Skip to comments.(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)
Posted on 07/06/2012 6:11:27 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Take care of the golf balls first The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled Im glad you asked.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, Theres always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.
Woohoo!!! It’s Friday!!!!
IBTP! Top 5?
This Is how the border between India and Pakistan is closed every evening!!
This is not a Monty Python comedy skit, but it does resemble one.
Keep in mind that each of these countries have nuclear weapons!!!
When devastating hurricanes struck the Gulf Coast , even
houses of worship were not spared.
A local television station interviewed a woman from New
Orleans and asked how the loss of churches in the area had
affected their lives.
Without hesitation, the woman replied, “I don’t know ‘bout
all those other people, but we haven’t gone to Churches in
years. We get our chicken from Popeye’s.”
The look on the interviewer’s face was priceless.
They live among us, AND THEY VOTE.
Before Obama was elected President he went to see Bill and Hillary for some campaign advice, at their spacious home.
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.
When he entered Clinton’s private toilet, he was astonished to see that Clinton had a solid gold urinal! Wow!
That afternoon, Obama told his wife, Michelle, about the urinal. “Just think,’ he said, ‘when I am President, I too could have a gold urinal.
But I wouldn’t have something so self-indulgent!”
Later, when Michelle had lunch with Hillary, she told Hillary how impressed Obama had been at his discovery of the fact that, in his private bathroom,
Bill had a gold urinal.
That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled and said to Bill:
“I found out who peed in your saxophone.”
Introducing...The Kenyan Hot Dog, Obama Style...
Saw the video. WOW.
At least at the end, they shake hands.
If I were there watching I would probably be stoned to death because I would be laughing so hard!
NO effing WAY would I do that! LOL!
A CONDENSED VERSION OF HISTORY
For those that don’t know about history... Here is a condensed version:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man
to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
1. Liberals, and
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to
be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as the Conservative movement..
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ’s and doing the
sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became
known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and
the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and
beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal
fare... Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women
have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red
meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game
hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen,
medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives,
athletes, members of the military, airline pilots, or any of the above
who are retired and play golf, and generally anyone who works
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying
to get more for nothing.
Here ends today’s lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily
respond to the above.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other
true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.
A good old Louisiana boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says,
“What you gonna do with that. There ain’t no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here.”
He says, “I won it and I’m a-gonna keep it.”
His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees
the wife and asks where his brother is.
She says, “He’s out there in his bass boat”, pointing to the field behind the house.
The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother in the middle of a big field sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand. He yells out to him, “What are you doin’?”
His brother replies, “I’m fishin’. What does it look like I’m a doin’?”
His brother yells, “It’s people like you that give people from Louisiana a bad name, makin’ everybody think we’re stupid. If I could swim, I’d come out there and whip your ass!”
Yep, that's how I would do it too!
Picking up illegals to help build a deck
LOL, Schlitz was my parents beer of choice.
We had another name for it;)
Just unreal that this is such a serious matter.
Really Hysterical !
I like it!!!
The Silliness Thread is here! The Silliness Thread is here!
Stop it I think I’m gonna Blow....
This may be an old one but I’ll recycle it anyway.
A bar began construction on a building expansion to increase business. In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the bar from expanding with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground!
After the bar burned to the ground, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about “the power of prayer”, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church ... “was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.”
In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building’s demise.
The judge read through the plaintiff’s complaint and the defendant’s reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, “I don’t know how I’m going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that now does not.”
MISERY REPEATS ITSELF
This is a true but strange story which proves that misery can indeed repeat itself, that those unwilling to learn their lessons from history are doomed to repeat it.
Jimmy Carter was born in 1937, the year of the Ox.
Barack Obama was born in 1961, the year of the Ox.
24 years apart.
Jimmy Carter was the first president to be born in a hospital.
Barack Obama was the first president to be born in two hospitals.
In 2002, Jimmy Carter received a Nobel Peace Prize.
In 2009, Barack Obama received a Nobel Peace Prize.
7 years apart.
Jimmy Carter ran his family’s peanut farm.
Barack Obama’s favorite snacks are chocolate-peanut protein bars.
The names Jimmy Carter and Barack Obama each contain eleven letters,
The names Gerald Ford and George Bush each contain nine letters.
Barack Obama has a pet dog named Bo.
Jimmy Carter had a pet dog named Bozo.
Jimmy Carter is a distant cousin of Motown Records founder Berry Gordy.
Barack Obama is a distanced relation of countless half-brothers and half-sisters.
Jimmy Carter had an embarassing brother named Billy.
Barack Obama has an embarassing brother named Abongo.
The names Billy Carter and Abongo Obama each contain eleven letters.
Billy Carter had his own beer.
Barack Obama had his own beer summit.
Jimmy Carter pardoned draft dodgers and later re-instated the draft.
Barack Obama claimed to have registered for the draft a year before it was re-instated.
Both President Carter and President Obama bailed out automobile manufacturers.
Both President Carter and President Obama were concerned with the issue of nationalizing health care coverage.
Both President Carter and President Obama chided Americans to get over setting the thermostat at whatever temperature they wanted.
Jimmy Carter and Barack Obama opposed Gitmo and the war against Saddam Hussein and supported Hugo Chavez.
In 2000, Carter severed ties with the Southern Baptist Convention, saying the group’s doctrines did not align with his Christian beliefs.
In 2000, Obama severed ties with the Trinity United Church of Christ, saying he could no more distance himself from Jeremiah Wright than he could disown an uncle.
Jimmy Carter was voted out of office with a 34% approval rating and a rising misery index.
President Ronald Reagan once said, “A recession is when your neighbor is out of work, a depression is when you are out of work, and a recovery happens when Jimmy Carter is out of work.” He also said that facts are funny things.
Can history repeat itself? Only you can decide.
... and any liberal you find
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