Skip to comments.(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)
Posted on 10/26/2012 6:04:06 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
One witch told another witch, "I want one of those new computers that has a spell checker."
Don't bother inviting the Invisible Man to your Halloween party.
He won't show up. Sometimes he makes excuses, but they're all transparent.
A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer dashes to his studio, develops the film and learns that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.
Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
A vampire joined the police force so he could learn the correct way to get a stakeout.
The ghost was lonely because he didn't have a ghoulfriend.
Who do they call when a demon needs a personal trainer? The exercist!
Hall o' wiener: when I decorated my foyer with sausage.
Pumpkin juice + Chardonnay = Hallow'ine?
Impossible to track down: the Wherewolf.
The vampire was known for his awful puns. They called him Count Dreckula.
The giant sea-lizard was a bit of a practical joker. They called him Goadzilla.
We all know about the rash of unexplained deaths in the village of Sleepy Hollow.
But, as an unfortunate sidebar, to deal with all the corpses was a most incompetent funeral director,
nicknamed the Heedless Hearseman.
Hansel and Gretel must have misread the invitation they thought they'd been asked to join the witches coven!
Do posh demons go cruising in a coupe devil?
Some prefer getting candy on Halloween, but two days later I like to go out and collect shoes. I call it All Soles Day.
The wandering minstrel was excited about trick-or-treating. He said, I hear there's gonna be lute!
My house is haunted by the ghosts of a thousand chickens. It's just like that movie, Poultrygeist.
The Irishman was visited by a ghost while making moonshine. "I can't sleep at night," the man said, "it haunts me still. " (Irish accent needed)
Mary Shelley wrote about her good friend Benjamin Franklin's obsession with German beer. She called it Frank and stein'.
Where do zombies 'get down'? In the raveyard. (A good place to get tombstoned?)
You hear about the play they staged in a cemetery? It got grave reviews.
Was the TV newsman haunted by his exact double? Yes, it was a Koppelganger.
Skeletonnes are heavier than they look.
A skeleton's favourite Billy Idol song? Bony Bony '.
Never ask a warlock where he works: it tends to be a sorce' spot.
In Canada the werewolves are obsessed with hockey hairdos'. In fact they can only be killed with a silver mullet.
When demons go to university, they get to take a lot of hellectives.
Woohoo!! It’s finally Friday!!
Iss zis vere ve come for ze zilliness?
I am ready for ze zilliness!
Trick or treat. TOP TEN!!!!!!!!!!
Ze zilliness, please. Zis hass bean a zerious veek. I am much in need of ze zilliness.
THE HEIGHT OF
CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST
|You Should Be an Action Hero for Halloween|
Your runner up costume: Gangster
Top 100. Happy Friday!
Dad: Here’s the deal, kid. You go up to the door and ask for candy.
Kid: Why? What did I do to deserve them giving me candy?
Dad: You didn’t do anything to deserve it. You get it just because you’re alive.
Dad: And if they don’t give it to you, you threaten them with a trick.
Kid: Wait, I didn’t do anything to deserve it, but I have the right to get mad and threaten them with a trick if they don’t give it to me?
Dad: That’s right.
Kid: Are we Democrats?
Halloween - teaching kids to be Democrats since 1947.
Come to my door, you must.
Bark at you, I will.
TOP 20! YAY!!!
It’s almost Halloween and no pictures of Hilary, Mooshell, Pelosi, or Helen Thomas? What gives?
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
People always say the thing they were looking for was in the last place they looked. Of course it was. What type of moron would you have to be to keep searching after you found it?
I have no trouble at all with the button on my jeans.
Its a snap.
If I had a dollar for every time a woman told me I'm hansome, I'd have one dollar.
My girlfriend told the police I'm stalking her! Can you believe it?
Well, she's not my girlfriend just yet...
How long a minute is depends entirely on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Be patient. They were getting on their costumes....
An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.
The bartender asks, “Whats wrong?”
