Skip to comments.Why Men and Women Cant be friends (Youtube)
Posted on 06/21/2012 10:45:05 AM PDT by servo1969
Answering the age old question, Young Independent Filmmakers Jesse Budd and Patrick Romero set out to simply prove a point.
Can men and women really be friends?
NO. Because -
Liking a woman enough to be friends with her is, generally speaking, HIGHER on a man's relationship scale than wanting to have sex with her. Eg. - Men will have sex with a woman they have absolutely no interest in talking to or spending time with. Therefore, if a man likes a woman enough to be friends with her, BY DEFAULT, he already likes her enough to want to have sex with her. That's how men work. If he could, he would.
(Unless he is gay. Which makes him not a man in this case because he doesn't want to have sex with ANY woman.)
Men and women can be just friends, but in a very limited sense.
I am married. Most of my male friends are my husband’s friends and therefore mine by extension. I never spend time with them unless hubby is present. I might run into them while doing errands, and we briefly chat. Our relationship is warm and friendly but I do not call them, ask them to hang out with me, ask them to go shopping, etc.
Or I have some male friends but I only see them in a group context.
A woman cannot be friends with men like she can be friends with women. End of story. I like that this video really exposes that.
Spot on, but it was covered well in When Harry Met Sally.
It is why my wife and I have an agreement that I will never have one-on-one lunches or coffee with other women.
It can start very innocently, even if you dearly love your wife.
I think we should ask Laz.
The guy with the sandwich is the authority in the video.
Bump for truth.
In fact, if any of you women have male friends, I can guarantee that 99% of them would want to have sex with you ASAP. A guy cannot have a cordial friendly relationship with a woman for any length of time without at least fantasizing about getting in her pants, and as time goes on, seriously wanting to.
Just can’t happen.
No, men and women can’t be friends, and it is why under most circumstances like weddings, funerals, birthdays, holidays, special events, generally the men hang with the guys talking sports, cars, guns, stocks and boning women, and the women hang with other women talking about money, bills, house projects, money, school, women they hate, women they hate even more, money, problems with their mother, money.
Actually I have no clue what women talk about when they are together, but you get my dorifto.
Oh I know all about this and how it can start..and yes I was the scumbag (but was not all at fault she helped)...but I learned from it.
.Now that I have a gf I won't get in that situation again...no more close female friends even going out to lunch as you said.
“There’s ‘this’ and then there’s ‘that’.” - Jerry and Elaine
You must have gotten that % from an economist at the Bureau of Labor Statistics...it requires an upward revision.
Last time my wife and I had an argument, she got exasperated and blurted out, "all men care about is money and sex!"
I calmly replied, "so what's your point?"
One place I worked was all male engineers and one female. the lady engineer was not some ravishing beauty, but attractive enough that most of the guys hit on her hoping to score. When you have a dozen guys and one woman, her value soars and she know it. That’s just human nature.
Our male consultant was seen hanging with her constantly and everyone was convinved they were dating. Not me. I said, “they aren’t dating, they are girlfriends”.
Sure enough he turned out to be homosexual and nobody could understand how I knew. To me, it was just completely obvious. All you had to do was talk relationships. I would say I need a girl and he would say “partner”. The words girl or babe or boobs or any other female reference would never leave his lips. It only took me one such conversation to figure he was a homosexual.
It is a simple, foolproof test to find out if someone is homosexual. Just ask about a past girlfriend or past relationship, and a homosexual guy can’t use the term girl or woman.
Actually you nailed it that friendship is higher on a guy’s scale of relationship intamacy than sex is. Not that sex doesn’t strengthen the bond of friendship in a healthy relationship.
Most single guys wouldn’t think twice about having sex with an attractive woman they would NEVER want to be friends with. We would jump at the opportunity and flee at the first sign she wanted a commitment.
She’s right, but all most women care about is money and security.
Hence 10,000+++ years of human history where women trade sex for security, and men buy sex by providing security. That reads pretty vulgar but is true at its core.
Obviously human companionship goes way beyond money and sex. That is why people who have lots of both often feel empty and confused. They have the basics down but aren’t happy and can’t figure out why. It is because they are missing deep human needs like a sense of purpose and belonging, and being needed and needing someone. Call it love.
So yes, keeping our sanity goes far beyond just sex and security, but none of that changes the fact that sex for men and security for women are deep-rooted fundamental needs.
I’ve been friends with ugly girls, including several in college.
Inevitably, they’d get drunk and confess their love to me and cuss me for sleeping with/dating the cheerleader types.
