Skip to comments.NOAA: “Mermaids Don’t Exist”, CDC: “How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse” – What’s Next?
Posted on 07/06/2012 8:52:49 AM PDT by Clint N. Suhks
The United States government has assured its citizens that, much like zombies, mermaids probably do not exist, saying in an official post: No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found.
Mermaids those half-human, half-fish sirens of the sea are legendary sea creatures, read the online statement from the National Ocean Service (NOS).
The agency, charged with responding to natural hazards, received letters inquiring about the existence of the sea maidens after the Discovery Channels Animal Planet network broadcast Mermaids: The Body Found in May.
The show paints a wildly convincing picture of the existence of mermaids, what they may look like, and why theyve stayed hidden until now, a Discovery Channel press release says.
Conversely, the US government declaration offered no conclusive proof to deny the existence of mermaids.
The statement comes after another government agency, this time the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), declared there was no conclusive evidence for the existence of zombies.
The CDC had published instructional materials on how to survive a zombie apocalypse, in what the agency now calls a tongue in cheek campaign to engage new audiences with messages of preparedness messages.
The campaign was followed by a series of cannibalistic attacks in North America.
In one such attack on May 26, a 31-year-old Miami man stripped naked and chewed off most of a homeless mans face.
The Twittersphere was suddenly alive with people talking about the real and present danger of a zombie apocalypse.
The CDC was quick to respond to allegations of corpses rising from the dead to eat the living.
CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead, a government spokesperson wrote in an email to The Huffington Post.
While zombies would be a big problem, popular folklore holds that mermaids are relatively benign creatures.
But the NOS statement associated the finned friends with more threatening mythological beasts.
Half-human creatures, called chimeras, also abound in mythology in addition to mermaids, there were wise centaurs, wild satyrs, and frightful minotaurs, to name but a few, it said.
Obama awarded second Nobel Peace Prize.
In the interests of intellectual honesty, the CDC published a stated tongue in cheek surviving the zombie apocalypse a couple years before the mephedrone (bath salts) attacks as a way of capitalizing on the growing popularity of fantasy zombies (walking dead anyone?) to point out the ease in preparation for natural disasters using humor.
PLEASE get your facts right before griping, even if its at the Imperial Federal Government of the USSA.
I’ve heard that the National Archives still receives FOIA requests for the “classified autopsys” of the space aliens and the tests conducted on their “space ship.”
|GGG managers are SunkenCiv, StayAt HomeMother & Ernest_at_the_Beach|
Note: this topic is dated 7/06/2012.
Well, it’s obvious, aint it?
The government is trying to prepare us for the day when the Mermaids exact their revenge upon humanity by unleashing the uber deadly zombie virus.
And people still think drift netting was all about feeding the Japanese crave for sushi.
What’s next: Smaug warnings (aka the Surgeon General warns us that smoking dragons are bad for our health)
Actually, the “zombie” meme has value.
People need to prepare for the time when there are walking hordes of mindless human-shaped, malevolent beings whose EBT cards no longer work.
So that’s what people do when they quit smoking cold turkey.
Now, if only they could only assure us James Hanson never existed . . .
Regardless of whether merpeople are real or not (I personally think they are, and technically, people also said there wasn’t any evidence to the Kraken existing, yet we then got actual proof via the Giant Squid), I think it’s pretty clear that merpeople most certainly weren’t manatees/dugongs/sea cows or what have you. For starters, they don’t even slightly resemble humans at all, while merpeople specifically resembled a cross between humans and fish (well, technically marine mammals such as dolphins or whales, but still...). Not to mention, in the case of mermaids, you don’t even need to have great vision to notice as a dead giveaway that they don’t nurse the same way as actual females (human females, or presumably any females that resemble humans, would nurse their babies from the front. A manatee/dugong, on the other hand, would nurse their child from their armpit). And besides, assuming people hallucinated merpeople existing due to rough conditions of working on deck, here’s a little problem regarding that theory: Most of the ships during World War I and World War II had similarly brutal conditions, yet I don’t recall anyone reporting the sightings of merpeople during their time on ships during those wars (and speaking as someone who toured a battleship museum that DID retain literally everything from World War II and had no upgrades, if it was simply people hallucinating, there definitely would have been reports of seeing sealions as merpeople at the very least).
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