You Didn't Build That....
Posted on 07/20/2012 7:24:03 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Do these “45’s” make me look phat????
"I didn't do that."
PARAPROSDOKIANS...
(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad.
8. They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then
proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from
many is research.
10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations.
On my desk is a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted
paychecks.
12. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of
emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk
down the street with a bald head and a beer gut,
and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the
fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need
a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery
easier to live with.
19. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone
down so they can’t get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
21. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call
whatever you hit the target.
23. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more
than standing in a garage makes you a car.
26. Where there’s a will, there are relatives.
And mine is.........
I’m supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
If only this were true...
The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners. It’s an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you. Instead, it will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.
Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials.
You’re in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement: “Attention to all standby passengers, El Al is proud to announce a seat available on flight 670 to London. Shalom !”
I thought we was sant posed to say nothin bad about her kids.
“PARAPROSDOKIANS” — Now there’s a word you don’t see too often. By the way, you stole my tagline. Or maybe I stole it. Whatever. /s
Luck, please respond to the question. Did we misunderstand? Did you leave your computer unattended?
After re-reading it....I don’t know.
Personally, I’m pro-life, but thought it made a good point about how there are more important issues facing this country, than the argument of abortion (even though that still is an important factor).
The Pope and Obama are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Obama and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice!”
Obama replied, “I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!
AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY and there was happiness throughout the land!
Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?
DNC SCHEDULE
4:00 PM Opening Flag Burning Ceremony
4:05 PM Singing of “God Damn America” led by Rev. Jeremiah Wright
4:10 PM Pledge of Allegiance to Obama
4:15 PM Ceremonial ‘I Hate America’ led by Michelle Obama
4:30 PM Tips on Dodging Sniper Fire , Hillary Clinton
4:45 PM Al Sharpton Leads Castrati Choir in Singing, “Great Balls of Fire”
5:00 PM UFO Abduction Survival , Joe Biden
5:30 PM Eliot Spitzer Speaks on “Family Values” via Satellite
5:45 PM Tribute to All 57 States
6:00 PM Joe Biden Delivers 100,000-Word Speech Featuring 23-Minute Question and 2-Hour Answer
8:30 PM Airing of Grievances by the Clintons
9:00 PM Bill Clinton Delivers Rousing Endorsement of Obama Girl
9:15 PM Tribute Film to Freedom Fighters at Gitmo , Michael Moore
9:45 PM Personal Finance Seminar - Charlie Rangel
10:00 PM Denunciation of Bitter Gun Owners, Rosie O’Donnell
10:30 PM Ceremonial Waving of White Flag for Iraq & Afghanistan
11:00 PM Obama Energy Plan Symposium/Tire Gauge Demonstration
11:15 PM Free Gov. Blagojevich rally
11:30 PM Obama Accepts Tony and Latin Grammy Awards
11:45 PM Feeding of the Delegates with 5 Loaves and 2 Fish , Obama Presiding
12:00 AM Official Nomination of Obama by Bill Maher
12:01 AM Obama Accepts Nomination as Lord and Savior
12:05 AM Celestial Choirs Sing
3:00 AM Biden Delivers Acceptance Speech
Note: There is one omission in the list above: Memorial recognition of Obama’s surrogate son, Trayvon, will be in conjunction with the 12:05 AM event.
::: golf-clap :::
I got it after only one read-thru.
Your average garden-variety Leftist has only one core issue: “a woman’s right to choose”. They will insert it into any and every conversation. It’s the litmus-test issue to identify a sister Leftist, one of the three Articles Of Faith:
1. Personal loyalty to Dear Leader;
2. The public affirmation, “I hate George Bush!”;
3. “A woman’s right to choose”.
The last sentence is getting mugged by Reality.
I didn’t make the Top 40 posts. Someone else made that happen.
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