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I don't need any advice, I'm just blowing off steam...

Posted on 07/27/2012 5:38:33 PM PDT by mamelukesabre

Here's the scenario:

Mom and Dad come to visit. Dad is not doing so well. Dementia has set in very rapidly over the last year and he's barely functional now. You can still get meaningful dialog with him if you are patient, slow, and interrupt him when he goes off on strange tangents. But its easy to confuse him by talking fast or being even a tiny bit confrontational. Also you have to leave certain topics alone for awhile and come back later after he's had time to let it sink in. If he answers a question too soon his answer won't make sense. But if you ask it again a few minutes later he will have a sensible response.

Mom never had to make any decisions. Dad always took care of everything. Now that Dad can't do it all for her, Mom suddenly thinks she's a big boss and is bossing everyone around...even me. Problem is she's not very good at making decisions. She's 70 plus and its too late for her to learn. She makes all the wrong decisions and keeps on doing it one after another.

Here's what happened when they came to visit me

There is a wolf dog (1/4 wolf, half husky, 1/4 german shepherd) that lives about 1/8th mile from me. It gets loose from time to time because the owner doesn't give a damn. I know him and have talked to him. He thinks dog fights are just a fact of life and dogs just get loose once in awhile. I don't put up with dogs running loose. My dog gets punished when it leaves my property only by 20 feet, which is extremely rare because she gets tied up if outside for more than 5 minutes.

Anyway, my parents are visiting and my dog is outside with them. Here comes the damn wolf dog. It gets close to my property and my dog gives the warning. Growling, snarling, etc. I instantly start running to tackle my dog. The wolf dog growls back. My dog charges and makes a beeline for the wolf dog. I change directions and I bolt for my truck, grab my gun and head for the dog fight about to happen. My dog is old(about 10years)but in good health and 50 lbs and that wolf dog is well over 100 lbs and in prime condition and age. No way in hell I'm going to stand there and watch my dog get chewed into pieces and no way in hell I'm tackling a 100+ pound wolf dog bare handed.

Then guess what happens?

My idiot mother decides she's in charge and runs out to get between the dogs. She's old and weak and petite and maybe 140lbs and none of it muscle. So far the dogs are not touching each other. They are just threatening from a short distance. A standoff I guess. It's only been maybe 2 seconds though and one or the other will initiate an attack at any moment. I know my dog. She has a very bad temper and attacks strange dogs on her turf if given a chance. As I sprint passed my mother I rack the slide on my handgun to make sure I got a round in the chamber and turn on the laser sights...and then my mother starts screaming at me.

"don't you dare shoot your dog, she's a good dog!" and tries to grab my arm.

At this point I decide my mother is just about as senile as my poor old dad, except at least my dad knows he's senile and shuts his mouth when he doesn't know what is going on around him.

A neighbor saw the whole commotion same time I did and he was sprinting towards the dogs yelling and waiving his hands and threw a big rock at the wolf dog...hit it real good too. He's about 6'6 and has long arms to really get a rock moving good. The wolf dog spun around and yelped. My dog lunged. The wolf dog dodged the lunge without even trying but decided rocks plus 3 crazy screaming humans running at it was too much. It took off running. My dog took off after it. The wolf dog was fast and was gone in a flash. The neighbor and I chased down my dog. The neighbor was faster than I and brought my dog back to me. He and my dog know each other very well and get along great.

But then the arguing started when I got back to my lunatic mother. Bad arguing. I know I shouldn't be reacting like this to a little old lady that happens to be my mother but i can't stand her anymore. She is a complete arrogant fool ever since she started being the boss. I'm sick of watching her bully my dad over stupid meaningless issues. I'm actually contemplating moving in with them and getting power of attorney. Or maybe buying a new house and making them move in with me. My dad wouldn't like leaving his home though. They are both nuts. But I have my own life to live and I don't want to sacrifice it just yet.