The old man looks at the bartender through Teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper, Extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”
The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”
The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I cant remember where I live!”
|You Should Be a Vampire for Halloween|
Your runner up costume: Geisha
Not sure how far I should get into this thread today....had my gallbladder yanked day before yestiddy, and do NOT want to get the giggles...
What’s the difference between a politician and a vampire?
One’s a bloodsucking fiend that will take all the life from you and leave you for dead, the other one’s a myth.
Mexican word of the day: Wheelchair. “Me and Juan only had 1 taco but thats ok, wheelchair.
WOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF TOP 50!!!!!!!
I took the costume quiz, but the questions about dresses and makeup concerned me, as I don’t go in for that sort of thing (I’m a guy).
I think I’ll just don my normal costume, which is a slightly geeky middle-aged guy who’s into cycling. For some reason, I seem to have all the components of the costume readily available at home!
"Wait a second, that's not coffee in your cup!"
A vampire, a werewolf, and an honest politician walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “Wait a minute. This can’t be real. There’s no such thing as an honest politician.”
From the roots:
poly - meaning many
ticks - meaning small, bloodsucking parasites
I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is MORE SILLINESS!!
WaaaHoooo! First 26
DO NOT WANT!!!!
Ewwwww, you just ruined Pinky Pie for this Pegasister!
A few years ago, I went to a Halloweeen costume party, buck nekkid except for an Idaho potato tied on a string, around my waist.
I went as a dick-tater
[ticks - meaning small, bloodsucking parasites]
So we are not to make any bile comments about your condition, huh?
I promise you will be sharing this with all your friends.
The Tater family was sitting down to dinner. Pa Tater first addressed his oldest son, Junior.
“Junior, are you seeing anyone special these days?”
Junior replied, “Yessir, Pa. I’m seeing a lovely russet.”
Pa smiled and said, “That’s a right fine tater, son, a right fine tater.”
Pa then turned his attention to his second son.
“What about you, Joe Bob? You seeing anyone special?”
Joe Bob gave a big grin and said, “Yessir, Pa. I just met the most gorgeous idaho you’ve ever seen.”
Pa nodded his approval and said, “That’s a right fine tater, son. A right fine tater.”
Lastly, Pa addressed his youngest son.
“And how about you, Ernest? You seeing anyone these days?”
Ernest grinned shyly and said, “Well, Pa, I have been going out with Barbara Walters.”
“Barbara Walters??!! You can’t date her son.”
Ernest was taken aback. “Why not, Pa?”
“Because, she’s just a common tater.”
He was dressed as a pirate. nd a really great costume. Sadly, his hat was way too big and kept falling over his eyes. Needless to say, he was in a right state by the time he got to my house.
When he rang my door bell, I said- “Oh what a great costume!!! You're a pirate!!! But you are all by yourself, Johnny!! Where's your buccaneers???
“Under my buccan’ hat, Mister. Now give me some #@$%! candy!!”
I’m not sure, do those things suck or blow?
Water, that is.
A man goes to the doctor and says: “Doc I’m having trouble with my ‘marital relations’.”
Doctor says: “Here’s what I want you to try. Every day, walk ten miles...and call me in a week.”
A week later, the man calls: “Doc, I’ve been doing like you said.”
Doctor: “And how how are your ‘marital relations’?”
Man: “I don’t know. I’m 70 miles form home.”
According to our quiz, you’d make an ideal cat.
Your runner up costume: Gorilla
speaking of children and their relationships....
A young 13 year old Kentucky boy rushes through the front door of his family’s cabin, all excited.
“Pa! PA! Guess what!!?? I’m a gittin married
“Oh that’s great son. Who’s the lucky girl?”, asks Pa
“She’s Rachel Bodette, from the road, down yonder. And guess what, Pa? She’s a VIRGIN!!!”, says the boy.
“Wait a minute, boy!!! You aint a marrying that girl. If she aint good enough for her kin, she ain’t good enough for our’n!!!”
Now you’ve done it. Here come the Foxworthy jokes.
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