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Dear JR and FreeRepublic: I haven't been laid by anyone but my hairy cellmate in years so I got zot

Posted on 01/31/2012 7:28:52 PM PST by srm913

Edited on 01/31/2012 8:21:00 PM PST by Admin Moderator. [history]

Thank you, FR, for the truly marvelous entertainment (as I haven't been laid in so long I get no other entertainment other than watching people on here like a perv stalker) . While lurking tonight (the internet version of peeping in your windows) for the first time in ages, the amount of schadenfreude I'm experiencing is bordering on orgasmic (which is the closest I've gotten to the real thing in years).

Y'all have a blessed day. I certainly will! (after I go play hide the Anthony Wiener with my 'blue' friends who have nothing else to do either other than peep at websites they were banned from.)


TOPICS: Cheese, Moose, Sister
KEYWORDS: mittbot; myth; troll; victorkilo; vikingcats; zot; zuluoscartango
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To: TLI

Good catch.


101 posted on 01/31/2012 10:37:10 PM PST by reaganaut (Ex-Mormon, Now Christian - "I wasn't brainwashed, just brain pre-soaked.")
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To: onyx; DJ MacWoW

Oh dear! I’ve heard it all now!

- - -
Oh, no, onyx dear, you have not. I can give you quotes from Mormon prophets and leaders where they discuss Quakers living on the Moon, vegetables having spirits and children, that God is really Adam, Jesus and Lucifer are brothers, Jesus will return to Missouri (where the Garden of Eden is), that “the Fall” in the garden was a GOOD THING, Jesus was crucified because he was a polygamist...

The magic underwear isn’t the least weird thing to come out of Mormonism by a long shot.


102 posted on 01/31/2012 10:41:53 PM PST by reaganaut (Ex-Mormon, Now Christian - "I wasn't brainwashed, just brain pre-soaked.")
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To: reaganaut; decal; DJ MacWoW

I’m overwhelmed! This reads like a novel. I knew Joseph Smith was a delusional crackpot so I ignored the rest of it: “Live and Let Live.” They aren’t flying airplanes into our buildings or threatening to blow us off the map. I thought, “what is the harm?”

I’ve seen and read about those Polygamy freaks, but I’ve had very normal Mormon neighbors who just stored food.


103 posted on 01/31/2012 10:44:38 PM PST by onyx
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To: dayglored

Hiya dayglored!

WOW! Just my luck to come across all this late at night! LOL.

Photos included. Ugly underwear for being magic. Wow.


104 posted on 01/31/2012 10:46:55 PM PST by onyx
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To: onyx; dayglored

Welcome to the FR version of “Late Night Television”.

I’ve noticed things get a bit different in the middle of the night around here. LOL.


105 posted on 01/31/2012 10:51:13 PM PST by reaganaut (Ex-Mormon, Now Christian - "I wasn't brainwashed, just brain pre-soaked.")
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To: onyx

They may appear normal but their theology is anything but. And, yes, even the average Mormon believes the weird stuff.


106 posted on 01/31/2012 10:52:10 PM PST by reaganaut (Ex-Mormon, Now Christian - "I wasn't brainwashed, just brain pre-soaked.")
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To: reaganaut; DJ MacWoW

For crying out loud. I recall hearing something about Jesus returning to Missouri and I wondered when He was there the first time? Now, I’, learning that He is Adam and the Garden of Eden is in Missouri? Who knew?

I think I will go to bed and continue my studies in the morning.

Just WOW!


107 posted on 01/31/2012 10:52:37 PM PST by onyx
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To: reaganaut; dayglored

LOLOLOL.


108 posted on 01/31/2012 10:53:16 PM PST by onyx
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To: Jim Robinson; Admin Moderator

WOW - we’re full of them tonight. Slimy, creepy crawly creatures crawling out from underneath a rock at DU - *shuddering*

Thanks for taking care of them Jim and mods!


109 posted on 01/31/2012 10:55:16 PM PST by leapfrog0202 ("the American presidency is not supposed to be a journey of personal discovery" Sarah Palin)
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To: reaganaut

This was 3 decades ago, when my children were small. Mine rode horses with their kids who also had horses of their own. We lived in the county outside San Diego. They moved away (to Salt Lake City, of course).


