Skip to comments.(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)
Posted on 03/23/2012 5:40:24 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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Wow. I thought I was the only one who knew the dictaphone joke!
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day.
Give a man a welfare check, a free cell phone with free monthly minutes, cash for clunker autos, food stamps, section 8 housing, a forty ounce malt liquor, access to drugs, and designer Air Jordan’s and he votes Democrat for a lifetime.
The Mayo Clinic might be using those images for a psychometric test, but trust me when I say (but don’t ask how I know) that they were not about to sneeze! :-)
Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in a bar.
Tiger turns to Stevie and says, “How’s the singing career going?”
Stevie replies, “Not too bad. How’s the golf?”
Woods replies, “Not too bad, I’ve had some problems with my swing, but I think I’ve got that right, now.”
Stevie says, “I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.”
Incredulous, Tiger says, “You play GOLF?”
Stevie says, “Yes, I’ve been playing for years.”
Tiger says, “But — you’re blind! How can you play golf if you can’t see?”
Stevie Wonder replies, “Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice.”
But, “how do you putt” asks Tiger.
“Well”, says Stevie, “I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball toward his voice.”
Tiger asks, “What’s your handicap?”
Stevie says, “Well, actually — I’m a scratch golfer.”
Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, “We’ve got to play a round sometime.”
Stevie replies, “Well, people don’t take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?”
Woods thinks about it and says, “I can afford that; OK, I’m game for that.. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?”
Stevie Wonder says, “Pick a night
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these
blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid So, she
decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to
paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her
husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30and smells the distinctive smell of
paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the
floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy
parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks
her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she
replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are
dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house..
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She
replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it
(You’ll love this...)
(I know you will...)
“FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.”
Saturday tagline change bump....
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