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(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)
www.thelookingspoon.com ^ | 1/27/12 | Lucky9teen

Posted on 01/27/2012 4:52:38 AM PST by Lucky9teen









What Do Deodorant And Voting Have In Common?





 

That silly audience thought he was singing to them...






Barack Obama is American Narcissus

Think Obama Is Incompetent?
There's An App For That...

 

 


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: friday; ofst; silliness; sotu
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State Of The Union 2012: A Brief, Humorous, Completely Unfair Mashup Of Obama's Speech (VIDEO)


1 posted on 01/27/2012 4:52:42 AM PST by Lucky9teen
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

Blah blah blah




CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST




2 posted on 01/27/2012 4:56:29 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

IBTTT!

Good Morning!


3 posted on 01/27/2012 4:59:25 AM PST by Disambiguator
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 5


4 posted on 01/27/2012 5:00:54 AM PST by verga (Only the ignorant disdain intelligence.)
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To: Disambiguator

Just wanted to let you know - today I received my 2012
Stimulus Package.

It contained two tomato seeds, a cornbread mix, a prayer rug, a machine to blow smoke up my tush, ... 10 coupons to KFC and an “Obama Hope” bumper sticker.

The directions were in Spanish.

Hope you get yours soon.


5 posted on 01/27/2012 5:04:08 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen
A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny. The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different.

Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not an Obama fan.'

The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you an Obama fan?'

Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Republican.'

The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.

Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.'

Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'

With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, 'That would make me an Obama fan.

Bada-Bing!

6 posted on 01/27/2012 5:07:38 AM PST by Logic n' Reason ("To keep you is no benefit; to kill you is no loss.")
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To: Lucky9teen
TOP TEN!!!!
7 posted on 01/27/2012 5:07:46 AM PST by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 10? Unusual!!


8 posted on 01/27/2012 5:07:56 AM PST by upchuck (Let's have the Revolution NOW before we get dumbed down to the point that we can't.)
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To: Lucky9teen
looter-dude-2010

National Looter Dude


9 posted on 01/27/2012 5:08:38 AM PST by Islander7 (There is no septic system so vile, so filthy, the left won't drink from to further their agenda)
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To: Islander7

In


10 posted on 01/27/2012 5:18:01 AM PST by Archer24 (Get a life - I've had two and am lookingfor more.)
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To: Archer24

made the First Page.....another thing off my bucket list


11 posted on 01/27/2012 5:28:19 AM PST by Yorlik803 (better to die on your feet than live on your knees.)
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To: Lucky9teen
It's Friday!

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

12 posted on 01/27/2012 5:32:00 AM PST by Sax
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To: Lucky9teen

Woohoo!! Friday!


13 posted on 01/27/2012 5:51:24 AM PST by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

One of "Holder's" people has been spotted.

14 posted on 01/27/2012 5:55:36 AM PST by BerryDingle (I know how to deal with communists, I still wear their scars on my back from Hollywood-Ronald Reagan)
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To: Lucky9teen

Early morning bumpity bump


15 posted on 01/27/2012 5:57:04 AM PST by wyokostur
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To: Lucky9teen

CATHOLICS ONLY HUMOR

For Catholics only. It must not be divulged to non-Catholics. The less they know about our rituals and top secret code words, the better off they are.

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.

HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original ‘Jaws’ story.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (for you non-Catholics it means Lord have mercy)

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn’t covered by an HMO. (Bible’s way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don’t know the seating capacity of a pew.


16 posted on 01/27/2012 6:04:58 AM PST by notsofastmyfriend (He is the life of parties he has never attended...)
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To: Lucky9teen
Who are you pulling for?

17 posted on 01/27/2012 6:10:33 AM PST by notsofastmyfriend (He is the life of parties he has never attended...)
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To: Lucky9teen

wooooooo hoooooooo top 1000!!!


18 posted on 01/27/2012 6:18:37 AM PST by Currentriverrat (People are calling our President the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, that's not allowed is it?)
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To: BerryDingle

Far out.....Multi-tasking booty bump.


19 posted on 01/27/2012 6:39:21 AM PST by ErnBatavia (Carterize Obama in November)
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To: BerryDingle
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
20 posted on 01/27/2012 6:50:03 AM PST by Sax
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To: Sax
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Ha! She’s scared of James Carville.

21 posted on 01/27/2012 7:04:47 AM PST by Sax
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To: Sax
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
22 posted on 01/27/2012 7:05:44 AM PST by Sax
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To: Lucky9teen
Sign on brothel door:

Closed... Beat it!

23 posted on 01/27/2012 7:34:08 AM PST by ErnBatavia (Carterize Obama in November)
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To: Sax
Have you ever dropped a letter in the mailbox and then instantly wished you could get it back? I imagine that’s how American Express feels. Yesterday my letter carrier delivered a brochure from Amex inviting me to “immerse” myself in a “truly European experience” with a Mediterranean cruise vacation aboard the ... Costa Concordia.
A tantalizing offer. (John Kelly)

I think that might be a little too much immersion for me.

