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Actor Kevin Bacon Changing Last Name To Appease Muslims
http://www.duhprogressive.com ^

Posted on 08/29/2012 9:18:29 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

(NEW YORK)‘Tis but thy name that is my enemy…What's in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet,” wrote Shakespeare in Romeo & Juliet.   But apparently thy name is no longer so sweet for actor Kevin Bacon.  

     Bowing to pressure from various Muslim groups such as CAIR (Center for American–Islamic Relations), the iconic actor and musician has publically vowed to change his last name.  The reason: although many Muslims, like most Americans, watch films featuring the seemingly omnipresent actor, his last name has become a source of “discomfort,” as it is a byproduct of pork, a strictly forbidden meat within the Islamic faith. 

     The star of Footloose, A Few Good Men, Mystic River and countless other films issued a press release Tuesday afetrnoon announcing he will be changing his last name “due to increasing demand from the Muslim community to be able to enjoy my films while not having to be reminded of the filthy, horrid meat so common among ‘infidels.’ ”

   Although Bacon did not state what new name he would adopt to appease America’s Muslim community, the actor’s press statement Tuesday made it clear he would be formally changing his surname within the month.

   Said the now Artist-Formally-Known-As Bacon in his statement:

“Although the Bacon family has held our name humbly and innocuously throughout generations, I had no idea it was causing members of our Muslim community discomfort and impeding their enjoyment of my films and music.   It is with great apologies to CAIR and other representatives of the Islamic community that I hereby renounce my surname of ‘Bacon,’ since it is a source of revulsion to some of the Muslim community.…Had I known my name would be provoking the thought of such a cultural dietary taboo, I would have begun my acting career in 1978 under a different name.   I extend my sincerest apologies to any members of the Muslim community who may have taken offense to my porcine name.”

                              -Kevin Soon-Not-To-Be Bacon

     Bacon’s renouncement of his last name comes after several incidents across the nation in which strips of bacon have been left on the steps of Islamic mosques and at Staten Island’s New Drop Beach Park on August 20th, where hundreds of Muslims gathered to celebrate the end of the holy month of Ramadan, prompting police to probe” the placement of the lifeless pork slices as a hate crime. Reactions within social media outlets to such incidents have resulted in declarations such as an official “Bacon Appreciation Day” (September 1st) according to Facebook’s “BACON APPRECIATION DAY” home page, which is so shockingly insensitive that the esteemed journalists at Duh Progressive have become very upset and must pause from writing about it for a moment…


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyqo4oh-AzU


    ...Okay, we are back.    

    According to Islamic spokespeoplepersonisndividuals such as CAIR’s National Communications Director, Ibrahim Hooper, who had vowed a boycott Kevin Bacon’s movies until the actor changed his last name to something less offensive, Bacon’s announcement is bitter sweet; a case of “too little, too late.”

     Said Hooper on Tuesday to Duh Progressive, “We are pleased that our requests for Kevin You-Know-Who to change his name have been finally met. But that doesn’t replace all those years of trying to enjoy his movies while not thinking about the sacrilegious meat he symbolized.”

     However, prominent leaders of other non-pork-eating religions are voicing support for Kevin Bacon, counter-demanding the actor not change his name.   Rosalind Jekowsky, Vice President of the Jewish Community Relationship Council of San Francisco, said she would “re-boycott” Bacon’s movies if the 54-year-old actor did change his name. “I’ve watched Kevin Bacon ever since Animal House; enjoyed all his work…shit, even Hallow Man!” Jekowsky said Tuesday, adding, “Hey, a number of religions reject pork, but why it is only Muslims get to change a entire family’s surname because it abstractly ‘offends them?’ Why do they care and we (Jews) don’t?”

     Continued Jekowsky, “To bully (Bacon) into changing his name to appease a fraction of Muslims who even care is the epitome of political correctness run amuck. …So we urge people of sound mind everywhere to counter-boycott (Bacon) upon his announcing his new name.   That’s the only reasonable course of action.”

     Although there is yet no word on what new name will replace Kevin Bacon’s Bacon, sources close to the actor’s wife, actress Kyra Sedgwick, claim Bacon is toying with several possible names guaranteed not to offend the U.S.’s Muslim community, among which are Kevin Hummus, Kevin Lambshanks, Kevin Shish Kabobs, Kevin Kabob, Kevin al-Mufti, or Kevin…………

BREAKING:  As of 6:02 PM, PT, Kevin Bacon’s manager, Stacey Boniello, said that in response to demands from numerous and prominent leaders of the Muslim community (all five of them) to change his last name, he has chosen a last name “accommodating fans of all faiths, particularly Muslims.”   As of next month, Kevin Bacon will be known asKevin Nine Eleven.”

    "Great to meet you, Mr. Nine Eleven!  Can I have your autograph, please?"



