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Posted on 04/27/2012 5:48:40 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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Who’s the smart guy that put the column in the middle of the road??
I actually saw this happen years ago outside a Univac (now Unisys) office near Blue Bell, PA. Small aircraft bumped off the top of a car driving past the end of the runway which abutted the road. Scared the crap out of everyone!
A guy answers a knock on his front door.
He looks around and then notices there is a snail down at his feet. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can, way to the far end of his garden.
Three years later, there is a knock on his front door. He answers it and the snail asks, “So what the heck was THAT all about???!!!”
You get an A+ for a funny joke that I can tell my sons.
I served 20 years in the Navy, made 5 deployments to the Mediterranean.
There are street vendors in Naples, they usually call out to the sailors shouting, “Hey Joe!!! Hey Joe!!!”
I did a double take one day. As a couple of black sailors walked past, one of the vendors shouted, “Hey Bro!!! Hey Bro!!!”
Things even out.
On my first deployment, on the aircraft carrier Nimitz, the ship spent Christmas in Naples. I was scheduled to stand duty, where I had to be on the ship, on Christmas day (go figure). I managed to go ashore on Christmas eve on liberty. Now please note that carriers do not pull pierside in Naples, they anchor out.
We (my buddies and I) returned to fleet landing to catch a boat back to the ship that night. The weather had turned bad and boating was secured. The watch took our names and divisions and told us to go get a hotel room and come back in the morning.
Next morning, boating still secured. Told to come back at noon and that the Navy destroyer tied to the pier was offering breakfast to Nimitz sailors stuck ashore.
Noon, no boating. Told to return at 1700 (5 PM). Informed of the free Christmas dinner at the NATO base, so there we went. Back at 1700, boating secured until the next morning. Next morning, got back to the ship. Not in any trouble, I tried to get back. got a free duty day off.
Fast forward 14 years and here's where karma kicked in. My last deployment, on another carrier, Eisenhower. Same port, Naples. I was section leader for my duty section. I had signed up to go on a tour to Pompeii on the day after my duty day.
Weather turned bad on my duty day. Boating secured. The section leader who was supposed to relieve me got stuck ashore. I stood two consecutive duty days with quarterdeck watches and section leader duties.
It took 14 years but the Navy got their duty day back.
A young man was one of five brothers in a farming family in 1941, as World War II was raging and the US was building the military. In order to supposedly get a better deal he enlisted in the Army to keep from getting drafted. He as assigned as a medic in the 13th Infantry Regiment.
While his convoy was passing through a small town in Tennessee during the 1942 maneuvers, he threw a piece of paper with his name and address out of the truck to a girl he saw standing on the town square. They courted while he was in TN and corresponded afterward. After the war and his discharge from the Army, they married.
Dad passed away one month shy of their SIXTY-FIRST wedding anniversary in 2006. Mom died 3 months later.
61 years that started with a name and address thrown out of a truck.
Momma: "Not until you've finished your vegetables!"
Here’s another that always brings an “OH DAD!!!” out of kids....
A guy goes to a baseball game. He has tickets up in the “300” section. As he gets settled, he thinks he sees a pal of his, way down low, in the 100 section. “Hey Steeve ! “, he yells. No answer.
A bit later in the game, he thinks, “I’m sure that is Steve. I’m going to see, one more time”. So, again, he stands up and yells with all his might, “HEY STEEEEEVE !!!!!”. Still no answer. And those around him are getting a little annoyed at the racket he’s making.
It’s the bottom of the 9th, the game almost over. One last time, he is sure it’s his buddy, Steve. “Heck! If it is, maybe they we can eet up for dinner after the game.” He hasn’t seen Steve in ages. So he yells “HEYYYYY STEEEEEEEEEVE !!!!!!!”.
Well, this time, a guy way down in the 100 section responds. He stands up and looks up to the guy who has been calling out all during the game and yells, “I’M NOT STEVE !!!!”
Oh, man...can you get that on a Hallmark card before my next wedding anniversary?
That Cubs tee is great. I wonder if that’s available thru the MLB store.
A group of 15-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner.
Finally, they agreed to meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they had only $6.00 among them and Jimmy Johnson, the cute boy in Social Studies, lived on that street.
10 years later, the group of 25-year-old girlfriends discussed where
to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View
restaurant because the beer was cheap, the restaurant offered free
snacks, the band was good, there was no cover and there were lots of cute guys.
10 years later, the group of 35-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the cosmos were good, it was right near the gym and, if they went late enough, there wouldn’t be too many whiny little kids.
10 years later, the group of 45-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the martinis were big and the waiters had tight pants and nice buns.
10 years later, the group of 55-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good, the restaurant had windows that opened (in case of hot flashes), and fish is good for cholesterol.
10 years later, the group of 65-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the lighting was good and the restaurant had an early bird special.
10 years later, the group of 75-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was not too spicy and the restaurant was handicapped-accessible and had an elevator.
10 years later, the group of 85-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because it sounded nice and they had never been there before.
You'll notice at the bottom right of the screen the "power meters" or whatever.
RDHS (Roman Dept.of Homeland Security)?
LOL! Gotta share that one!
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