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Catholic Shampoo
March 10, 2012

Posted on 03/10/2012 3:58:20 PM PST by NKP_Vet

TWO NUNS WERE SHOPPING AT A 7-11 STORE. AS THEY PASSED BY THE BEER COOLER, ONE NUN SAID TO THE OTHER, "WOULDN'T A NICE COOL BEER OR TWO TASTE WONDERFUL ON A HOT SUMMER EVENING?"

THE SECOND NUN ANSWERED, "INDEED IT WOULD, SISTER, BUT I WOULD NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE BUYING BEER, SINCE I AM CERTAIN IT WOULD CAUSE A SCENE AT THE CHECKOUT STAND."

"I CAN HANDLE THAT WITHOUT A PROBLEM" THE OTHER NUN REPLIED AND SHE PICKED UP A SIX-PACK AND HEADED FOR THE CHECK-OUT.

THE CASHIER HAD A SURPRISED LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN THE TWO NUNS ARRIVED WITH A SIX-PACK OF BEER.

"WE USE BEER FOR WASHING OUR HAIR. "THE NUN SAID, "BACK AT OUR NUNNERY, WE CALL IT CATHOLIC SHAMPOO."

WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYE, THE CASHIER REACHED UNDER THE COUNTER.PULLED OUT A PACKAGE OF PRETZEL STICKS, AND PLACED THEM IN THE BAG WITH THE BEER.

HE THEN LOOKED THE NUN STRAIGHT IN THE EYE, SMILED, AND SAID: "THE CURLERS ARE ON THE HOUSE. HAVE A WONDERFUL AFTERNOON".


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: catholic; joke; napl; shampoo

1 posted on 03/10/2012 3:58:23 PM PST by NKP_Vet
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To: NKP_Vet

Why are you shouting?


2 posted on 03/10/2012 4:01:07 PM PST by irishtenor (Everything in moderation, however, too much whiskey is just enough... Mark Twain)
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To: NKP_Vet

LOL, my Roman Catholic mom, who loved beer and went to school in Madison, Wisconsin, would certainly like that joke!


3 posted on 03/10/2012 4:01:29 PM PST by jocon307
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To: NKP_Vet

LOL Awesome!!!!!!!!


4 posted on 03/10/2012 4:01:42 PM PST by RIghtwardHo
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To: irishtenor

Because he wants to make my eyes hurt.


5 posted on 03/10/2012 4:02:24 PM PST by ataDude (Its like 1933, mixed with the Carter 70s, plus the books 1984 and Animal Farm, all at the same time.)
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To: irishtenor

Hey, there were paragraphs....


6 posted on 03/10/2012 4:03:23 PM PST by Cyber Liberty ("If the past sits in judgment on the present, the future will be lost." --Winston Churchill)
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To: NKP_Vet

That’s cute!


7 posted on 03/10/2012 4:04:26 PM PST by dragonblustar (Allah Ain't So Akbar!)
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To: irishtenor

My ears hurt.


8 posted on 03/10/2012 4:05:47 PM PST by traderrob6
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To: NKP_Vet
When Obama attacks the Catholic Church...what he doesn't realize is that conservatives all sing the chorus..."we're all Catholics now!"

FUBO!

Go Newt!

9 posted on 03/10/2012 4:05:50 PM PST by RoosterRedux (Newt: Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less. Barack Obama: Have Algae, Pay More, Be Weird.)
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To: NKP_Vet
I yam fixin' to be perpetually offended by this racist sexist misanthropic joke.

Didja hear the one about two Baptists and the canoe...

10 posted on 03/10/2012 4:06:09 PM PST by re_nortex (DP...that's what I like about Texas.)
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To: NKP_Vet

:o) GOOD ONE.


11 posted on 03/10/2012 4:07:13 PM PST by cloudmountain
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To: NKP_Vet

:)


12 posted on 03/10/2012 4:08:00 PM PST by FrdmLvr (culture, language, borders)
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To: NKP_Vet; EEGator; Brad's Gramma; SF_Redux; lightman

THAT’s funny, Ping!


13 posted on 03/10/2012 4:19:41 PM PST by carriage_hill
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To: NKP_Vet

Why are you shouting ?


