Skip to comments.(-:(-:(-:THE SUBSTITUTE FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)
Posted on 12/23/2011 6:27:22 AM PST by BenLurkin
Celebrating (almost) Christmas with Some Silliness
BenLurkin here, doing my best to stand in for the vacationing Lucky9teen. Please be kind
The Night before Christmas for Moms
It was the night before Christmas, when all thru the abode
Only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode.
The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds,
While visions of Nintendo 64 and Barbie, flipped through their heads
The dad was snoring in front of the TV,
With a half-constructed bicycle on his knee.
So only the mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter,
Which made her sigh, "Now what's the matter?"
With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand,
She descended the stairs, and saw the old man.
He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug.
"Oh great," muttered the mom, "Now I have to clean the rug."
"Ho-ho-ho!" cried Santa, "I'm glad you're awake."
"Your gift was especially difficult to make."
"Thanks, Santa, but all I want is some time alone."
"Exactly!" he chuckled, "I've made you a clone."
"A clone?" she asked, "What good is that?
Run along, Santa, I've no time for chit-chat."
The mother's twin. Same hair, same eyes,
Same double chin.
She'll cook, she'll dust," She'll mop every mess.
You'll relax, take it easy, Watch The Young & the Restless."
"Fantastic!" the mom cheered. "My dream come true!
"I'll shop. I'll read., I'll sleep a whole night through! "
From the room above, the youngest began to fret.
"Mommy?! I scared... and I am wet."
The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart."
"Hey," the mom smiled, "She knows her part."
The clone changed the small one, and hummed a tune,
as she bundled the child, in a blanket cocoon.
"You the best mommy ever. " I really love you."
The clone smiled and sighed, "I love you, too."
The mom frowned and said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal.
That's my child's love, she's trying to steal."
Smiling wisely Santa said, "To me it is clear, "
Only one loving mother, is needed here."
The mom kissed her child, and tucked her into bed.
"Thank you, Santa, for clearing my head.
I sometimes forget, it won't be very long,
When they'll be too old, for my cradle-song."
The clock on the mantle began to chime.
Santa whispered to the clone, "It works every time."
With the clone by his side Santa said,
"Goodnight. Merry Christmas, Mom, You'll be all right."
TOP 10 WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO! TGIF!!!
Way to Go BenLurkin I was figurin we’d be doin without...
Joe versus the deer and the dog.
Without even looking up from her knitting she replied, "It's too cold to rain. It must be sleeting."
The Czar shook his head and said, "I am the Czar of all the Russias, and Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"
It’s a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, “Hey, mamacita, let’s do Weeweechu.”
Oh no, not now, let’s look at the moon!” said Rosita.
Oh, c’mon baby, let’s you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it’s the perfect time,” Pedro begged.
“But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon.” replied Rosita.
Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me.”
Rosita looked at Pedro and said, “OK, one time, we’ll do Weeweechu.”
Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
“Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.”
I didn't see it comming. I should have. I didn't. Thanks for that. lol.
I would like to share an experience about drinking and driving. As you well know, some people have had brushes with the authorities or accidents on their way home from the watering hole.
Last night, I was out for a few drinks with the guys and ended up having several more.
Knowing full well I was over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.
Im happy to say that I arrived home safely and without incident.
Thinking back this is a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.
Sure, in the introduction it goes "There's Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen..." That makes eight reindeer.
Then there's Rudolph, of course, so that makes nine.
Then there's Olive. You know, "Olive the other reindeer used to laugh..." That makes ten.
The eleventh is Howe. You know, "Then Howe the reindeer loved him..." Eleven reindeer.
Oh, and number 12? That's Andy! "Andy shouted out with glee."
The proof is in the song!
I will now commence forwarding it.
You saved the silliness thread. It’s a Christmas miracle!
What do you get when you cross a champion archer with a gift-wrapper?
Merry Christmas bump!
From Luke 2: 1-20
And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, everyone into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men."
And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child. And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.
That is awesome!! I’ve got to go talk to some of my neighbors about borrowing their lawn tractors next winter.
Thank you, Ben, for standing in.
We NEED this thread! And you’re a pretty good Santa to give Lucky a rest.
Here: Have some Glog and some pfeffernuss! (And a big hug!)
Thanks BenLurkin for subbing in for Lucky9teen. We all need Friday silliness and we all need time off for family.
Merry Christmas to all.
THAT was fantastic! Thanks for posting the URL.
Afrikaans - Kersfees Vader
Austria - Weihnachtsmann, Nikolaus
Belgium and the Netherlands - Black Pete, Christkind, Noel and Saint Nicholas Brazil - Papai Noel
China - Che Dun Lao Ren
Denmark - Julemanden
England - Father Christmas
Estonian - Jouluvana
Finland - Joulupukki, Old Man Christmas
France - Pere Noel or le Petit
Germany - Weihnachtsmann, Nikolaus
Holland - Kerstman
Iceland - Jolasveinn
Italy - Babbo Natale
Japan - Santa Kurousu
Lithuania - Kaledu Senu
Mexico - San Nicolás, Santa
Norway - Julenissen
Poland - Star Man or Wise Men
Russia - Grandfather Frost (Ded Moroz), Dedushka Moroz
Serbo-Croation - Bozic Bata. Sveti Nickola
Spain - Three Kings
Sweden - Jultomten
Switzerland - Saint Nicholas, Samichlaus or Saminäggi
Christmas carols for the disturbed:
* 1. Schizophrenia-— Do You Hear What I Hear?
* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder-— We Three Kings Disoriented Are
* 3. Dementia-— I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas
* 4. Narcissistic -—Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
* 5.Manic -— Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
* 6. Paranoid-— Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder-— Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
* 8. Personality Disorder-— You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why
* 9.Attention Deficit Disorder -— Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
* 10.Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - — Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Merry Christmas to all of you..
Just a little Christmas Cheer and
possible information you may not know...
When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then, when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Not a lot of people know this.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?