Posted on 01/16/2012 1:48:07 PM PST by Lazamataz
ON this Martin Luther King day, it is customary to review the progress African Americans have made in striding towards a level of equality with the majority races.
But I wish to speak of the unsung heros of the Civil Rights movement: Velociraptors.
I, as a velociraptor in a wool suit, have experienced HORRIFIC discrimination since the day I first poked my snout out of the stout eggshell that served as my womb.
The level of discrimination a dromaeosaurid theropod dinosaur from the Cretaceous faces, is unreal. Hell, I walk onto a MARTA train ...and everyone screams and runs, and MARTA police are ALWAYS shooting at me.
Good thing I hunt in packs. If not for my friends, the cops would have gotten me a long time ago.
And as far as jobs?? FORGET IT. Let's leave aside the fact that I usually devour the interviewer in the first 30 seconds, shall we? The fact remains: I *NEVER* GET THE OFFER.
Housing is impossible to acquire for a 'raptor. Every time I fill out a lease, it's always the same 'stereotypical' questions: "Have you eaten any of your neighbors?" This is not even considered a discriminatory question under the Fair Housing Act, yet it is clearly directed at those of us of the Thunder Lizard Persuasion.
Because of the housing discrimination I face, I must live in the woods, and as you can imagine, there are far fewer people to eat there. Location, for a velociraptor, is everything.
Is there any federal aid available for us? I should think not. NOT ONE BILL in the last 100 Congresses have been written to address the special difficulties faced by velociraptors in wool suits. Hell, I cannot even enter a federal building without the National Guard being called, and this -- obviously -- prevents me from obtaining scholorships, Welfare, or even Food Stamps.
And we marched, back in the 1960's, right alongside the Ray Innis' and the Jesse Jacksons' and the Martin Luther Kings'. We were leaping on police detachments with 20-foot vertical leaps, tearing heads from bodies, and disemboweling police with a single swipe of our vicious claws. Yet are we given ANY credit for helping minorities have a voice in America?
We need to talk about the discrimination shown towards velociraptors in wool suits. I hope this article can open that dialogue.
Most assuredly. That pipe. Put. It. Down!
I was just trying to operate a nice delivery service for well-wishers -- flowers, balloons, and of course, assorted candies.
But that all was ruined by the blatant discrimination and landsharkophobia, personified and made mainstream by those evil haters at Saturday Night Live. After their stereotypical treatment of my business, I couldn't buy a delivery anymore. Soon as was living in the gutter puddles, eating scraps of discarded food and the random toad.
Worse was the derogatory way my name was used. Imagine how you would feel if your name was forever associated with crappy, past-it's-time TV shows. "Jump the Shark" indeed. I'd like to see someone try to jump me. Really. Please. I am so lonely. Getting mugged would be a step up.
“ON this Martin Luther King day, it is customary to review the progress African Americans have made in striding towards a level of equality with the majority races.
Yada yada yada.
Nope, sorry, don’t wanna’ hear it. President: black guy, Att general: black guy. Stfu and get a life!
Go for the pin stripe look.
Wimmin really go for velos in pin stripes on MLK day..........they solve sexism
PRECISELY! Every time we are encountered, the discussion revolves around our extermination -- never on how to help us.
This is the exact dialogue I was hoping to open. Thank you, from this particular Theropod-American. (hat tip to denydenydeny who has coined this wonderful phrase).
One other thing, just to be clear: I would not hit it.
(singing) Some-one missed the jooo-oooke.....
LOL
And don’t these photos demonstrate that Velociraptors are People (eaters) Too???
Good point. Landshark, you need to read CharlesWayneCT’s post.
Yes.
Evolve.
Become a bird.
We Avian-Americans are valued members of society.
Mmmmm... Bacon...
“Because of the housing discrimination I face, I must live in the woods, and as you can imagine, there are far fewer people to eat there.”
Dear Mr Thunder Lizard,
It appears that your housing and dining difficulties are commensurate with the situation that we are having locally, that being an excess of Obama voters residing in California.
If you would kindly deign to vacate the woods and relocate to the coastal chaparral of the Los Angeles region your problem, and ours, might be rectified.
See, this is the sort of pig-ignorant comm.... wait a second. Pig. Mmmmmmm. See you in a second.
Lazamataz and humblegunner connect on an intellectual level...
Which one is more concerned?
The next time you eat a human, don't eat the outer shell, just the insides.
Then WEAR the outer shell as a suit and then they will treat you better. Kinda like a wolf in sheeps clothing.
It didn't work too well with Edgar.
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