Lawn porn.
Posted on 09/09/2012 6:41:31 PM PDT by Doogle
The grass is always greener on Jackson Madnick’s lawn in Wayland, Mass.: green in a drought and green when it emerges from under the snow. Yet, he barely waters and mows it, and he never uses chemical pesticides or fertilizers.
It sounds too good to be true, but Madnick may have grown a better lawn.
After more than ten years of experimenting with thousands of seeds, he cultivated Pearl’s Premium -- a specific mix of red fescue, tall fescue, sheep fescue and other grasses. When combined in special proportions adjusted for sun, shade and sunny-shade, his blends produce deep green, thin-blade ground cover that's hardy yet soft to the touch.
“I almost didn't water it this year,” Phyllis Kominz from Massachusetts told FoxNews.com. Kominz has been using Pearl’s Premium for about three years and describes it as an “elegant” grass. “I mow it once a month, and my daughter never mows it because they’re too busy.”
(Excerpt) Read more at foxnews.com ...
GOD: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.
ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have they scheduled for us tonight?"
ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a really stupid movie about.....
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
I bought a pound of buffalo grass this summer. I luckily didn’t plant it. The drought would have doomed it I’m sure.
I plan on starting it and letting it go to seed and propagating more from that. It helps that I don’t live in a city and there is no one to give me a hard time about not mowing it.
Is that because it's Lowe-growing grass???
I like your tag line!
Mark
I wonder how it would hold up in a fenced yard with several Golden Retrievers having the run of the yard for much of the day.
Lawn porn.
That is a BEAUTIFUL lawn!
And I'd only have to mow it once a month instead of once every four damn days?!?!
I confess to lusting after another man's lawn.
I be very skeptical.
My lawn is infiltrated with Dallas grass, miss a week of cutting and you're looking at stuff 8 inches tall or better.
My lawn is infiltrated with Dallas grass, ...
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I bought a house in the mid-’70s that was a “fixer upper” that was only 11 years old, because the previous owner had never done any maintenance or yardwork. The large backyard was about 50% nothing but Dallis(sp?)grass! I had to use a pick axe and shovel to dig that stuff out!
The article said Home Depot online
We have a heavily wooded back yard that’s nothing but clay, rocks and leaves. I’d be really interested to see if this product works. I looked online and there is a variation for shade. At $162. for a 25lb bag, it’s a little pricey, but might be worth a try. Thanks for the article link!
I borrowed this tagline from a comment by another Freeper in the run up to the DNC Convention.
I have looked for it and not found it for sale in MN...I’m assuming winter here would kill it any way.
pricey indeed...might want to wait a bit until it’s worth a big companies interest to buy the rights to it ...might lower the cost some..
But definitely not as expensive as laying sod, which we were thinking we’d have to do.
thank you for the correction....I appreciate it...
That was very enjoyable! Thanks for sharing. I needed a good laugh today!
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