Skip to comments.A loving mother's advice: Hit the road, son (How I convinced my son to leave home)
Posted on 08/07/2012 7:11:58 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
I love my son dearly, and I was looking forward to seeing him, but I couldn't face another summer living with him.
For six months, it had been an ongoing topic of discussion. But by May of this year it was abundantly clear that the time had come for our 23-year-old son, Flannery, a UCSB graduate in film, to get a place of his own.
I live and teach creative writing to college students in Alabama during the academic year. It's not ideal living 2,200 miles from my husband, but it's what we do to make a dent in the $100,000 in college debt we owe for our kids. My husband teaches second grade in LAUSD, and I come home for summers. I love my son dearly, and was looking forward to seeing him, but I couldn't face another summer living with him.
When my school year ended, Flannery flew to Birmingham to drive home to California with me. I was excited about the road trip, which would also include his 21-year-old sister, Lucy, who'd flown in from school in New York, and their 13-year-old sister, Norah, who lives with me in Alabama during the school year. But I had braced myself to stay firm about Flannery's moving out.
In Alabama I don't worry as much about him. An actor-director-musician-screenwriter, Flannery lives an artistic life, etched in a noir palette of late-night L.A. It had been a relief to be far away from the ignored texts, thumping band practice and driveway cleanup after raucous parties. To clean up one post-midnight mess, I poured steaming water on the cement, while three raccoons rose up like misty figures from a Miyazaki film to observe the driveway debauchery.
(Excerpt) Read more at latimes.com ...
Stop breast feeding him..... just kidding
Flannery will make a fine fluffer.
Many, many years ago, I stayed with my parents for a few months after leaving the service. When I told my father I was moving out, he simply said “Make it work because you are not moving back in.” From that point on, it never entered my mind to move back home. I knew my father cared for me but he was serious. When I moved out, my mother asked for the key to the house. That really hit me hard.....for about five minutes. I knew they were doing the best thing for me. It wasn’t easy, at times, but I made it work. Tough love works. I had to borrow $500 from my father once. My mother told me that until I payed him back, he would never loan me another dime. He never asked for the money but I payed him back in 30 days. I even got a second job.
Somewhere after Flagstaff, Flannery finally raised the subject: "You sure you want me to move? I need to tell this guy if I want the sublet." [answer: yes, definitely]
that's how she did it. It must have been horrifying
Success as a parent means raising your child to be independent and you are that. It is a good thing. I am proud of you and your parents. Keep it a life lesson.
Interesting that the parents could have chosen either California or Alabama for their daughter to attend school, and chose Birmingham. (The 13 year old could have stayed with her father, a grade school teacher, since he had the same work/school schedule.)
Kid is a film major. Parents spent what amounts to a house mortgage, for him to pursue a hobby.
And now, they're not satisfied with the result? Imagine that.
And I should give a rip because????????
A kid who's willing to do anything like that is OK,IMO...but I know that many (but not all) of today's kids are pretty lazy.
I did the same, right after college. Worked part-time for a few months while looking for a permanent gig.
The *second* that I got a full-time job, I was perusing the ads for a new apartment. Literally got a job one week, went apartment hunting the next weekend, moved out the following weekend.
Beyond a limited-term thing (like us), or an emergency ... why any young adult would choose to live with their parents is beyond me.
If she did breast feed this 29 year old, would it be just as appalling as if she were to clean up his puke on the driveway after one of his “raucous parties”?
Even Peyote fried California brains don't come up with that ?
Concieved at night in the desert under a flannel blanket ?
Just sayin' ....
It was sensible advice, as it was nice not to be starting out in a hole.
But long term? Or permanently? No way.
I'm still not getting over paying 100K for a film major. When would they start to see a return on that kind of investment?
After graduating from college, number one son lived at home long enough to save up for an engagement ring for his beloved - then he was in his own apartment, paying his own bills. What better training for marriage?
We often came home from work to find our refrigerator had been raided by number two son - the chef. And when it came time for him to buy his own restaurant, he knew where to come for help. “Can I borrow $200,000?” We still laugh about that! We did what we could and for the last 13 years he and his wife have run a successful business.
I honestly believe that preparing them from early on to leave the nest was among the best things we did for them.
Well, I’m glad that worked for you and your family, but life isn’t a one size fits all proposition. I could never treat anyone in my family that way.
On Married With Children, the daughter came in one day and asked about a junk car, “What’s that, in the front yard?”
The dad said, “Your butt when it turns 18.”
After college, I found a great guy and got engaged. My parents told me to stay home with them to save for the wedding. I was very respectful in my parent's home; paid my on everything (including food), had very few guests, and helped around the house. Most of the time, they wouldn't even know I was there.
Moved back only once: when we transitioned to Texas and I was trying to sub-lease my apartment. Longest two months of my life.
Only borrowed money once ($1,000), when medical bills devastated my family after my daughter's premature birth. It was the first bill we paid every month until it was paid in full.
I knew a few people who lingered at Mom and Dad's well into their 20's. Perpetual children.
Francis Coppola and Martin Scorsese both are both film school graduates. Do you think they are fluffers?
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.