TOPICS: Conspiracy; Humor; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: kevinbacon; muslims; politicallycorrect; sourcetitlenoturl
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I don't know if this is satire...
1 posted on 08/29/2012 9:18:36 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

How about:

Kevin Sausage


2 posted on 08/29/2012 9:21:23 AM PDT by chopperman
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To: Lucky9teen

Really? You don’t know? Just sit back and think about it for 5 seconds.


3 posted on 08/29/2012 9:21:42 AM PDT by rudabaga
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To: Lucky9teen

Duh...


4 posted on 08/29/2012 9:21:59 AM PDT by MestaMachine (obama kills)
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To: chopperman

How about:

Kevin Kebab


5 posted on 08/29/2012 9:24:02 AM PDT by 353FMG (The US Constitution is only as good as those who enforce it.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Kevin Porkloin


6 posted on 08/29/2012 9:24:16 AM PDT by EGPWS (Trust in God, question everyone else)
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Comment #7 Removed by Moderator

To: Lucky9teen

Perhaps to the less cumbersome and more delightful Kevin Al-Awar El-Hussani Mohammad Jabar Assad El-Wankar ...


8 posted on 08/29/2012 9:24:41 AM PDT by dartuser ("If you are ... what you were ... then you're not.")
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To: Lucky9teen

Kevin Halal.


9 posted on 08/29/2012 9:25:13 AM PDT by deadrock
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To: Lucky9teen

Kevin Spam?


10 posted on 08/29/2012 9:26:17 AM PDT by buffaloguy
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To: Lucky9teen

Not to mention that the commodities exchange will suspend the trading of “pork bellies” and Pet Smart says they will not long sell HAMsters.


11 posted on 08/29/2012 9:26:24 AM PDT by Portcall24
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To: MestaMachine

Kevin Coward has a nice ring to it.


12 posted on 08/29/2012 9:26:30 AM PDT by Daffynition (Our forefathers would be shooting by now.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Has to be satire...

....on a similar note A friend who’s brother was a reform rabbi use to tell his young children that they were eating ‘pastrami’ when they were actually eating bacon so that his ‘flock’ wouldn’t know they were eating bacon Although this jewish sect were not strict on dietary rules. They held their rabbis to a higher standard


13 posted on 08/29/2012 9:27:54 AM PDT by Vaquero (Don't pick a fight with an old guy. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Kevin Chop-The-Heads-Off-Infidels should do it.


14 posted on 08/29/2012 9:28:02 AM PDT by freedomlover
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To: MestaMachine
Photobucket
15 posted on 08/29/2012 9:28:27 AM PDT by EGPWS (Trust in God, question everyone else)
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To: chopperman

How about Kevin Limpdick..


16 posted on 08/29/2012 9:28:29 AM PDT by Fedupwithit ("Live Free or Die: Death is not the worst of evils" - Gen. John Stark)
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To: EGPWS

How about: Kevin Weenie


17 posted on 08/29/2012 9:29:20 AM PDT by SMARTY ("The man who has no inner-life is a slave to his surroundings. "Henri Frederic Amiel)
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To: EGPWS

Kevin OchoCinco?


18 posted on 08/29/2012 9:29:58 AM PDT by dfwgator
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To: JoeProBono
Now what are we gonna do? Have to delete all the KB images we use for bacon threads from own *BACON* files. Heh.

Someone say bacon? I'm hungry now....BRB.


19 posted on 08/29/2012 9:30:38 AM PDT by Daffynition (Our forefathers would be shooting by now.)
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To: Lucky9teen
From the web:

" Actor Kevin Bacon told The Daily Caller on Thursday that he feels President Obama has “made a difference” and will be supporting him for re-election.
“I’m going to vote for Obama,” Bacon said. “I think he has already made a difference and I support him.” He also said that he was please “overall” with Obama’s performance."

20 posted on 08/29/2012 9:31:40 AM PDT by Baynative
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To: Lucky9teen
From the article...

>>lifeless pork slices<<

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Gasp! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

21 posted on 08/29/2012 9:33:07 AM PDT by Daffynition (Our forefathers would be shooting by now.)
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To: Daffynition

Kevin Coward has a nice ring to it.

Why? Cause you are too stupid to know it is a joke. Figures.


22 posted on 08/29/2012 9:33:07 AM PDT by napscoordinator (2016 U.S. President Rick Santorum gave the best speech at the Convention! Congratulations)
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To: Lucky9teen

But he loves that his name is Bacon;

( Adult language warning )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nX1Nh6c80wo


23 posted on 08/29/2012 9:33:55 AM PDT by Hillarys Gate Cult (Liberals make unrealistic demands on reality and reality doesn't oblige them.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Kevin Lettuceandtomato.


24 posted on 08/29/2012 9:34:06 AM PDT by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong!)
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To: Lucky9teen

His new name will be Mohammed Bacon.


25 posted on 08/29/2012 9:34:31 AM PDT by Argus
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To: Lucky9teen

Kevin PigMeat?


