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PARAPROSDOKIANS
e-mail | November 27, 2012 | unknown, knarf

Posted on 11/27/2012 6:39:51 AM PST by knarf

Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.


TOPICS: Books/Literature; Humor
KEYWORDS: literature
Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

Winston Churchill loved them:

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure..

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

1 posted on 11/27/2012 6:39:59 AM PST by knarf
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To: knarf

I’m gonna quit procrastinating; just you wait and see.


2 posted on 11/27/2012 7:04:06 AM PST by Baynative
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To: tioga; xsmommy; SoothingDave; secret garden

These are hilarious. Enjoy.


3 posted on 11/27/2012 7:12:20 AM PST by afraidfortherepublic
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To: Baynative
No one ever died from a bad fall: it was the sudden stop at the end that usually proved fatal.

CC

4 posted on 11/27/2012 7:13:21 AM PST by Celtic Conservative (The government that robs Peter to pay paul can always count on the support of paul)
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To: knarf

Bump for later! Lol!


5 posted on 11/27/2012 7:13:49 AM PST by DelphiUser ("You can lead a man to knowledge, but you can't make him think")
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To: knarf

Two from Uncle Tom McCahill, long ago:

1. A penny saved is a waste of time.

2. Honesty is the best policy—when there’s no other choice.


6 posted on 11/27/2012 7:23:40 AM PST by Erasmus (Zwischen des Teufels und des tiefen, blauen Meers)
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To: knarf

Thanks! Passed them on, by email of course.


7 posted on 11/27/2012 7:25:04 AM PST by wizr (Keep the Faith!)
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To: knarf

Knowledge is knowing the definition of Paraprosdokians.
Wisdom is using them to make people laugh :)


8 posted on 11/27/2012 7:33:30 AM PST by spankalib (The downside of liberty is the need to tolerate those who despise it.)
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To: knarf

The Paraprosdokian family own the local dry cleaners.

They are nice people.


9 posted on 11/27/2012 7:39:01 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: knarf

The thing I’m proudest of is my humility.


10 posted on 11/27/2012 7:41:27 AM PST by IronJack (=)
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To: knarf

The ladies at the Orthodox church make PARAPROSDOKIANS every year for Easter.


11 posted on 11/27/2012 7:46:56 AM PST by SoothingDave
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To: knarf

Hope springs eternal, every once in a while.


12 posted on 11/27/2012 7:49:36 AM PST by newheart (The greatest trick the left ever pulled was convincing the world it was not a religion.)
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To: Erasmus

Nobody goes there anymore, it’s too crowded.
When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
(Compliments of Yogi Berra)


13 posted on 11/27/2012 7:56:46 AM PST by sima_yi ( Reporting live from the far North)
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Placemark


14 posted on 11/27/2012 8:03:10 AM PST by greyfoxx39 (We told you Mitt couldn't win.)
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To: knarf

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll spend his days out on the lake guzzling beer.


15 posted on 11/27/2012 8:18:54 AM PST by Fiji Hill (Io Triumphe!)
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To: knarf

Not this one again!

This word was made up by someone a few years ago. Why? Perhaps to see just how many people would be taken in. I guess he is enjoying his Internet fame.


16 posted on 11/27/2012 8:31:34 AM PST by Bigg Red (Sorry, Mr. Franklin, I guess we couldn't keep it.)
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To: Bigg Red
Yep

SOMEONE had to name it 'cause it had been floating around for a couple o'millenia


Etymology

"Paraprosdokian" comes from Greek "παρά", meaning "against" and "προσδοκία", meaning "expectation". Canadian linguist and etymology author William Gordon Casselman argues that, while the word is now in wide circulation, "paraprosdokian" (or "paraprosdokia") is not a term of classical (or medieval) Greek or Latin rhetoric, but a late 20th century neologism.[2][3] However, it occurs—with the same meaning—in Greek rhetorical writers of the 1st century BCE and the 1st and 2nd centuries CE.[4][5][6][7]

17 posted on 11/27/2012 8:36:24 AM PST by knarf (I say things that are true ... I have no proof ... but they're true)
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To: knarf

A friend of mine offered me a job at an Information Booth...no questions asked!


18 posted on 11/27/2012 9:31:05 AM PST by ItsOurTimeNow ("This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no foolin' around.")
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To: knarf; Lazamataz

Hey Laz ... get over here ...


19 posted on 11/27/2012 9:47:07 AM PST by knarf (I say things that are true ... I have no proof ... but they're true)
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To: knarf
18. Teach a man to build a fire and he'll be warm for the night.
Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
20 posted on 11/27/2012 10:00:57 AM PST by BlueLancer (You cannot conquer a free man. The most you can do is kill him. (R. Heinlein - "If This Goes On"))
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To: BlueLancer

bookBUMP


21 posted on 11/27/2012 6:29:36 PM PST by S.O.S121.500 (That Queer Kenyan muzzy bastard is not my president. ENFORCE the Bill of Rights.)
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