110 posted on 01/31/2012 10:55:16 PM PST by onyx
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To: onyx; DJ MacWoW

To be fair they have kind of thrown the Adam is God teaching of Brigham Young (one of their most loved prophets) under the bus, however, I do know some modern LDS who still believe it and it was taught as doctrine for many decades.

Also, God’s real name is “Ahman” and Jesus is “Son Ahman” (read it outloud) in the “pure Adamic language”. That comes directly from their scriptures.

Sleep well and I hope I didn’t give you nightmares. ;)


111 posted on 01/31/2012 10:57:35 PM PST by reaganaut (Ex-Mormon, Now Christian - "I wasn't brainwashed, just brain pre-soaked.")
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To: onyx

> Ugly underwear for being magic. Wow.

No kidding, Onyx. Sets a whole new standard for rampant dorkiness. Then again, I wore FOTL whites for years as a teenager, who am I to criticize with regard to fashion? LOL


112 posted on 01/31/2012 11:18:26 PM PST by dayglored (Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!)
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To: onyx; reaganaut
I can hardly wait for someone to ask Romney the key question:
"BOXERS OR BRIEFS???"

113 posted on 01/31/2012 11:23:02 PM PST by dayglored (Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!)
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To: srm913
I recall that when we attended the 9/12 march on the Capitol, as the crowd was finally dispensing there was this twerp pedaling his
bicycle as fast as his little legs could go as he kept screaming to the marchers at the top of his little lungs, "I hate you. I hate you." Could that have been you?
114 posted on 02/01/2012 3:08:55 AM PST by steelyourfaith (Expel the Occupy White House squatters !!!)
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To: dragonblustar

It runs in the family...


115 posted on 02/01/2012 3:40:43 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: Chode
Looks like meat's back on the menu boys!!!

Yup!!!

Warm weather is OVER!!!!


 
THE
DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS
OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS
SECTION 89
 
Revelation given through Joseph Smith the Prophet, at Kirtland, Ohio, February 27, 1833. HC 1: 327–329. As a consequence of the early brethren using tobacco in their meetings, the Prophet was led to ponder upon the matter; consequently he inquired of the Lord concerning it. This revelation, known as the Word of Wisdom, was the result. The first three verses were originally written as an inspired introduction and description by the Prophet.
 
1–9, Use of wine, strong drinks, tobacco, and hot drinks proscribed; 10–17, Herbs, fruits, flesh, and grain are ordained for the use of man and of animals; 18–21, Obedience to gospel law, including the Word of Wisdom, brings temporal and spiritual blessings.
 
  1 A aWord OF Wisdom, for the benefit of the council of high priests, assembled in Kirtland, and the church, and also the saints in Zion—
  2 To be sent greeting; not by commandment or constraint, but by revelation and the aword of wisdom, showing forth the order and bwill of God in the temporal salvation of all saints in the last days—
  3 Given for a principle with apromise, adapted to the capacity of the bweak and the weakest of all csaints, who are or can be called saints.
  4 Behold, verily, thus saith the Lord unto you: In consequence of aevils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of bconspiring men in the last days, I have cwarned you, and forewarn you, by giving unto you this word of wisdom by revelation—
  5 That inasmuch as any man adrinketh bwine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father, only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him.
  6 And, behold, this should be wine, yea, apure wine of the grape of the vine, of your own make.
  7 And, again, astrong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies.
  8 And again, tobacco is not for the abody, neither for the belly, and is not good for man, but is an herb for bruises and all sick cattle, to be used with judgment and skill.
  9 And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly.
  10 And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome aherbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—
  11 Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with aprudence and bthanksgiving.
  12 Yea, aflesh also of bbeasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used csparingly;
  13 And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be aused, only in times of winter, or of cold, or bfamine.
  14 All agrain is ordained for the use of man and of beasts, to be the staff of life, not only for man but for the beasts of the field, and the fowls of heaven, and all wild animals that run or creep on the earth;
  15 And athese hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine and excess of hunger.
  16 All grain is good for the afood of man; as also the bfruit of the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground—
  17 Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain.
  18 And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, ashall receive bhealth in their navel and marrow to their bones;
  19 And shall afind bwisdom and great ctreasures of dknowledge, even hidden treasures;
  20 And shall arun and not be bweary, and shall walk and not faint.
  21 And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the adestroying angel shall bpass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.



