Posted on 06/29/2012 5:54:09 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Little Johnny’s Home
A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home.
1st kid says “A computer”. Teacher replies “That’d be very useful.”
2nd kid says “a new lawn mower” and gets a similar response.
Little Johnny pops up and says “At my house we don’t need nuthin.”
The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something.
Little Johnny replies, “Nope I’m sure! When my sister started dating a Muslim convenience store clerk, I remember
Dad saying, “Well, that’s the last frigging thing we need.”
Every time I see his hair, my hands itch for the sheers
I’m like you, 88% capitalist, 12% socialist.
You Are 84% Capitalist, 16% Socialist |
You believe that business makes the world great... And you'd never be ashamed of being rich! |
IN! Make me laugh!
You Are 88% Capitalist, 12% Socialist |
You believe that business makes the world great... And you'd never be ashamed of being rich! |
Ten best caddy responses......
Number :10
Golfer: “I think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.”
Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?”
Number : 9
Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.”
Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”
Number : 8
Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy: “Yes . . . . You miss the ball much closer now.”
Number : 7
Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?”
Caddy: “Eventually.”
Number : 6
Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.”
Caddy: “I don’t think so . . . .That would be too much of a coincidence.”
Number : 5
Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s too much of a distraction.”
Caddy: “It’s not a watch - it’s a compass.”
Number : 4
Golfer: “How do you like my game?”
Caddy: “It’s very good - but personally, I prefer golf.”
Number : 3
Golfer: “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: “The way you play, it’s a sin on any day.”
Number : 2
Golfer: “This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.”
Caddy: “This isn’t the golf course . . . . We left that an hour ago.”
And the Number : 1 . . . . Best Caddy Comment:
Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.”
Caddy: “It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.”
Bonus . . . . .
An old favorite About the Golfer who has been slicing off the tee at every hole
He finally gives up and asks his long suffering caddy.
Golfer: “Can you see any obvious problems ??”
Caddy: “There’s a piece of sh!t on the end of your club.”
Golfer: He picks up his club up and cleans the club face . . . . .
Caddy: “No sir, its at the other end.”
IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!!!
You Are 100% Capitalist, 0% Socialist |
You believe that business makes the world great... And you'd never be ashamed of being rich! |
A man named Ralph has been lost in the desert for days and days. Hot and tired, he pushes on, always seeing a mirage, only to be saddened that when he reaches it, alas, it is indeed just a mirage.
His strength is fading. He is out of food and water. The sun is unbearable. But yet, there it is! The most lovely green abundant oasis he’s ever seen. He crawls now. Near death. On to the “oasis”. But whe he arrives, once more he finds it is the wickedness of his mind and the desert.
With what strength he has left, he rolls to his back and looks to Heaven. With nearly his last breath, he looks up and shouts - “Why me, Lord?!!”
From up on high, a great booming bass voice responds - “Because Ralph, there is something about you that just pisses me off!”
(And that, my FRiends, is how I felt after yesterday’s Supreme Court ruling ! )
You Are 96% Capitalist, 4% Socialist |
You believe that business makes the world great... And you'd never be ashamed of being rich! |
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