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[SATIRE] A Modest Proposal
today | me

Posted on 08/19/2012 12:40:00 PM PDT by TheBigLiberal

I am going to be voting for Barack Obama in this election, he really has this country on the right track! Unlike far-right neo-fascist Nazis like Ron Paul and Gary Johnson who want nothing more than to subjugate the working class, Barack and his loyal socialist supporters, like myself, will fight to end suffering and inequality! Conservatives want nothing more than to endanger the people. They hide behind ideas like "freedom" and "choice," but those don't exist, in reality we are all nothing but slaves to the rich and to our own impulses.

Conservatives think that freedom is more important than safety, but what good is freedom if you're dead? Freedom is just a made-up word that conservatives use to justify the dangerous world they live in. There is no logic behind freedom, all freedom does is increase the chance that someone could be hurt. The world is a dangerous place, and it's our job to band together and make it safe!

For example, conservatives think people should drives cars! That's disgusting, cars are dangerous, we should get rid of cars cars and force the masses to use mass transit, which is far safer. Additionally, cars pollute the atmosphere and causes the planet to suffer, which in turn causes the masses to suffer. An added bonus to forcing the masses to use mass transit is that we can control where they go, this will prevent people from going to dangerous places that could result in them suffering. Is it not logical that we stop people from going to dangerous places?

Conservatives want the masses to own guns! Guns are even more dangerous than cars, there is no reason for anyone to ever own a gun. All a gun does is make it easier for people to stop our great progressive movement and to cause suffering to others. Gun ownership self-defense will no longer be needed, since no human being will never cause any harm to another human being, we shall instill this idea into our children, make them think that guns are evil and that there is never going to be a need for self-defense. Is it not logical that we should eliminate an item from society that has the potential to cause harm?

Conservatives hide behind their sports and their athletics, which are dangerous! Look at how many people are injured all of the time in their barbaric football and rugby? All sports are inherently dangerous, as they can result in suffering through accidents. The only good thing about sports is that it keeps the masses content and distracts their focus from our real agenda. As our great leader, Karl Marx, would have said: "sports are the opium of the masses." Is it not logical that we should get rid of these barbaric activities that only result in human suffering?

However, banning dangerous activities isn't enough, we need to actively safe-proof the world around us. There are so many dangers even in one's home. Even a chair could be dangerous, if someone falls on it and hits their neck at a certain angle, it could cause a great deal of suffering, or even death (which in turn causes even more suffering). Everything needs to be safe-proofed, to ensure that no one could ever have an accident. In fact, would it not be logical to simply suspend everyone in a type of stasis chamber, where they will be unconsciously living out their fantasies in their minds, without harming people?

The masses are such illogical creatures, they need someone like great leader Obama to tell us how to live our lives, he is America's only hope. If you believe as I believe, if you feel as I feel, then please, re-elect our great leader Obama in the coming months. Together, we can bring about a world free of pain, free of suffering, and free of immoral activities.


TOPICS: Society
KEYWORDS: banglist; codepink; cowardsforobama; homosexuals; libtardsforobama; onetermobama; powerfulsatire; satire; socialism; thebigidiot
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1 posted on 08/19/2012 12:40:06 PM PDT by TheBigLiberal
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To: TheBigLiberal

Oh wow, I am laughing so hard I think I hurt myself. WEll played!


2 posted on 08/19/2012 12:42:45 PM PDT by MNJohnnie (Giving more money to DC to fix the Debt is like giving free drugs to addicts think it will cure them)
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To: TheBigLiberal

you be Zot bait!!


3 posted on 08/19/2012 12:43:02 PM PDT by sauropod (Only two of God's creatures can employ the term "we": newspaper editors and men with tapeworms-Hayes)
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To: TheBigLiberal

zot coming soon


4 posted on 08/19/2012 12:43:48 PM PDT by Jagdgewehr (It will take blood)
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To: MNJohnnie

I think its Nurse Bloomberg!