Verses 12 & 13

116 posted on 02/01/2012 3:45:11 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: F15Eagle

Cellmate?

From the posting history; it looks like about 7 years in isolation!


117 posted on 02/01/2012 3:47:37 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: Peter ODonnell
I n
B efore
T he
Z ot!
 
 
Other FR acronyms with the letter "Z" (brought to you by the Book of Mormon) usually have something to do with a ZOT!

118 posted on 02/01/2012 3:50:46 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: re_nortex
There were a few times some posters found out that I am a Mormon, and their reactions were almost unprintable.

Guess what MORMONs have said about Christians. THEIR comments ARE printable!!!



Questions put to Joseph Smith: "'Do you believe the Bible?' [Smith:]'If we do, we are the only people under heaven that does, for there are none of the religious sects of the day that do'. When asked 'Will everybody be damned, but Mormons'? [Smith replied] 'Yes, and a great portion of them, unless they repent, and work righteousness." (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 119).
Joseph Smith: "for the teachers of religion of the different sects understood the same passages of scripture so differently as to destroy all confidence in settling the question by an appeal to the Bible" (from Pearl of Great Price 1:12). "What is it that inspires professors of Christianity generally with a hope of salvation? It is that smooth, sophisticated influence of the devil, by which he deceives the whole world" (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p.270).
 
 
 
Brigham Young stated this repeatedly: "When the light came to me I saw that all the so-called Christian world was grovelling in darkness" (Journal of Discourses 5:73); "The Christian world, so-called, are heathens as to the knowledge of the salvation of God" (Journal of Discourses 8:171); "With a regard to true theology, a more ignorant people never lived than the present so-called Christian world" (Journal of Discourses 8:199); "And who is there that acknowledges [God's] hand? ...You may wander east, west, north, and south, and you cannot find it in any church or government on the earth, except the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints" (Journal of Discourses , vol. 6, p.24); "Should you ask why we differ from other Christians, as they are called, it is simply because they are not Christians as the New Testament defines Christianity" (Journal of Discourses 10:230).
 
 
 
Orson Pratt proclaimed: "Both Catholics and Protestants are nothing less than the 'whore of Babylon' whom the Lord denounces by the mouth of John the Revelator as having corrupted all the earth by their fornications and wickedness. Any person who shall be so corrupt as to receive a holy ordinance of the Gospel from the ministers of any of these apostate churches will be sent down to hell with them, unless they repent" (The Seer, p. 255).
 
 
 
Orson Pratt also said: "This great apostasy commenced about the close of the first century of the Christian era, and it has been waxing worse and worse from then until now" (Journal of Discourses
, vol.18, p.44) and: "But as there has been no Christian Church on the earth for a great many centuries past, until the present century, the people have lost sight of the pattern that God has given according to which the Christian Church should be established, and they have denominated a great variety of people Christian Churches, because they profess to be ...But there has been a long apostasy, during which the nations have been cursed with apostate churches in great abundance" (Journal of Discourses , 18:172).
 
 
President John Taylor stated: "Christianity...is a perfect pack of nonsense...the devil could not invent a better engine to spread his work than the Christianity of the nineteenth century." (Journal of Discourses , vol. 6, p.167); "Where shall we look for the true order or authority of God? It cannot be found in any nation of Christendom." (Journal of Discourses , 10:127).
 
 
 
James Talmage said: "A self-suggesting interpretation of history indicates that there has been a great departure from the way of salvation as laid down by the Savior, a universal apostasy from the Church of Christ". (A Study of the Articles of Faith, p.182).
 
 
 
President Joseph Fielding Smith said: "Doctrines were corrupted, authority lost, and a false order of religion took the place of the gospel of Jesus Christ, just as it had been the case in former dispensations, and the people were left in spiritual darkness." (Doctrines of Salvation, p.266). "For hundreds of years the world was wrapped in a veil of spiritual darkness, until there was not one fundamental truth belonging to the place of salvation ...Joseph Smith declared that in the year 1820 the Lord revealed to him that all the 'Christian' churches were in error, teaching for commandments the doctrines of men" (Doctrines of Salvation, vol. 3, p.282).
 
