Skip to comments.[SATIRE] A Modest Proposal
Posted on 08/19/2012 12:40:00 PM PDT by TheBigLiberal
I am going to be voting for Barack Obama in this election, he really has this country on the right track! Unlike far-right neo-fascist Nazis like Ron Paul and Gary Johnson who want nothing more than to subjugate the working class, Barack and his loyal socialist supporters, like myself, will fight to end suffering and inequality! Conservatives want nothing more than to endanger the people. They hide behind ideas like "freedom" and "choice," but those don't exist, in reality we are all nothing but slaves to the rich and to our own impulses.
Conservatives think that freedom is more important than safety, but what good is freedom if you're dead? Freedom is just a made-up word that conservatives use to justify the dangerous world they live in. There is no logic behind freedom, all freedom does is increase the chance that someone could be hurt. The world is a dangerous place, and it's our job to band together and make it safe!
For example, conservatives think people should drives cars! That's disgusting, cars are dangerous, we should get rid of cars cars and force the masses to use mass transit, which is far safer. Additionally, cars pollute the atmosphere and causes the planet to suffer, which in turn causes the masses to suffer. An added bonus to forcing the masses to use mass transit is that we can control where they go, this will prevent people from going to dangerous places that could result in them suffering. Is it not logical that we stop people from going to dangerous places?
Conservatives want the masses to own guns! Guns are even more dangerous than cars, there is no reason for anyone to ever own a gun. All a gun does is make it easier for people to stop our great progressive movement and to cause suffering to others. Gun ownership self-defense will no longer be needed, since no human being will never cause any harm to another human being, we shall instill this idea into our children, make them think that guns are evil and that there is never going to be a need for self-defense. Is it not logical that we should eliminate an item from society that has the potential to cause harm?
Conservatives hide behind their sports and their athletics, which are dangerous! Look at how many people are injured all of the time in their barbaric football and rugby? All sports are inherently dangerous, as they can result in suffering through accidents. The only good thing about sports is that it keeps the masses content and distracts their focus from our real agenda. As our great leader, Karl Marx, would have said: "sports are the opium of the masses." Is it not logical that we should get rid of these barbaric activities that only result in human suffering?
However, banning dangerous activities isn't enough, we need to actively safe-proof the world around us. There are so many dangers even in one's home. Even a chair could be dangerous, if someone falls on it and hits their neck at a certain angle, it could cause a great deal of suffering, or even death (which in turn causes even more suffering). Everything needs to be safe-proofed, to ensure that no one could ever have an accident. In fact, would it not be logical to simply suspend everyone in a type of stasis chamber, where they will be unconsciously living out their fantasies in their minds, without harming people?
The masses are such illogical creatures, they need someone like great leader Obama to tell us how to live our lives, he is America's only hope. If you believe as I believe, if you feel as I feel, then please, re-elect our great leader Obama in the coming months. Together, we can bring about a world free of pain, free of suffering, and free of immoral activities.
Oh wow, I am laughing so hard I think I hurt myself. WEll played!
you be Zot bait!!
zot coming soon
I think its Nurse Bloomberg!
Hmm, direct from the onion, political satire.
10, 9, 8, 7 ...
oh, kitty kitty
The sarcasm is pretty broad, but I've seen more blatant examples misunderstood here. So far, this thread is remarkably free of the humorously-challenged.
Kind of obvious as trolling goes. Don’t give up the day job, kid.
Number one is doctors. Have you noticed that everybody who goes to see a doctor eventually dies. There must be some kind of correlation in there.
Number two is religion. It seems to me that everybody who has a religion is actually wanting to go to the blessed place. Those who don't have a religion are able to do what they want, when they want. So lets ban all religions and everybody can have a good time before we go to the doctor.
Just my 1 1/4 cents (current value compared to last year 2) worth.
If we were all in stasis, why would we need a leader? See. That’s the trouble with all you big liberals. No logic.
It seems you have taken a page from Jonathan Swift....
Thank you for this outstanding take on pure, unadulterated, exuberant political satire!
You caught me! If you notice, “TheBigLiberal” also posts asking for donations to FR. So clearly, this is from one of our own. It sucked me in!! I should donate solely for the clever tactic!
By definition, satire would include the element of exaggeration to illustrate absurdity for the sake of humor or ridicule. Unfortunately, I know whacky leftist folks who would emphatically agree with this proposal.
My thoughts exactly ... a retread.
Why? Satire no longer sanctioned?
It is. Carry on.
You done good. Great read..When Chairs are outlawed, only outlaws will have chairs.
The scariest part is that I know people (libs) that will read this & agree with it!
This is actually pretty funny. I would say Sarcasm but the account was created today. haha.
Jonathan Swift wrote the original “A Modest Proposal”. This latest one is of that ilk.
Admin, don't ban this one. If he's for real (I doubt) it's funnier than MurryMom... if he's not, this could be great!
Dude, you came to the wrong house.
Your ignorant rant and rhetoric, no doubt, plays well at Daily Kos and DU, but you have come to OUR house with your silly ignorance.
Now, had you come wanting to learn or understand more about conservatives and conservatism, a number of us would have been happy to help you understand those concepts. However, you are so eaten up with liberal ignorance, there’s no place to start.
But, I’ll leave you with this. If you don’t want to be “slave” (as you put it) to rich people, why would you prefer to be a “slave” to big government? Don’t spend too much time trying to noodle that one out, you simply can’t understand it.
Do you have a blog?
It boggles my mind that ANY human being, but especially someone who was raised in America, can actually think this.
My God, you're such an unfathomably, incomprehensibly stupid person. I would pity you if you weren't so dangerous to the rest of us.
Ok, which one of my Facebook friends are you?
Lol, great job. This is a perfect distillation.
THAT is a GREAT PICTURE! The umpires run onto the field to seperate the warring players. LOL
“Unfortunately, I know whacky leftist folks who would emphatically agree with this proposal. “
Indeed. But, that’s because their stated positions are so absurd and so far removed from that which is real that they are almost indistinguishable from the satiric.
If you are still on the planet, howdy!
Holy, shoot, man!! You fooled more than you didn’t fool!! You get the gold medal today!
You see, I was an English major so I knew this was satire before clicking on it. Swift’s is the ultimate example of good political satire and he would be damn proud of you.
And yes, I have “friends” on FB who think exactly like this, even though they know nothing about Marx to quote.
Welcome to our Institute! Allow the surroundings to comfort you, to permit your misgivings to mist away, to set your mind on the road to that peace that only comes through sparkling truth. Our expert staff is, to a (wo)man, standing by to assist you with the good cheer that bubbles up in those who are on the path of Light. It won’t be long before you forget entirely the troubled, contorted musings that brought you here. Relax! Help is on the way!
MurryMom is... how do they put it over at her normal haunt?.... ‘tombstoned’.
I will not speak ill of the dead.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.