Posted on 09/21/2012 1:58:04 PM PDT by Pharmboy
I have always enjoyed hearing those funny and clever expressions handed down from grandmas and grandpas in the heartland. I grew up in the east, but went to school in the mid-west, and some of the guys I went to school with had some great ones.
I would love to hear some of yours.
I will start with a few that I heard years ago, and ask you folks to add your own favorites that you heard from friends and family.
My dad (NYC):
"Busier than a one-armed paper hanger."
From a buddy from Indiana:
"Well, he stands out like two turds in a pan of milk."
"She's crazier than a half-f***ed fox during the heat season."
From a guy from Georgia who lived down the hall [said about a woman who was not particularly attractive]:
She sure ain't nobody's pretty chile."
A woman from Maryland as she goes to answer the telelphone:
"What kind of fresh hell is this?"
Now you go...
Colder than a witches teat in a brass bra.
Her teeth were so bucked she could eat a corn through a picket fence.
Western Colorado
It is hotter out than 2 mice going at it in a wool sock.
“That boy’s so dumb he thought asphalt was a rectal problem.” more from the Ozarks
Built like a brick s—t house!
Bat s—t crazy!
In response to “Ya, but” “Yabuts live in the woods”
As the crow flies.
So poor I can’t even pay attention.
. . as quite as a cat peein’ on cotton
That's about as useful as hen shit on a pump handle.
Ping for your collective humorous wisdom.
When I tell my country fried girlfriend my side of conversation with guy or gal she’ll reply “and what did he (or she) allow?”
Translated: What did he/she say?—NC
Couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if directions were on the heel.
You could’nt find your ass with a search warrant.
Tighter then dicks hat band.
Busier then a one armed paper hanger.
That’s a NM one, too. Probably the whole SW.
“I feel like I've been drug thorough hell backwards then slapped in the face with buzzard guts”
His picnic basket is a sandwich short.
So ugly they had to tie a pork chop around his neck so the dog would play with him.
"he's like a ______ in jail, he ain't goin' nowhere"
someone who isn't moving fast enough:
"Damn boy, yer moving slower than pond water" or, alternatively:
"damn son, yer moving slower than a ___________ looking for a job"
someone moving very quickly:
He's moving like a ________ chasing free cheese.
something that doesn't make any sense:
that's as wrong as two boys f***ing.
They didn’t hit her with an ugly stick they fell the whole tree on her.
My family did not use many of these phrases. They came from my husband’s family—Southern Ohio, Southern Indiana...
Close, but no cigar.
He’s a few bricks shy of a load.
Her elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Crooked-er than a dog’s hind leg.
Go pi$$ up a rope.
From another thread: “San Fran Nan is crazier than a rabid bat.” From a Wa. State FReep.
Not Midwest, but it works.
From central Pennsylvania grand parents
(meaning stupid)dumb as a post
(referring to a woman meaning she was angry)mad as wet hen
mountains of NC
(meaning sad)
lower than a blue snake in a cold bucket in January.
(meaning crazy) cock eyed.
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