 
 
More recent statements by apostle Bruce McConkie are also very clear: "Apostasy was universal...And this darkness still prevails except among those who have come to a knowledge of the restored gospel" (Doctrines of Salvation, vol 3, p.265); "Thus the signs of the times include the prevailing apostate darkness in the sects of Christendom and in the religious world in general" (The Millennial Messiah, p.403); "a perverted Christianity holds sway among the so-called Christians of apostate Christendom" (Mormon Doctrine, p.132); "virtually all the millions of apostate Christendom have abased themselves before the mythical throne of a mythical Christ whom they vainly suppose to be a spirit essence who is incorporeal uncreated, immaterial and three-in-one with the Father and Holy Spirit" (Mormon Doctrine, p.269); "Gnosticism is one of the great pagan philosophies which antedated Christ and the Christian Era and which was later commingled with pure Christianity to form the apostate religion that has prevailed in the world since the early days of that era." (Mormon Doctrine, p.316).
 
 
 
President George Q. Cannon said: "After the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was organized, there were only two churches upon the earth. They were known respectively as the Church of the Lamb of God and Babylon. The various organizations which are called churches throughout Christendom, though differing in their creeds and organizations, have one common origin. They all belong to Babylon" (Gospel Truth, p.324).
 
 
President Wilford Woodruff stated: "the Gospel of modern Christendom shuts up the Lord, and stops all communication with Him. I want nothing to do with such a Gospel, I would rather prefer the Gospel of the dark ages, so called" (Journal of Discourses , vol. 2, p.196).

119 posted on 02/01/2012 3:53:01 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: mnehring

Carpel tunnel is not ALWAYS caused by KEYBOARDS!!


120 posted on 02/01/2012 3:54:39 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: constantvigilance
You need a good spanking, rude boy/girl.

Now YOU are MY kind of cellmate!

121 posted on 02/01/2012 3:55:57 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: TheZMan

I don’t want to set the world on fire;
I just want to give it a good fart!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMMV_RoEMxE


122 posted on 02/01/2012 4:00:38 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: srm913; F15Eagle; 50mm; DarthVader; darkwing104; stephenjohnbanker; SunkenCiv; humblegunner; ...

So long, srm913 (Posting History)

Hat Tip to F15Eagle, 50mm, Darth Vader, and awesome Admin Moderator

Whiny Mythens butt boy commits a lame opus and becomes a gay little pile of smoking guts and sizzling meat





Wake up, you idiot!! Mythens is the designated loser, chosen by the left and the "right"


Thank you JoeProBono

FReepmail TheOldLady to get ON or OFF the ZOT LIGHTNING ping list.

123 posted on 02/01/2012 4:01:22 AM PST by TheOldLady (FReepmail me to get ON or OFF the ZOT LIGHTNING ping list)
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To: mnehring
Don’t insult homosexuals by comparing them to Myth supporters.

I'm a MORMON ...
 
 
 

http://www.affirmation.org/

124 posted on 02/01/2012 4:01:23 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: bigdirty; Godzilla
King Ghidorah was a perfectly good monster until that pic.

Send us up the bomb!

125 posted on 02/01/2012 4:03:14 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: Tennessee Nana

If it had ONLY been a tortise shell!


126 posted on 02/01/2012 4:03:52 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: onyx
I have always believed that Joseph Smith found the 'Golden Plates' about twenty minutes after he found the golden mushrooms...

I sat thru their six-week (?) course back when I was a teen...teen-agers will buy into a lot of wild ideas and concepts, but I wasn't THAT far gone...didn't even need my BS detector.

127 posted on 02/01/2012 4:04:23 AM PST by who knows what evil? (G-d saved more animals than people on the ark...www.siameserescue.org.)
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To: SmithL
Exactly how does that help the conservative cause.

It has ETERNAL rewards...

128 posted on 02/01/2012 4:04:48 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: Elsie

Eh ???

MormonDudes goat, Jack, has got at his computer again...


