Skip to comments.(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)
Posted on 02/10/2012 4:59:55 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Goooooooood Morning Freepers......
Rise and shine and get on your silliness game face folks, it's gonna be a tough one out there today.
And to get ya'll in the mood, I'm spinning some tunes for ya. Here's a classic hit, that'll get you going.
And here's a a rockabilly remake, it's sure to get you singing along.
But wait, here's one, that'll be sure to make you giggle...
Now get on out there and get your silliness on. And while you do, you can pump it up to this...
And one more classic hit, to get you going....you just don't hear this great kind of music anymore.
When : Always February 10th
Umbrella Day is in honor of one of the world's most invaluable inventions. On a rainy, day, we are sure glad that someone was smart enough to invent it. It's also increasingly popular to use umbrellas to shade ourselves from harmful UV radiation, and the heat of the sun.
Umbrellas come in all sorts of sizes, colors, shapes, and, designs. Businesses and organizations use them for advertising. The smallest umbrellas fit inside a purse or glove compartment. Golf umbrellas are popular sizes. Then, there are lawn and beach umbrellas. There's one (or two) made just for you.
Celebrate Umbrella Day in a couple of ways. First, make sure your umbrella is handy. Second, use it, or walk around with it. If you don't have an umbrella, isn't it time to get one?
|Your Green Umbrella Says You're Insightful|
You can approach things from a fresh perspective, but you have to relax first.
You are a very insightful and perceptive person. You offer up interesting critiques.
You have amazing levels of concentration. You can focus completely on any problem until it is solved.
On a rainy day: you take time to nap, day dream, and relax
Woohoo!! It’s Friday!!!
Internal Revenue 'Service'
> U.S. Postal 'Service'
Cable TV 'Service'
State, City, County & Public 'Service'
This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.
But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows. BAM !!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us. You are now as enlightened as I am!
The Royal Navy is proud of its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers.
Having initially named the first two ships HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless, the Naming Committee has, after intensive pressure from Brussels, renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence. The next five ships are to be named HMS Empathy, HMS Circumspect, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous and HMS
Apologist. Costing £850 million each, they meet the needs of the 21st century and comply with the very latest employment, health and safety, and human rights laws.
The new user-friendly crow’s nest comes equipped with wheelchair access. Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims. Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on duty 24 hours a day and each ship will have its own industrial tribunal. The crew ratio will be 50/50 men and women, balanced in accordance with the latest Home Office directives on race, gender, sexual preference and disability. Sailors will have to work only a maximum of 37 hours a week in line with Brussels Health and Safety rules, even in wartime.
All the vessels will come equipped with a maternity ward and nursery, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco. Tobacco will be banned throughout the fleet, but cannabis will be allowed in the wardroom and ratings’ messes. The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation for “rum, sodomy and the lash”, so out has gone the occasional rum ration which is to be replaced with sparkling water. Although sodomy remains, it has now been extended to include all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available but only on request. Condoms can be obtained from the Bosun in a variety of flavours except Capstan Full Strength.
Saluting officers has been abolished because it is deemed elitist, and is to be replaced by the more informal “Hello Sailor”. All information on noticeboards will be printed in 37 different languages and Braille. Crew members will now no longer be required to ask permission to grow beards or moustaches, and this applies equally to women crew members.
The MoD is working on a new “non-specific” flag because the White Ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities. The Union Flag has already been discarded. The newly re-named HMS Cautious is due to be commissioned soon in a ceremony conducted by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque, who will break a petrol bomb over the hull. She will glide gently into the water as the band of the Royal Marines plays “In The Navy” by The Village People. Her first deployment will be to escort boat loads of illegal immigrants across the Channel from France to ports on England’s south coast.
The Prime Minister said “While these ships reflect the very latest in modern thinking, they are also capable of being up-graded to comply with any new legislation coming out of Brussels. His final words were “Britannia waives the rules”
Top ten.....yeahhhhhhh.... To bad I have to work Saturday.
A Coloradan and a Texan were hunting in the Hill Country when an illegal alien runs across the field.
The Texan takes careful aim, shoots, and kills him.
You cant do that! cried the Coloradan.
No, no, its legal here in Texas replies the Texan.
Later that night the Coloradan goes and buys some beer and puts it on the roof of his truck to open the door.
Just then an illegal alien runs by, grabs the beer, and runs away.
The Coloradan thinks No problem draws his pistol, shoots, and kills him.
As he is getting his beer the police come and arrest him.
But I thought it was legal to shoot illegal aliens here in Texas! protests the Coloradan.
Well yeah, says the cop, but you cant use bait.
WHERE'S SLINGS & ARROWS?
With that cat, you’re looking for humblegunner.
Looks like Lizzy!
