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(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

Posted on 04/27/2012 5:48:40 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

Trayvon Martin's Mother Files Paternity Action Against Obama

Sybrina Fulton, the mother of Trayvon Martin, the teen who was shot and killed by a self-appointed neighborhood security guard, has filed a paternity action against President Obama, seeking back child support for the 17 years of Trayvon's abbreviated life.

Fulton filed the claim after President Obama admitted, "If I had a son, he'd look like Trayvon."

Fulton explained, "I'd noticed the resemblance as well. So it really struck me when Barack mentioned it, too." Fulton stated that while she is not entirely certain that Obama is Trayvon's father, the statistical possibility is such that a paternity test is warranted.

Some have characterized Fulton's lawsuit as a transparent ploy to tap into President Obama's financial assets, while others consider the claim a justifiable attempt to bring new zeal to police's thus-far lackluster efforts to apprehend Trayvon's killer, George Zimmerman. President Obama has neither confirmed nor denied the claims.

Polls Show Most Americans Think Election Already Happened

While America is known for its widespread voter apathy, recently reported levels of sheer voter ignorance still managed to astound long-time political analysts when polls revealed that nearly 72% of Americans believe that the 2012 presidential election has already occurred.

"I thought Obama said he was going to withdraw completely within the next year," said 24-year-old Rachel DeMill of Brooklyn, New York. "Or was he talking about something besides the election?"

Trent Patterson of Hartford, Connecticut, stated, "I thought the finals were the other night. Didn't Mitt Romney's home state of Kentucky end up winning?"

When asked who she thought had become America's new president and vice president, Ebony Smith of Jacksonville, Florida, answered with no hesitation. "Obama, of course, and he spoke out in favor of Trayvon Martin for vice president. Thank God, I could never have voted for George Zimmerman."

Boston resident Joe Platt told a poll-taker, "It was big blow to us here in Massachusetts, but Romney didn't end up winning. I didn't see the final race results but I heard it was a Kenyan who won, so it must have been Obama."

When asked if he himself had cast a vote in the election, Platt replied, "Not yet, but I filed for the automatic six-month extension, so I should be fine submitting it late."

Kimberly Preston, an actress/model living in Los Angeles, may have put it best: "I have no idea if the election's over, but I'm definitely over it."

Obama to Visit The United States Next Month

Washington, D.C.-Barack Obama will make a three day visit to the United States next month as part of a whirlwind tour of the Americas. The visit, scheduled for May 25th through the 28th, will be only the fourth visit by Mr. Obama to the United States in as many years.

During his visit he hopes to tour the White house, Capitol Hill and the Supreme Court, although only the White House visit could be confirmed at press time. Mr. Obama will be traveling with his Aunt Tuenita, his Uncle Charlie, and three unrelated boys, Rob, Chip and Earnest, whom he calls "My Three Sons".

"We're all very excited that Mr. Obama would deem us worthy of a visit." exclaimed White House Chef, Earl Schieb, adding that he will make sure to have plenty of Skittles on hand to placate the boy's hunger for the sweets.

"We don't want a repeat of what happened last time the boys were here and they had to go out in the middle of the night, in their hoodies, to find some."

Michelle, and the couple's daughters will not be on this leg of the trip, jetting on ahead of their husband and father, to the family's next vacation destination in Cartagena, Colombia.



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: friday; ofst; silliness; storytelling
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Tell a Story Day

When : United States: Always April 27th

This one time.....at band camp........

Tell a Story Day celebrates story-telling of all kinds. It doesn't matter if its fiction or non-fiction, a tall tale, or folk lore. Today is a day to tell 'em all. Stories can be from a book, other written material, or from memory.


1 posted on 04/27/2012 5:48:46 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

Woohoo!!! It’s Friday!!!


2 posted on 04/27/2012 5:49:15 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

Whoopie - Happy Friday everyone!


3 posted on 04/27/2012 5:50:41 AM PDT by eCSMaster (Conservative patriots, Rise up!)
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To: Lucky9teen

IBTP!!!!


4 posted on 04/27/2012 5:51:30 AM PDT by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: Lucky9teen

This year, in November, Democrats get to vote on Wednesday. Republicans on Tuesday. This is a new federal law that will prevent Black Panther Voter Intimidation of white republicans.

Pass it on.


