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Candid discussion about discrimination: I'm a velociraptor in a wool suit! [Vanity]
1/16/2012 | By Lazamataz

Posted on 01/16/2012 1:48:07 PM PST by Lazamataz

ON this Martin Luther King day, it is customary to review the progress African Americans have made in striding towards a level of equality with the majority races.

But I wish to speak of the unsung heros of the Civil Rights movement: Velociraptors.

I, as a velociraptor in a wool suit, have experienced HORRIFIC discrimination since the day I first poked my snout out of the stout eggshell that served as my womb.

The level of discrimination a dromaeosaurid theropod dinosaur from the Cretaceous faces, is unreal. Hell, I walk onto a MARTA train ...and everyone screams and runs, and MARTA police are ALWAYS shooting at me.

Good thing I hunt in packs. If not for my friends, the cops would have gotten me a long time ago.

And as far as jobs?? FORGET IT. Let's leave aside the fact that I usually devour the interviewer in the first 30 seconds, shall we? The fact remains: I *NEVER* GET THE OFFER.

Housing is impossible to acquire for a 'raptor. Every time I fill out a lease, it's always the same 'stereotypical' questions: "Have you eaten any of your neighbors?" This is not even considered a discriminatory question under the Fair Housing Act, yet it is clearly directed at those of us of the Thunder Lizard Persuasion.

Because of the housing discrimination I face, I must live in the woods, and as you can imagine, there are far fewer people to eat there. Location, for a velociraptor, is everything.

Is there any federal aid available for us? I should think not. NOT ONE BILL in the last 100 Congresses have been written to address the special difficulties faced by velociraptors in wool suits. Hell, I cannot even enter a federal building without the National Guard being called, and this -- obviously -- prevents me from obtaining scholorships, Welfare, or even Food Stamps.

And we marched, back in the 1960's, right alongside the Ray Innis' and the Jesse Jacksons' and the Martin Luther Kings'. We were leaping on police detachments with 20-foot vertical leaps, tearing heads from bodies, and disemboweling police with a single swipe of our vicious claws. Yet are we given ANY credit for helping minorities have a voice in America?

We need to talk about the discrimination shown towards velociraptors in wool suits. I hope this article can open that dialogue.


TOPICS: Cheese, Moose, Sister; Chit/Chat; Humor; Pets/Animals
KEYWORDS: cheese; discrimination; equality; mlk; thatsraaaaaaaaaacist; velociraptors
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To: Focault's Pendulum

OMG, WHO IS THAT BEAUTY????!?


51 posted on 01/16/2012 2:29:25 PM PST by Lazamataz (Every single decision Obama makes is to harm America.)
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To: Lazamataz

I knew it! You’re sensitive and caring. And very well dressed.


52 posted on 01/16/2012 2:30:01 PM PST by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: Liberty Valance

Where did you get the picture of my cat??!?


53 posted on 01/16/2012 2:30:12 PM PST by Lazamataz (Every single decision Obama makes is to harm America.)
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To: Lazamataz

Switch to a Tuxedo.


54 posted on 01/16/2012 2:30:54 PM PST by null and void (Day 1090 of America's ObamaVacation from reality [Heroes aren't made, Frank, they're cornered...])
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To: trisham

Velociraptors are the most sensitive of all the dinosaurs.


55 posted on 01/16/2012 2:30:59 PM PST by Lazamataz (Every single decision Obama makes is to harm America.)
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To: Lazamataz

You have my rapt-attention.


56 posted on 01/16/2012 2:32:24 PM PST by Larry Lucido
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To: Lazamataz
Are you ready?


57 posted on 01/16/2012 2:33:49 PM PST by Larry Lucido
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To: Lazamataz
There you go again ...

Implying that some of us just aren't raptor enough. Next thing, you're going to accuse me of acting mammalian.

I've heard that filthy line just too often.

58 posted on 01/16/2012 2:34:35 PM PST by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilization is Aborting, Buggering, and Contracepting itself out of existence.)
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To: Lazamataz

by any chance are “a one eyed one horned flying purple eater?”


59 posted on 01/16/2012 2:35:43 PM PST by brivette
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To: Lazamataz

by any chance are you “a one eyed one horned flying purple eater?”


60 posted on 01/16/2012 2:36:41 PM PST by brivette
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To: Lazamataz

A Velociraptor once bit my sister in half.


61 posted on 01/16/2012 2:37:24 PM PST by red-dawg
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To: Lazamataz
OMG, WHO IS THAT BEAUTY????!?