14 posted on 03/10/2012 4:37:56 PM PST by Nebr FAL owner (.308 reach out & thump someone .50 cal.Browning Machine gun reach out & crush someone)
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To: NKP_Vet

Of course, if the nuns were in Germany, and they were buying beer, it would raise eyebrows because they make better beer than you can buy in most retail stores.

Granted, it is still good German beer, but it is not the delicious nectar you can get at monasteries and convents.


15 posted on 03/10/2012 4:40:24 PM PST by yefragetuwrabrumuy
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To: Nebr FAL owner

WHAT??? DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?


16 posted on 03/10/2012 4:41:17 PM PST by Bradís Gramma (PRAY for this country like your life depends on it....)
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To: NKP_Vet

Please don’t write in all caps. It is as if you were Billy Mays and shouting at me.


17 posted on 03/10/2012 4:42:43 PM PST by Jemian
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To: NKP_Vet

Alcohol is the only vice we can have.


18 posted on 03/10/2012 4:47:06 PM PST by EEGator
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To: Jemian; NKP_Vet

Yea but it keeps us old timers from having to squint to read it.....GG


19 posted on 03/10/2012 5:07:07 PM PST by goat granny
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To: NKP_Vet

A nice feature of being Catholic: I can say, “So, Father, can I fix you a gin-and-tonic?” Couldn’t do that back when I was a Protestant! ;-)


20 posted on 03/10/2012 5:28:11 PM PST by ottbmare (The OTTB Mare)
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To: NKP_Vet

Lol. funny


21 posted on 03/10/2012 5:28:37 PM PST by nuconvert ( Khomeini promised change too // Hail, Chairman O)
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To: NKP_Vet

THAT WAS VERY FUNNY. THANK YOU.


22 posted on 03/10/2012 6:23:44 PM PST by ImaGraftedBranch (...By reading this, you've collapsed my wave function. Thanks.)
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To: ottbmare

Many Many Moons ago on a ranch in a remote area the local
Pastor call and asked if he could stop by for a visit.
It was the latter part of the afternoon on a hot Summer day.
We, Mrs TaMoDee and I, usually had a refresher in the afternoon. I asked: “Father, Would like a Sheppps Bitter Lemon and Vodka?” His answer: “I thought you’d never ask!”
We could plan on a visit twice a month.


23 posted on 03/10/2012 6:29:32 PM PST by TaMoDee ( Lassez les bons temps rouler dans les 2012!)
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To: Brad's Gramma

SPEAK UP!


24 posted on 03/10/2012 7:30:31 PM PST by POWERSBOOTHEFAN (I love you,Pumpkin. You are the best cat in the world. You're my Sweet Pea.)
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To: POWERSBOOTHEFAN
WHAT???
25 posted on 03/10/2012 7:31:31 PM PST by Bradís Gramma (PRAY for this country like your life depends on it....)
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To: traderrob6

My eyeballs hurt.


26 posted on 03/10/2012 7:32:17 PM PST by POWERSBOOTHEFAN (I love you,Pumpkin. You are the best cat in the world. You're my Sweet Pea.)
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To: Brad's Gramma

HUH?


27 posted on 03/10/2012 7:33:12 PM PST by POWERSBOOTHEFAN (I love you,Pumpkin. You are the best cat in the world. You're my Sweet Pea.)
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To: NKP_Vet

One of my Favorite Catholic Blessings:

“(”for every creature of God is good, and nothing to be rejected that is received with thanksgiving; for it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer” - I Tim. iv, 4. 5):”

BLESSING OF BEER

P: Our help is in the name of the Lord.
All: Who made heaven and earth.
P: The Lord be with you.
All: May He also be with you.

Let us pray.
Lord, bless + this creature, beer, which by your kindness and
power has been produced from kernels of grain, and let it be a
healthful drink for mankind. Grant that whoever drinks it with
thanksgiving to your holy name may find it a help in body and in
soul; through Christ our Lord.
All: Amen.

It is sprinkled with holy water.


28 posted on 03/10/2012 7:34:29 PM PST by sockmonkey (Catholic Texan)
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To: POWERSBOOTHEFAN
'scuse me? SPEAK UP, Man!
29 posted on 03/10/2012 7:34:41 PM PST by Bradís Gramma (PRAY for this country like your life depends on it....)
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To: NKP_Vet; butterdezillion; bitt

ROTFLMAO PING.