I know women want security.
That’s what they holler every time I get close, anyway.
Many women get a false sense of themselves-put themselves on a pedestal.
Example a 8.5/9/10 guy will pick up a 5/10 woman at a bar just for sex and she then get's a false sense of herself. This might happen to her every so often..as you said guys just want laid and don't care about her looks as long as she is not hideous.
Later, 5/10 guys will try to date her and she thinks she can do better...because hey a 9/10 guy showed interest in her and turns them down. Later when she wants to be married or in a lt relationship she finds out the hard way and finally settles for the 5/6/10 guy.
I know that scream very well. lol
Well, the purpose of sex is to serve as an impediment to reproduction.
I’ve had guy friends. It’s up to the woman to remind that ‘this is a friendship only’. Wanting to and doing are two different things.
“Can men and women really be friends?
NO. Because -”
Perhaps because they’re insecure about themselves and weak in the area of giving into the temptation of cheating? If a married man and woman have that absolute love and trust between one and other it shouldn’t matter if their friends are male or female. In fact, I’ve seen a wife’s female friends create problems in marriages as well as a husbands male friends so opposite sex friendships shouldn’t be any more of an issue.
That’s not to say a wife should be hanging out with a male friend every evening at the cocktail lounge while the husband comes home to an empty house. The spouses needs come first.
Utter bravo sierra. As I said in the previous thread, I have friendships with many women, including a regular riding (bicycle) partner. Even if you’re single, just because you find a woman attractive doesn’t necessarily mean that you’d ruin a friendship by bringing sex into it. Men and women can most certainly be friends. Hell, I’m very close friends with a woman that I’ve known for 32 years, that started out as a teenage crush. Neither the closeness nor the beginning as an adolescent crush has ever impaired our friendship.
Brilliant. Just brilliant.
Here is the thing. Any guy who is a guy...knows the inner workings of guys.
That makes it very tough for fathers with cute daughters.
By contrast, I've traveled to Colorado (I live in Texas) to play on the mountains with a woman, and my wife hasn't batted an eye. Noting untowards ever happened. As my wife says, if I was going to be unfaithful and/or deceitful, there are plenty of opportunities in the neighborhood. You're on the honor system whether you're in a hotel room a thousand miles away or in your case abstaining from unchaperoned lunches.
I agree. Most of us who dearly love our wives try not to get into an er...situation...
What nonsense. I have always had more guy friends than gal friends and some of them have been friends for 30 years.
Not all men are pigs and just think of sex.
You're mad. Friendship higher on the scale of intimacy than sex? How is that even remotely possible? I'm a guy, and it makes absolutely no sense to me at all.
I can, and always have. Some of my husband's longest friendships are with women that predate our 24 years together, just as some of my longest friendships with men predated him.
I think you are one of the girls in the video who said “Yes! Men and women can be just friends...”
Ok, now you just sound like Tom Leykis, a man who I can’t even begin to express the contempt I hold towards. But I have daughters, and I doubt any father with daughters doesn’t want to punch him the mouth.
Women are so naive...
Aw Hell...just because I think of sex all the time, does that make me a pig?
THEY don’t think of sex all the time. Er...maybe I don’t want to go there...
No, I’m not - those girls are all at least 30 years younger than I am.
I have always had male friends, and still do.
I guess we’re both naive. I agree with you 100%.
I would carve out an exception: men can be "just friends" with a woman they are not at all sexually attracted to. You can be friends with a much, much older woman, for example.
For a woman you would find sexually attractive to any degree, intimacy will tend to lead to desire, which will lead to frustration if the desire is not reciprocated. Even if you initially don't think the woman is all that "hot", friendly intimacy would lead to increasing sexual interest.
I’ve seen what I posted....
Some percentage of your guy friends are your friends because they think there's a chance that some day you might change your mind about "just friends".
The video appears to take place on a college campus and the interviewees appear to have the shallowness of youth. They are only answering in terms of the world as they experience it.
Expand the world view to include a 20 something man and a 65 year old woman who took an interest in his education. Would he say that they could not just be friends?
How about a 28 year old man and a 55 year old woman in his profession who took an interest in mentoring him?
How about a 55 year old man and a 40 year old nun working on a community project?
The world view of the interviewees is too narrow.
Just an observation of my own: I've uniformly found those who are obsessed with the physical appearance of potential mates fair poorly in the long run. Outside of Hollywood, very few men or women resemble at the 40 the person they were at 20. At 50 or 60, fuggedaboutit. I've seen it play out first hand with shallow spouses of both sexes. Guys who felt like they deserved a centerfold hottie instead of their middle-aged wives, and vain women who just couldn't handle that the HS football captain was now bald and paunchy.
