullum sapit)
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To: BenLurkin

3 posted on 12/23/2011 6:31:32 AM PST by Doogle (((USAF.68-73..8th TFW Ubon Thailand..never store a threat you should have eliminated)))
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To: BenLurkin

TOP 10 WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO! TGIF!!!


4 posted on 12/23/2011 6:31:58 AM PST by Currentriverrat (People are calling our President the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, that's not allowed is it?)
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To: BenLurkin

Way to Go BenLurkin I was figurin we’d be doin without...


5 posted on 12/23/2011 6:33:02 AM PST by Rightly Biased (Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man?)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

6 posted on 12/23/2011 6:34:12 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

7 posted on 12/23/2011 6:35:32 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Currentriverrat

Joe versus the deer and the dog.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BQW-0dpNrA


8 posted on 12/23/2011 6:36:24 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Rightly Biased
There was once a great czar in Russia named Rudolph the Red. He stood looking out the windows of is palace one day while his wife, the Czarina Katerina, sat nearby knitting. He turned to her and said, "Look my dear, it has begun to rain!"

Without even looking up from her knitting she replied, "It's too cold to rain. It must be sleeting."

The Czar shook his head and said, "I am the Czar of all the Russias, and Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

9 posted on 12/23/2011 6:40:48 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Doogle

It’s a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, “Hey, mamacita, let’s do Weeweechu.”
Oh no, not now, let’s look at the moon!” said Rosita.
Oh, c’mon baby, let’s you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it’s the perfect time,” Pedro begged.
“But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon.” replied Rosita.
Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me.”
Rosita looked at Pedro and said, “OK, one time, we’ll do Weeweechu.”
Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
“Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.”


10 posted on 12/23/2011 6:43:06 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: starlifter

-Knock knock
*Who’s there?
-Mary!
*Mary who?
-Merry Christmas


11 posted on 12/23/2011 6:44:23 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: BenLurkin
The Czar shook his head and said, "I am the Czar of all the Russias, and Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

I didn't see it comming. I should have. I didn't. Thanks for that. lol.

12 posted on 12/23/2011 6:47:08 AM PST by Tenacious 1 (Liberals draw conclusions on clouds with invisible ink from a unicorn horn dipped in Pixidust!)
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Holiday warning...

I would like to share an experience about drinking and driving. As you well know, some people have had brushes with the authorities or accidents on their way home from the watering hole.

Last night, I was out for a “few” drinks with the guys and ended up having several more.

Knowing full well I was over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.

I’m happy to say that I arrived home safely and without incident.



Thinking back this is a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.

13 posted on 12/23/2011 6:50:21 AM PST by Baynative (The penalty for not participating in politics is you will be governed by your inferiors.)
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To: Baynative
Did you know that according to the song, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", Santa has twelve reindeer?

Sure, in the introduction it goes "There's Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen..." That makes eight reindeer.

Then there's Rudolph, of course, so that makes nine.

Then there's Olive. You know, "Olive the other reindeer used to laugh..." That makes ten.

The eleventh is Howe. You know, "Then Howe the reindeer loved him..." Eleven reindeer.

Oh, and number 12? That's Andy! "Andy shouted out with glee."

The proof is in the song!

14 posted on 12/23/2011 6:53:37 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Tenacious 1

15 posted on 12/23/2011 6:55:29 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Lucky9teen

16 posted on 12/23/2011 7:13:10 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: BenLurkin
As so often happens on this thread after reading that I smacked my palm against my forehead and groaned.

I will now commence forwarding it.

17 posted on 12/23/2011 7:15:45 AM PST by Pan_Yan
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To: BenLurkin

http://www.johnspeedie.com/healy/dog.wav


18 posted on 12/23/2011 7:21:42 AM PST by ErnBatavia (Obama Voters: Jose Baez wants YOU for his next jury pool.......)
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To: BenLurkin

You saved the silliness thread. It’s a Christmas miracle!


19 posted on 12/23/2011 7:36:33 AM PST by Mind Freed (Maybe Obama was the Wright choice... Let's wait till everything Ayers out.)
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To: Mind Freed

What do you get when you cross a champion archer with a gift-wrapper?

Ribbon Hood.


20 posted on 12/23/2011 7:38:44 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: ErnBatavia

21 posted on 12/23/2011 7:40:16 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: BenLurkin

Merry Christmas bump!


22 posted on 12/23/2011 7:42:55 AM PST by wyokostur
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To: BenLurkin

23 posted on 12/23/2011 7:44:12 AM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: All

24 posted on 12/23/2011 7:46:38 AM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: martin_fierro


25 posted on 12/23/2011 7:51:24 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: All
The Story Of Christmas

From Luke 2: 1-20

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, everyone into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men."

And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child. And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

26 posted on 12/23/2011 7:52:48 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: BenLurkin
John Rutter conducts the RPO and Cambridge Singers in the Hallelujah Chorus
27 posted on 12/23/2011 8:04:01 AM PST by Dr. Thorne (Fall on your knees before Christ, your only salvation!)
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To: BenLurkin
When what to my wondering eye should appear
But an old flatbed truck and eight tiny John Deeres...


