Posted on 05/25/2012 6:15:35 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Or maybe staying inside and watching the tube is your thing?
But, whatever you do...
JUST BE SILLY!!!
And don't forget the ice cream!!
Woohoo!! It’s Friday!!!!!
wooooooooooooohooooooooooooo!!!!! TOP FIVE. That’s a first.
Thank you for this weekly thread. It provides a needed short break.
IBTP
Thank you!
WOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF!
So, a priest, a rabbi, a prostitute and a gorilla walk into a bar. Bartender sez, “What is this, some kinda joke?!”
I remember that episode of Ren & Stimpy.
The object of the game is to destroy American capitalism by having the government take over everything! Want to play? No???
Too bad, you're already playing and just don't know it!
A Woman walks into the bedroom with only a sexy skimpy negligee on. She tells her husband he can do anything he wants. So he kisses her passionately, ties her up, and........................................
Goes golfing.
Just in time! Thank you for making Friday silly again!
TOP 20!! YAY, FRIDAY!
O.M.G., just discovered I’m rich!
Silver In The Hair
Gold In The Teeth
Crystals In The Kidneys
Sugar In The Blood
Lead In The Ass
Iron In The Arteries
And
An Inexhaustible Supply Of Natural Gas.
I never thought I would accumulate such wealth!
Man arrested in drunken driving stunt after taking zebra, parrot on a trip to a bar (5/23/12 | AP)
The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"
The waitress nodded "Yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea.
He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches.
He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about gettin' me a cold mug of Miller Light?"
He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?
The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly.
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said,
"For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said,
"For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door.
Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling.
The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me ... I'm collecting disability."
ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET?
I think maybe I'll go do some camping.
I was in a restaurant/bar yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really loud so I timed it with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then it hit me that I was listening to my iPod.
BTTT
ATTENTION:
Your post was monitored by the Administration.
Your claim to wealth accumulation has been documented.
Please answer the knocking at your door, and admit the agents with no questions asked, since they don’t possess warrants to enter.
Be certain to provide your full name, SSAN, and your party affiliation, which can be verified by your party membership card, which should always be in your breast pocket over your heart.
Forward.
I earn a seven figure salary. Unfortunately, there’s a decimal point involved.
_____
If you lose one sense, your other senses over-compensate.
That’s why people with no sense of humor have an increased sense of self-importance.
_____
Men are like pantyhose. They either cling, run, or don’t fit right in the crotch.
_____
Longest Password ever...
We laugh — but her I. D. is safe.
During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password:
“MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento”
When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said: “Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.”
_____
Facebooks new rival.......
SILICON VALLEY (The Borowitz Report) – A new social network is about to alter the playing field of the social media world, and it’s called PhoneBook.
According to its creators, who invented the network in their dorm room at Berkeley, PhoneBook is the game-changer that will leave Facebook, Twitter and even the much anticipated Google Buzz in a cloud of dust.
“With PhoneBook, you have a book that has a list of all your friends in the city, plus everyone else who lives there,” says Danny Fruber, one of PhoneBook’s creators.
“When you want to chat with a friend, you look them up in PhoneBook, and find their unique PhoneBook number,” Fruber explains. “Then you enter that number into your phone and it connects you directly to them.”
Another breakout utility of PhoneBook allows the user to arrange face-to-face meetings with his or her friends at restaurants, bars, and other “places,” as Fruber calls them.
“You will be sitting right across from your friend and seeing them in 3-D,” he said. “It’s like Skype, only without the headset.”
PhoneBook will enable friends to play many games as well, such as charades, cards, and a game Fruber believes will be a breakout: Farm.
“In Farm, you have an actual farm where you raise real crops and livestock,” he says. “It’s hard work, but it’s more fun than Mafia, where you actually get killed.”
Fable of the Porcupine
It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.
The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.
After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.
Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.
The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person’s good qualities.
The moral of the story is:
Just learn to live with the Pricks in your life
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
A woman asks her husband if he’d like some breakfast. “Bacon and eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? Maybe a nice sectioned grapefruit, and a cup of fresh coffee?”
He declines. “It’s this Viagra,” he says, “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. “A bowl of home made soup, maybe, with a cheese sandwich? Or how about a plate of snacks and a glass of milk?”
Again he declines. “No, thanks. It’s this Viagra,” he says, “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
At dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat, offering to go to the cafe and buy him a burger supper. “Or would you rather I make you a pizza from scratch? Or, how about a tasty stir fry? That’ll only take a couple of minutes.”
Once more, he declines. “Again, thanks, but it’s this Viagra. It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
“Well, then”, she says, “Would you mind getting off me? I’m STARVING!”
Have a safe weekend, and thanks for all the silliness you encourage!
A wife is feeling neglected. Night after night, her hubby comes home from work and goes straight to the computer to surf all his favorite web sites.
So she decides to do something to get his attention. Into her best, revealing negligee, hair piled up on her head, “bedroom” make up and lots of perfume.
She tip toes into the den where hubby is hunched over the computer. Slowly and with a whisper voice, she purrs, “Super sex?”
There’s no response from hubby and she thinks he probably did not hear her so she asks a bit more loudly, “Super Sex ????”. Still no response.
He’s really into his internet. Royally upset, this time she yells “SUPER SEX???!!!!!”
Without turning around, the husband replies, “OK! OK!!!! Enough already. Can’t you see I’m busy? !! I’ll have soup!!”
Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!
Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!
Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!
Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy! Joy!
{Smash!}
Awww...that looks like the late, great Evinrude!
thanks!
Hi, Cy!
Sarge. *ahem*
You may have too much time on your hands, down there in FLA...
Let me know when you need some sane company.
;o]
Make you a deal, Face. First hurricane party, I’ll call, howzzat?
Hiya face! Are you enjoying the summer warmth up there? Just loving it here...108 the other day.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.