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EPA to regulate campaign signs, flyers
Some crazy guy | 18 October 2012 | self

Posted on 10/18/2012 4:36:25 PM PDT by verum ago

Washington, D.C.– The EPA made the surprise announcement through its Ohio office today that it will regulate campaign signs and flyers in an effort to protect the environment from their harmful effects.

"Unprecedented numbers of Romney/Ryan signs have broken out this across the country, hand equally unprecedented numbers are being defaced and thrown away clandestinely" said EPA spokesperson Heidi Griesmer. "There has already been an alarming number of wildlife die-offs related to the sign pandemic."

On Wednesday, Ohio Department of Natural Resources personnel reported finding a pond overflowing with defaced Romney/Ryan signs, destroying its value as a habitat for fish and migratory birds. Monday morning, Pennsylvania officials were called by shocked hunters who had discovered several dead deer which had apparently been overcome by fumes from a massive bonfire of Romney/Ryan signs upwind of the woods of where they had bedded down for the night.

"As Romney and Ryan expand their lead over Obama and Biden, this outbreak will only get worse. It's the duty of the EPA to do whatever it takes to defend our wildlife and natural spaces from electoral pollution," said Griesmer. "If we do nothing, illicit disposal of signs could eventually reach levels threatening human residents as well. This is a problem that concerns us all."

The core of the EPA regulations is twofold: first, the burning and disposal of Romney/Ryan signs on public land will command a $10,000 fine per offense, with probation on the first offense and up to 2 months jail time for each subsequent incident. Second, the EPA will set up special sign disposal centers where frustrated Democrats can safely drop off their neighbors' signs for recycling.

The EPA is also considering extending protection to Obama/Biden bumper stickers and signs, citing the precipitous drop in their populations over the last four years. "The populations of signs and stickers advocating Democrat candidates have dropped to alarmingly low levels," Griesmer said. "The President has expressed interest not only in protecting them, but perhaps introducing a captive printing campaign to shore up their numbers."


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: campaign; election; epa; satire
satire
1 posted on 10/18/2012 4:36:32 PM PDT by verum ago
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To: verum ago
Oh yeah . . . "campaign signs" is in our Constitution along with "privacy, abortion, penumbra, 1-gal per flush, etc." Amazing what I missed in my civics classes.

If Romney doesn't close down this agency when elected, then we're sunk.

2 posted on 10/18/2012 4:44:19 PM PDT by laweeks
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To: verum ago

You see the size of my knuckles? Don't touch my sign! Is that an EPA Agent over there ? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
3 posted on 10/18/2012 4:45:28 PM PDT by TsonicTsunami08
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Comment #4 Removed by Moderator

To: TsonicTsunami08

YOU are having WAY too much fun posting! (don’t stop! Ping me!) ;)


5 posted on 10/18/2012 4:51:03 PM PDT by Bradís Gramma (PRAY for this country like your life depends on it......because it DOES!)
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To: GeronL

I was bored and thought of Ass-Pos ping


6 posted on 10/18/2012 4:51:50 PM PDT by verum ago (Some people must truly be in love, for only love can be so blind.)
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To: verum ago

Ah yes, the ole 4th branch of gov’t flexing their muscle.


7 posted on 10/18/2012 4:55:10 PM PDT by umgud (No Rats, No Rino's)
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To: verum ago

COMMUNISTS


8 posted on 10/18/2012 5:00:15 PM PDT by freekitty (Give me back my conservative vote; then find me a real conservative to vote for)
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To: verum ago

Knowing Obama and the EPA this actually strikes me that it could be true.


9 posted on 10/18/2012 5:06:22 PM PDT by Venturer
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To: verum ago

As far as satire goes F-


10 posted on 10/18/2012 5:14:17 PM PDT by Jean S
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To: verum ago

Somebody needs to regulate the EPA “in an effort to protect the environment from their harmful effects.”

What a waste of tax money!!!


11 posted on 10/18/2012 5:17:14 PM PDT by DustyMoment (Congress - another name for white collar criminals!!)
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To: laweeks
If Romney doesn't close down this agency when elected, then we're sunk.

Better buy a life vest!! Romney won't shut it down.

12 posted on 10/18/2012 5:18:27 PM PDT by DustyMoment (Congress - another name for white collar criminals!!)
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To: verum ago

This is obviously bogus. The EPA would never venture out into areas of regulation where they haven’t been granted authority.


13 posted on 10/18/2012 5:25:28 PM PDT by lurk
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To: Jean S

As far as satire goes F-

That’s harsh! I thought it was pretty clever.


14 posted on 10/18/2012 5:36:35 PM PDT by GrannyAnn
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To: verum ago; GeronL

actually, a better way to put it would be “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” ping


15 posted on 10/18/2012 5:54:17 PM PDT by verum ago (Some people must truly be in love, for only love can be so blind.)
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To: verum ago

lol

thanks


16 posted on 10/18/2012 5:56:30 PM PDT by GeronL (http://asspos.blogspot.com)
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To: verum ago

It’s very good I think


17 posted on 10/18/2012 5:57:18 PM PDT by GeronL (http://asspos.blogspot.com)
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To: Jean S
If you were grading it on realism, that wasn't what I was going for. Just silliness/amusement.

Sorry you didn't like it. Have a good night*

*I really do mean that :-)
18 posted on 10/18/2012 6:30:11 PM PDT by verum ago (Some people must truly be in love, for only love can be so blind.)
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To: verum ago

I do hope you have a video camera when Obama’s Armed & Dangerous pay you a visit for what you wrote.

;-)


19 posted on 10/18/2012 7:09:04 PM PDT by GladesGuru (In a society predicated upon freedom, it is necessary to examine principles."...the public interest)
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To: verum ago
My first yard sign lasted from March through August before being destroyed by vandals...or maybe it was the EPA? Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
My latest yard sign has video surveilance.... Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

20 posted on 10/18/2012 7:57:44 PM PDT by Trteamer ( (Eat Meat, Wear Fur, Own Guns, FReep Leftists, Drive an SUV, Drill A.N.W.R., Drill the Gulf, Vote)
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