129 posted on 02/01/2012 4:06:02 AM PST by Tennessee Nana (46 STATES TO GO)
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To: SmithL
Seriously? You’re resorting to Mormon-bashing?

Behold the BASH!!


The Doctrine and Covenants

Section 132

Revelation given through Joseph Smith the Prophet, at Nauvoo, Illinois, recorded 12 July 1843, relating to the new and everlasting covenant, including the eternity of the marriage covenant, and also the plurality of wives (see History of the Church, 5:501–7). Although the revelation was recorded in 1843, it is evident from the historical records that the doctrines and principles involved in this revelation had been known by the Prophet since 1831.

1–6, Exaltation is gained through the new and everlasting covenant; 7–14, The terms and conditions of that covenant are set forth; 15–20, Celestial marriage and a continuation of the family unit enable men to become gods; 21–25, The strait and narrow way leads to eternal lives; 26–27, The law is given relative to blasphemy against the Holy Ghost; 28–39, Promises of eternal increase and exaltation are made to prophets and Saints in all ages; 40–47, Joseph Smith is given the power to bind and seal on earth and in heaven; 48–50, The Lord seals upon him his exaltation; 51–57, Emma Smith is counseled to be faithful and true; 58–66, Laws governing the plurality of wives are set forth.

 


 

 16Therefore, when they are out of the world they neither marry nor are given in amarriage; but are appointed angels in bheaven, which angels are ministering cservants, to minister for those who are worthy of a far more, and an exceeding, and an eternal weight of glory.

 17For these angels did not abide my law; therefore, they cannot be enlarged, but remain separately and singly, without exaltation, in their saved condition, to all eternity; and from henceforth are not gods, but are aangels of God forever and ever.

 18And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife, and make a covenant with her for time and for all eternity, if that acovenant is not by me or by my word, which is my law, and is not sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, through him whom I have anointed and appointed unto this power, then it is not valid neither of force when they are out of the world, because they are not joined by me, saith the Lord, neither by my word; when they are out of the world it cannot be received there, because the angels and the gods are appointed there, by whom they cannot pass; they cannot, therefore, inherit my glory; for my house is a house of order, saith the Lord God.

 19And again, verily I say unto you, if a man amarry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and beverlasting covenant, and it is csealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of dpromise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the ekeys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit fthrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb’s gBook of Life, that he shall commit no hmurder whereby to shed innocent iblood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their jexaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the kseeds forever and ever.

 20 Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from aeverlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be bgods, because they have call power, and the angels are subject unto them.

 21Verily, verily, I say unto you, except ye abide my alaw ye cannot attain to this glory.

 22For astrait is the gate, and narrow the bway that leadeth unto the exaltation and continuation of the clives, and few there be that find it, because ye receive me not in the world neither do ye know me.

 23But if ye receive me in the world, then shall ye know me, and shall receive your exaltation; that awhere I am ye shall be also.

 24This is aeternal lives—to bknow the only wise and true God, and Jesus Christ, whom he hath csent. I am he. Receive ye, therefore, my law.

 25aBroad is the gate, and wide the way that leadeth to the bdeaths; and many there are that go in thereat, because they creceive me not, neither do they abide in my law.


130 posted on 02/01/2012 4:06:14 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: SmithL
Seriously? You’re resorting to Mormon-bashing?

Any place that a MORMON has the nerve to start spouting any of their HERESY will turn in to a BASH.

Bold
ANTIs
Spotlighting
Heresy

131 posted on 02/01/2012 4:06:55 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: reaganaut
You really should add “and it came to pass” to at least one of those.

Say the Secret Word...


 
THE FIRST BOOK OF NEPHI

HIS REIGN AND MINISTRY
CHAPTER 16
 
The wicked take the truth to be hard—Lehi’s sons marry the daughters of Ishmael—The Liahona guides their course in the wilderness—Messages from the Lord are written on the Liahona from time to time—Ishmael dies; his family murmur because of afflictions. Between 600 and 592 B.C.
 
