Posted on 10/11/2012 1:08:04 PM PDT by upchuck
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party and the Republican success in taking control of the House of Representatives are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn't give any milk.”
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age." an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them." an Ottawa resident said. "How many art history majors does one country need?"
Well all I can say is if they’re crossing over Derby line and haven’t thought to pick up some booze in Newport, there’s something fishy going on.
I read it all but you should keep your day job, whatever it may be.
Mike isn’t much to look at (for me), but he has a couple of daughters working on his crew that are knockouts, even when covered with paint and dust.
Myron Floren is/was the accordion player for Lawrence Welk. I think I’ll go sink into a deep depression because I knew that......
-——He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. ———
The farmer offered him some cauliflower and the illegal asked what the carbon footprint was..... rimshot
( stolen from a GEICO commercial. This part is gone now but Gallager is still smashing the envirowackos, green on the outside but very red on the inside )
Snip: The full time workers – whose number could grow to as many as 2,000 eventually – follow $1.4 billion in Chinese funding for two of four coal projects in the northeast of the province announced in November.
The people of "The Great White North" might want to look at the ChiCom run mines in South Africa before letting the ChiComs run their mines.
Canada Ping!
A tougher test would be to identify Guy Lombardo and the name of his band.
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