5 posted on 08/19/2012 12:44:43 PM PDT by sauropod (Only two of God's creatures can employ the term "we": newspaper editors and men with tapeworms-Hayes)
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To: TheBigLiberal
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6 posted on 08/19/2012 12:45:38 PM PDT by 1035rep (Obama: "I killed Bin Laden" ...you didn't do that. Somebody else made that happen.)
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To: TheBigLiberal

Hmm, direct from the onion, political satire.


7 posted on 08/19/2012 12:45:48 PM PDT by Usagi_yo
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To: TheBigLiberal

Satire Right!?


8 posted on 08/19/2012 12:45:48 PM PDT by rockinqsranch (Dems, Libs, Socialists, call 'em what you will, they ALL have fairies livin' in their trees.)
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To: TheBigLiberal
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9 posted on 08/19/2012 12:46:05 PM PDT by 1035rep (Obama: "I killed Bin Laden" ...you didn't do that. Somebody else made that happen.)
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To: TheBigLiberal

10, 9, 8, 7 ...


10 posted on 08/19/2012 12:46:22 PM PDT by InterceptPoint (.)
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To: TheBigLiberal
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11 posted on 08/19/2012 12:46:29 PM PDT by 1035rep (Obama: "I killed Bin Laden" ...you didn't do that. Somebody else made that happen.)
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To: TheBigLiberal

IBTZ


12 posted on 08/19/2012 12:46:55 PM PDT by datura (Democrat = Socialist, Progressive Democrat = Communist)
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To: TheBigLiberal
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13 posted on 08/19/2012 12:46:55 PM PDT by 1035rep (Obama: "I killed Bin Laden" ...you didn't do that. Somebody else made that happen.)
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To: TheBigLiberal
Hmmm. Could this be a longtime freeper who set up this account just for this purpose in case the sarcasm was misunderstood?
14 posted on 08/19/2012 12:48:45 PM PDT by Truth29
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To: MNJohnnie

oh, kitty kitty


15 posted on 08/19/2012 12:49:57 PM PDT by dila813
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To: TheBigLiberal
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16 posted on 08/19/2012 12:50:49 PM PDT by 1035rep (Obama: "I killed Bin Laden" ...you didn't do that. Somebody else made that happen.)
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To: Truth29
Hmmm. Could this be a longtime freeper who set up this account just for this purpose in case the sarcasm was misunderstood?

The sarcasm is pretty broad, but I've seen more blatant examples misunderstood here. So far, this thread is remarkably free of the humorously-challenged.

17 posted on 08/19/2012 12:51:01 PM PDT by BfloGuy (Without economic freedom, no other form of freedom can have material meaning.)
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To: TheBigLiberal

Kind of obvious as trolling goes. Don’t give up the day job, kid.


18 posted on 08/19/2012 12:51:01 PM PDT by Billthedrill
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To: Truth29

19 posted on 08/19/2012 12:53:16 PM PDT by Berlin_Freeper (Siri says: Romney never met a homosexual he didn't like.)
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To: TheBigLiberal
This is well said. Sadly one of our best friends actually says this (except for the stasis condition) all the time. I can add a couple of other things to the list of dangers.

Number one is doctors. Have you noticed that everybody who goes to see a doctor eventually dies. There must be some kind of correlation in there.

Number two is religion. It seems to me that everybody who has a religion is actually wanting to go to the blessed place. Those who don't have a religion are able to do what they want, when they want. So lets ban all religions and everybody can have a good time before we go to the doctor.

Just my 1 1/4 cents (current value compared to last year 2) worth.

20 posted on 08/19/2012 12:53:22 PM PDT by ProudFossil (" I never did give anyone hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell." Harry Truman)
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To: TheBigLiberal
"As our great leader, Karl Marx, would have said: "sports are the opium of the masses."

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21 posted on 08/19/2012 12:53:25 PM PDT by 1035rep (Obama: "I killed Bin Laden" ...you didn't do that. Somebody else made that happen.)
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To: TheBigLiberal
No recipes for Irish children? How disappointing.

