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(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

Posted on 08/24/2012 6:04:31 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

When my wife and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton,MS





We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used Sears repair since.






My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes, I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.



My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had ice-burg lettuce.
-- From Kansas City




I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office
To request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
From Kingman , KS



I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.



The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS



At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,'
Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


I feel like a VALEDICTORIAN !!!!!
I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please"

She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....


 
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
And for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.



How would you pronounce this child's name?
"Le-a"
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City , Mo.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha".
When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."

SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us......and they VOTE



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: ofst; silliness; stupidpeople
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1 posted on 08/24/2012 6:04:39 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen
Woohoo!!


2 posted on 08/24/2012 6:05:14 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

IBTP!!!!


3 posted on 08/24/2012 6:06:08 AM PDT by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

WEEEEEEEE!!!


IT'S TIME FOR


CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST




4 posted on 08/24/2012 6:07:02 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: JRios1968
NOT photoshopped

5 posted on 08/24/2012 6:17:12 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

Hurray!


6 posted on 08/24/2012 6:18:14 AM PDT by holly go-rightly
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To: Lucky9teen

Funny, they’re not even spelling “OIHO”

Look at it closely, and apparently they’re in “OIHA”

State #58??


7 posted on 08/24/2012 6:19:54 AM PDT by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: Lucky9teen

8 posted on 08/24/2012 6:23:50 AM PDT by trailhkr1
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To: Lucky9teen

Top Ten I hope!


9 posted on 08/24/2012 6:24:11 AM PDT by eCSMaster ('Nancy Pelosi is a DINGBAT.' - Gov. Sarah Palin)
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To: Lucky9teen
After swiping your card
(why steal your own card?)
At the store,
The machine asks, "Is $25.32 OK?"
To which I reply, looking confused
How would I know?
10 posted on 08/24/2012 6:27:35 AM PDT by knarf (I say things that are true ... I have no proof ... but they're true)
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To: Lucky9teen

DOH!


11 posted on 08/24/2012 6:33:13 AM PDT by smokingfrog ( sleep with one eye open (<o> ---)
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To: Lucky9teen

Tunak Tunak Tun - Dance Party Friday - Bloomingdale High School

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PftcnRRAg0o

Some of you may remember “Buffalax” versions of obscure videos. Here’s the Buffalaxed “Tunak Tunak Tun”, which inspired the above:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdG_fey4_ow

For those not familiar with “buffalax”, here’s a primer of his best work:

Benny Lava:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxS6bFFhi6g

Indian Thriller
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmLRFIjyfAg

Happy Friday!


12 posted on 08/24/2012 6:34:32 AM PDT by P.O.E. (Pray for America)
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To: Lucky9teen

13 posted on 08/24/2012 6:36:10 AM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis
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To: Lucky9teen

*** 23 ADULT TRUTHS ***

1. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Is learning cursive really necessary in today’s world?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. [Like when you get there?]

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. [Mine does]

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option. [I think they now do.]

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first “helmet” was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. [Ladies.....Quit Laughing.]


14 posted on 08/24/2012 6:37:58 AM PDT by sockhead (Socialism means equality . . . everyone is equally miserable.)
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To: Lucky9teen


15 posted on 08/24/2012 6:40:46 AM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis
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To: Lucky9teen
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes, I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

Reminds me of the time I ordered a banana split at Dairy Queen. Instead of the fudge, caramel, and fruit toppings, I asked for only fudge and caramel. Poor drive thru girl got all confused and didn't know how to handle putting two toppings on three scoops of ice cream. The look on her face was similar to this ....


16 posted on 08/24/2012 6:51:05 AM PDT by al_c (http://www.blowoutcongress.com)
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To: DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis

17 posted on 08/24/2012 6:53:48 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Lucky9teen
YIPPEEEE!!!

18 posted on 08/24/2012 7:00:44 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: P.O.E.

19 posted on 08/24/2012 7:01:41 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: JRios1968
Look at it closely, and apparently they’re in “OIHA”

"Oiha" is a Hawaiian phrase. It means "I was born in Kenya."

20 posted on 08/24/2012 7:02:05 AM PDT by eCSMaster ('Nancy Pelosi is a DINGBAT.' - Gov. Sarah Palin)
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To: Lucky9teen

21 posted on 08/24/2012 7:05:42 AM PDT by red-dawg (If muslims are exempt from Obamacare, then my name is Mohammed Suks.)
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To: Lucky9teen

WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF


22 posted on 08/24/2012 7:21:54 AM PDT by Currentriverrat (People are calling our President the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, that's not allowed is it?)
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To: Lucky9teen

23 posted on 08/24/2012 7:41:31 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: All

24 posted on 08/24/2012 7:50:22 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: Lucky9teen

25 posted on 08/24/2012 7:53:06 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: Lucky9teen
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
26 posted on 08/24/2012 8:09:40 AM PDT by Sax
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To: Lucky9teen
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
27 posted on 08/24/2012 8:16:49 AM PDT by Sax
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To: martin_fierro

A matching set...

I wonder if they have a similair set on thier steering wheels to blow so they can drive?


28 posted on 08/24/2012 8:21:00 AM PDT by Rightly Biased (How do you say Arkanicide in Kenyan?)
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To: Lucky9teen
All you need to know about bats! The newsletter from, "The Texas Gardener Seeds" said: Put up a bat house to encourage the presence of these shy animals. Bats consume 3,000 or more mosquitoes and other insects nightly, and bats are less likely to be rabid than dogs are. Need another reason? Bats are responsible for up to 95 percent of the seed dispersal essential to the regeneration of forests. Our planet is populated with plenty of bizarre and astonishing creatures. Here are three from the Bat Family... Sucker-footed Bat Red-Winged Fruit Bat Left-Winged Socialist Ding Bat If we could just train him to eat mosquitoes . . . or do SOMETHING useful!
29 posted on 08/24/2012 8:27:49 AM PDT by sunny48
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To: Lucky9teen
Years ago, one of my daughter's high school classmates committed suicide.