28 posted on 12/23/2011 8:07:06 AM PST by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (There are two kinds of people: those who divide people into two kinds and those who don't.)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers; Pan_Yans Wife

That is awesome!! I’ve got to go talk to some of my neighbors about borrowing their lawn tractors next winter.


29 posted on 12/23/2011 8:08:55 AM PST by Pan_Yan
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To: BenLurkin
It's amazing that this was ever aired on TV.
30 posted on 12/23/2011 8:09:33 AM PST by Disambiguator
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To: BenLurkin

Thankyouthankyouthankyou!


31 posted on 12/23/2011 8:17:31 AM PST by Silentgypsy (If this creature is not stopped it could make its way to Novosibirsk!)
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To: All
Today is Festivus!!!!




32 posted on 12/23/2011 8:18:26 AM PST by KevinDavis (The History of Christmas: http://www.thehistoryofchristmas.com/)
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To: Disambiguator

bttt


33 posted on 12/23/2011 8:28:13 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: BenLurkin
Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

>

34 posted on 12/23/2011 9:18:13 AM PST by dragonblustar (Allah Ain't So Akbar!)
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To: BenLurkin; Lucky9teen

Thank you, Ben, for standing in.

We NEED this thread! And you’re a pretty good Santa to give Lucky a rest.

Here: Have some Glog and some pfeffernuss! (And a big hug!)


35 posted on 12/23/2011 9:22:19 AM PST by Monkey Face (I thank God for Blessings I have received and those that are on the way to me.)
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To: dragonblustar
Photobucket
36 posted on 12/23/2011 9:24:10 AM PST by dragonblustar (Allah Ain't So Akbar!)
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To: BenLurkin; Lucky9teen

Thanks BenLurkin for subbing in for Lucky9teen. We all need Friday silliness and we all need time off for family.

Merry Christmas to all.


37 posted on 12/23/2011 9:26:14 AM PST by kevinm13 (Tim Geithner is a tax cheat. Manmade "Global Warming" is a HOAX!)
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To: Dr. Thorne

THAT was fantastic! Thanks for posting the URL.


38 posted on 12/23/2011 9:35:13 AM PST by Monkey Face (I thank God for Blessings I have received and those that are on the way to me.)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers; All

Santa Names

Afrikaans - Kersfees Vader
Austria - Weihnachtsmann, Nikolaus
Belgium and the Netherlands - Black Pete, Christkind, Noel and Saint Nicholas Brazil - Papai Noel
China - Che Dun Lao Ren
Denmark - Julemanden
England - Father Christmas
Estonian - Jouluvana
Finland - Joulupukki, Old Man Christmas
France - Pere Noel or le Petit
Germany - Weihnachtsmann, Nikolaus
Holland - Kerstman
Iceland - Jolasveinn
Italy - Babbo Natale
Japan - Santa Kurousu
Lithuania - Kaledu Senu
Mexico - San Nicolás, Santa
Norway - Julenissen
Poland - Star Man or Wise Men
Russia - Grandfather Frost (Ded Moroz), Dedushka Moroz
Serbo-Croation - Bozic Bata. Sveti Nickola
Spain - Three Kings
Sweden - Jultomten
Switzerland - Saint Nicholas, Samichlaus or Saminäggi


39 posted on 12/23/2011 9:57:53 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: BenLurkin

Very interesting!


40 posted on 12/23/2011 10:08:29 AM PST by Monkey Face (I thank God for Blessings I have received and those that are on the way to me.)
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To: Monkey Face
Marry Christmas!

41 posted on 12/23/2011 10:19:28 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: BenLurkin

Christmas carols for the disturbed:

* 1. Schizophrenia-— Do You Hear What I Hear?

* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder-— We Three Kings Disoriented Are

* 3. Dementia-— I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas

* 4. Narcissistic -—Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

* 5.Manic -— Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

* 6. Paranoid-— Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder-— Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

* 8. Personality Disorder-— You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why

* 9.Attention Deficit Disorder -— Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

* 10.Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - — Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
_____


42 posted on 12/23/2011 10:19:28 AM PST by motivated
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To: BenLurkin


43 posted on 12/23/2011 10:23:44 AM PST by motivated
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To: BenLurkin


44 posted on 12/23/2011 10:25:44 AM PST by JoeProBono (A closed mouth gathers no feet - Mater tua caligas gerit)
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To: BenLurkin

Merry Christmas to all of you..
Just a little Christmas Cheer and
possible information you may not know...

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then, when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Not a lot of people know this.


45 posted on 12/23/2011 10:25:54 AM PST by motivated
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To: motivated

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.


46 posted on 12/23/2011 10:27:54 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: JoeProBono

47 posted on 12/23/2011 10:37:18 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: JoeProBono


48 posted on 12/23/2011 10:46:28 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: dragonblustar

49 posted on 12/23/2011 10:47:59 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: kevinm13

50 posted on 12/23/2011 10:52:35 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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