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(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

Posted on 11/02/2012 5:46:36 AM PDT by Lucky9teen


 

 

"After the last debate, experts agreed that President Obama won on substance and I thought: Well, big deal, Lance Armstrong won on several substances." -David Letterman
 

"Experts say the entire 2012 election could come down to just eight states. The states are: confusion, dismay, depression, apathy, shock, disbelief, despair, and anxiety. Those are the eight states." -Jay Leno




"Don't ask, don't tell" is back. Not for gays in the military — it's President Obama's new policy for questions about Libya." ~ Jay Leno
 


"Republicans are accusing the White House of successfully engineering a massive cover-up of the Libyan attack. But, on the plus side, it's the first time in four years Republicans have given credit to Obama for doing anything successfully." ~ Jay Leno
 


"President Obama is coming under criticism now for not meeting with his jobs council. He hasn't met with his jobs council in over six months. You know the reason Obama hasn't met with his job council in six months? They're all out looking for jobs." -Jay Leno
 


"Economists say rebuilding after Hurricane Sandy will give the ailing construction industry a huge boost. In fact, the storm has already created more jobs than President Obama." -Jay Leno


"They keep saying the candidates are out making stump speeches. You know why it's called a stump speech? Because after a candidate is done with his speech, you're completely stumped as to what he said." -Jay Leno
 


"The New York City Marathon is still on for Sunday. Typically the New York City Marathon is won by a guy from Kenya. No, no, I'm sorry. I'm thinking about next week's election." -David Letterman
 


"I had a trick-or-treater tonight who stood outside on my porch for an hour, didn't ring the bell, didn't knock on the door. I said, "Who are you supposed to be?" He said, "I'm an undecided voter.'" -Jay Leno
 


"Harvard Law School will soon offer a class called 'Understanding Obama' - while Barnum & Bailey Clown College will offer a class called 'Understanding Biden.'" -Jimmy Fallon
 

 


"A man in Indiana got a tattoo of Barack Obama's campaign logo on his face. They describe the man as a staunch Democrat who has never heard of bumper stickers." -Jay Leno
 


"Mitt Romney picked 'Javelin' as his Secret Service code name. Rick Santorum chose 'Petris' because that's his grandfather's name. Barack Obama chose 'Gas prices are not my fault.'" -Jay Leno


"Did you see the story about the mother duck and her ducklings helped through a a fence at the White House property? The Secret Service pushed the little ducks through the fence. Of course, the Secret Service checked to make sure the ducks had donated enough money to President Obama's re-election campaign." -Jay Leno


 


"Due to the rising price of oil and gas, the Obama administration announced today they are considering dipping into our national strategic re-election reserves. I mean, I'm sorry - strategic oil reserves." -Jay Leno
 


"President Obama is trying to come up with a new campaign slogan that would replace 'hope and change.' He's thinking of going with 'I am not Mitt Romney.'" -Craig Ferguson
 


 




 

They should rename Sandy to A-Rod, then it wouldn't hit anything.

They should rename Sandy to the Jets, then it would never touchdown.

Nothing like Hurricane Sandy to make me realize what's really important in life, internet access.

What do Snooki and Hurricane Sandy have in common? They will blow the entire east coast to get on TV.

Sandy's first victim in NY city is the crane that holds up Rex Ryan's pants.

Olive Garden Poorly Timed Ad: Go out tonight, be social.

I believe Hurricane Sandy and all hurricanes should have access to contraception. - Barack Obama

Romney has a binder full of hurricane names.

Did someone say Sandy was blowing people?  - Bill Clinton

About to watch The Day After Tomorrow, that should take my mind off the hurricane.

Hurricane Sandy, proof that Gangnam style is an Indian Rain Dance.

How's the name Hurricane Sandy threatening? If you really want to scare people, call it Hurricane DickSmash.

Obama claims Hurricane Sandy is the result of a spontaneous butterfly.

New waterfront property. Conveniently located in West Virgina.

If you lose power, don't think of it as being caught in a blackout, think of it as temporarily falling to the dark side.

NJ weather alert. In the event of an emergency, find Chris Christie and hold on.

If Sandy were hitting Europe, we'd be starting to plan a summit to set the legislative basis to design a framework for buying a lifeboat.

Hurricane Sandy, because God is tired of political ads too.

I'm sorry for my terrible Hurricane Sandy jokes, I know they blow.

 


Q. If Obama is reelected President, how will he ensure that men and women have equal earnings?
A. Unemployment. 

The Obama campaign was handing out "Obama vs Outsourcing" bumper-stickers.  They were made in China.

When Ronald Reagan left office in 1989 it was the end of an era. When Obama leaves office in 2013 it will be the end of an error.

Obama is working on a new plan after his fiasco in Libya. He's going to rent a U-Haul.

Obama ended the War on Terror. He surrendered. 

To err is human, to blame it all on Bush is Obama.



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: election; ofst; silliness; voting
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Here are a few fun facts about the new ObamaPhone:

ObamaPhone gets great reviews on MSNBC. 

ObamaPhone promises to do better if you buy it again.

Chris Matthews the ObamaPhone vibrator mode.

Joe Biden's ObamaPhone has a rotary dial. 

The Fluke model&nbspObamaPhone includes free phone sex. 

Acorn ObamaPhones are registered in fake names. .

ObamaPhone skins are very thin. 

ObamaPhone redistributes your rollover minutes.

ObamaPhones don't have a mute button.

When ObamaPhone drops a call it blames BushPhone.

ObamaPhone will never be a smartphone.

ObamaPhone has the unemployment office on speed dial.

ObamaPhone never works between 9am and 5pm.

ObamaPhone comes with a tiny teleprompter.

The only game on the ObamaPhone is golf.

Banks get a trillion free minutes on ObamaPhone.

ObamaPhone's map app covers all 57 states.

ObamaPhone's map app is missing Jerusalem.

ObamaPhone blocks calls from taxpayers. 

The ObamaPhone cursor always points to Mecca.

ObamaPhone's come in wind or solar powered. 

ObamaPhone is only available with a four year plan.

ObamaPhone's navigation system always turns left.

An ObamaCare app installs without your permission.

The ObamaPhone was made in Kenya Hawaii.


1 posted on 11/02/2012 5:46:41 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

Good Morning!


2 posted on 11/02/2012 5:48:12 AM PDT by Disambiguator (Re-electing Obama is not optimal.)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP 10!!!


3 posted on 11/02/2012 5:49:32 AM PDT by Wyrd bi ful ard
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To: Lucky9teen

In !!!


4 posted on 11/02/2012 5:49:50 AM PDT by 21stCenturion ("It's the Judges, Stupid !")
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To: Lucky9teen

Mornin Lucky


5 posted on 11/02/2012 5:50:50 AM PDT by Rightly Biased (How do you say Arkanicide in Kenyan?)
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To: Disambiguator

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF

Top 10!


6 posted on 11/02/2012 5:51:13 AM PDT by Currentriverrat (People are calling our President the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, that's not allowed is it?)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

GANGNUM STYLE

CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



7 posted on 11/02/2012 5:51:18 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen
Photobucket
8 posted on 11/02/2012 5:52:17 AM PDT by barmag25
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To: All

Ping!


9 posted on 11/02/2012 5:56:36 AM PDT by KevinDavis (And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein.)
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To: Lucky9teen

How silly will obama look next friday ?


10 posted on 11/02/2012 5:58:37 AM PDT by maine yankee (I got my Governor at 'Marden's')
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To: Lucky9teen
Women in Saudi Arabia are now permitted to drive for the first time.
11 posted on 11/02/2012 6:14:53 AM PDT by sunny48
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To: Lucky9teen

12 posted on 11/02/2012 6:15:20 AM PDT by Pride_of_the_Bluegrass
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To: Pride_of_the_Bluegrass

you think he would move he gets hit every time.... ;*0


13 posted on 11/02/2012 6:25:05 AM PDT by Rightly Biased (How do you say Arkanicide in Kenyan?)
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To: Lucky9teen
Paul Ryan Dancing
Uploaded with Skitch!

14 posted on 11/02/2012 6:26:11 AM PDT by barmag25
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To: Lucky9teen

15 posted on 11/02/2012 6:28:32 AM PDT by sunny48
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To: Lucky9teen

Apparently there’s a new drink out called “The Sandy”.

Not much to it: it’s just a watered-down Manhattan.


16 posted on 11/02/2012 6:29:26 AM PDT by Chasaway (Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP 20!


17 posted on 11/02/2012 6:41:45 AM PDT by dayglored (Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!)
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To: Chasaway

18 posted on 11/02/2012 6:42:12 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

WARNING: OLDER MEN SCAM

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it.

A ‘heads up’ for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe’s, Home Depot, Costco, BJ’s, and even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.

Here’s how the scam works:

Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their skimpy T-shirts (It’s impossible not to look).. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ but instead ask for a ride to McDonald’s. You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen September 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also October 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 27th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the dollar store and bought them out in three of their stores.

Also, you never get to eat at McDonald’s. I’ve already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe’s, to Home Depot, to Costco, Etc.

Please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon


19 posted on 11/02/2012 6:42:15 AM PDT by BerryDingle (I know how to deal with communists, I still wear their scars on my back from Hollywood-Ronald Reagan)
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To: dayglored

20 posted on 11/02/2012 6:43:36 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 25.


21 posted on 11/02/2012 6:45:06 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Obama killed Gadaffi. How's that working out these days?)
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To: Lucky9teen

I laughed out loud TWICE!


22 posted on 11/02/2012 6:49:59 AM PDT by Yardstick
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To: Lucky9teen

Yay! Silliness is here!


23 posted on 11/02/2012 6:53:49 AM PDT by CSM (Keeper of the Dave Ramsey Ping list. FReepmail me if you want your beeber stuned.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Now that's silly!

24 posted on 11/02/2012 7:00:51 AM PDT by MarineBrat (Better dead than red!)
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To: Lucky9teen

Yea for silliness!!


25 posted on 11/02/2012 7:13:14 AM PDT by wyokostur
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To: Lucky9teen

THAT is an EPIC Photobomb!


26 posted on 11/02/2012 7:41:01 AM PDT by Old Sarge (We are officially over the precipice, we just havent struck the ground yet...)
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To: Lucky9teen

Morning, Lucky! I finally made it in.. Woohooo!!!!


27 posted on 11/02/2012 7:41:07 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen
Photobucket

Photobucket

28 posted on 11/02/2012 7:50:48 AM PDT by dragonblustar (Allah Ain't So Akbar!)
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To: Lucky9teen

29 posted on 11/02/2012 7:53:24 AM PDT by CtBigPat (Free Republic - The grown-ups table of the internet.)
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To: ShadowAce
Come Tuesday, it's more than apparent that FR will crash and burn...........barely tolerable even trying to get in these past weeks.

So much for the "fix" that was promised last year.

30 posted on 11/02/2012 8:13:05 AM PDT by ErnBatavia (No tagline until JR gets the snail out of this site....as he promised moons ago.)
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To: dragonblustar
Shelly O celebrates "FAT Tuesday"...


31 posted on 11/02/2012 8:13:29 AM PDT by Old Sarge (We are officially over the precipice, we just havent struck the ground yet...)
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To: Old Sarge

LOL. Hump, Slump, Bump and Plump...don’t forget fist Pump.


32 posted on 11/02/2012 8:15:21 AM PDT by Jane Long (Soli Deo Gloria!)
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To: ErnBatavia

“More than apparent”?

How about “a forgone conclusion”?


33 posted on 11/02/2012 8:23:37 AM PDT by Old Sarge (We are officially over the precipice, we just havent struck the ground yet...)
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To: Lucky9teen

Waaa Hoooooo !
In before 5,000,000....
What?
OK. I’ll take 35 then.....


34 posted on 11/02/2012 8:32:06 AM PDT by llevrok (By comparison to Obama, at least Nero could play a fiddle.)
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To: Lucky9teen

35 posted on 11/02/2012 8:34:54 AM PDT by unique1
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To: Lucky9teen

36 posted on 11/02/2012 8:35:38 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Jane Long; Old Sarge
LOL. Hump, Slump, Bump and Plump...don’t forget fist Pump.

And come Tuesday, my personal favorite: Dump.

37 posted on 11/02/2012 8:42:02 AM PDT by Hoffer Rand (There ARE two Americas: "God's children" and the tax payers)
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To: Lucky9teen

Only in the 0Bama Regime

1) Only in the 0Bama Regime, could 0Bama talk about the greed of the rich at a $35,000.00 a plate campaign fund-raising event.

2) Only in the 0Bama Regime, could people claim that the government still discriminates against black Americans when they have a black President, a black Attorney General, and roughly 18% of the federal workforce is black while only 12% of the population is black.

3) Only in the 0Bama Regime, could they have had the two people most responsible for our tax code, Timothy Geithner, the head of the Treasury Department and Charles Rangel who once ran the Ways and Means Committee, BOTH turn out to be tax cheats who are in favor of higher taxes..

4) Only in the 0Bama Regime, can they have terrorists kill people in the name of Allah and have the media primarily react by fretting that Muslims might be harmed by the backlash.

5) Only in the 0Bama Regime, would they make people who want to legally become American citizens wait for years in their home countries and pay tens of thousands of dollars for the privilege while we discuss letting anyone who sneaks into the country illegally just ‘magically’ become American citizens.

6) Only in the 0Bama Regime, could the people who believe in balancing the budget and sticking by the country’s Constitution be thought of as “extremists.”

7) Only in the 0Bama Regime, could you need to present a driver’s license to cash a check or buy alcohol, but not to vote.

8) Only in the 0Bama Regime, could people demand the government investigate whether oil companies are gouging the public because the price of gas went up when the return on equity invested in a major U.S. oil company (Marathon Oil) is less than half of a company making tennis shoes (Nike).

9) Only in the 0Bama Regime, could the government collect more tax dollars from the people than any nation in recorded history, still spend a Trillion dollars more than it has per year - for total spending of $7-Million PER MINUTE, and complain that it doesn’t have nearly enough money.

10) Only in the 0Bama Regime, could the rich people - who pay 86% of all income taxes - be accused of not paying their “fair share” by people who don’t pay any income taxes at all.


38 posted on 11/02/2012 8:43:00 AM PDT by unique1
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To: Lucky9teen

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, ‘Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?’

Bob replies, ‘Girlfriend? She’s my wife!’

They are knocked over, but continue to ask. ‘So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?’

‘I lied about my age’, Bob replies.

‘What, did you tell her you were only 50?’

Bob smiles and says, ‘No, I told her I was 90.’


39 posted on 11/02/2012 8:47:40 AM PDT by llevrok (By comparison to Obama, at least Nero could play a fiddle.)
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To: Old Sarge
"FORWARD!"

40 posted on 11/02/2012 8:47:55 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Lucky9teen


41 posted on 11/02/2012 8:57:00 AM PDT by unique1
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To: BerryDingle
WARNING: OLDER MEN SCAM

That's funny right there.

42 posted on 11/02/2012 9:09:37 AM PDT by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: unique1

43 posted on 11/02/2012 9:32:45 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen
AP released a picture of Barack Obama surveying the devastation at a New Jersey trailer park


44 posted on 11/02/2012 9:34:35 AM PDT by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: Lucky9teen

Who is Thomas Jeffer?


45 posted on 11/02/2012 10:08:16 AM PDT by Wyrd bi ful ard
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To: Wyrd bið ful aræd

Thomas Jefferson....but the son wouldn’t fit in my tagline


46 posted on 11/02/2012 10:11:23 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

Oh, duh.


47 posted on 11/02/2012 10:13:06 AM PDT by Wyrd bi ful ard
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To: JRios1968
TWITTER #LetThemEatCake
48 posted on 11/02/2012 10:19:09 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

49 posted on 11/02/2012 11:38:55 AM PDT by unique1
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To: Lucky9teen

You Know Your Broke When...

American Express calls and says, “Leave home without it!”

Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.

You’re formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

You’ve rolled so many pennies, you’ve formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln.

Long distance companies don’t call you to switch anymore.

You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.

You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.

You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

Your bologna has no first name.

You give blood everyday... just for the orange juice.

Sally Struthers sends you food.

McDonald’s supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.

On Thanksgiving your dad would bring home a picture of a thanksgiving meal.

At communion you go back for seconds.

You wash your toilet paper.

You have to save up to be poor.

You’re in college.

You are sterilizing your urine for reconsumption.

Your imaginary friend has more money than you.

You owe yourself money.


50 posted on 11/02/2012 11:47:33 AM PDT by unique1
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