26 posted on 08/29/2012 9:34:31 AM PDT by BuffaloJack (The First Amendment is a large caliber weapon. USE IT !!!)
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To: Lucky9teen

Kevin Pedoprophet....?


27 posted on 08/29/2012 9:35:56 AM PDT by JoeDetweiler
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To: Lucky9teen

"Thank you sir! May I have another?"

28 posted on 08/29/2012 9:36:04 AM PDT by Cincinatus (Omnia relinquit servare Rempublicam)
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To: Lucky9teen

Here is a song for Kevin’s new name

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITeuaqcpckc


29 posted on 08/29/2012 9:36:23 AM PDT by Nachum (The List was hacked- www.nachumlist.com)
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To: Lucky9teen

Well, Six Degree of Kevin Muhammad Jihad just doesn’t sound right....


30 posted on 08/29/2012 9:36:35 AM PDT by Molon Labbie (Prep. Now. Live Healthy, take your Shooting Iron daily.)
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To: Lucky9teen

I don’t know if this is satire...

<><><><

LOL.

Let me assist. Here is the text of their About page..

About Us

If you’ve ever read The Onion, you can guess what we’re about. Take the snarkiness of a liberal and put it in the body of a contemporary conservative (i.e. more libertarian than anything), and wha-la, you have Duh Progressive!


31 posted on 08/29/2012 9:36:45 AM PDT by dmz
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To: napscoordinator
Little early in the day for....


32 posted on 08/29/2012 9:37:18 AM PDT by Daffynition (Our forefathers would be shooting by now.)
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To: chopperman
Kevin Sausage

I was thinking Keven Hamm.

33 posted on 08/29/2012 9:41:29 AM PDT by InterceptPoint (.)
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To: DEADROCK

Kevin Soetoro.


34 posted on 08/29/2012 9:42:57 AM PDT by LyinLibs (If victims of islam were more "islamophobic," maybe they'd still be alive.)
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To: Daffynition

Yummy. Actually I decided one day to go try that bacon sundae at Burger King just because and it was the worst thing ever. Just awful and I love both ice cream and bacon. But together should be against the law...lol. It was just too overwelming. Anyway this thread is all about sarcasm...I am sure you know that.


35 posted on 08/29/2012 9:43:21 AM PDT by napscoordinator (2016 U.S. President Rick Santorum gave the best speech at the Convention! Congratulations)
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To: Lucky9teen
I'd go with "Kevin Fukallah". Kind of rolls off the tongue...fa-kal-ah.
36 posted on 08/29/2012 9:46:07 AM PDT by Aevery_Freeman (All Y'all White Peoples is racist!)
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To: dmz
You didn't build that! Bacon built that!

37 posted on 08/29/2012 9:48:16 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

Kevin Show Bottom of Foot?


38 posted on 08/29/2012 9:50:50 AM PDT by bmwcyle (Corollary - Electing the same person over and over and expecting a different outcome is insanity)
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To: Lucky9teen

Now what do we call the “six degrees of separation?” The “Kevin Halal Turkey” game?


39 posted on 08/29/2012 9:51:14 AM PDT by ScottinVA (If Obama is reelected, America will deserve every mockery that follows.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Change it to Kevin Pork. Oh wait a minute, never mind.


40 posted on 08/29/2012 9:51:23 AM PDT by duckman (Dr Ben Carlson: Vision Not Division.)
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To: Lucky9teen
In honor of his role in Animal House, I recommend he change his name to

"Chip Beef"

41 posted on 08/29/2012 9:51:44 AM PDT by Night Hides Not (The Tea Party was the earthquake, and Chick Fil A the tsunami...100's of aftershocks to come.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Jon Hamm of Madmen,you’re next.


42 posted on 08/29/2012 9:53:39 AM PDT by chuckee
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To: Lucky9teen

Hello Kevin Hashbrowns.


43 posted on 08/29/2012 9:54:24 AM PDT by skeeter
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To: napscoordinator
>>I am sure you know that.<<

Yes, now that you smacked me in the face with it. Have a nice day ...after I wash your mouth out with soap.:)


44 posted on 08/29/2012 9:54:52 AM PDT by Daffynition (Our forefathers would be shooting by now.)
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To: Lucky9teen

And the winner for best actor is... Kevin Eggplant.


45 posted on 08/29/2012 10:01:26 AM PDT by Freedom_Is_Not_Free (REPEAL OBAMACARE. Nothing else matters.)
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To: chopperman

“Kevin Chicken” maybe.


46 posted on 08/29/2012 10:04:38 AM PDT by EggsAckley ("There's an Ethiopian in the fuel supply!")
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To: Freedom_Is_Not_Free

47 posted on 08/29/2012 10:04:46 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

I only regret that I have but one life to give for my bacon.


48 posted on 08/29/2012 10:08:42 AM PDT by dmz
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To: dmz

49 posted on 08/29/2012 10:12:08 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

Kevin Meathead.


50 posted on 08/29/2012 10:17:34 AM PDT by SgtHooper (The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.)
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