Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

Posted on 03/09/2012 4:35:26 AM PST by Lucky9teen

Panic Day

When : Always March 9th

Try to stay calm.

Take a deep breath.

For today is Panic Day.

Can you handle today?

Good, I was worried for a moment.

Hopefully, everything is going just swell in your life, and you have no need for this day.
But, if problems and troubles are looming, try to hold off hitting the panic button until this day arrives.

Don't worry. Don't fret. and, above all, don't panic. However, if ever there was a day to panic, today is that day.

As you get through this unsettling day, you have another day to worry about.......International Panic Day.

Top 20 ways to get the most out of Panic Day:

1) You are definitely encouraged to loudly proclaim, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more!" Or, run around wildly and proclaim , "I'm stressed, I'm stressed and I can't take it any more!"     

2) Megaphones are allowed, but it’s even better if you can exercise your natural lung power, breathing very fully and deeply for a great big, cathartic shout. 

3) We encourage employees everywhere to fill their company’s suggestion box with the request for a sound proof, padded room. Thus, Panic Day and any other occasion that requires loud, ridiculous behavior can be celebrated discreetly.

 

4) If, like most of us, you are without a sound proof, padded room, then be bold, be assertive, and take a stand by the water cooler, swearing not to budge until “things get better.”. 

5) Stay in bed all day. But first, get up, brush your teeth, head to the kitchen and load up on snacks and drinks. Make sure you have lots of fluffy pillows to hide your head under.

 

 6) Get up and go jogging or swimming or bike riding.  

7) Phone in “well.” Call your boss and tell him or her that you feel too darn good to come in to work today, even though it’s a fib. That way you won’t appear to be a victim.

 

8) Go to work way over-dressed. Wear a tux or a prom gown, and, when asked what it’s about, simply reply, “I have an engagement later on.” Keep ‘em guessing.

 

9) Call the local TV station and tell them you’re going to run for President and that you’re holding a news conference at your house at noon.  

10) Go the animal shelter and adopt a dog or cat.  

11) Attempt to dye your hair in a checkerboard pattern.

12) Head for the toy store and buy as many toy soldiers as you can and come home and conduct a “war” in your living room.  

13) Mix up a couple bottles full of food coloring and water and go out and write wacky things on the snow.  

14) Call the Y and try to convince the pool manager that the pool should be filled with lime yogurt.  

15) Start a new religion.  

16) Put red dots all over your face and go food shopping.  

17) Go the shore and walk the beach, or go to the mountains and climb a large hill.

18) Stand on one foot in the middle of a large mall, waving your arms up and down and proclaim, “I’m a bad bad birdie, I’m a bad bad birdie.”  

19) Go to a Senior Center and sit down and have a chat with some nice older person.  

20) Contact the local fire company and ask if you can come over and help wash a fire truck.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: ofst; panic; silliness
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-72 next last

1 posted on 03/09/2012 4:35:28 AM PST by Lucky9teen
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

IBTP?


2 posted on 03/09/2012 4:39:21 AM PST by CPOSharky (The only thing straight, white, Christian males get is the blame for everything.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: CPOSharky

IBTP!!


3 posted on 03/09/2012 4:39:57 AM PST by MortMan (Americans are a people increasingly separated by our connectivity.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...



IT'S TIME FOR


CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



 

4 posted on 03/09/2012 4:42:20 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: MortMan

5 posted on 03/09/2012 4:46:23 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

The weekend is almost here!
6 posted on 03/09/2012 4:47:26 AM PST by moose07 (The truth will out, one day.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen
Don't panic, just do what the sign says.

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

IN A LAUNDROMAT Automatic Washing Machines: Please Remove All Your Clothes When The Light Goes Out

IN A MEMPHIS DEPARTMENT STORE Bargain Basement Upstairs

IN AN OFFICE Would The Person Who Took The Step Ladder Yesterday Please Bring It Back Or Further Steps Will Be Taken

IN AN OFFICE After Coffee Break Staff Should Empty The Coffee Pot And Stand Upside Down On The Draining Board

OUTSIDE A SECOND-HAND SHOP We Exchange Anything - Bicycles, Washing Machines, Etc. Why Not Bring Your Wife Along And Get A Wonderful Bargain?

NOTICE IN HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW Closed Due To Illness

SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK Elephants Please Stay In Your Car

SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE For Anyone Who Has Children And Doesn’t Know It, There Is A Day Care On The 1st Floor

NOTICE IN A FARMER’S FIELD The Farmer Allows Walkers To Cross The Field For Free, But The Bull Charges.

MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET If You Cannot Read, This Leaflet Will Tell You How To Get Lessons

ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR We Can Repair Anything. (Please Knock Hard On The Door - The Bell Doesn’t Work)

7 posted on 03/09/2012 4:49:11 AM PST by CPOSharky (The only thing straight, white, Christian males get is the blame for everything.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Happy Friday, Lucky9teen!

I’ve never managed to be IBTP before on OFST! ;-P

I wonder if he prefers shaved man legs?


8 posted on 03/09/2012 4:54:26 AM PST by MortMan (Americans are a people increasingly separated by our connectivity.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: CPOSharky


I think I notice

ha....the way the economy is I'm not surprised

ha

FAIL

lol....liberals....


9 posted on 03/09/2012 4:54:36 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Oh no, I panicked yesterday. I can’t do it 2 days in a row!


10 posted on 03/09/2012 4:55:59 AM PST by Linda Frances (Only God can change a heart, but we can pray for hearts to be changed.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

O x y m o r o n s

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand On the watch Called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled In the dictionary, How would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, Where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?

7. Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” Mean the same thing?

8. Why do “tug” boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game” When we are already there?

10. Why are they called “ stands” When they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called “after dark” When it really is “after light”?

12.. Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” Make the unexpected expected?

13.. Why are a “wise man” and A “wise guy” opposites?

14. Why do “overlook” and “oversee” Mean opposite things?

15. Why is “phonics” Not spelled The way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, Why do they have to pay you to do it?

17.. If all the world is a stage, Where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, Why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed And have dyslexia, Can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular And panties plural?

21.. Why do you press harder On the buttons of a remote control When you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags And garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated Is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?

25.. Why doesn’t glue Stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set When you only have one?

27. Christmas - What other time of the year Do you sit in front of a dead tree And eat candy out of your socks?

28. Why do we drive on a parkway And park on a driveway?

I dunno, why do we?


11 posted on 03/09/2012 5:30:42 AM PST by sockhead (Socialism means equality . . . everyone is equally miserable.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a woman behind him said, “Hello!” Her face was beaming. But he didn’t recognize her at all. She read his _expression, assumed she’d made a mistake, and said; “I’m sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children,” and she left the store.
The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, “What the hell is the world coming to? She can’t keep track of who fathers her children!”
Then he got a little panicky. He didn’t remember her, but, MAYBE he’d met her during one of the wild parties he used to go to. He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, “Are you the girl I met at a party and had sex with on the pool table in front of everyone?”
“No”, she said with a horrified look on her face. “I’m your son’s third grade teacher!”


12 posted on 03/09/2012 6:32:00 AM PST by Colonial35
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

"Lt. Kenda smells a rat...."

13 posted on 03/09/2012 6:36:22 AM PST by ErnBatavia (Carterize Obama in November)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!! ping


14 posted on 03/09/2012 6:41:50 AM PST by wyokostur
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: CPOSharky
MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET If You Cannot Read, This Leaflet Will Tell You How To Get Lessons

Reminds me of when we had the wind storm that knocked out power in Dayton, Ohio area for days. They had a city council person on one of the talk radio stations. She was in full panic mode and said, "If your power is out, please go to our website for updates!"

15 posted on 03/09/2012 6:54:07 AM PST by OrioleFan (Republicans believe every day is July 4th, Democrats believe every day is April 15th.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Q: What do you call a Mexican on a riding lawnmower?

A: Promoted


16 posted on 03/09/2012 6:56:43 AM PST by KMG365
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.

If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.”

Then in a normal tone he asks, ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?”

No response..

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

Again no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away.. “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her... “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

“Ralph, for THE FIFTH time, CHICKEN!”


17 posted on 03/09/2012 7:00:00 AM PST by sunny48
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
18 posted on 03/09/2012 7:02:20 AM PST by Sax
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Of note National Panic day is in Womens Month....

(ducking)


19 posted on 03/09/2012 7:03:18 AM PST by Rightly Biased (How do you say Arkanicide in Kenyan?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

A redneck taped toilet paper to his television.
He said, “Hey, lookie here, now we have free paper view!”


A Georgia state trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to
the driver, “Got any I.D.?” and the driver replies “Bout wut?”


