Skip to comments.Does a Man Ever Truly Stop Loving His Ex-Wife?
Posted on 07/06/2012 8:04:05 PM PDT by nickcarraway
SANDRA HOWARD asks the question that unsettles every woman whose husband is divorced
Years after their divorce, Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner remained deeply in love. I saw for myself how abiding their mutual affection was when, one evening, more than a decade after they had separated, I joined them for supper.
Frank and Ava, the great crooner and the Hollywood star, were dining quietly in an unassuming New York restaurant and my first husband, jazz pianist Robin Douglas-Home, and I had been invited, too.
Frank and Robin had forged a friendship over a biography he had been writing of Sinatra. I was modelling for the Eileen Ford agency in New York at the time. It was 1962, a full five years after Frank and Ava had divorced when the four of us enjoyed that modest meal together. Yet what endures in my memory is the palpable chemistry that still existed between the singer and the actress.
Although he was married four times, Franks one great love remained Ava, and vice versa. I recall how they sat close together on a bench seat in that restaurant all evening, his arm draped around her shoulder, a proprietorial smile of pride on his face.
She was sinuous and elegant in a classic black dress: Frank once said she had the easy grace of a tigress. Although their marriage had been volatile, their love for each other never faltered. Ava, in fact, never married again. But Frank did: twice more in fact, and I have often wondered whether Avas successor, the waif-like actress Mia Farrow, felt undermined by the potent attraction Ol Blue Eyes felt for her beautiful predecessor.
(Excerpt) Read more at dailymail.co.uk ...
Easy as pie.
Who says he ever loved the _itch?!
Sandra, please come back. At least get closer. I so missed you. I’m a much better shot now...
Does a bear crap in the woods?
Though I have been happily married to a wonderful woman for 15 years my first wife will always be my true love. We met in college, grew up together and after 18 years she decided she needed her space. She filed for a divorce I didn’t want. She remarried 4 years later. She died from breast cancer 3 years after remarrying. I got remarried one month before her death. In a letter she wrote to be delivered to me after her death she told me she had never stopped loving me. I know I have never stopped loving her.
The question would be more reasonable if it axed about the future ex!
If I’d have shot mine when I first wanted to, I’d have been out by now.
I don’t know that it would be called love, but I don’t believe there’s bond of some sort is ever completely broken.
1. Marriage was instituted by God. “And the two shall
become one flesh.” It may be hell on earth, and may devolve into loss of respect or hate...
2. God hates divorce, so while the papers are signed and the
couple goes their seperate ways, I don’t believe there
really is such a thing as divorce.
I’m old, it’s just my opinion from observation, but it also hits close to home in some ways.
All yes, for at least awhile.
Many yes, forever.
A most touching and romantic tale. Thank you.
It doesn't matter if the man never stops loving the ex. If the ex holds nothing but vitriol in her heart, then love is useless.
Thanks my screen needed cleaning anyway.. LOL
Yes to all four of mine....
When the vitriolic acid is spilled and etches it way into the soul of each partner leaving it a mass of of denatured protein, anguish and screaming nerve ends, NO. When you hurt the child, it is game over!
But most do not end this way and thus the lady from the past still exists in the present. I was lucky and she does not exist in my present life and I raised our child.
My ex-husband still loves me and is sorry he left our family.
Nope, never stopped loving her...I just can’t get over all the betrayals. ALL the betrayals.
That’s what I have witnessed, a lot. Sometimes there is really poison but often it is a dark phase of life that would pass if people stayed true to their love or a fling that soon fizzles out but too late.
People get unrealistic expectations and think the grass is greener only to find out it was an illusion. Security comes from family ties and love.
Some people think too much
Wow, sounds like you two were soul mates. This does happen and it happened to you. A man or woman really only has room for one true love at any one time. Men are monogamous however and can have one true love and the others, physical play things. A good man commits and stays with just one woman out of sense of duty, but that’s not instinctive.
I knew an attorney years ago who had been married a few times and told me he was never getting married again; he would just find a bitch he hated every three years and buy her a house...
I don’t want to get too personal, redangus... but does your current wife know of your feelings and the letter? If she does... she must adore you. Not all women would be quite understanding of that particular situation. IMHO
"My first wife died. My second wife ... wouldn't
Having been a second wife twice over, it is a huge relief to me that my present husband, Michael Howard to whom I have been happily wed for 37 years had never before been married.
Mr. Howard is quite a gambler!
For me the answer is no but my case is a little different. My first wife was murdered right before she was to have our first child 45 years ago in Louisville, KY. Right now I am on my fifth marriage and it is more for convenience than anything else. The two songs I relate to most are Bob Seger’s “Against the Wind” and Meatloaf’s “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad”
My first wife is the only woman I ever loved or wanted to love. Everything since has just been grating noise. I haven’t seen her in 30 years but we speak and write frequently. She’s my best friend and I can’t imagine life without her.
You could say the same thing about ‘puppy love’ and ‘first love’
Get over it already...lol
(spoken as the second wife :>)... 29 years
“My first wife was murdered right before she was to have our first child 45 years ago in Louisville, KY.”
Gees, Louise. I am so sorry.
The great love of my life was an unconscious choleric and the 24 years we spent together could best be described as a power struggle. But I continue to love her unquestionably. What is sad is how many times a divorce tends to awaken and rectify many character flaws, yet the spouses will not 'take another look' at the 'improved other'. It's all very Jungian don'tchaknow.
“It is often the case that we men are in love with the projection we have made upon a gal who caught our fancy.”
That was my take too. They can continue to love the idealized “vision” of their ex, when reality is very different.
Or start, in some cases.
If he wants good mental health he does. Hating will sprout a root of bitterness, and a root of bitterness poisons everything in life until it is removed, often through difficult psychoanalysis.
If you can't live without me, then why ain't you dead?
I agree completely.
How interesting. I would ask for more info, but of course I don’t want to pry.
A few years after my divorce, I was led to the Lord by a friend. Shortly after, I took an inventory of myself and confessed my bitterness, realizing that it was based in fear.
I didn't have it in me to forgive because I hated her so much. But I knew it was God's will for me to do exactly that. So I confessed to him that I did not have it in me to forgive, but I acknowledged His will and ask Him to give me that ability. next, I started to pray for her, asking God to bless her. To make a long story short, I found that ability to forgive, and was delivered from the bitterness. In the end, she ended up getting saved too. She now goes to the same church I go to, and the kicker is that she has asked my current wife to be her spiritual mentor.
God is so awesome!
Somebody That I Used to Know
Yes, but it doesn’t mean that I ever want to live with her again. I’m way too old for that kind of aggravation and she hasn’t changed a bit.
It all depends. If the divorce is because the ex was abusive, controlling, and hateful, and the husband left because things had become intolerable and all his efforts to find a less disruptive resolution had failed, then that husband probably has no love at all for the ex.
If the divorce came because the two simply drifted apart, then yeah, there are probably still the embers of feelings there.