 
 1 And it came to pass after I, Nephi, had made an end of speaking to my brethren, behold they said unto me: Thou hast declared unto us hard things, more than we are able to bear.
  2 And it came to pass that I said unto them that I knew that I had spoken ahard things against the wicked, according to the truth; and the righteous have I justified, and testified that they should be lifted up at the last day; wherefore, the bguilty taketh the ctruth to be hard, for it dcutteth them to the very center.
  3 And now my brethren, if ye were righteous and were willing to hearken to the truth, and give heed unto it, that ye might awalk uprightly before God, then ye would not murmur because of the truth, and say: Thou speakest hard things against us.
  4 And it came to pass I, Nephi, did exhort my brethren, with all diligence, to keep the commandments of the Lord.
  5 And it came to pass that they did ahumble themselves before the Lord; insomuch that I had joy and great hopes of them, that they would walk in the paths of righteousness.
  6 Now, all these things were said and done as my father dwelt in a tent in the avalley which he called Lemuel.
  7 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, took one of the adaughters of Ishmael to bwife; and also, my brethren took of the cdaughters of Ishmael to wife; and also dZoram took the eldest daughter of Ishmael to wife.
  8 And thus my father had fulfilled all the acommandments of the Lord which had been given unto him. And also, I, Nephi, had been blessed of the Lord exceedingly.
  9 And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord spake unto my father by night, and commanded him that on the morrow he should take his ajourney into the wilderness.
  10 And it came to pass that as my father arose in the morning, and went forth to the tent door, to his great astonishment he beheld upon the ground a round aball of curious workmanship; and it was of fine brass. And within the ball were two spindles; and the one bpointed the way whither we should go into the wilderness.
  11 And it came to pass that we did gather together whatsoever things we should carry into the wilderness, and all the remainder of our provisions which the Lord had given unto us; and we did take aseed of every kind that we might carry into the wilderness.
  12 And it came to pass that we did take our tents and depart into the wilderness, across the river Laman.
  13 And it came to pass that we traveled for the space of four days, nearly a south-southeast direction, and we did pitch our tents again; and we did call the name of the place aShazer.
  14 And it came to pass that we did take our bows and our arrows, and go forth into the wilderness to slay food for our families; and after we had slain food for our families we did return again to our families in the wilderness, to the place of Shazer. And we did go forth again in the wilderness, following the same direction, keeping in the most fertile parts of the wilderness, which were in the borders near the aRed Sea.
  15 And it came to pass that we did travel for the space of many days, aslaying food by the way, with our bows and our arrows and our stones and our slings.
  16 And we did follow the adirections of the ball, which led us in the more fertile parts of the wilderness.
  17 And after we had traveled for the space of many days, we did pitch our tents for the space of a time, that we might again rest ourselves and obtain food for our families.
  18 And it came to pass that as I, Nephi, went forth to slay food, behold, I did break my bow, which was made of fine asteel; and after I did break my bow, behold, my brethren were angry with me because of the loss of my bow, for we did obtain no food.
  19 And it came to pass that we did return without food to our families, and being much fatigued, because of their journeying, they did suffer much for the want of food.
  20 And it came to pass that Laman and Lemuel and the sons of Ishmael did begin to murmur exceedingly, because of their sufferings and afflictions in the wilderness; and also my father began to murmur against the Lord his God; yea, and they were all exceedingly sorrowful, even that they did amurmur against the Lord.
  21 Now  it came to pass that I, Nephi, having been afflicted with my brethren because of the loss of my bow, and their bows having lost their asprings, it began to be exceedingly difficult, yea, insomuch that we could obtain no food.
  22 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, did speak much unto my brethren, because they had hardened their hearts again, even unto acomplaining against the Lord their God.
  23 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, did amake out of wood a bow, and out of a straight stick, an arrow; wherefore, I did arm myself with a bow and an arrow, with a sling and with stones. And I said unto my bfather: Whither shall I go to obtain food?
  24 And it came to pass that he did ainquire of the Lord, for they had bhumbled themselves because of my words; for I did say many things unto them in the energy of my soul.
  25 And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came unto my father; and he was truly achastened because of his murmuring against the Lord, insomuch that he was brought down into the depths of sorrow.
  26 And it came to pass  that the voice of the Lord said unto him: Look upon the ball, and behold the things which are written.
  27 And it came to pass that when my father beheld the things which were awritten upon the ball, he did fear and tremble exceedingly, and also my brethren and the sons of Ishmael and our wives.
  28 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, beheld the pointers which were in the ball, that they did work according to the afaith and diligence and heed which we did give unto them.
  29 And there was also written upon them a new writing, which was plain to be read, which did give us aunderstanding concerning the ways of the Lord; and it was written and changed from time to time, according to the faith and diligence which we gave unto it. And thus we see that by bsmall means the Lord can bring about great things.
  30 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, did go forth up into the top of the mountain, according to the adirections which were given upon the ball.
  31 And it came to pass that I did slay wild abeasts, insomuch that I did obtain food for our families.
  32 And it came to pass that I did return to our tents, bearing the beasts which I had slain; and now when they beheld that I had obtained afood, how great was their joy! And it came to pass that they did humble themselves before the Lord, and did give thanks unto him.
  33 And it came to pass that we did again take our journey, traveling nearly the same course as in the beginning; and after we had traveled for the space of many days we did pitch our tents again, that we might tarry for the space of a time.
  34 And it came to pass that aIshmael died, and was buried in the place which was called bNahom.
  35 And it came to pass that the daughters of Ishmael did amourn exceedingly, because of the loss of their father, and because of their bafflictions in the wilderness; and they did cmurmur against my father, because he had brought them out of the land of Jerusalem, saying: Our father is dead; yea, and we have wandered much in the wilderness, and we have suffered much affliction, hunger, thirst, and fatigue; and after all these sufferings we must perish in the wilderness with hunger.
  36 And thus they did murmur against my father, and also against me; and they were desirous to areturn again to Jerusalem.
  37 And Laman said unto Lemuel and also unto the sons of Ishmael: Behold, let us aslay our father, and also our brother Nephi, who has taken it upon him to be our bruler and our teacher, who are his elder brethren.
  38 Now, he says that the Lord has talked with him, and also that aangels have ministered unto him. But behold, we know that he lies unto us; and he tells us these things, and he worketh many things by his cunning arts, that he may deceive our eyes, thinking, perhaps, that he may lead us away into some strange wilderness; and after he has led us away, he has thought to make himself a king and a ruler over us, that he may do with us according to his will and pleasure. And after this manner did my brother Laman bstir up their hearts to canger.
  39 And it came to pass that the Lord was with us, yea, even the voice of the Lord came and did speak many words unto them, and did achasten them exceedingly; and after they were chastened by the voice of the Lord they did turn away their anger, and did repent of their sins, insomuch that the Lord did bless us again with food, that we did not perish.