I know what is making my mom nuts. It is not being taken care of anymore. She isn't handling being the boss so good. She isn't cut out for it.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: agingparents; dad; dogfight; mom
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1 posted on 07/27/2012 5:38:40 PM PDT by mamelukesabre
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To: mamelukesabre

12 Gauge with rock salt


2 posted on 07/27/2012 5:43:20 PM PDT by al baby (“If Barack Obama has a Harvard law degree, he didn’t earn that. Somebody else made that happen.”)
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To: mamelukesabre

Wasp Spray


3 posted on 07/27/2012 5:43:42 PM PDT by al baby (“If Barack Obama has a Harvard law degree, he didn’t earn that. Somebody else made that happen.”)
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To: mamelukesabre
Always give bad advice.

No one follows advice anymore, and if they do follow it they deserve everything that happens to them.

4 posted on 07/27/2012 5:43:43 PM PDT by who_would_fardels_bear
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To: mamelukesabre

Dunno what to say except that this appears to be very similar to what my wife is experiencing right now. Dad out of it, Mom demanding bi-ch from hell.

I don’t have an answer, only empathy.


5 posted on 07/27/2012 5:43:56 PM PDT by sauropod (You can elect your very own tyranny - Mark Levin)
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To: mamelukesabre
Yep. It sucks. Prayers up.

/johnny

6 posted on 07/27/2012 5:44:46 PM PDT by JRandomFreeper (Gone Galt)
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To: al baby
Wasp Spray

If he uses wasp spray on his mom, folks are going to talk...

/johnny

7 posted on 07/27/2012 5:46:20 PM PDT by JRandomFreeper (Gone Galt)
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To: mamelukesabre

You have my sympathy and my prayers for you and family. Good luck.


8 posted on 07/27/2012 5:47:58 PM PDT by Duchess47 ("One day I will leave this world and dream myself to Reality" Crazy Horse)
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To: mamelukesabre

Give your parents all the love and patience you can, believe me when they are gone you will remember every sharp word spoken in haste.. forever.


9 posted on 07/27/2012 5:49:50 PM PDT by Freedom4US
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To: mamelukesabre

I hope that you don’t read any comments people will post on here.

My mother is down right mean to everyone. She has to continually test our love. She is absolutely brutal with my Dad and he waits on her hand and foot. I know what you are going through.

My advice is don’t hold back. Be honest with what you say. Your mom will run over everyone if you don’t stand your ground.

My mistake was trying to stay above it all and let mom do and say whatever she wanted. I should have shut her down years ago and maybe Dad would have been treated better. No one in our family ever confronted my mom when she acted bad. Her grandchildren avoid her like the plague and she blames her sons and daughters-in-law for it.

Good luck. Turn off your computer because a whole bunch of self-righteous people are going to slam you hard.


10 posted on 07/27/2012 5:49:50 PM PDT by american_ranger
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To: mamelukesabre

Just remember those people are your parents and
all they have sacrificed for you.


11 posted on 07/27/2012 5:50:28 PM PDT by patriot08 (TEXAS GAL- born and bred and proud of it!)
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To: mamelukesabre

I am not offering advice, only encouragement and prayers.

My own mother was well over 60 when my 92 year old grandmother had gotten dementia. Near the end it was like having a 160 pound baby who liked to sing Polish songs at 2AM ... badly.

It was seven years of sacrifice for her. Now she has passed on for about five years now, and I know theer are no regrets that she did the right thing.

P.S. This is not advice, but she did sell grandma’s house and got her moved against her wishes. No regrets there, either.


12 posted on 07/27/2012 5:52:02 PM PDT by Dr. Sivana ("I love to hear you talk talk talk, but I hate what I hear you say."-Del Shannon)
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To: mamelukesabre

Don’t forget about that one still in the chamber.


13 posted on 07/27/2012 5:53:26 PM PDT by hole_n_one
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To: mamelukesabre
I'm glad to hear the situation didn't evolve into anything worse.

No advice, just prayers and a good luck wish.

14 posted on 07/27/2012 5:54:51 PM PDT by Las Vegas Ron (Medicine is the keystone in the arch of socialism)
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To: mamelukesabre

Sorry for the cross you must bear.

Your mom needs to understand she endangered herself by getting in the fray. She out herself physically at risk.

Sometimes we have to parent the parent.

Time for boundaries to be set, understood and adhered to—for Mom when she is by your house.

Dad is just trying to understand what is going on around him.

You are all in a tough situation.

From here, I am doing what I can-—praying for you and yours.


