(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

[Lucky9teen]

When my wife and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton,MS

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We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used Sears repair since.

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My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes, I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

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My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had ice-burg lettuce.
-- From Kansas City

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I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office
To request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
From Kingman , KS

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I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

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The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

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At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,'
Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

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I feel like a VALEDICTORIAN !!!!!
I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please"

She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....

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I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
And for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

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How would you pronounce this child's name?
"Le-a"
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City , Mo.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha".
When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."

SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us......and they VOTE

[a fool in paradise]

[musicman]

[Lucky9teen]

[fredhead]

I spent 20 years in the Navy, where I learned that there are some really gullible people out there.

One of the favorite pranks is to assign a new sailor the “Mail Buoy Watch.”

The sailor is outfitted with a climber's safety harness, kapok life jacket, hardhat, gloves, boat hook, and binoculars. He is stationed out on deck and given these instructions:

“Keep a close watch. Be vigilant. We will be passing a buoy and it will have the mail on it. You have to grab the mailbag with the boat hook as the ship sails past. Don't miss the mail buoy or the crew will be really pi$$ed.”

It's surprising how many sailors would fall for it.

[fredhead]

Last night, for something different to watch, we decided to watch the Disney animated 1960’s classic movie “The Jungle Book.”

At one point near the end of the movie I almost fell off my chair laughing. Mowgli (the ‘man-cub’) had seen the little human girl, and Baloo (the bear) said to him, “Stay away from them, they're nothing but trouble.”

I looked over at my wife and started laughing. I don't think she caught the joke, I'm still uninjured.

[wyokostur]

[wyokostur]

[occamrzr06]

We used to send troops on many of pointless task:

Go to supply and get a box of grid squares.
Go to maintenance and get a can of in-flight missile grease (Artillery).
Go get the end of the orienting line.
Go see if gun 3 has anymore high angle primers. Make sure they are blue tipped instead of red.

etc, etc.

[wyokostur]

YEA!!!! FRIDAY!! SILLINESS!!!

[fredhead]

One of my favorites as an electronics tech was to take a capacitor (which can hold a charge) and charge it up on a megger (which produces high voltage). You only get shocked if you touch the leads. You hold the capacitor by its body and when someone comes into the space, “Here, catch!!!”

[MissTed]

Speaking of babies...

[MarineBrat]

[RandallFlagg]

Heh!

“Go get four fathoms of gig line.”
“Get me three pints of relative bearing grease.”
“Get me ten feet of water line.”
“Watch out for sea bats.”
“Go to the bridge and ask for the stern gate key (Only good on ships with a stern gate).”

[Missy Fallon]

Happy Friday to you!

[Missy Fallon]

Happy Friday to you!

[BenLurkin]

Good Kitty!

[CPOSharky]

It's surprising how many sailors would fall for it.

Did that with a group of sailors with an Ensign in charge while passing Hawaii. After about two hours the group had bled down to just the Ensign. One of his shipmates finally took him off "watch" after three hours.

Don't forget prop wash, a bucket of steam, and water line or shore line. Or send someone out to find Charly Nobel. (My next door neighbor is Charly Nobel. His dad was in the Navy)

[Loud Mime]

“It’s time to fundamentally change the way that we do business in Washington. To help build a new foundation for the 21st century, we need to reform our government so that it is more efficient, more transparent, and more creative. That will demand new thinking and a new sense of responsibility for every dollar that is spent.”

Obama’s BIG lie.

Thought this was good for a laugh

[cartan]

You think you are having a bad day??

[visualops]

hahahaha brillant