I must caution you. If, after 3 to 6 months of dating, and she doesn't have a ring on her claw, or an even dozen small mammals to devour, she might turn into this....


62 posted on 01/16/2012 2:38:37 PM PST by Focault's Pendulum
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To: Larry Lucido
I believe in the Velocirapture.

We, in the raptor world, have our Savior, too.


63 posted on 01/16/2012 2:43:04 PM PST by Lazamataz (Every single decision Obama makes is to harm America.)
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To: ArrogantBustard

Freakin’ buzzard. God I hate you non-people.


64 posted on 01/16/2012 2:44:20 PM PST by Lazamataz (Every single decision Obama makes is to harm America.)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Yeesh. Yeah, forget it. I met a cute Stegasaurus down the road anyways.


65 posted on 01/16/2012 2:45:28 PM PST by Lazamataz (Every single decision Obama makes is to harm America.)
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To: brivette
by any chance are “a one eyed one horned flying purple eater?”

I have both my eyes, no horn, and ever since the TSA took over, I don't fly much.

Otherwise, yes.

66 posted on 01/16/2012 2:47:07 PM PST by Lazamataz (Every single decision Obama makes is to harm America.)
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To: Lazamataz
Velociraptors are the most sensitive of all the dinosaurs.

***************************************

Could it be more clear? You, my friend, are a shining example of that.

Take, for example, your generous responses to various females, whether mammalian or reptile, saints or sinners. How many have recognized you for what you are: a charitable, forgiving and understanding creature. And, despite being a reptile, your modesty compels you to wear a wool suit, and that is another quality so many today lack.

If I may, please allow me to sum this up:

1. You are sensitive.

2. You are generous.

3. You are forgiving.

4. You are understanding.

5. You are modest.

6. You are stylishly dressed, yet humble and unassuming.

I could go on and on, but I don't want to embarrass you.

67 posted on 01/16/2012 2:51:50 PM PST by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: Lazamataz
Perhaps if you move to DC and.., ehm.., lobby?
I know the fare is less than palatable but you'd be doing the rest of us a favor.
68 posted on 01/16/2012 2:57:37 PM PST by outofsalt ("If History teaches us anything it's that history rarely teaches us anything")
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To: trisham
If I may, please allow me to sum this up:

1. You are sensitive.

2. You are generous.

3. You are forgiving.

4. You are understanding.

5. You are modest.

6. You are stylishly dressed, yet humble and unassuming.

Don't forget:

7. I leap with amazing swiftness and unreal strength over 20 feet in the air, and with a hideous screech, pounce on a person with my massive claws holding him (or her) down by the spinal column-- allowing my massive jaws lined with vicious, unbelieveably sharp teeth to effortlessly snap 5 to 10 pound lumps of flesh from their body, with arcs of crimson blood looping lazily through the air, as they scream their dying scream.

It's my most endearing quality.

69 posted on 01/16/2012 2:59:28 PM PST by Lazamataz (Every single decision Obama makes is to harm America.)
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To: Lazamataz
Since you're an absolutely ruthless and voracious killing machine, I'd say become a lawyer. From there, you could make it all the way to the presidency and fit right in, every step of the way.

Think of it! No more living in the forest with no home and no food! European vacations all year long! Celebrities fawning all over you - and most of them are so yummy and full of drugs, you'll never have to buy another hit of anything!

And when you decide to become dictator for life, who the hell could stop you?

Go for it!! You can do this.
70 posted on 01/16/2012 3:01:02 PM PST by TheOldLady (FReepmail me to get ON or OFF the ZOT LIGHTNING ping list)
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To: Lazamataz
Yeah, forget it.

Ref#62

Yeah, you're probably right. Imagine you're bushed from a day ripping the guts out of Human Resource people (I'd like to tag along), you come back to the nest and the first thing she says "Do you notice anything different about me?"

You grunt, scratch the backside with your hind legs, and pull a piece of HR flesh from between your teeth, realizing it didn't taste just quite human. You respond, "Yeah babe you look ravaging."

She goes into a tirade, stomps about, breaking several of your eggs in the process.

She screams "I spiked my hair for you!"

It is now time to beat a permanent retreat.

And that is why velociraptors went extinct.

71 posted on 01/16/2012 3:08:24 PM PST by Focault's Pendulum
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To: Focault's Pendulum
And that is why velociraptors went extinct.

