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(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

Posted on 10/26/2012 6:04:06 AM PDT by Lucky9teen





One witch told another witch, "I want one of those new computers that has a spell checker."



Don't bother inviting the Invisible Man to your Halloween party.
He won't show up. Sometimes he makes excuses, but they're all transparent.


A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer dashes to his studio, develops the film and…learns that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.

Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.



A vampire joined the police force so he could learn the correct way to get a stakeout.

The ghost was lonely because he didn't have a ghoulfriend.

Who do they call when a demon needs a personal trainer? The exercist!

Hall o' wiener: when I decorated my foyer with sausage.

Pumpkin juice + Chardonnay = Hallow'ine?

Impossible to track down: the Wherewolf.

The vampire was known for his awful puns. They called him Count Dreckula.

 The giant sea-lizard was a bit of a practical joker. They called him Goadzilla.

We all know about the rash of unexplained deaths in the village of Sleepy Hollow.
But, as an unfortunate sidebar, to deal with all the corpses was a most incompetent funeral director,
nicknamed the Heedless Hearseman.

Hansel and Gretel must have misread the invitation – they thought they'd been asked to join the witches coven!

Do posh demons go cruising in a coupe devil?


 

Some prefer getting candy on Halloween, but two days later I like to go out and collect shoes. I call it All Soles Day.

The wandering minstrel was excited about trick-or-treating. He said, “I hear there's gonna be lute!”

My house is haunted by the ghosts of a thousand chickens. It's just like that movie, Poultrygeist.

The Irishman was visited by a ghost while making moonshine. "I can't sleep at night," the man said, "it haunts me still. " (Irish accent needed)

Mary Shelley wrote about her good friend Benjamin Franklin's obsession with German beer. She called it ‘Frank and stein'.

Where do zombies 'get down'? In the raveyard. (A good place to get tombstoned?)

You hear about the play they staged in a cemetery? It got grave reviews.


Was the TV newsman haunted by his exact double? Yes, it was a Koppelganger.

Skeletonnes are heavier than they look.

A skeleton's favourite Billy Idol song? ‘Bony Bony…'.


 

Never ask a warlock where he works: it tends to be a ‘sorce' spot.

In Canada the werewolves are obsessed with ‘hockey hairdos'. In fact they can only be killed with a silver mullet.

When demons go to university, they get to take a lot of hellectives.



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: costumes; halloween; ofst; silliness
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1 posted on 10/26/2012 6:04:10 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

Woohoo!! It’s finally Friday!!


2 posted on 10/26/2012 6:04:48 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

Iss zis vere ve come for ze zilliness?

I am ready for ze zilliness!


3 posted on 10/26/2012 6:05:34 AM PDT by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP 10!!!!!


4 posted on 10/26/2012 6:05:54 AM PDT by Wyrd bi ful ard
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To: Lucky9teen

Top Ten!

Good Morning!


5 posted on 10/26/2012 6:06:18 AM PDT by Disambiguator (Re-electing Obama is not optimal.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Trick or treat. TOP TEN!!!!!!!!!!


6 posted on 10/26/2012 6:07:55 AM PDT by NCC-1701 (The LEFT's intolerance of the RIGHT is intolerable.)
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To: Lucky9teen

In !!!


7 posted on 10/26/2012 6:09:20 AM PDT by 21stCenturion ("It's the Judges, Stupid !")
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To: NCC-1701

Ze zilliness, please. Zis hass bean a zerious veek. I am much in need of ze zilliness.

8 posted on 10/26/2012 6:10:01 AM PDT by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

AND NOW....

THE HEIGHT OF

CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST


You Should Be an Action Hero for Halloween
According to our quiz, you'd make an ideal action hero.
Your runner up costume: Gangster
The Halloween Costume Generator
Blogthings: All Things Halloween

9 posted on 10/26/2012 6:10:48 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: ArGee


Christopher Walken is a natural at Halloween. No mask needed.
10 posted on 10/26/2012 6:13:33 AM PDT by NCC-1701 (The LEFT's intolerance of the RIGHT is intolerable.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 100. Happy Friday!


11 posted on 10/26/2012 6:14:10 AM PDT by kevinm13 (Tim Geithner is a tax cheat. Manmade "Global Warming" is a HOAX!)
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To: NCC-1701

12 posted on 10/26/2012 6:17:57 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

Dad: Here’s the deal, kid. You go up to the door and ask for candy.

Kid: Why? What did I do to deserve them giving me candy?

Dad: You didn’t do anything to deserve it. You get it just because you’re alive.

Kid: OK.

Dad: And if they don’t give it to you, you threaten them with a trick.

Kid: Wait, I didn’t do anything to deserve it, but I have the right to get mad and threaten them with a trick if they don’t give it to me?

Dad: That’s right.

Kid: Are we Democrats?

Halloween - teaching kids to be Democrats since 1947.