/johnny

22 posted on 08/19/2012 12:53:54 PM PDT by JRandomFreeper (Gone Galt)
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To: TheBigLiberal

If we were all in stasis, why would we need a leader? See. That’s the trouble with all you big liberals. No logic.


23 posted on 08/19/2012 12:54:55 PM PDT by MestaMachine (obama kills)
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To: TheBigLiberal; Alamo-Girl
WELCOME NEWBIE!!!

It seems you have taken a page from Jonathan Swift....

KUDOS!!!!

Thank you for this outstanding take on pure, unadulterated, exuberant political satire!

24 posted on 08/19/2012 12:55:03 PM PDT by betty boop (We are led to believe a lie when we see with, and not through the eye. ¬ó William Blake)
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To: TheBigLiberal

You caught me! If you notice, “TheBigLiberal” also posts asking for donations to FR. So clearly, this is from one of our own. It sucked me in!! I should donate solely for the clever tactic!


25 posted on 08/19/2012 12:55:45 PM PDT by conservativeinbflo.
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To: rockinqsranch
Satire Right!?

It seems.

By definition, satire would include the element of exaggeration to illustrate absurdity for the sake of humor or ridicule. Unfortunately, I know whacky leftist folks who would emphatically agree with this proposal.

26 posted on 08/19/2012 12:55:45 PM PDT by Jagdgewehr (It will take blood)
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To: Truth29

My thoughts exactly ... a retread.


27 posted on 08/19/2012 12:56:38 PM PDT by Bradís Gramma (PRAY for this country like your life depends on it......because it DOES!)
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To: Jagdgewehr

Why? Satire no longer sanctioned?


28 posted on 08/19/2012 12:56:52 PM PDT by DLfromthedesert
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To: DLfromthedesert

It is. Carry on.


29 posted on 08/19/2012 12:58:54 PM PDT by Jagdgewehr (It will take blood)
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To: TheBigLiberal

You done good. Great read..When Chairs are outlawed, only outlaws will have chairs.


30 posted on 08/19/2012 1:05:13 PM PDT by sockmonkey (She could never be a saint, but she thought she could be a martyr if they killed her quick)
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To: TheBigLiberal

The scariest part is that I know people (libs) that will read this & agree with it!


31 posted on 08/19/2012 1:10:03 PM PDT by Thom Pain (U.S. Constitution is a CONTRACT!)
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To: TheBigLiberal

OOH IBTZ.


32 posted on 08/19/2012 1:15:52 PM PDT by SwankyC
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To: TheBigLiberal

ibtz


33 posted on 08/19/2012 1:21:45 PM PDT by barmag25
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To: TheBigLiberal

This is actually pretty funny. I would say Sarcasm but the account was created today. haha.


34 posted on 08/19/2012 1:24:19 PM PDT by barmag25
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To: TheBigLiberal

Jonathan Swift wrote the original “A Modest Proposal”. This latest one is of that ilk.


35 posted on 08/19/2012 1:25:22 PM PDT by HChampagne
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To: TheBigLiberal; Admin Moderator
Okay, I was going to tell you to die, but.... it's clear you are serving a heaping helping of satire.

Admin, don't ban this one. If he's for real (I doubt) it's funnier than MurryMom... if he's not, this could be great!

36 posted on 08/19/2012 1:28:09 PM PDT by Lazamataz (I love the Universe, and it loves me.)
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To: TheBigLiberal

Dude, you came to the wrong house.

Your ignorant rant and rhetoric, no doubt, plays well at Daily Kos and DU, but you have come to OUR house with your silly ignorance.

Now, had you come wanting to learn or understand more about conservatives and conservatism, a number of us would have been happy to help you understand those concepts. However, you are so eaten up with liberal ignorance, there’s no place to start.