15 posted on 07/27/2012 5:55:22 PM PDT by exit82 (Pass the word: Obama is a FAILURE!! Democrats are the enemies of freedom!)
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To: mamelukesabre

I don’t know your mom but I know a woman who fits that description. My advice would beb o get a big bucket from the colonel with the gravy, give it to her and invite the wolf dog back.

Maybe not


16 posted on 07/27/2012 5:59:43 PM PDT by muir_redwoods (Legalize Freedom!!)
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To: al baby
12 Gauge with rock salt

I'd never shoot my mom with that!

17 posted on 07/27/2012 6:00:03 PM PDT by BRL
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To: mamelukesabre
What an awful scene!

Gotta make sure your dog never gets loose, not even for a second. That's the only thing you can control. You have to react to the rest as best as you can.

Good thing God loves us so much.


18 posted on 07/27/2012 6:06:19 PM PDT by I see my hands (It's time to.. KICK OUT THE JAMS, MOTHER FREEPERS!)
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To: mamelukesabre

Likewise no scold from this guy. I’ve been there/have the scars to prove it. Love them as best you can, while you still can.

Prayers.


19 posted on 07/27/2012 6:07:42 PM PDT by rockrr (Everything is different now...)
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To: mamelukesabre

so i don’t get it. nobody caught this on an iphone? nobody called 9/11? you didn’t get SWATted? You didn’t spend the weekend in the cooler?


20 posted on 07/27/2012 6:09:00 PM PDT by the invisib1e hand
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To: mamelukesabre
My wife has dementia. She was diagnosed in May and is now in a nursing home.

Up to the time her illness was discovered, I was planning to divorce attributing her behavior to character, attitude or whatever. Once we found out there was a real pathology possibly causing it all, I put all hostility behind.

21 posted on 07/27/2012 6:11:21 PM PDT by stormhill
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To: exit82

I am really sorry for the tough stuff you’re going through with your parents, and you have a right to be very concerned.

Now...on the other hand...

If you could only have seen what you wrote through the cinema screen on MY eye lids, you’d be laughing your a$$ off at the comedy of the non-emotional elements of the entire story.
That’s definitely a table story with the kids lol!

I had a dog much like yours and I’ve chased him down the road on more than one occasion as he slipped on by, and hot footed it after a canine trespasser. All he really wanted to do was nip the pooch on the shoulder as discipline. Wait a minute and he’d come prancing back, proudly displaying his new found friend.

The dog across the street however, (a different dog) was a wolf/akita combo who was actually my dog’s best friend. My dog would actually sit there and CALL that wolf to come over and play!

I tell you that because those are super smart dogs and you might actually be able to work with that dog since the neighbor is so lax..and diffuse the situation between the dogs.

It doesn’t do much for mom’s snarly temper, but more often than not, dogs are more agreeable than people are anyway!

You didn’t want advice, but you got it anyway lol!

Best of luck to you with both situations, and I’m very glad nobody got hurt in the scuffle.


22 posted on 07/27/2012 6:12:56 PM PDT by PrairieLady2
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To: mamelukesabre

http://ps.factoryoutletstore.com/cat/14951/PetSafe-Wireless-Dog-Fences.html?cid=7139&chid=1600


23 posted on 07/27/2012 6:15:24 PM PDT by maine-iac7
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To: mamelukesabre
If they are going to stay with you get an ipod, put the ear plugs in, turn up the volume and do what you have to do. Learn to tune out and ignore the demands of an elderly person who is losing their sense of judgement.

Otherwise think about assisted living if they have the money.

24 posted on 07/27/2012 6:19:13 PM PDT by CaptainK (...please make it stop. Shake a can of pennies at it.)
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To: mamelukesabre

My prayers are with you. It is a very difficult situation you are in. Being the “parent” with a parent is a nitemare frought with frustration cause they don’t want to be “parented”.

Its easy for people to say”JUst stay calm and try to keep control” but its is very, very , very hard.

If at all possible my only advice, if it is at all possible, talk with your dad’s doctor. Perhaps some mild medication might also help your mother calm the fears she has.