13 posted on 10/26/2012 6:18:22 AM PDT by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee

Come to my door, you must.

Bark at you, I will.

14 posted on 10/26/2012 6:32:06 AM PDT by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP 20! YAY!!!


15 posted on 10/26/2012 6:37:03 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.)
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To: Lucky9teen

It’s almost Halloween and no pictures of Hilary, Mooshell, Pelosi, or Helen Thomas? What gives?


16 posted on 10/26/2012 6:37:08 AM PDT by dragonblustar (Allah Ain't So Akbar!)
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To: Lucky9teen
What did the Wolf-Man say when he got saved?

 


17 posted on 10/26/2012 6:38:09 AM PDT by Responsibility2nd (NO LIBS. This Means Liberals and (L)libertarians! Same Thing. NO LIBS!!)
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To: Lucky9teen
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather..

Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

-------

People always say the thing they were looking for was in the last place they looked. Of course it was. What type of moron would you have to be to keep searching after you found it?

-------

I have no trouble at all with the button on my jeans.

Its a snap.

-------

If I had a dollar for every time a woman told me I'm hansome, I'd have one dollar.

Thanks mom.

------

My girlfriend told the police I'm stalking her! Can you believe it?

Well, she's not my girlfriend just yet...

-----

How long a minute is depends entirely on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

-----


18 posted on 10/26/2012 6:40:00 AM PDT by Wyrd bi ful ard
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To: Lucky9teen

19 posted on 10/26/2012 6:40:39 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: dragonblustar
It’s almost Halloween and no pictures of Hilary, Mooshell, Pelosi, or Helen Thomas? What gives?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Be patient. They were getting on their costumes....


20 posted on 10/26/2012 6:42:34 AM PDT by Responsibility2nd (NO LIBS. This Means Liberals and (L)libertarians! Same Thing. NO LIBS!!)
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To: ArGee

An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.

The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?”

The old man looks at the bartender through Teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper, Extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”

The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”

The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”


21 posted on 10/26/2012 6:42:43 AM PDT by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Lucky9teen
You Should Be a Vampire for Halloween
According to our quiz, you'd make an ideal vampire.
Your runner up costume: Geisha
The Halloween Costume Generator
Blogthings: We Have a Quiz for Almost Everything

22 posted on 10/26/2012 6:43:14 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Not sure how far I should get into this thread today....had my gallbladder yanked day before yestiddy, and do NOT want to get the giggles...


23 posted on 10/26/2012 6:46:36 AM PDT by ErnBatavia (No tagline until JR gets the snail out of this site....as he promised moons ago.)
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To: Monkey Face

What’s the difference between a politician and a vampire?

One’s a bloodsucking fiend that will take all the life from you and leave you for dead, the other one’s a myth.


24 posted on 10/26/2012 6:47:53 AM PDT by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Mexican word of the day: Wheelchair. “Me and Juan only had 1 taco but that’s ok, wheelchair.


25 posted on 10/26/2012 6:51:38 AM PDT by sunny48
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To: ArGee

FUNNY!!!


26 posted on 10/26/2012 6:52:40 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.)
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To: Lucky9teen

WOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF TOP 50!!!!!!!


27 posted on 10/26/2012 7:01:43 AM PDT by Currentriverrat (People are calling our President the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, that's not allowed is it?)
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To: Lucky9teen

I took the costume quiz, but the questions about dresses and makeup concerned me, as I don’t go in for that sort of thing (I’m a guy).

I think I’ll just don my normal costume, which is a slightly geeky middle-aged guy who’s into cycling. For some reason, I seem to have all the components of the costume readily available at home!


28 posted on 10/26/2012 7:05:26 AM PDT by Disambiguator (Re-electing Obama is not optimal.)
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To: Lucky9teen


"Wait a second, that's not coffee in your cup!"

29 posted on 10/26/2012 7:06:35 AM PDT by red-dawg
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To: Responsibility2nd

LOL!!!!


30 posted on 10/26/2012 7:10:24 AM PDT by dragonblustar (Allah Ain't So Akbar!)
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To: ArGee

A vampire, a werewolf, and an honest politician walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “Wait a minute. This can’t be real. There’s no such thing as an honest politician.”


31 posted on 10/26/2012 7:11:24 AM PDT by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee
Politics: (n)

From the roots:
poly - meaning many
ticks - meaning small, bloodsucking parasites

32 posted on 10/26/2012 7:24:07 AM PDT by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: NCC-1701

I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is MORE SILLINESS!!


33 posted on 10/26/2012 7:26:16 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (CHRISTOPHER WALKEN 2012: A cowbell in every pot!)
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To: martin_fierro

34 posted on 10/26/2012 7:26:40 AM PDT by CtBigPat (Free Republic - The grown-ups table of the internet.)
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To: Lucky9teen

WaaaHoooo! First 26


35 posted on 10/26/2012 7:46:26 AM PDT by llevrok (By comparison to Obama, at least Nero could play a fiddle.)
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To: CtBigPat

DO NOT WANT!!!!

