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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 11/30/2012 4:40:26 AM PST by Lucky9teen

Be careful out there shopping?


In a small southern town, she saw a 'Nativity Scene' that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it.

One small feature bothered her: The three wise men were all wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, she left. At a quickie mart on the edge of town, she asked the gentleman behind the counter about the helmets.

He exploded into a rage, yelling at her, 'You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!'

She assured him that indeed she did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible's baby Jesus story.

He jerked his Bible from behind the counter, ruffled thru some pages, and finally jabbed his finger at a passage. Sticking it in her face he said: 'See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from 'afar''.


The Supreme Court ruled there cannot be a Nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas. This isn't for any religious or constitutional reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the nation's capitol. There was no problem however finding enough asses to fill the stable.


Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035



Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the California's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.

Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.

Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria,and Lebanon.)

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Texas executes last remaining citizen.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw-drivers and baseball bats must be registered by January 2036.



1) Only in America could politicians talk about the greed of the rich at a $35,000 a plate campaign fund raising event.

2) Only in America could people claim that the government still discriminates against black Americans when we have a black President, a black Attorney General, and roughly 18% of the federal workforce is black.

3) Only in America could we have had the two people most responsible for our tax code, Timothy Geithner, the head of the Treasury Department and Charles Rangel who once ran the Ways and Means Committee, BOTH turn out to be tax cheats who are in favor of higher taxes.

4) Only in America will you find people who burn the American flag and call America an "imperialist nation," but who get offended if you say they're not patriotic.

5) Only in America can we have terrorists kill people in the name of Allah and have the media primarily react by fretting that Muslims might be harmed by the backlash.

6) Only in America could someone drinking a $5 latte and texting to his friends on an iPhone 4 complain that the government allows some people to make too much money.

7) Only in America would people take rappers who brag about shooting people and selling drugs seriously when they complain the police are targeting them unfairly.

8) Only in America would we make people who want to legally become American citizens wait for years in their home countries and pay tens of thousands of dollars for the privilege while we discuss letting anyone who sneaks into the country illegally just become American citizens.

9) Only in America could the people who believe in balancing the budget and sticking by the country's Constitution be thought of as "extremists."

10) Only in America could the most vicious foes of successful conservative women be self-proclaimed feminists and the National Organization for Women.

11) Only in America could you need to present a driver's license to cash a check or buy alcohol, but not to vote.

12) Only in America can we have terrorists fly planes into our buildings and have some people’s first thought be "what did we do to make them hate us?"

13) Only in America would we think teaching kids at college is an appropriate job for communists, terrorists, and other dregs of humanity.

14) Only in America could people demand the government investigate whether the oil companies are gouging the public because the price of gas went up when for every penny of profit the oil companies make, the government tacks on roughly 24 cents’ worth of taxes.

15) Only in America could the first people asked to weigh in on the seriousness of a racial incident by the media be professional race hustlers like Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Ben Jealous. In other words, it's like calling in a car dealer as a neutral source on whether or not you need to get a new car.

16) Only in America does airport security put its hands on your underwear....while you're wearing it.

17) Only in America could the government force a skating rink to have handicapped parking spots and Braille on the ATM machines.

18) Only in America could the government collect more tax dollars from the people than any nation ever has before in all of recorded history, still spend a trillion dollars more that it has per year, and complain that it doesn't have nearly enough money.

19) Only in America could the rich people who pay 86% of all income taxes be accused of not paying their "fair share" by people who don't pay any income taxes at all.

20) Only in America could the people who approve of slaughtering 25 million females babies via abortion accuse OTHER PEOPLE of waging a "war on women."



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: christmas; ofst; silliness
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1 posted on 11/30/2012 4:40:28 AM PST by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

IBTP


2 posted on 11/30/2012 4:43:20 AM PST by Hoodat ("As for God, His way is perfect" - Psalm 18:30)
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To: Lucky9teen

3 or maybe 4


3 posted on 11/30/2012 4:45:09 AM PST by occamrzr06
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

FOR

CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



4 posted on 11/30/2012 4:47:49 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

FOR

CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



5 posted on 11/30/2012 4:48:51 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

FOR

CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



6 posted on 11/30/2012 4:49:51 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top ten!!