30 posted on 03/10/2012 7:47:15 PM PST by Graewoulf (( obama"care" violates the 1890 Sherman Anti-Trust Law, AND is illegal by the U.S. Constitution.))
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To: Brad's Gramma

LOL,I’m a woman.

How do you get the letters so big? I’m not computer savvy so there’s stuff I need to learn.


31 posted on 03/10/2012 8:03:15 PM PST by POWERSBOOTHEFAN (I love you,Pumpkin. You are the best cat in the world. You're my Sweet Pea.)
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To: Brad's Gramma
This reminds me of my grandparents.

“Yoo,hoo! Walter Neumann!”

my grandmother will yell that out to my grandfather, who'll be out in the shed in their back yard. It always makes me laugh. She gets so frustrated with him because he doesn't always put his hearing aids in.

32 posted on 03/10/2012 8:06:29 PM PST by POWERSBOOTHEFAN (I love you,Pumpkin. You are the best cat in the world. You're my Sweet Pea.)
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To: POWERSBOOTHEFAN
You have FRmail!
33 posted on 03/10/2012 8:30:34 PM PST by Bradís Gramma (PRAY for this country like your life depends on it....)
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To: POWERSBOOTHEFAN
She gets so frustrated with him because he doesn't always put his hearing aids in.

Ya outta live with someone who refuses to admit he has a hearing problem...and the TV is on REAL LOUD!!

34 posted on 03/10/2012 8:32:10 PM PST by Bradís Gramma (PRAY for this country like your life depends on it....)
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To: NKP_Vet

LOL! That’s a good one!


35 posted on 03/10/2012 8:43:11 PM PST by SuziQ
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To: NKP_Vet

Bump.....


36 posted on 03/10/2012 9:23:13 PM PST by Intolerant in NJ
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To: Graewoulf

snort!


37 posted on 03/10/2012 10:55:46 PM PST by bitt (Ayn Rand ¬ďHonest people are never touchy about the matter of being trusted.¬Ē)
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To: NKP_Vet; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; Darksheare; OSHA; martin_fierro; ...
A Catholic priest and a rabbi are sitting together on a train. Eventually the priest says "Rabbi, forgive my curiosity, but did you ever violate your religion's dietary laws?"

The rabbi replies "Yes. Once in my youth I had a moment of weakness, and I ate a ham sandwich."

The priest nods. After a few minutes the rabbi asks "So, Father, I don't mean to pry, but did you ever violate your vow of chastity?"

The priest sighs. "To my shame, yes. Once in my youth I had a moment of weakness, and I lay with a woman."

The rabbi thought for a moment. "Sure beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"


38 posted on 03/10/2012 11:34:29 PM PST by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Slings and Arrows
The one preacher in the two-church village was seen without his customary bicycle by the other preacher. When asked, he stated that someone stole it from the courtyard of the church! The other preacher said that he should preach on the Ten Commandments, and lay it on heavy on the “Thou Shalt Not Steal” one and the person would feel so guilty that they would return the bike.

The next week the preacher was seen with his trusty old bike again. “Ahh - I knew preaching on the Big Ten would get you your bike back!”

“Well - yes, but not exactly like you thought. I got to the one about “Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery”; and I remembered where I left it.”

39 posted on 03/11/2012 12:00:24 AM PST by 21twelve
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To: 21twelve

http://instantrimshot.com/


40 posted on 03/11/2012 3:44:31 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: 21twelve
Foster Brooks tells it HERE.
41 posted on 03/11/2012 3:58:18 AM PDT by Ezekiel (The Obama-nation began with the Inauguration of Desolation.)
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To: POWERSBOOTHEFAN
Nully's Quick FR HTML Guide:

Basic formatting:

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<blink> blink </blink> Use blink sparingly. People HATE blink

<font size=1>Smallest FR font</font> Displays as:
Smallest FR font

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Largest FR font

Or

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and <small>smaller</small>

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42 posted on 03/11/2012 9:29:54 AM PDT by null and void (Day 1145 of America's ObamaVacation from reality [Heroes aren't made, Frank, they're cornered...])
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To: sockmonkey

I like this Benjamin Franklin quote, “Beer is proof that God loves us, and wants us to be happy.”


43 posted on 03/11/2012 10:46:22 AM PDT by SuziQ
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