Ewwwww, you just ruined Pinky Pie for this Pegasister!


36 posted on 10/26/2012 7:47:54 AM PDT by GraceG
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To: ArGee

A few years ago, I went to a Halloweeen costume party, buck nekkid except for an Idaho potato tied on a string, around my waist.

I went as a dick-tater


37 posted on 10/26/2012 7:52:58 AM PDT by llevrok (By comparison to Obama, at least Nero could play a fiddle.)
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To: ArGee

[ticks - meaning small, bloodsucking parasites]

Ergo, DemocraTICS.


38 posted on 10/26/2012 7:56:34 AM PDT by RetSignman (REMEMBER THE 2010 MOVEMENT)
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To: ErnBatavia
had my gallbladder yanked day before yestiddy..

So we are not to make any bile comments about your condition, huh?

39 posted on 10/26/2012 7:58:54 AM PDT by llevrok (By comparison to Obama, at least Nero could play a fiddle.)
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To: Lucky9teen
Check out the coolest video I've seen in a long time!

Flyboards (Wave runners)

I promise you will be sharing this with all your friends.

40 posted on 10/26/2012 8:07:42 AM PDT by TexasCajun
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To: llevrok

The Tater family was sitting down to dinner. Pa Tater first addressed his oldest son, Junior.

“Junior, are you seeing anyone special these days?”

Junior replied, “Yessir, Pa. I’m seeing a lovely russet.”

Pa smiled and said, “That’s a right fine tater, son, a right fine tater.”

Pa then turned his attention to his second son.

“What about you, Joe Bob? You seeing anyone special?”

Joe Bob gave a big grin and said, “Yessir, Pa. I just met the most gorgeous idaho you’ve ever seen.”

Pa nodded his approval and said, “That’s a right fine tater, son. A right fine tater.”

Lastly, Pa addressed his youngest son.

“And how about you, Ernest? You seeing anyone these days?”

Ernest grinned shyly and said, “Well, Pa, I have been going out with Barbara Walters.”

“Barbara Walters??!! You can’t date her son.”

Ernest was taken aback. “Why not, Pa?”

“Because, she’s just a common tater.”


41 posted on 10/26/2012 8:18:31 AM PDT by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: NCC-1701

42 posted on 10/26/2012 8:24:30 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Monkey Face

43 posted on 10/26/2012 8:26:40 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Lucky9teen
Last year, little Johnny went Trick-or-Treating all by himself (he is such a scamp as we know by the many jokes, no one wanted to door bell with him).

He was dressed as a pirate. nd a really great costume. Sadly, his hat was way too big and kept falling over his eyes. Needless to say, he was in a right state by the time he got to my house.

When he rang my door bell, I said- “Oh what a great costume!!! You're a pirate!!! But you are all by yourself, Johnny!! Where's your buccaneers???

“Under my buccan’ hat, Mister. Now give me some #@$%! candy!!”

44 posted on 10/26/2012 8:27:18 AM PDT by llevrok (By comparison to Obama, at least Nero could play a fiddle.)
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To: TexasCajun

I’m not sure, do those things suck or blow?

Water, that is.


45 posted on 10/26/2012 8:29:45 AM PDT by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee

A man goes to the doctor and says: “Doc I’m having trouble with my ‘marital relations’.”

Doctor says: “Here’s what I want you to try. Every day, walk ten miles...and call me in a week.”

A week later, the man calls: “Doc, I’ve been doing like you said.”

Doctor: “And how how are your ‘marital relations’?”

Man: “I don’t know. I’m 70 miles form home.”


46 posted on 10/26/2012 8:31:07 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Lucky9teen

According to our quiz, you’d make an ideal cat.
Your runner up costume: Gorilla


47 posted on 10/26/2012 8:36:05 AM PDT by Silentgypsy (If you love your freedom, thank a vet.)
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To: ArGee

speaking of children and their relationships....

A young 13 year old Kentucky boy rushes through the front door of his family’s cabin, all excited.

“Pa! PA! Guess what!!?? I’m a gittin married

“Oh that’s great son. Who’s the lucky girl?”, asks Pa

“She’s Rachel Bodette, from the road, down yonder. And guess what, Pa? She’s a VIRGIN!!!”, says the boy.

“Wait a minute, boy!!! You aint a marrying that girl. If she aint good enough for her kin, she ain’t good enough for our’n!!!”


48 posted on 10/26/2012 8:36:47 AM PDT by llevrok (By comparison to Obama, at least Nero could play a fiddle.)
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To: llevrok

http://www.johnspeedie.com/healy/idid.wav


49 posted on 10/26/2012 8:41:33 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: llevrok

Now you’ve done it. Here come the Foxworthy jokes.


50 posted on 10/26/2012 8:41:49 AM PDT by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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