No, not quite:


72 posted on 01/16/2012 3:11:14 PM PST by Lazamataz (Every single decision Obama makes is to harm America.)
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To: TheOldLady
A ...LAWYER.... of course!

No need to object to a proceeding, just disembowel everyone in the room!

73 posted on 01/16/2012 3:21:11 PM PST by Lazamataz (Every single decision Obama makes is to harm America.)
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To: Lazamataz

I like the cut of your jib. You’re hired!


74 posted on 01/16/2012 3:31:20 PM PST by Trillian
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To: Lazamataz
Precisely! You'll never lose a case. That's what I'm talking 'bout!  
75 posted on 01/16/2012 3:31:47 PM PST by TheOldLady (FReepmail me to get ON or OFF the ZOT LIGHTNING ping list)
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To: Lazamataz
No, not quite...

God Plays with Dinosaurs

76 posted on 01/16/2012 3:35:27 PM PST by null and void (Day 1090 of America's ObamaVacation from reality [Heroes aren't made, Frank, they're cornered...])
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To: Lazamataz
Don't forget:

7. I leap with amazing swiftness and unreal strength over 20 feet in the air, and with a hideous screech, pounce on a person with my massive claws holding him (or her) down by the spinal column-- allowing my massive jaws lined with vicious, unbelieveably sharp teeth to effortlessly snap 5 to 10 pound lumps of flesh from their body, with arcs of crimson blood looping lazily through the air, as they scream their dying scream.

It's my most endearing quality.

***********************

If I may, please allow me to sum this up:

1. You are sensitive.

2. You are generous.

3. You are forgiving.

4. You are understanding.

5. You are modest.

6. You are stylishly dressed, yet humble and unassuming.

7. You are athletically gifted, and not sadistic, choosing to spare your chosen food a long, painful death. Instead, you choose to grant them a short, excruciatingly painful death, which in the end is a kindness.

77 posted on 01/16/2012 3:37:32 PM PST by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: Trillian
I like the cut of your jib. You’re hired!

GREAT! When can I eat.... I mean, uh, meat... um MEET you?

78 posted on 01/16/2012 3:42:13 PM PST by Lazamataz (Every single decision Obama makes is to harm America.)
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To: Lazamataz

Ya know Laz

What sometimes bothers me is that I read these threads and they seems perfectly normal to me.

Hummmm


79 posted on 01/16/2012 3:49:13 PM PST by Steve Newton (And the Wolves will learn what we have shown before-We love our sheep we dogs of war. Vaughn)
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To: Steve Newton

LOL


80 posted on 01/16/2012 3:52:20 PM PST by Lazamataz (Every single decision Obama makes is to harm America.)
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To: Lazamataz

In this war, things get confused out there, power, ideals, the old morality, practical military necessity. But out there with these natives it must be a temptation to be god. Because there’s a conflict in every human heart, between the rational and the irrational, between good and evil. And good does not always triumph. Sometimes the dark side overcomes what Lincoln called the better angels of our nature. Every man has got a breaking point. You and I have one. Grace has reached hers. And very obviously, she has gone insane......

Peace and Grace used to rule this place, and Angels guarded the door. Now Peace is dead and the Angels have fled and Grace has turned into a whore.

Sorry Laz.... that’s as weird as I can get on short notice.

Stay safe !


81 posted on 01/16/2012 3:55:55 PM PST by Squantos (Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet)
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To: Squantos
Sorry Laz.... that’s as weird as I can get on short notice.

Not bad.

But it's no Lazamataz.

Something that you should be eternally grateful for, of course.

82 posted on 01/16/2012 3:58:32 PM PST by Lazamataz (Every single decision Obama makes is to harm America.)
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To: Lazamataz; Squantos
Squantos ~ Sorry Laz.... that’s as weird as I can get on short notice.

Lazamataz ~ Not bad.

But it's no Lazamataz.

Pikers.

Darks! You are needed here...

83 posted on 01/16/2012 4:04:22 PM PST by null and void (Day 1091 of America's ObamaVacation from reality [Heroes aren't made, Frank, they're cornered...])
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To: null and void

LMAO !....... Night Ya’ll !!


84 posted on 01/16/2012 4:08:12 PM PST by Squantos (Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet)
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To: Lazamataz
Some of the old timers here on Free Republic might have some good suggestions for me.

Well, considering you did not bother to ping one of your oldest (I thought) FRiends on the subject, then I have nothing to offer that will help you with your dilemma.