They’re both beautiful.
Page One....above the fold!
|Your Orange Umbrella Says You're Playful|
Problems don't ever get you down. You see them as an opportunity to think outside the box.
You are playful and light hearted. You make the dullest tasks interesting and lively.
You are curious about the world around you. You take every moment as an opportunity to learn.
On a rainy day: you should get out there and play in the rain
Good morning and thank you. It’s an umbrella day here:)
Why our schools weren’t asked to perform at half time
Ooops you already had it. My bad:)
In Texas there is a small town called New Braunfels , where there is a large German-speaking population.
A local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher’s stock pond. The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: “Guten Morgen! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen.
“Which means: “Good Morning! Don’t drink the water. The cows poop in it.
The man shouted back: “I’m from New York, down here campaigning for Obama. I can’t understand you. Speak English!”
The rancher replied: “Use both hands.”
Umbrella silliness ping!!
My umbrella is clear and anyway I’d stay inside where it’s nice and dry and play on FR.
1.The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2.The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3.The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5.The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could find the time — and if they didn’t have to leave Southern California to do it.
6.The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a poor job of it, thank you very much.
7.The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8.The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9.The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.
10.The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped, minority, feminist, atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.
11.The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
12.The Key West Citizen is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.
Hahahahahaha thanks for the laugh
See, makes sense!
What if you were playing in the club championship tournament finals
and the match was halved at the end of 17 holes. You had the honor and hit
your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway,
leaving a simple six iron to the pin. Your opponent then hits his ball,
slicing it deep into the woods to the right of the fairway.
Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent
look for his ball. Just before the permitted five minute search period ends,
your opponent says: “Go ahead and hit your second shot and if I don’t find
it in time, I’ll concede the match.”
You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten feet
from the pin.
About the time your ball comes to rest, you hear your opponent
exclaim from deep in the woods: “I found it!”. The second sound you hear is a click, the sound of a club striking a ball and the ball comes sailing out
of the woods and lands on the green, stopping no more than six inches from
With that said, the “what if” question is:
What if you had your opponent’s ball in your pocket?
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you’re a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework ... you’re a pansy. If you work too hard ... there’s never any time for her. If you don’t work enough ... you’re a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ... it’s equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks ... it’s sexual harassment. If you keep quiet ... it’s male indifference. If you cry ... you’re a wimp. If you don’t ... you’re an insensitive bastard. If you make a decision without consulting her ... you’re a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy ... that’s domination. If she asks you ... it’s a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ... you’re a pervert. If you don’t ... you’re gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you’re sexist. If you don’t ... you’re unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape ... you’re vain. If you don’t ... you’re a slob. If you buy her flowers ... you’re after something. If you don’t ... you’re not thoughtful. If you’re proud of your achievements ... you’re full of yourself. If you don’t ... you’re not ambitious. If she has a headache ... she’s tired. If you have a headache ... you don’t love her anymore. If you want it too often ... you’re oversexed. If you don’t ... there must be someone else.
So: Why do men die first? Because they want to.
WORLD SURVEY BY PHONE
Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:-
“Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?”
The survey was a huge failure because of the following:
1. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant.
2. In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant.
3. In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant.
4. In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant.
5. In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant.
6. In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant.
7. In the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant.
8. ..and in Australia and New Zealand they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
What’s easier to pickup the heavier it gets?
I was eating a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a
jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said ‘I’ve not eaten for two
days.’ I told him, ‘I wish I had your will power.’
I took my last Biology exam 40 years ago. I was asked to name two things commonly
found in cells. Apparently “Blacks” and “Mexicans” were NOT the correct
A fat girl served me in McDonald’s at lunch time. She said ‘sorry about the
wait.’ I said, ‘Don’t worry, you’ll find a way to lose it eventually ‘
I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out,
he looked at me and said ‘Any Change?’ I said, ‘Nope, youre still black’
Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches
tonight. I thought to myself, ‘fat chance,’ with a face like that!
A 10 year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing
by asks ‘What’s wrong, lad?’ The boy says ‘Me ma died this morning.’ ‘Oh
bejaysus,’ The man says. ‘Do you want me to call Father ORiley for you?’ The
boy replies, ‘No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.’
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But
since all the doctors are now Muslim, I’ve found that a bacon sandwich works
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic
shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could
look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to
yourself...’I’m going to take that.’
A man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer
in the fields and shouts to him ‘Where am I?’ The Irish farmer looks back up and
shouts back. ‘Youre in that fu?kin’ basket.’
I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last
question which I got wrong. The question was, Where
do women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I
know they wanted the name of a country?
("stolen" from Daffynition)
LOL! In line at Micky D’s! You made me LOL!
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