5 posted on 04/27/2012 5:52:47 AM PDT by Tenacious 1 (With regards to the GOP: I am prodisestablishmentarianistic!)
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To: Lucky9teen
TOP TEN!!!!
6 posted on 04/27/2012 5:53:33 AM PDT by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Lucky9teen

7 posted on 04/27/2012 5:53:53 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

8 posted on 04/27/2012 5:54:22 AM PDT by Diogenesis ("Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. " Pres. Ronald Reagan)
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To: Lucky9teen
Top ten!

Once upon a time in America, voters elected a Muslim for president, ironically 7 years after the most infamous attack on America by Muslims.........

Sorry, I know that is more of a nighmare than a story....

Back to your regularly scheduled silliness...

9 posted on 04/27/2012 5:56:18 AM PDT by Envisioning (Call me a racist........, one more time..........)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

Don't be late


FOR


CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



 

10 posted on 04/27/2012 5:58:28 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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Comment #11 Removed by Moderator

To: Lucky9teen; All
WOMEN


  A real woman is a man's best friend.

  She will never stand him up and never let him down.

  She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him

  after a bad day.

  She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to

  live without fear and forget regret.

  She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to

  his most intimate desires.

  She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most

  handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident,

  sexy, seductive and invincible...


  No wait...Sorry.


  I'm thinking of whiskey. It's whiskey that does all that s**t.


  Never mind.
12 posted on 04/27/2012 6:03:56 AM PDT by tomkow6 (...................TOMKOW6 ! The ONLY voice of reason & sanity in a chaotic Canteen!...............)
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To: tomkow6; waterhill; ixtl

LOL!


13 posted on 04/27/2012 6:06:19 AM PDT by Envisioning (Call me a racist........, one more time..........)
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To: Lucky9teen

YES.....TGIF!!!


14 posted on 04/27/2012 6:10:47 AM PDT by Currentriverrat (People are calling our President the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, that's not allowed is it?)
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To: Lucky9teen
Silly silly...


15 posted on 04/27/2012 6:14:28 AM PDT by Tainan (Cogito, ergo conservatus sum)
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To: arbooz

16 posted on 04/27/2012 6:21:38 AM PDT by Lazlo in PA (Now living in a newly minted Red State.)
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To: ShadowAce

Please tell me that is photoshopped.


17 posted on 04/27/2012 6:23:29 AM PDT by dangus
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To: dangus
I understand that it is actually from a game. The harrier does not have the thrust capability for a maneuver like that.

Pretty cool, though.

18 posted on 04/27/2012 6:27:53 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

Paddy The Firefighter

Paddy was walking along the street during his once-in-a-lifetime visit to New York when he rounds a corner and there’s a high rise building on fire.

Paddy, ever the kind-hearted and resourceful Irishman, runs up to the building to see if he can help and notices people trapped five stories up.

Paddy yells to the people, “I’m Paddy Michael Fitzpatrick, an Irish Fire Fighter on holiday.
I’m also a Rugby Union fullback! If you jump, I’ll catch you!”

One lady, in desperation, jumps and sure enough Paddy catches her.

Then a man sees that Paddy catches the woman and jumps.
Sure enough, Paddy catches him as well.

Then Obama jumps out and crashes to the sidewalk. Paddy didn’t even attempt to catch him.

Paddy looks up and yells, “Don’t be throwin’down the burnt ones...!!!!”

Warning!!
If you laugh at this Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and Rev. Wright will be coming to kick yo ass!


19 posted on 04/27/2012 6:28:14 AM PDT by sunny48 (America, home of the offended)
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To: Lucky9teen

American Railroads . . . the rest of the story:

The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England , and English expatriates designed the U.S. Railroads.

Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that’s the gauge they used.

Why did ‘they’ use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Why did the wagons have that particular Odd wheel spacing?
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England , because that’s the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So, who built those old rutted roads?
Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England ) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.

Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore, the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. In other words, bureaucracies live forever.

So the next time you are handed a specification, procedure, or process, and wonder, ‘What horse’s ass came up with this?’, you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses.

Now, the twist to the story:

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, you will notice that there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah.

The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit larger, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses’ behinds.

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world’s most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse’s behind.

And you thought being a horse’s behind wasn’t important!

Now you know, Horses’ Behinds control almost everything... including all the politicians in Congress.

Explains a whole lot of stuff, doesn’t it?


20 posted on 04/27/2012 6:29:37 AM PDT by sockhead (Socialism means equality . . . everyone is equally miserable.)
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