Skip to comments.(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)
Posted on 02/24/2012 4:25:36 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Early Today ain’t we?
Woohoo!! It's finally Friday!!!
That is awesome, dude!
...the girl on the left did well throwing accurately (twice) in order to make it all work
No silliness? Damn, that means I have to go back to work.
Let the silliness begin!
not quite...but we’re on the first page.....woooooooooooo
not quite...but we’re on the first page.....woooooooooooo
Waiting the enternal wait....the cable guy is suppost to be here between 8am and 9 am...
PS..to my brother who is working..GET BACK TO WORK....
Yay! Top 676 finally!
Let the silliness commence.
took me awhile...a little slow on th update
Roger Got Married Again
Roger , 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old . Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it’s Roger, Again he is ready for more ‘action’. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Roger is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more ‘action’. And, once more they enjoy each other.
But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, ‘I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.’
Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: ‘You mean I was here already?’
The moral of the story:
Don’t be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer’s has its advantages.
By the way, have I posted this already?
Email received from a Jewish friend this a.m.
Those fabulous Jewish comedians that you may remember. The old Jewish Catskill comics of vaudeville days:
and so many others.
And there was not one single swear word in their comedy. Here are a few examples:
* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
* I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out, she’ll kill me!
* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she’s making love? “Honey, I’m home!”
* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night; only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea .
* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
* The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.
* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, “Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. “ Mrs. Cohen answered, “So did my arthritis!”
* Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!” Patient: “I am 60!” Doctor: “See! What did I tell you?”
* Patient: “I have a ringing in my ears.” Doctor: “Don’t answer!”
* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The drunk says “Okay, let’s get started.”
* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it.
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.
There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.
Q: Why don’t Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!
A man called his mother in Florida ,
“Mom, how are you?”
“ Not too good,” said the mother. “I’ve been very weak.”
The son said, “Why are you so weak?”
She said, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.”
The son said, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?”
The mother answered, “Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.”
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks,
“What part is it?”
The boy says, “I play the part of the Jewish husband.”
“The mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.”
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) “Don’t bother. I’ll sit in the dark. I don’t want to be a nuisance to anybody.”
Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street
and said, “Lady, I haven’t eaten in three days.”
“Force yourself,” she replied.
Q: What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually,the Rottweiler lets go.
Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don’t like anything that isn’t 20% off.
Where do you find those things! Love that.
“I asked my wife if she wanted to have sex in the back seat of the car. She said ‘yeah....you drive’.”
Kliph Nesteroff: I didn't ask you about the famous story last time, but I must get you to tell it to in your own words because many accounts of it exist - all from the mouths of other people. But what do you remember about that famous time you crashed your car into the Caesar's Palace fountain - and do you remember anything about the lead-up to that famous moment?
Shecky Greene: Yes. I was completely drunk. I had finished work. I was completely insane. I forget what time it was in the morning. The gave me my car. They always gave me my car when I was drunk because they loved to see what was going to happen.
Kliph Nesteroff: (laughs)
Shecky Greene: I mean that couldn't possibly happen today. You couldn't drive down The Strip like that, but I was driving about one hundred miles an hour. I hit a post. They had just put in breakaway posts the week before. If that other type of post was there I would have been dead. The post broke in two, went across my car, I lost control, swerved across the street, hit two signs and went right into the fountains. And that's a true story. And when the cops came I said, "No spray wax."
Written by a third grader , on what his grandparents do.
After Christmas , a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:
We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house , but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona . Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles , and wear name tags , because they don’t know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wreck center , but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now , they do exercises there , but they don’t do them very well. There is a swimming pool too , but they all jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate , there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out , and go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks , they just eat out. And , they eat the same thing every night - early birds. Some of the people can’t get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out , bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck. My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and , says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment , I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out , so they can visit their grandchildren.
LOLOL you have a couple of real good ones.
Kids these days, they get pregnant from eating chicken......I mean it’s finger lickin’ good and one thing leads to another.
- Rodney Dangerfield
You can always tell my car, it’s always on a lift. I’m always watching it go up and down, up and down. I have the only car with more miles on it vertically than horizontally.
[Dont be afraid of getting old, Alzheimers has its advantages.]
I agree, I’ve found that I am still surprised at the endings of re-runs of TV shows.
Meanwhile on a German highway
As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world,
I rapidly realized that I don’t really give a rat’s hiney. It’s the tortoise life for me!
1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.
I’m retired. Go around me.
Fascinating shot - owl coming at camera
THE CITY OF LOS ANGELES
HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM
GANG NAME _________________
1). Little Johnny has an AK 47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Little Johnny attempt before he has to reload?
2). Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
3). Rufus pimps 3 hos. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus’s $800 per day crack habit?
4). Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounces will he need?
5). Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4’s, how many more Corvettes must he have to steal to have $900?
6). Raoul got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
Extra credit bonus: How much more time will he get for killing the ho that spent his money?
7). If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint free?
8). Hector knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Hector knocked up?
9). Bernie is a lookout for the gang. Bernie has a boa constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Bernie makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed the boa on one week’s income?
10). Billy steals Joe’s skateboard. As Billy skates away at 35 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his magnum, how far away will Billy be when he gets whacked?
We have a new local TV station, called Antenna TV. They play old reruns all the time. Like TVLand used to be.
You know what’s hilarious? Dragnet. I LMAO everytime I watch that show.
The Michelle Obama "Oh No You Didn't!" Committee.
If you play a cow bell, you might attract a cow.....
Cause you don't want to catch Mooshell on a bad day!
That’s a heck of a list!
The Jack Benny Program is on AntennaTV every night. Still one of the best shows on television.