Well, I don’t doubt that. As I get older, it is easier to have female friends. But I do completely understand one thing: I cannot have a female friend who is sexually attractive to me.
I may be happily married, love my wife, etc, but...if I were in close quarters alone with a sexually attractive woman regardless of age...I don’t want to put myself in that situation because, as another poster said, people are human, and an innocent smile at the right time can lead to ruin.
I am not ashamed to say it, I have my antennae up all the time to make sure I don’t get myself into a situation where my poor judgement will get the better of me. All the time.
That is one of the MAIN reasons I am hell bent against women taking combat military roles. People who think that is not a problem need to have their heads examined. I was a young guy once, and I don’t give a hoot how professional some young soldier is, how principled he is and so on, you put him in a dangerous, emotional or boring situation in close quarters with attractive women, it is not going to end platonically.
It just won’t. Men and women are not wired that way. And I LIKE it that we aren’t wired that way, but that is reality.
Did you watch that video? I found it extremely humorous, yet telling. I don’t know how it was cut, but I can bet you could walk into any area with young men and women and get that exact same mix of answers.
Most telling was the question: “If your boyfriend had a beautiful girl as a “friend”, would you mind them going out and having dinner together, alone?
You could see it on the faces of the women. The answer was on their face before they opened their mouths. They know.
And men. Asking men if they minded if their girlfriend went someplace alone to hang out with a guy? Guys know. They may not be pigs, as you say, but they know what goes on inside a man’s head. (it is quite humorous, actually)
That is why I made the comment on a previous post about a father with cute daughters. The boys, even the “good” ones, aren’t knocking on the door to take them out to have a good time with a friend. They are knocking on the door because they are male and she is female, and all that goes along with that for both the “good” boys and the “pigs”.
Being a father in that situation, if you are honest, must be tough.
I would expand that. Those who are obsessed with traits other than the person themselves (appearance, income, status, etc) will fare poorly in the long run. Men or women who marry for the looks or the money will become disillusioned eventually, because looks rarely last, and it is a given that money might not either.
“For a woman you would find sexually attractive to any degree, intimacy will tend to lead to desire, which will lead to frustration if the desire is not reciprocated. Even if you initially don’t think the woman is all that “hot”, friendly intimacy would lead to increasing sexual interest.”
I agree. If there is even the tiniest thing that a man finds attractive about a woman, the possiblity for shenanigans exists.
We’re not trying to be pigs. When we like a women we want to have sex with her. It’s not meant to be an insult.
“The world view of the interviewees is too narrow.”
No. That’s what the question is about. Not just ANYONE in the whole world including people who could be one of your grandparents. It’s about someone who is one of your ‘contemporaries’ so to speak. Someone you could be expected to date - as it is generally understood.
I guess I felt that it went without saying but the context here is men and women that COULD be attracted to one another. A lot of age separation? Not what I was talking about. When most people have this discussion they’re talking about two adults in the same general age catagory. I guess I should have been more specific.
Almost all men think of sex. It's biological. Doesn't make us pigs, just makes us human (and mentally healthy).
Some men have much better control and can allow themselves into more hazardous situations (melas for example)
The rest of us know our limits and try to stay within them.
Perhaps this is true for most non-Christians. I believe it is possible for Christian men to be friends with Christian women without hitting on them though.
Bunch-a-hooey. I’m friends with lots of women, never even gotten close to a “situation” because I’m not that dumb. We aren’t animals, we actually CAN practice self control.
That you are incapable of having a friendship with a woman sounds like a personal problem to me.
I dont know why any man would want to be friends with a woman without it being their spouse.
Being a friend to one woman is enough work, I cant imagine being friends with more than one. It would be just too much damn work.
Talk about torture.
For some reason, that last sentence just whacked my funny bone. I guess I found the concept funny that someone would take it as an insult.
The Nags that Rush Limbaugh refers to jumped into my head. Darn, now I need some mind bleach...
There. That did a fine job...:)
When a guy doesn’t want to sleep with a girl, it’s usually because she’s ugly and he’s not drunk enough to sleep with her.....
Thank you. I don’t see what is so hard to grasp about the concept.
Invariably at church functions I’m generally in the midst of the conversations with the men at various times. To be honest, their conversations/discussions/debates are generally more interesting.
Marge: “Homer, haven’t you noticed that he prefers the company of men?”
Homer: “Who doesn’t!”