132 posted on 02/01/2012 4:09:05 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: reaganaut

LOOK!

Another BASH above!


133 posted on 02/01/2012 4:09:26 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: TLI
Sharing insights with others as to the best methods of approaching Mormons...

Ah... INSIGHT!!

That's the ticket!!!

Until then; I'll just share MORMON 'scripture' with whomever wants to read it!

134 posted on 02/01/2012 4:12:46 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: Tennessee Nana

#41 passed SOMETHING all right!


135 posted on 02/01/2012 4:13:51 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: srm913

Unleash the Viking Cats! :)=^..^=


136 posted on 02/01/2012 4:14:27 AM PST by Biggirl ("Jesus talked to us as individuals"-Jim Vicevich/Thanks JimV!)
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To: srm913

137 posted on 02/01/2012 4:14:45 AM PST by Condor51 (Yo Hoffa, so you want to 'take out conservatives'. Well okay Jr - I'm your Huckleberry)
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To: OneVike
However, I will admit that I have very little patience with them when they try to claim they are Christians.

Indeed!


2 Corinthians 11:12

And I will keep on doing what I am doing

 in order to cut the ground from under those

who want an opportunity to be considered equal

with us in the things they boast about.

 

138 posted on 02/01/2012 4:15:09 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: onyx
Someday, I will have to research it.

The work has been done - here is a starting point:

 
1 Timothy 4:1-2
 1.  The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons.
 2.  Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron.
 
 
1 Timothy 1:3-4
 3.  As I urged you when I went into Macedonia, stay there in Ephesus so that you may command certain men not to teach false doctrines any longer
 4.  nor to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies. These promote controversies rather than God's work--which is by faith.
 