At the funeral, every one was obviously in shock and sad. The mother of the dead girl was doing her best to hold it together for her sake and all the girls who attended.

As she went from girl to girl, trying to comfort them, she came up to my daughter and her best friend (a blond, I might add) and said “Thank you for coming today, girls”. Our blond friend replied to the mom, “And you too”.

30 posted on 08/24/2012 8:30:24 AM PDT by llevrok (2012 : This is a civil war, not an election)
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To: Lucky9teen

13 simple steps to get you through a rough day,

Click for the rest. Too big to print. My favorites are 5 & 8

http://zqi.bo.lt/ajbza


31 posted on 08/24/2012 8:33:18 AM PDT by sunny48
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To: Lucky9teen

What’s wrong with them - they forgot to buckle up! :)


32 posted on 08/24/2012 8:47:58 AM PDT by presently no screen name
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To: Lucky9teen

Question – Who was the first liberal Democrat? Answer -Christopher Columbus. He left not knowing where he was going, got there not knowing where he was, left there not knowing where he’d been and did it all on borrowed money.

33 posted on 08/24/2012 8:49:28 AM PDT by unique1
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 33 1/3!


34 posted on 08/24/2012 8:49:32 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Only Obama put a dog on the roof of his mouth. Dogs are friends, not food.)
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To: Lucky9teen

So Funny! THANKS!

Now I have to - out for a bit. (the dash don’t be silent)


35 posted on 08/24/2012 8:56:58 AM PDT by presently no screen name
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To: Lucky9teen

36 posted on 08/24/2012 8:57:51 AM PDT by unique1
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To: Lucky9teen

The pastor of this Baptist church had called all of the little children, dressed in their cute Easter outfits, to the front of the church and had them sit around him.

He said, “Today is Easter, and you all look so handsome and beautiful. Today we’re going to talk about the resurrection. Does anyone know what the resurrection is?”

One little boy raised his hand, and the pastor held the microphone in front of him and said, “Please, tell us what the resurrection is.”

The little boy, proud of himself because he knew the answer, said in a clear, loud voice “When you get one lasting more than four hours, you gotta call a doctor!”

It took a solid five minutes before the pastor could speak again.


37 posted on 08/24/2012 8:59:04 AM PDT by unique1
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To: Lucky9teen

38 posted on 08/24/2012 8:59:54 AM PDT by unique1
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To: Lucky9teen
One of these dorks is not like the other.


39 posted on 08/24/2012 9:09:30 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Only Obama put a dog on the roof of his mouth. Dogs are friends, not food.)
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To: Lucky9teen

I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister.


40 posted on 08/24/2012 9:15:09 AM PDT by unique1
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To: Lucky9teen

41 posted on 08/24/2012 9:17:29 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Only Obama put a dog on the roof of his mouth. Dogs are friends, not food.)
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To: Lucky9teen; All

42 posted on 08/24/2012 9:30:25 AM PDT by musicman (Until I see the REAL Long Form Vault BC, he's just "PRES__ENT" Obama = Without "ID")
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To: a fool in paradise

43 posted on 08/24/2012 9:40:05 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen
I spent 20 years in the Navy, where I learned that there are some really gullible people out there.

One of the favorite pranks is to assign a new sailor the “Mail Buoy Watch.”

The sailor is outfitted with a climber's safety harness, kapok life jacket, hardhat, gloves, boat hook, and binoculars. He is stationed out on deck and given these instructions:

“Keep a close watch. Be vigilant. We will be passing a buoy and it will have the mail on it. You have to grab the mailbag with the boat hook as the ship sails past. Don't miss the mail buoy or the crew will be really pi$$ed.”

It's surprising how many sailors would fall for it.

44 posted on 08/24/2012 10:48:35 AM PDT by fredhead (It's my Herbie year...check out the number on the side of the famous VW.)
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To: Lucky9teen
Last night, for something different to watch, we decided to watch the Disney animated 1960’s classic movie “The Jungle Book.”

At one point near the end of the movie I almost fell off my chair laughing. Mowgli (the ‘man-cub’) had seen the little human girl, and Baloo (the bear) said to him, “Stay away from them, they're nothing but trouble.”

I looked over at my wife and started laughing. I don't think she caught the joke, I'm still uninjured.

45 posted on 08/24/2012 10:54:30 AM PDT by fredhead (It's my Herbie year...check out the number on the side of the famous VW.)
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To: Lucky9teen

46 posted on 08/24/2012 11:38:32 AM PDT by wyokostur
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To: wyokostur

47 posted on 08/24/2012 11:40:24 AM PDT by wyokostur
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To: fredhead

We used to send troops on many of pointless task:

Go to supply and get a box of grid squares.
Go to maintenance and get a can of in-flight missile grease (Artillery).
Go get the end of the orienting line.
Go see if gun 3 has anymore high angle primers. Make sure they are blue tipped instead of red.

etc, etc.


48 posted on 08/24/2012 11:41:19 AM PDT by occamrzr06
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To: wyokostur
YEA!!!! FRIDAY!! SILLINESS!!!
49 posted on 08/24/2012 11:43:51 AM PDT by wyokostur
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To: occamrzr06

One of my favorites as an electronics tech was to take a capacitor (which can hold a charge) and charge it up on a megger (which produces high voltage). You only get shocked if you touch the leads. You hold the capacitor by its body and when someone comes into the space, “Here, catch!!!”


50 posted on 08/24/2012 11:57:41 AM PDT by fredhead (It's my Herbie year...check out the number on the side of the famous VW.)
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