Skip to comments.(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)
Posted on 11/16/2012 4:53:41 AM PST by Lucky9teen
All these petitions at the whitehouse.gov website asking for states to secede.....it's just silliness. I mean, I agree with the sentiment, but really? You're going to create an account, give them your name and contact info at the whitehouse.gov website and sign something that says you don't like the federal government? Does anyone remember Obama and his secret "kill lists"? It's just silliness, I say. Does anyone think Obama will actually care what these petitions say? Does anyone think anything will be done about it? Does anyone think this federal government will take this seriously?
Look at some other silly petitions I found at the whitehouse.gov website:
Assist with reinstating Scott The Torg Torgerson back on the air at 97.1 The FAN, an ESPN Radio affiliate in Columbus
Grant refugee status for LGBTQIA people and cut foreign aid until repeal of Kill the Gays Bill in Uganda!
Implement a Policy for Declassifying Discoveries by NSA Mathematicians
Force all states to pay their portion of the national debt before they can secede from the union
have the President to attend a Fark.com party. If scheduling does not permit, at least have a beer with Drew Curtis
Federally Legalize Marijuana
Make Election Day a Federal Holiday in an effort to increase voter accessibility and promote democratic culture
Deport Everyone That Signed A Petition To Withdraw Their State From The United States Of America.
Strip the Citizenship from Everyone who Signed a Petition to Secede and Exile Them
sign an executive order barring job discrimination based on sexual orientation & gender identity by federal contractors.
Regulate Internet Pornography
Invite Jacques Fresco of the venus project to the white house as a consultant on rebuilding a sustainable economy.
outlaw offending prophets of major religions
CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST
CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST
Had to do it.
Think I are it. If not, Top 15?
Definitely top 15.
Top 20, at least. :^)
Sweet 16 (yeah right)
Little Akio ! ! !
The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History. Who said ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death’?”
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: “Patrick Henry, 1775,” he said.
“Very good! — Who said, ‘Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth’?”
Again, no response except from Little Akio: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”
“Excellent!” said the teacher continuing, “Let’s try one a bit more difficult — Who said, ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country’?”
Once again, Akio’s was the only hand in the air and he said: “John F. Kennedy, 1961.
The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves, Little Akio isn’t from this country and he knows more about our history than you do.”
She heard a loud whisper: “F_ _ k the Japs.”
“Who said that? — I want to know right now!? she angrily demanded.
Little Akio put his hand up, “General MacArthur, 1945.”
At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.’
The teacher glares around and asks, ‘All right! — Now who said that?”
Again, Little Akio says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”
Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? — Suck this!”
Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, “You little s—t! — If you say anything else — I’ll kill you!”
Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004.”
The teacher fainted. As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh s—t, We’re screwed!”
Little Akio said quietly, “The American people, November 6, 2012.”
A post-election tip.
I’m passing this on because it worked for me today.
A doctor on TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives after this election, we should always finish things that we start. Since we all could use more calm in our lives, I looked around my house to find things I’d started & hadn’t finished.
I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a choclutz. Yu has no idr how fablus I feel rite now.
Sned this to all ur frenz who need inner piss. An telum u luvum.
Woo Hoo! Top 750!!!
(thanks, as always, for the ping!)
Have a great weekend, FRiends!
To inject a serious note.
Any secession would have to be of a geographical nature, one or more physical sections leaving the country.
But our national division is only relatively slightly geographic in nature. It is ideological. Even in the reddest of red states, at least 1/3 of the populace is towards the blue end, and the same is true in reverse for the blue states.
In 1860/61 secession (as opposed to the ensuing war) proceeded relatively smoothly only because the national division was largely geographically aligned. Even so, the border states, where the division was not geographical, descended into nasty neighbor against neighbor civil war.
Leaving aside that I think secession is a bad idea, I don’t think it is physically possible. Any attempt would result in a true ideological civil war, not the much less destructive region against region type we had in the 1860s.
By all means, let’s replay the Spanish or Russian Civil Wars.
WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF!!!!!
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words That every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in Touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just Love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new Shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.
We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
Youre just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
Every time someone on Star Trek says, “Fire at Will” I get my hopes up, but they never hit Riker.
That's flippin' hilarious!
TOP WHATEVER!!! WOOHOO!!
I couldn’t help noticing the red part of the “partitioned USA” map includes part of California, apparently San Diego and Imperial Counties (I grew up in the latter, btw). Can’t imagine why we’d want Imperial County as part of the new union as it goes Democrat pretty reliably. OTOH, it does have a lot of farmland...
Oddly enough, that seems even less appetizing than a regular Twinkie...
Kind of the same feelings I had when they said “Wesley... CRUSH HER!”
Maybe it posted twice due to the server hamsters learning they will receive no more Twinkies.
Sports chat fades with each passing week, but CHEERLEADER PICS last a lifetime...
And yes that is Cheese Wiz added to a hotdog added to a Twinkie, just in case you didn’t know
Every time someone on Star Trek says, Fire at Will I get my hopes up, but they never hit Riker.
You mean he’s phaser resistant?
That’s bad news.
What marketing genius thought we would want to eat a product called “Chease Whiz” anyway? Was it the same guy who thought of “Gray Poop On Mustard?”