But, I’ll leave you with this. If you don’t want to be “slave” (as you put it) to rich people, why would you prefer to be a “slave” to big government? Don’t spend too much time trying to noodle that one out, you simply can’t understand it.


37 posted on 08/19/2012 1:29:26 PM PDT by DustyMoment (Congress - another name for white collar criminals!!)
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To: TheBigLiberal

Do you have a blog?


38 posted on 08/19/2012 1:32:29 PM PDT by OwenKellogg
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To: Lazamataz; TheBigLiberal
I am so in. We be all gettin' new blings. I like blings.


39 posted on 08/19/2012 1:37:55 PM PDT by bigheadfred
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To: TheBigLiberal
Conservatives think that freedom is more important than safety, but what good is freedom if you're dead? Freedom is just a made-up word that conservatives use to justify the dangerous world they live in. There is no logic behind freedom, all freedom does is increase the chance that someone could be hurt. The world is a dangerous place, and it's our job to band together and make it safe!

It boggles my mind that ANY human being, but especially someone who was raised in America, can actually think this.

My God, you're such an unfathomably, incomprehensibly stupid person. I would pity you if you weren't so dangerous to the rest of us.

40 posted on 08/19/2012 1:38:16 PM PDT by Future Snake Eater (CrossFit.com)
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To: TheBigLiberal

Ok, which one of my Facebook friends are you?

Lol, great job. This is a perfect distillation.


41 posted on 08/19/2012 1:42:38 PM PDT by Yaelle
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To: TheBigLiberal

Well played.


42 posted on 08/19/2012 1:42:59 PM PDT by Excellence (9/11 was an act of faith.)
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To: Berlin_Freeper

THAT is a GREAT PICTURE! The umpires run onto the field to seperate the warring players. LOL


43 posted on 08/19/2012 1:45:06 PM PDT by Lazamataz (I love the Universe, and it loves me.)
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To: Jagdgewehr

“Unfortunately, I know whacky leftist folks who would emphatically agree with this proposal. “

Indeed. But, that’s because their stated positions are so absurd and so far removed from that which is real that they are almost indistinguishable from the satiric.


44 posted on 08/19/2012 1:45:27 PM PDT by catnipman ((Cat Nipman: Vote Republican in 2012 and only be called racist one more time!))
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To: Lazamataz; MurryMom
Laz mentioned you, so I thought I'd ping you to see if you were still alive. Hadn't seen your moniker in ages.

If you are still on the planet, howdy!

5.56mm

45 posted on 08/19/2012 1:47:13 PM PDT by M Kehoe
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To: TheBigLiberal

Holy, shoot, man!! You fooled more than you didn’t fool!! You get the gold medal today!

You see, I was an English major so I knew this was satire before clicking on it. Swift’s is the ultimate example of good political satire and he would be damn proud of you.

And yes, I have “friends” on FB who think exactly like this, even though they know nothing about Marx to quote.


46 posted on 08/19/2012 1:48:51 PM PDT by Yaelle
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To: TheBigLiberal

Welcome to our Institute! Allow the surroundings to comfort you, to permit your misgivings to mist away, to set your mind on the road to that peace that only comes through sparkling truth. Our expert staff is, to a (wo)man, standing by to assist you with the good cheer that bubbles up in those who are on the path of Light. It won’t be long before you forget entirely the troubled, contorted musings that brought you here. Relax! Help is on the way!


47 posted on 08/19/2012 1:48:58 PM PDT by jobim (.)
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To: M Kehoe

MurryMom is... how do they put it over at her normal haunt?.... ‘tombstoned’.


48 posted on 08/19/2012 1:52:00 PM PDT by Lazamataz (I love the Universe, and it loves me.)
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To: Lazamataz
Thanks for the update.

I will not speak ill of the dead.

5.56mm

49 posted on 08/19/2012 2:01:04 PM PDT by M Kehoe
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To: TheBigLiberal
Clever....


50 posted on 08/19/2012 2:02:48 PM PDT by darkwing104 (Let's get dangerous)
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