The other possibility which one adult son I know did was to get a counselor he knew to meet a few times with his father ( situation was reversed) so that his father had someone that wasn’t family to vent to and offer a little coping strategies to his father.

In any case, know that you are a good son for being there for your parents through this difficult time.


25 posted on 07/27/2012 6:20:18 PM PDT by Recovering Ex-hippie
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To: mamelukesabre

You said no advice, but my FRiend, you’re gonna get some. You WILL thank me for it later.

Do NOT...whatever you do...do NOT move in with your parents or have them move in with you. Your life will be a living hell. Let her boss dad around; from what you say he doesn’t really give a damn (I’m sorry; I truly don’t mean to sound cold to his condition, God bless him).

She’ll never willingly give you power of attorney or power of anything else. Let it run its course. It will be hard, and it will frustrate you to no end.....but please trust me.

Don’t do it. You have a life to live.


26 posted on 07/27/2012 6:22:32 PM PDT by RightOnline (I am Andrew Breitbart!)
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To: mamelukesabre

I am sorry this is happening to your family. Take care of them the best you can, then have no regrets because you cannot change who they are.


27 posted on 07/27/2012 6:22:38 PM PDT by freemama
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To: mamelukesabre

The way I handle stuff like this is just remember at least you have a slightly funny awful situation.

If your parents were shot but not dead in a theatre, you’d have a non-funny awful situation.

Perspective, man. It could be a lot worse.

A massive downburst weakened 4 huge trees in my yard and one fell on my pier and beam house. It’s like living on the Titanic until my landlord gets this thing cut. But there are people surfacing in the lake that the downburst ended, not just inconvenienced. Perspective.


28 posted on 07/27/2012 6:23:49 PM PDT by txhurl
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To: mamelukesabre

I wrote the most valuable scribe that would have cured your problem in seconds...

Then I remembered your Title....

So I erased the most concise piece of brilliance I’ve ever written!!!


29 posted on 07/27/2012 6:24:12 PM PDT by Randy Larsen (Damned if I do, Damned if I don't. Damn it, I will!)
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To: al baby
12 Gauge with rock salt

For his mother??
That seems to be the main subject.

30 posted on 07/27/2012 6:25:12 PM PDT by publius911 (Formerly Publius 6961, formerly jennsdad)
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To: mamelukesabre

As soon as you charge after your dog, she thinks you are there to back her up. Otherwise, I think you dog would not have gone outside of your property to go after the wolf dog. What happened next could only be described as chaos.

If it is not this incident, there will be other event(s) that would trigger something between you and your mother. Find sometime when both of you are calm, (i.e., watch some tv comedy show or movie that you both enjoy), then try to talk it out.


31 posted on 07/27/2012 6:26:51 PM PDT by Sir Napsalot (Pravda + Useful Idiots = CCCP; JournOList + Useful Idiots = DopeyChangey!)
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To: PrairieLady2

My dog gutted a schnauzer once. That’s why I got her free...many years ago. I’m the third owner and I got her just before her second birthday. She wupped a blue heeler every day for a month before gutting the schnauzer. Blue heelers are not weak and this one outweighed her by maybe 5 lbs. No little nip to the shoulder I promise. And no friends afterwards. I took her because I know how to control a dog like that. You have to be tougher than the dog. I’m proud to say my dog has never harmed another dog as long as i’ve owned her. there have been close calls though.


32 posted on 07/27/2012 6:34:16 PM PDT by mamelukesabre
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To: Sir Napsalot

Good point. Of all the triggering events he was bound to get one way or another, this was the best and least-destructive one.


33 posted on 07/27/2012 6:34:16 PM PDT by txhurl
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To: mamelukesabre

My husband passed away in Feb. from Alzheimer’s, so I understand what you are going through. I also understand that all dementia situations are different, so won’t advise you on how to react. However, your mother might be reacting to medications, particularly different types of heart meds. If she is on any kind of medication, google it or ask a doctor. If you can ‘fix’ her, she might be able to help with him. Good luck, and prayers your way.