 
 
1 Timothy 6:3-5
 3.  If anyone teaches false doctrines and does not agree to the sound instruction of our Lord Jesus Christ and to godly teaching,
 4.  he is conceited and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions 
 5.  and constant friction between men of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain.
 




 
 



 
 
 
Temple Recommend Questions



1 Do you have faith in and a testimony of God the Eternal Father, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost?

2 Do you have a testimony of the Atonement of Christ and of His role as Savior and Redeemer?

3 Do you have a testimony of the restoration of the gospel in these the latter days?

4 Do you sustain the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as the Prophet, Seer, and Revelator and as the only person on the earth who possesses and is authorized to exercise all priesthood keys? Do you sustain members of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles as prophets, seers, and revelators? Do you sustain the other General Authorities and local authorities of the Church?

5 Do you live the law of chastity?

6 Is there anything in your conduct relating to members of your family that is not in harmony with the teachings of the Church?

7 Do you support, affiliate with, or agree with any group or individual whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?

8 Do you strive to keep the covenants you have made, to attend your sacrament and other meetings, and to keep your life in harmony with the laws and commandments of the gospel?

9 Are you honest in your dealings with your fellowmen?

10 Are you a full-tithe payer?

11 Do your keep the Word of Wisdom?

12 Do you have financial or other obligations to a former spouse or children? If yes, are you current in meeting those obligations?

13 If you have previously received your temple endowment:

       Do you keep the covenants that you made in the temple?
       Do you wear the garment both night and day as instructed in the endowment and in accordance with the covenant you made in the temple?

14 Have there been any sins or misdeeds in your life that should have been resolved with priesthood authorities but have not been?

15 Do you consider yourself worthy to enter the Lord's house and participate in temple ordinances?
 
 
 

139 posted on 02/01/2012 4:16:34 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: onyx
Someday, I will have to research it.

HE figgered it out. So can YOU!


140 posted on 02/01/2012 4:17:41 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: DJ MacWoW
They have special underwear that they buy from the church to wear to church. ALWAYS!!!
141 posted on 02/01/2012 4:18:23 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: onyx
I know very little about the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints and maybe I should force myself to learn more.

Hang around these threads and you WILL learn more!

The stuff the MORMONism wishes would JUST GO AWAY; but it keeps coming at them.

The stuff that MORMONism will avoid, replacing any questions that are asked them about their practices with the answer to a question that they think you SHOULD have asked.


 
 
Professor Robert Millet        teaching at the Mission Prep Club in 2004  http://newsnet.byu.edu/video/18773/  <-- Complete and uneditted

 
 
Timeline...    Subject...
 
0:59           "Anti-Mormons..."
1:16           "ATTACK the faith you have..."
2:02           "We really aren't obligated to answer everyone's questions..."
3:57           "You already know MORE about God and Christ and the plan of salvation than any who would ATTACK you."


142 posted on 02/01/2012 4:21:59 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: onyx
Oh dear! I’ve heard it all now!

But WAIT!!

There's MORE!


143 posted on 02/01/2012 4:24:45 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: reaganaut
thenBUMPight
144 posted on 02/01/2012 4:27:03 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: onyx
Just WOW!

This is the reaction we want!

Folks actually learning the MEAT of MORMONism rather than just the MILK that Headquarters back in SLC wants to force feed the ignorant.

145 posted on 02/01/2012 4:29:03 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: reaganaut

GOD is a MAN??


146 posted on 02/01/2012 4:30:12 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: dayglored
Then again, I wore FOTL whites for years as a teenager, who am I to criticize with regard to fashion?

So?

I'm sitting here at the keyboard in mine! boxers.


I await the inevitable question put to Mitt:

"Boxers? Briefs?? Magic???"

147 posted on 02/01/2012 4:32:35 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: dayglored
...at the keyboard in mine!

No; not ONLY clad in my shorts!

148 posted on 02/01/2012 4:33:16 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: Elsie

149 posted on 02/01/2012 4:35:56 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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To: Tennessee Nana

Elsie’s CAT wants HIS picture on FR!


150 posted on 02/01/2012 4:37:14 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going)
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