20 posted on 03/09/2012 7:05:57 AM PST by sunny48
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Redneck Medical Dictionary

Rednecks have the lowest stress rate
because they do not take medical terminology seriously
You are going to die anyway, so live life

Medical Term Redneck Definition
Artery - The study of paintings
Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria
Barium - What doctors do when patients die
Benign - What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section - A neighbourhood in Rome
Cat scan - Searching for Kitty
Cauterize - Made eye contact with her
Colic - A sheep dog
Coma - A punctuation mark
Dilate - To live long
Enema - Not a friend
Fester - Quicker than someone else
Fibula - A small lie
Impotent - Distinguished, well known
Labour Pain - Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff - A Doctor’s cane
Morbid - A higher offer
Nitrates - Rates of Pay for Working at Night,
Normally more money than Days
Node - I knew it
Outpatient - A person who has fainted
Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative - A letter carrier
Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery
Rectum - Nearly killed him
Secretion - Hiding something
Seizure - Roman Emperor
Tablet - A small table
Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport
Tumour - One plus one more
Urine - Opposite of you’re out


21 posted on 03/09/2012 7:07:19 AM PST by sunny48
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: sunny48
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
22 posted on 03/09/2012 7:16:20 AM PST by Sax
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 21 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

23 posted on 03/09/2012 7:19:36 AM PST by dead (I've got my eye out for Mullah Omar.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

24 posted on 03/09/2012 7:23:16 AM PST by dead (I've got my eye out for Mullah Omar.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

LOL!


25 posted on 03/09/2012 7:35:37 AM PST by mojitojoe (American by birth. Southern by the grace of God. Conservative by reason and logic.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen; Slings and Arrows; Lady Jag

26 posted on 03/09/2012 7:36:52 AM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen
I was just told what the difference between chaos and panic is...Panic means everybody is running in the same direction!
27 posted on 03/09/2012 7:38:22 AM PST by freebird5850 (Of course Obama loves his country...it's just that Newt loves mine!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: All

28 posted on 03/09/2012 7:39:07 AM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: martin_fierro

I tell Mrs. Biased that

and she just frowns at me...

I don’t know why?


29 posted on 03/09/2012 7:39:07 AM PST by Rightly Biased (How do you say Arkanicide in Kenyan?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 26 | View Replies]

To: OrioleFan
...or during the infamous OJ Simpson/Al Cowlings car chase, our local breathless anchor idiot Paul Moyer exclaiming (upon getting a camera closeup with Al driving), "We can now confirm there is at least one person in that Bronco!!"


30 posted on 03/09/2012 7:46:15 AM PST by ErnBatavia (Carterize Obama in November)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 15 | View Replies]

To: KMG365
Q - What's the nickname for a leafblower?

A - Mexican Bagpipes....

31 posted on 03/09/2012 7:49:05 AM PST by ErnBatavia (Carterize Obama in November)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen
Photobucket
32 posted on 03/09/2012 7:50:38 AM PST by mojitojoe (American by birth. Southern by the grace of God. Conservative by reason and logic.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen
Photobucket
33 posted on 03/09/2012 7:53:24 AM PST by mojitojoe (American by birth. Southern by the grace of God. Conservative by reason and logic.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: Rightly Biased


:-p
34 posted on 03/09/2012 7:55:17 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 19 | View Replies]

To: sockhead

“23. How come abbreviated Is such a long word?”

For that matter, why is monosyllabic such a long word?


35 posted on 03/09/2012 7:55:26 AM PST by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (Common sense isn't a blessing. It's a curse because you have to deal with those who don't have it.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: mojitojoe

36 posted on 03/09/2012 7:58:35 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 33 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

37 posted on 03/09/2012 8:10:06 AM PST by mylife
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

38 posted on 03/09/2012 8:10:14 AM PST by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

39 posted on 03/09/2012 8:19:48 AM PST by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: dead

Arrh! The Sea Hag!


40 posted on 03/09/2012 8:23:37 AM PST by mylife
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 23 | View Replies]

To: dead

Arrh! The Sea Hag!


41 posted on 03/09/2012 8:24:53 AM PST by mylife
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 23 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen
A panic thread? Oh no....


42 posted on 03/09/2012 8:35:18 AM PST by Lazlo in PA (Now living in a newly minted Red State.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

43 posted on 03/09/2012 8:38:31 AM PST by mylife
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 36 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

44 posted on 03/09/2012 9:00:44 AM PST by dragonblustar (Allah Ain't So Akbar!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen; martin_fierro

Never wear anything that panics the chickens.

   


45 posted on 03/09/2012 9:01:46 AM PST by Lady Jag (Be paranoid. Be very paranoid.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: martin_fierro

46 posted on 03/09/2012 9:16:59 AM PST by Lady Jag (Be paranoid. Be very paranoid.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 26 | View Replies]

To: dragonblustar

Thanks dragonblustar— I can’t stop chuckling over that one! :)


47 posted on 03/09/2012 9:25:30 AM PST by fidelis (Zonie and USAF Cold Warrior)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 44 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

48 posted on 03/09/2012 9:25:56 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Lazlo in PA
Excellent!
49 posted on 03/09/2012 9:30:10 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 42 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

50 posted on 03/09/2012 9:32:21 AM PST by xp38
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-72 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson