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(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

Posted on 11/16/2012 4:53:41 AM PST by Lucky9teen

All these petitions at the whitehouse.gov website asking for states to secede.....it's just silliness. I mean, I agree with the sentiment, but really? You're going to create an account, give them your name and contact info at the whitehouse.gov website and sign something that says you don't like the federal government? Does anyone remember Obama and his secret "kill lists"? It's just silliness, I say. Does anyone think Obama will actually care what these petitions say? Does anyone think anything will be done about it?  Does anyone think this federal government will take this seriously?

Look at some other silly petitions I found at the whitehouse.gov website:

Assist with reinstating Scott “The Torg” Torgerson back on the air at 97.1 The FAN, an ESPN Radio affiliate in Columbus
254 Signatures

Grant refugee status for LGBTQIA people and cut foreign aid until repeal of “Kill the Gays” Bill in Uganda!
1,712 Signatures

Implement a Policy for Declassifying Discoveries by NSA Mathematicians
1,029 Signatures

Force all states to pay their portion of the national debt before they can secede from the union
3,455 Signatures

have the President to attend a Fark.com party. If scheduling does not permit, at least have a beer with Drew Curtis
777 Signatures

Federally Legalize Marijuana
13,768 Signatures

Make Election Day a Federal Holiday in an effort to increase voter accessibility and promote democratic culture
9,113 Signatures

Deport Everyone That Signed A Petition To Withdraw Their State From The United States Of America.
17,614 Signatures

Strip the Citizenship from Everyone who Signed a Petition to Secede and Exile Them
10,997 Signatures

sign an executive order barring job discrimination based on sexual orientation & gender identity by federal contractors.
3,339 Signatures

Regulate Internet Pornography
3,936 Signatures

Invite Jacques Fresco of the venus project to the white house as a consultant on rebuilding a sustainable economy.
1,539 Signatures

outlaw offending prophets of major religions
37,167 Signatures


Best Layoff Letter Ever

Dear Employees:
As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama is our President and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%.

But since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off sixty of our employees instead. This has really been bothering me since I believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go.

So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lots and found sixty 'Obama' bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a fairer way to approach this problem.

They voted for change......I gave it to them.

I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: ofst; secede; silliness
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1 posted on 11/16/2012 4:53:52 AM PST by Lucky9teen
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

YAY

CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



2 posted on 11/16/2012 4:56:46 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

YAY

CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



3 posted on 11/16/2012 4:57:47 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen
I have no idea why the ping posted twice....oh well.


4 posted on 11/16/2012 5:00:40 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 10?


5 posted on 11/16/2012 5:01:29 AM PST by secret garden (Why procrastinate when you can perendinate?)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top ten!


6 posted on 11/16/2012 5:02:29 AM PST by dayglored (Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!)
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To: Lucky9teen

7 posted on 11/16/2012 5:02:38 AM PST by SERKIT ("Blazing Saddles" explains it all.......)
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To: Lucky9teen
ILL-ANNOY seceded long ago.

8 posted on 11/16/2012 5:04:28 AM PST by SERKIT ("Blazing Saddles" explains it all.......)
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To: SERKIT

Top 10!!!

Had to do it.


9 posted on 11/16/2012 5:05:12 AM PST by generally (Don't be stupid. We have politicians for that.)
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To: generally

Top 10?


10 posted on 11/16/2012 5:14:31 AM PST by freebird5850 (The only good thing about Barry getting re-elected is now we get to see him fall from a higher place)
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To: freebird5850

Top 20.


11 posted on 11/16/2012 5:15:57 AM PST by RandallFlagg ("Liberalism is about as progressive as CANCER" -Alfonzo Rachel)
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To: RandallFlagg

Think I are it. If not, Top 15?


12 posted on 11/16/2012 5:22:39 AM PST by EQAndyBuzz (The goal is to equalize outcomes based on race without regard for performance or merit.)
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To: RandallFlagg

Definitely top 15.


13 posted on 11/16/2012 5:23:08 AM PST by EQAndyBuzz (The goal is to equalize outcomes based on race without regard for performance or merit.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 20, at least. :^)

Good morning!


14 posted on 11/16/2012 5:25:11 AM PST by Disambiguator (America chose...poorly.)
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To: EQAndyBuzz; All

Top 15


15 posted on 11/16/2012 5:25:11 AM PST by KevinDavis (And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein.)
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To: KevinDavis

Sweet 16 (yeah right)


16 posted on 11/16/2012 5:39:28 AM PST by ExGeeEye (I'll give y'all 90 days for the wounds to heal; then we start on 2014. Carpe GOP!)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP 20!!!


17 posted on 11/16/2012 5:46:50 AM PST by Monkey Face (Please don't take my blanket! I can't face the world unarmed! ~~ Linus)
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To: Lucky9teen

Little Akio ! ! !

The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History. Who said ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death’?”

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: “Patrick Henry, 1775,” he said.

“Very good! — Who said, ‘Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth’?”

Again, no response except from Little Akio: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”

“Excellent!” said the teacher continuing, “Let’s try one a bit more difficult — Who said, ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country’?”

Once again, Akio’s was the only hand in the air and he said: “John F. Kennedy, 1961.

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves, Little Akio isn’t from this country and he knows more about our history than you do.”

She heard a loud whisper: “F_ _ k the Japs.”

“Who said that? — I want to know right now!? she angrily demanded.

Little Akio put his hand up, “General MacArthur, 1945.”

At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.’

The teacher glares around and asks, ‘All right! — Now who said that?”

Again, Little Akio says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? — Suck this!”

Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, “You little s—t! — If you say anything else — I’ll kill you!”

Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004.”

The teacher fainted. As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh s—t, We’re screwed!”

Little Akio said quietly, “The American people, November 6, 2012.”


18 posted on 11/16/2012 5:53:46 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee

A post-election tip.

I’m passing this on because it worked for me today.

A doctor on TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives after this election, we should always finish things that we start. Since we all could use more calm in our lives, I looked around my house to find things I’d started & hadn’t finished.

I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a choclutz. Yu has no idr how fablus I feel rite now.

Sned this to all ur frenz who need inner piss. An telum u luvum.


19 posted on 11/16/2012 5:55:10 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Lucky9teen
Hmmmm... Perhaps I'll post a petition to repeal the 19th amendment to the US Constitution and call it the election stabilization and male responsibility act then see how many women's studies students will sign it
20 posted on 11/16/2012 5:56:43 AM PST by Cowman (How can the IRS seize property without a warrant if the 4th amendment still stands?)
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To: ArGee
I'm still working on how to deal with the latest election.


21 posted on 11/16/2012 6:01:20 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee
Will the Fed bail out Hostess? If it does, will Twinkies have to be reformulated to meet the First Lady's nutrition standards?


22 posted on 11/16/2012 6:12:00 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee
Actually the Red Arrow Diner in Manchester NH makes their own Twinkies. And they are better than the original
23 posted on 11/16/2012 6:17:50 AM PST by Cowman (How can the IRS seize property without a warrant if the 4th amendment still stands?)
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To: Cowman

24 posted on 11/16/2012 6:19:49 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Woo Hoo! Top 750!!!
(thanks, as always, for the ping!)
Have a great weekend, FRiends!
cheers,
Jim


25 posted on 11/16/2012 6:24:16 AM PST by gymbeau (Free USA!)
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To: Lucky9teen

26 posted on 11/16/2012 6:30:50 AM PST by Pride_of_the_Bluegrass
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To: Lucky9teen

To inject a serious note.

Any secession would have to be of a geographical nature, one or more physical sections leaving the country.

But our national division is only relatively slightly geographic in nature. It is ideological. Even in the reddest of red states, at least 1/3 of the populace is towards the blue end, and the same is true in reverse for the blue states.

In 1860/61 secession (as opposed to the ensuing war) proceeded relatively smoothly only because the national division was largely geographically aligned. Even so, the border states, where the division was not geographical, descended into nasty neighbor against neighbor civil war.

Leaving aside that I think secession is a bad idea, I don’t think it is physically possible. Any attempt would result in a true ideological civil war, not the much less destructive region against region type we had in the 1860s.

By all means, let’s replay the Spanish or Russian Civil Wars.


27 posted on 11/16/2012 6:34:37 AM PST by Sherman Logan
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To: Lucky9teen

WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF!!!!!
Top 100


28 posted on 11/16/2012 6:37:54 AM PST by Currentriverrat (People are calling our President the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, that's not allowed is it?)
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To: Pride_of_the_Bluegrass
History


29 posted on 11/16/2012 6:38:57 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Pride_of_the_Bluegrass
I'd like to join Commander Riker in applauding your most excellent post:


30 posted on 11/16/2012 6:48:21 AM PST by Old Sarge (We are officially over the precipice, we just havent struck the ground yet...)
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To: Pride_of_the_Bluegrass

Excellent.


31 posted on 11/16/2012 6:56:55 AM PST by Sherman Logan
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To: Lucky9teen
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words That every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in Touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just Love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new Shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let’s get a pair for each outfit.
We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

32 posted on 11/16/2012 7:03:47 AM PST by red-dawg
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To: Old Sarge

Every time someone on Star Trek says, “Fire at Will” I get my hopes up, but they never hit Riker.


33 posted on 11/16/2012 7:04:21 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Pride_of_the_Bluegrass
yep. RUSSIA. Suck on that ice cold popsicle of awful!

That's flippin' hilarious!

34 posted on 11/16/2012 7:08:31 AM PST by IYAS9YAS (Rose, there's a Messerschmitt in the kitchen. Clean it up, will ya?)
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To: Pride_of_the_Bluegrass
Ok... it's from last week so some of the references don't work anymore, but that makes this even that much more funny


35 posted on 11/16/2012 7:12:15 AM PST by r-q-tek86 ("It doesn't matter how smart you are if you don't stop and think" - Dr. Sowell)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP WHATEVER!!! WOOHOO!!

I couldn’t help noticing the red part of the “partitioned USA” map includes part of California, apparently San Diego and Imperial Counties (I grew up in the latter, btw). Can’t imagine why we’d want Imperial County as part of the new union as it goes Democrat pretty reliably. OTOH, it does have a lot of farmland...


36 posted on 11/16/2012 7:16:07 AM PST by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (Democrats are evil. Republicans are stupid.)
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To: ArGee

Oddly enough, that seems even less appetizing than a regular Twinkie...


37 posted on 11/16/2012 7:18:22 AM PST by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (Democrats are evil. Republicans are stupid.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Ping


38 posted on 11/16/2012 7:20:27 AM PST by Sivad (Nor Cal Red Turf)
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To: ArGee

Kind of the same feelings I had when they said “Wesley... CRUSH HER!”


39 posted on 11/16/2012 7:28:36 AM PST by Old Sarge (We are officially over the precipice, we just havent struck the ground yet...)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers

40 posted on 11/16/2012 7:29:52 AM PST by Pride_of_the_Bluegrass
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To: Lucky9teen

Maybe it posted twice due to the server hamsters learning they will receive no more Twinkies.


41 posted on 11/16/2012 7:31:17 AM PST by Ingtar (Everyone complains about the weather, but only Liberals try to legislate it.)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers

42 posted on 11/16/2012 7:31:40 AM PST by Pride_of_the_Bluegrass
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To: red-dawg

43 posted on 11/16/2012 7:34:09 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: r-q-tek86

Sports chat fades with each passing week, but CHEERLEADER PICS last a lifetime...


44 posted on 11/16/2012 7:34:46 AM PST by Old Sarge (We are officially over the precipice, we just havent struck the ground yet...)
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To: Pride_of_the_Bluegrass

And yes that is Cheese Wiz added to a hotdog added to a Twinkie, just in case you didn’t know


45 posted on 11/16/2012 7:35:32 AM PST by Pride_of_the_Bluegrass
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To: ArGee

Every time someone on Star Trek says, “Fire at Will” I get my hopes up, but they never hit Riker.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsmlF9-0C30


46 posted on 11/16/2012 7:35:40 AM PST by Mechanicos (When did we amend the Constitution for a 2nd Federal Prohibition?)
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To: Mechanicos

You mean he’s phaser resistant?

That’s bad news.


47 posted on 11/16/2012 7:43:17 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Pride_of_the_Bluegrass

Yuck!


48 posted on 11/16/2012 7:43:46 AM PST by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (Democrats are evil. Republicans are stupid.)
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To: Lucky9teen
The Star Wars That I Used to Know

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJlbPXZEpRE

49 posted on 11/16/2012 7:47:28 AM PST by IYAS9YAS (Rose, there's a Messerschmitt in the kitchen. Clean it up, will ya?)
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To: Pride_of_the_Bluegrass

What marketing genius thought we would want to eat a product called “Chease Whiz” anyway? Was it the same guy who thought of “Gray Poop On Mustard?”


50 posted on 11/16/2012 7:53:27 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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