(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

[Lucky9teen]

Panic Day

When : Always March 9th

Try to stay calm.

Take a deep breath.

For today is Panic Day.

Can you handle today?

Good, I was worried for a moment.

Hopefully, everything is going just swell in your life, and you have no need for this day.
But, if problems and troubles are looming, try to hold off hitting the panic button until this day arrives.

Don't worry. Don't fret. and, above all, don't panic. However, if ever there was a day to panic, today is that day.

As you get through this unsettling day, you have another day to worry about.......International Panic Day.

Top 20 ways to get the most out of Panic Day:

1) You are definitely encouraged to loudly proclaim, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more!" Or, run around wildly and proclaim , "I'm stressed, I'm stressed and I can't take it any more!"     

2) Megaphones are allowed, but it’s even better if you can exercise your natural lung power, breathing very fully and deeply for a great big, cathartic shout. 

3) We encourage employees everywhere to fill their company’s suggestion box with the request for a sound proof, padded room. Thus, Panic Day and any other occasion that requires loud, ridiculous behavior can be celebrated discreetly.

 

4) If, like most of us, you are without a sound proof, padded room, then be bold, be assertive, and take a stand by the water cooler, swearing not to budge until “things get better.”. 

5) Stay in bed all day. But first, get up, brush your teeth, head to the kitchen and load up on snacks and drinks. Make sure you have lots of fluffy pillows to hide your head under.

 

 6) Get up and go jogging or swimming or bike riding.  

7) Phone in “well.” Call your boss and tell him or her that you feel too darn good to come in to work today, even though it’s a fib. That way you won’t appear to be a victim.

 

8) Go to work way over-dressed. Wear a tux or a prom gown, and, when asked what it’s about, simply reply, “I have an engagement later on.” Keep ‘em guessing.

 

9) Call the local TV station and tell them you’re going to run for President and that you’re holding a news conference at your house at noon.  

10) Go the animal shelter and adopt a dog or cat.  

11) Attempt to dye your hair in a checkerboard pattern.

12) Head for the toy store and buy as many toy soldiers as you can and come home and conduct a “war” in your living room.  

13) Mix up a couple bottles full of food coloring and water and go out and write wacky things on the snow.  

14) Call the Y and try to convince the pool manager that the pool should be filled with lime yogurt.  

15) Start a new religion.  

16) Put red dots all over your face and go food shopping.  

17) Go the shore and walk the beach, or go to the mountains and climb a large hill.

18) Stand on one foot in the middle of a large mall, waving your arms up and down and proclaim, “I’m a bad bad birdie, I’m a bad bad birdie.”  

19) Go to a Senior Center and sit down and have a chat with some nice older person.  

20) Contact the local fire company and ask if you can come over and help wash a fire truck.

[sunny48]

Redneck Medical Dictionary

Rednecks have the lowest stress rate
because they do not take medical terminology seriously
You are going to die anyway, so live life

Medical Term Redneck Definition
Artery - The study of paintings
Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria
Barium - What doctors do when patients die
Benign - What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section - A neighbourhood in Rome
Cat scan - Searching for Kitty
Cauterize - Made eye contact with her
Colic - A sheep dog
Coma - A punctuation mark
Dilate - To live long
Enema - Not a friend
Fester - Quicker than someone else
Fibula - A small lie
Impotent - Distinguished, well known
Labour Pain - Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff - A Doctor’s cane
Morbid - A higher offer
Nitrates - Rates of Pay for Working at Night,
Normally more money than Days
Node - I knew it
Outpatient - A person who has fainted
Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative - A letter carrier
Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery
Rectum - Nearly killed him
Secretion - Hiding something
Seizure - Roman Emperor
Tablet - A small table
Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport
Tumour - One plus one more
Urine - Opposite of you’re out

[Sax]

[dead]

[dead]

[mojitojoe]

LOL!

[martin_fierro]

[freebird5850]

I was just told what the difference between chaos and panic is...Panic means everybody is running in the same direction!

[martin_fierro]

[Rightly Biased]

I tell Mrs. Biased that

and she just frowns at me...

I don’t know why?

[ErnBatavia]

...or during the infamous OJ Simpson/Al Cowlings car chase, our local breathless anchor idiot Paul Moyer exclaiming (upon getting a camera closeup with Al driving), "We can now confirm there is at least one person in that Bronco!!"

[ErnBatavia]

Q - What's the nickname for a leafblower?

A - Mexican Bagpipes....

[mojitojoe]

[mojitojoe]

[Lucky9teen]

:-p

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

“23. How come abbreviated Is such a long word?”

For that matter, why is monosyllabic such a long word?

[Lucky9teen]

[mylife]

[Liberty Valance]

[JRios1968]

[mylife]

Arrh! The Sea Hag!