It actually isn’t the ill-fated Costa Concordia that’s pictured on the front of the brochure. It’s sister ship Costa Fascinosa. But inside I’m encouraged to book a seven-night western Mediterranean cruise on the Costa Concordia between Feb. 25 and Oct. 29. Prices start at $749 and I’m eligible to enjoy a $50 onboard credit. I think I might spend that on an aqualung.
The inside of the brochure. (John Kelly)

“When you choose Costa cruises,” the brochure explains, “you don’t just see Europe — you live it.”
The stricken cruise liner Costa Concordia.

I called American Express and a representative explained that it takes between six and eight weeks from when a brochure is put into creative to when it reaches mailboxes, making it too late to pull the mailing. “Obviously that offer is not valid,” she said.

The cruise does sound nice, though. Passengers can relax in the dazzling casino, savor a gourmet spa menu, indulge in a Turkish steam bath or “just linger on a spacious teak sun deck and savor la dolce vita.”

Don’t linger too long, though. The lifeboats are waiting.

24 posted on 01/27/2012 7:36:34 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

Nice start, thanks


25 posted on 01/27/2012 7:43:06 AM PST by sunny48
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To: BerryDingle

A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his
identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home
but was stopped by the U.S. Customs Agent at the border.

“May I see your identification, please?” asked the agent.

“I’m sorry, but I lost my wallet,” replied the guy.

“Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry,” said the agent.

“But I can prove I’m an American!” he exclaimed. “I have a picture of
Ronald Reagan tattooed on one side of my butt and George Bush
on the other.”

“This I gotta see,” replied the agent.

With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind.

“By golly, you’re right!” exclaimed the agent. “Have a safe trip back to
Chicago.”

Thanks!” he said. “But how did you know I was from Chicago?”

The agent replied, “I recognized Obama in the middle.”


26 posted on 01/27/2012 7:44:16 AM PST by sunny48
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To: Lucky9teen
Q: When geese fly in a V-formation why is one side always longer than the other?

A: Because there are more geese on that side.

So one cow says to the other cow, "Did you hear about that Mad Cow disease that's going around?" The other cow says, "Yea, makes me glad I'm a penguin."
27 posted on 01/27/2012 7:46:20 AM PST by notsofastmyfriend (He is the life of parties he has never attended...)
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To: Lucky9teen

Vocabulary Word for the Day

“LIQUIDITY”

Definition:
“LIQUIDITY” is when you look at your retirement funds and wet your
pants!


The IRS sent my tax return back because in response to the
instruction,
“List all dependents”, I replied:

12 million illegal immigrants, 3 million crack heads;
42 million unemployable people on food stamps,
2 million people in over 243 prisons and
535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate.

Apparently, this is NOT an acceptable answer.


28 posted on 01/27/2012 7:47:17 AM PST by sunny48
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To: Sax

An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells
the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled
from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and
tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. When he’s
finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he’s had
in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed
that little ball. The barber replied: “Just bring it back tomorrow like
everyone else does”.


29 posted on 01/27/2012 7:48:58 AM PST by sunny48
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To: notsofastmyfriend

THE JEWISH GRANDMA
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

“You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301 . There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow , push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow , push 3. When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow , hit my doorbell.”

“Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? .........

“What . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?”

_______________________________________________

Wise Italian Grandpa

Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan’ you lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated ..38 revolver so you will always remember me.”

“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?”

“You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. “

“Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. “Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, ‘times up’ “?


30 posted on 01/27/2012 7:50:52 AM PST by sunny48
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To: sunny48

One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”

“It depends,” she replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”

He yelled back, “University of Alabama.”


31 posted on 01/27/2012 7:56:23 AM PST by notsofastmyfriend (He is the life of parties he has never attended...)
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To: notsofastmyfriend

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, “I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.”

The woman replies, “I’ll miss you...”


32 posted on 01/27/2012 7:57:44 AM PST by notsofastmyfriend (He is the life of parties he has never attended...)
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To: ErnBatavia

It’s just dawned on me....

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.

He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants.

His meals are provided at no cost to him.

He visits the Doctor once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical
needs arise.

For this he pays nothing and nothing is required of him.

He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much
larger than he needs and he is not required to do any upkeep..

If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.

He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.

He receives these accommodations absolutely free.

He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever..

All of his costs are picked up by
others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick

........

Oh My Gosh! I think my

dog is a member of Congress!


33 posted on 01/27/2012 7:59:14 AM PST by sunny48
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To: notsofastmyfriend

A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide.

The pharmacist said, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.

The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said, “Lord have mercy, I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license, they’ll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely NOT! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, you didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”


34 posted on 01/27/2012 7:59:50 AM PST by notsofastmyfriend (He is the life of parties he has never attended...)
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To: Lucky9teen

Skipper  SS Minnow

35 posted on 01/27/2012 8:31:08 AM PST by dragonblustar (Allah Ain't So Akbar!)
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To: dragonblustar

36 posted on 01/27/2012 8:38:32 AM PST by notsofastmyfriend (He is the life of parties he has never attended...)
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To: notsofastmyfriend

37 posted on 01/27/2012 8:40:19 AM PST by notsofastmyfriend (He is the life of parties he has never attended...)
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To: notsofastmyfriend

38 posted on 01/27/2012 8:43:28 AM PST by notsofastmyfriend (He is the life of parties he has never attended...)
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To: notsofastmyfriend

Occupy Bethlehem


39 posted on 01/27/2012 9:02:39 AM PST by Loud Mime (When conceit and anger are part of your religion, it's a political movement, not a religion.)
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To: notsofastmyfriend

40 posted on 01/27/2012 10:04:09 AM PST by Lady Jag (Laws are spider webs through which the big flies pass and the little ones get caught)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 50 !

“I have the right to remain silent, I just don’t have the ability.” -Ron “Tater Salad” White


41 posted on 01/27/2012 10:14:56 AM PST by TheConservativeParty ( Everytime a democrat loses, a Moonbat gets its wings burned off.)
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To: Lucky9teen

‘Guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there’s a robot bartender!

The robot says, “What will you have?”

The guy says, “Whiskey.”

The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?”

The guy says, “168.”

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space, exploration and
medical technology.

The guy leaves, . . . but he is curious . . . So he goes
back into the bar.

The robot bartender says, “What will you have?”

The guy says, “Whiskey.”

Again, the robot brings the man his drink and says, “What’s your IQ?”

The guy says, “100.”

The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser, the Saints and
LSU Tigers

The guy leaves, but finds this very interesting, so he thinks he will
try it one more time.

He goes back into the bar.

The robot says, “What will you have?”

The guy says, “Whiskey,” and the robot brings him his whiskey.

The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?”

The guy says, “Uh, about 50.”

The robot leans in real close and says,

“So, . . . you people still happy with Barack Obama?”


42 posted on 01/27/2012 10:18:34 AM PST by mojitojoe (SCOTUS.... think about that when you decide to sit home and pout because your candidate didn't win)
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To: BerryDingle
Photobucket
43 posted on 01/27/2012 10:20:26 AM PST by mojitojoe (SCOTUS.... think about that when you decide to sit home and pout because your candidate didn't win)
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To: mojitojoe

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The first man said.“You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife,”

The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.”


44 posted on 01/27/2012 10:51:03 AM PST by notsofastmyfriend (He is the life of parties he has never attended...)
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To: notsofastmyfriend

Two men in restroom stalls:

First Man: “hey there’s no toilet paper here, is there any toilet paper over there?”

Second Man: “no, none over here either.”

First Man: (pause) “Well, do you have change for a twenty?”


45 posted on 01/27/2012 10:53:01 AM PST by notsofastmyfriend (He is the life of parties he has never attended...)
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To: notsofastmyfriend

46 posted on 01/27/2012 10:56:59 AM PST by notsofastmyfriend (He is the life of parties he has never attended...)
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To: notsofastmyfriend; All

Thanks for the jokes - needed that this week!


47 posted on 01/27/2012 11:55:19 AM PST by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Lucky9teen

For your reading pleasure……

Some Cheech and Chong from the 70’s

Hey there swingin’ guys and girls, got a big date tonight but got a ZIT in the middle of your forehead?
I mean the big juicy kind, the ones that look like a third eye?
Well, if they’ve been calling you Cyclops, don’t get upset.
‘Cause now there’s new Hickey-Off Pimple Pads……..by BRILLO, HEY!!!!
Hickey-Off doesn’t just work on the surface, but goes down and RIPS ‘EM OUT BY THE ROOTS!!!!!
And for those moon-sized craters you’ll have in your head, there’s Hickey-Off Plastic Filler.
Comes complete with a putty knife, sandpaper, and flesh toned paint for all the rough spots.
So get it together with Hickey-Off Pimple Pads and Filler.

Now back to Un-American Bandstand where we have the winner of the name the three songs contest.
And that winner is, from Seconal, NC, Chacta Ortega.
And Chacta correctly identified the three most played songs in the history of the English language as: Auld Lang Syne, Happy Birthday to You, and In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, HEY!!
So Chacta you win that blind date with Stevie Wonder. Right on!!


48 posted on 01/27/2012 12:05:43 PM PST by fredhead (Vegetarian - Old Indian word for poor hunter.)
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To: notsofastmyfriend

Excellent...and short, too!


49 posted on 01/27/2012 12:33:10 PM PST by Pharmboy (She turned me into a Newt...)
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To: Disambiguator

Guns and Roses Played on a Harp by two absolutely beautiful Twins, it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen, check it out ..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIPj3hLNYls


50 posted on 01/27/2012 12:35:17 PM PST by Scythian
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