85 posted on 01/16/2012 4:14:08 PM PST by Cyber Liberty ("If the past sits in judgment on the present, the future will be lost." --Winston Churchill)
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To: Cyber Liberty
Please don't take offense.

Velociraptors have brains the size of a walnut.

86 posted on 01/16/2012 4:17:13 PM PST by Lazamataz (Every single decision Obama makes is to harm America.)
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To: Lazamataz

Too late to claim stupidity. About 10 years too late, old buddy.


87 posted on 01/16/2012 4:19:54 PM PST by Cyber Liberty ("If the past sits in judgment on the present, the future will be lost." --Winston Churchill)
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To: Lazamataz
Some of the old timers here on Free Republic might have some good suggestions for me.

You can hit a Velociraptors, but you have to hit it the way it wants to be hit.

88 posted on 01/16/2012 4:23:19 PM PST by Eaker (Remember, the enemy tends to wise up at the least convenient moments.)
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To: Squantos; Lazamataz
that’s as weird as I can get on short notice.

Pretty weird.

89 posted on 01/16/2012 4:40:22 PM PST by Eaker (Remember, the enemy tends to wise up at the least convenient moments.)
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To: Cyber Liberty

It’s impossible to remember to ping everyone, bro. Oftimes it is who I’d conversed with recently. No offense intended. Golly, I think I pinged a grand total of less than 2 dozen! Closer to a dozen than two dozen.


90 posted on 01/16/2012 4:42:26 PM PST by Lazamataz (Every single decision Obama makes is to harm America.)
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To: 50cal Smokepole; Allegra; AZ .44 MAG; b4its2late; Blood of Tyrants; bluerose; Clint N. Suhks; ...

Ping to something different.

As for Laz, it’s a different technique on the classic race card.


91 posted on 01/16/2012 4:48:40 PM PST by writer33 (Mark Levin Is The Constitutional Engine Of Conservatism)
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To: Lazamataz

Vintage Laz.


92 posted on 01/16/2012 4:49:52 PM PST by metesky (Brethren, leave us go amongst them! - Rev. Capt. Samuel Johnston Clayton - Ward Bond, The Searchers)
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To: Lazamataz
No toothbrush is big enough; there are no sheep-flesh-flavored toothpastes...

Would you consider bacon flavored toothpaste?


93 posted on 01/16/2012 4:51:09 PM PST by 6SJ7 (Meh.)
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To: Eaker

I try.....:o)

Hope yer well troop.... Stay Safe Eaker !


94 posted on 01/16/2012 5:05:25 PM PST by Squantos (Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet)
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To: writer33
As for Laz

As for Laz, I suppose there's no hope for recovery of his sanity.

(You ever wonder why Laz is close to Liz which is the first syllable of Lizard?? HmmmmmMMMMM??????)

95 posted on 01/16/2012 5:22:25 PM PST by Lazamataz (Every single decision Obama makes is to harm America.)
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To: Lazamataz

Perhaps you should switch to slacks and a polo shirt? Something in a bright cheerful color that sets off your teeth.


96 posted on 01/16/2012 5:22:33 PM PST by Harmless Teddy Bear (*Philosophy lesson 117-22b: Anyone who demands to be respected is undeserving of it.*)
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To: TalBlack

WHOOSH!


97 posted on 01/16/2012 5:25:52 PM PST by BJClinton (10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have no jobs, no hope and no cash.)
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear

Do we really want my teeth ‘set off’? Don’t they go off enough by themselves?


98 posted on 01/16/2012 5:26:57 PM PST by Lazamataz (Every single decision Obama makes is to harm America.)
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To: BJClinton

I love the ones to whom even the PURCHASE of a clue is impossible. :)


99 posted on 01/16/2012 5:28:27 PM PST by Lazamataz (Every single decision Obama makes is to harm America.)
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To: Lazamataz

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon swamp light of hope to millions of Velociraptors who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity and end their voracious hunger.

But one hundred years later, the Velociraptor still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Velociraptor is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Velociraptor lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Velociraptor is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we’ve come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

...

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my fellow amphibians.

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream...

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all preditors are created equal.”

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former reptiles and the eggs of former Velociraptor owners will be able to sit down together at the table of all species.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom, justice, and room for incisors and canine teeth alike.

I have a dream that my four little amphibians will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their scales but by the content of their character and their protein mix.

I have a dream today!


100 posted on 01/16/2012 5:35:32 PM PST by MV=PY (The Magic Question: Who's paying for it?)
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