34 posted on 07/27/2012 6:35:08 PM PDT by Jaidyn
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To: mamelukesabre
I know a pro dog trainer whose standard is that a properly trained dog can be walked without a leash even when other dogs are around. Since your dog doesn't fit that description, your dog shouldn't have been our in an unfenced front yard off leash. You yourself said he doesn't tolerate other dogs in his territory. So he could just as easily have attacked someone's smaller dog. Dog owners never think their dog would cause a problem, but you baar some responisbilty here.
35 posted on 07/27/2012 6:39:25 PM PDT by Hugin ("Most times a man'll tell you his bad intentions, if you listen and let yourself hear."---Open Range)
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To: Hugin

piss off


36 posted on 07/27/2012 6:42:24 PM PDT by mamelukesabre
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To: mamelukesabre
Great job all around and big thanks to your neighbor!

You sound to me like someone who knows what to do when challenges present themselves and who learns from them.

37 posted on 07/27/2012 6:42:37 PM PDT by GBA (To understand what is happening to America and why, read The Harbinger by Jonathan Cahn)
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To: mamelukesabre

So you don’t want advice or support, you just want to start a fight.


38 posted on 07/27/2012 6:44:33 PM PDT by txhurl
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To: mamelukesabre

Prayers your way...sorry!


39 posted on 07/27/2012 6:48:57 PM PDT by Caipirabob (I say we take off and Newt the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure...)
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To: GBA

agree

The neighbor saved the day. I’m so glad I did not have to shoot the gun. That would’ve brought cops and the cops would’ve been VERY confused once my idiot mother started running her fool mouth off. who knows what would’ve happened after that.


40 posted on 07/27/2012 6:50:47 PM PDT by mamelukesabre
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To: txhurl

if that’s what you want


41 posted on 07/27/2012 6:51:48 PM PDT by mamelukesabre
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To: mamelukesabre

No, I have a demented co-worker (just became full-fledged) that I don’t know what to do about either.

You’re just going to have to ask for Grace in the matter. That’s what I’m doing.

I think.


42 posted on 07/27/2012 6:55:49 PM PDT by txhurl
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To: mamelukesabre

Piss off yourself. You were about to shoot someone elses dog, off your property, because your dog attacked it. Your dog’s “territory” does not extend to the street outside your house. If you had shot that dog in the street, his owner could have sued you and won, and you might have faced criminal charges as well. You are lucky your mom stopped you and your neigbor intervened.


43 posted on 07/27/2012 6:57:11 PM PDT by Hugin ("Most times a man'll tell you his bad intentions, if you listen and let yourself hear."---Open Range)
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To: Hugin

Read the first 6 words of your first post to this thread. Jerk.


44 posted on 07/27/2012 7:00:09 PM PDT by mamelukesabre
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To: american_ranger

I understand what you wrote here.

And you are right. ‘Pod.


45 posted on 07/27/2012 7:04:58 PM PDT by sauropod (You can elect your very own tyranny - Mark Levin)
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To: mamelukesabre

Gosh and I thought you were going to tell us you shot your mom ...nah just joshing. It is tough when our parents get to the point that they aren’t functioning well. Glad you could vent here. Also glad you and your dog and your folks are okay. (Of course you could always shoot the neighbor....oh wait never mind)


46 posted on 07/27/2012 7:04:58 PM PDT by Nifster
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To: stormhill

Definitely tests the “until death.” I am in my 40s and working on my living will so my son will be prepared when the day comes.


47 posted on 07/27/2012 7:05:39 PM PDT by ican'tbelieveit (School is prison for children who have commited the crime of being born. (attr: St_Thomas_Aquinas))
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To: mamelukesabre
My father-in-law is virtually deaf and no hearing aid will help.

I almost can't stand to be with my in-laws because all he does is says "what?" and all she does is scream at him.

It's really pretty sad.

48 posted on 07/27/2012 7:06:21 PM PDT by LoveUSA (God employs Man's strength; Satan exploits Man's weakness.)
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To: mamelukesabre

Write it all down - it’s your masterpiece screenplay.


49 posted on 07/27/2012 7:10:43 PM PDT by Domestic Church (AMDG ...)
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To: mamelukesabre
Been there.Dementia in an elderly parent is about as sad a thing as I can imagine.
50 posted on 07/27/2012 7:12:51 PM PDT by Gay State Conservative (Poor Barack.If He's Reelected,Think Of The Mess He'll Inherit!)
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