7 posted on 11/30/2012 4:49:50 AM PST by RandallFlagg ("Liberalism is about as progressive as CANCER" -Alfonzo Rachel)
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To: Lucky9teen

That's just plain silly!

8 posted on 11/30/2012 4:49:58 AM PST by P.O.E. (Pray for America)
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To: P.O.E.

9 posted on 11/30/2012 4:53:39 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 10? Early today?


10 posted on 11/30/2012 4:54:51 AM PST by eCSMaster (2012 elections: American Coup d'etat!)
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To: Lucky9teen

top 10!


11 posted on 11/30/2012 4:57:33 AM PST by ro_dreaming (G.K. Chesterton, “Christianity has not been tried and found wanting. It’s been found hard and lef)
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To: RandallFlagg

Timmy has 32 candy bars and eats 28 of them. What does Timmy have now?
Diabetes. Timmy has diabetes.


12 posted on 11/30/2012 4:57:48 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen
Questionable tattoo of the day:


13 posted on 11/30/2012 4:58:03 AM PST by P.O.E. (Pray for America)
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To: Lucky9teen
"McConnell 'Burst Into Laughter' as Geithner Outlined Obama's Plan"

The Obama Administration: Still the silliest thing on the OFST.

14 posted on 11/30/2012 5:02:35 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Lucky9teen

The Republicans once again make the mistake of changing the course of the boat now accepting the Democrats promise to raise the height of the river later.

15 posted on 11/30/2012 5:04:32 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee

16 posted on 11/30/2012 5:08:21 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee
Georgia Crackdown Threatens U.S. Ties

SAVE THE TIES!!!!

17 posted on 11/30/2012 5:18:02 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee

18 posted on 11/30/2012 5:20:19 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee
Dear Rush. In the future, please remember the following when referring to tools of the Democratic party.

1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.

2. She is not a SCREAMER or a MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

4. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

5. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

6. She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

8. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

9. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

10. She is not a SLUT - she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

19 posted on 11/30/2012 5:22:03 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee

When my old man wanted sex... my mother would show him a picture of me.


20 posted on 11/30/2012 5:24:32 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Lucky9teen

21 posted on 11/30/2012 5:28:18 AM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: ArGee

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.


22 posted on 11/30/2012 5:31:25 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Lucky9teen; All

Hi. I’ve never posted on this thread before, so I am not sure what qualifies as a silly post. Do you allow like, really stupid jokes?


23 posted on 11/30/2012 5:32:07 AM PST by MestaMachine (It's the !!!!TREASON!!!!, stupid!)
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To: Lucky9teen

Sounds legit.

24 posted on 11/30/2012 5:34:40 AM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: Lucky9teen

When it comes to the so-called “fiscal cliff” both parties are beginning to remind me of the man in Gone With The Wind who was getting a leg amputated: “I CAN’T STAND IT! PLEASE, DON’T CUT! DON’T CUT! (incoherent screaming)”


25 posted on 11/30/2012 5:38:06 AM PST by NRA1995 (CNN should be PNN (Propaganda, Never News))
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To: MestaMachine

Sure - every poster is welcome.


26 posted on 11/30/2012 5:44:53 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee
Oh, so sorry. You said stupid POSTS.

Carry on!

27 posted on 11/30/2012 5:46:04 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!


28 posted on 11/30/2012 5:46:39 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Missed you last week!


29 posted on 11/30/2012 5:52:22 AM PST by Disambiguator (America chose...poorly.)
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To: ArGee

Well. okay, but I warn you, these are REALLY stupid and the kind I actually like best. Go figure.

Q. What is black, lives in a tree, and is very dangerous?
A. A crow with a machine gun.

Q, What is green, lives in a swamp, and is very dangerous?
A. A frog with a hand grenade.

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
A. Here come the elephants.
Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing Foster Grants?
A. Nothing. He didn’t recognize them.

Q. Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A. For stomping out forest fires.
Q. Why do elephants have toe jam?
A. From stopmping out burnt ducks.


30 posted on 11/30/2012 5:55:22 AM PST by MestaMachine (It's the !!!!TREASON!!!!, stupid!)
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To: ArGee

I keep clicking “Check Mail” on my webmail app.

Nobody ever sends me a check.

What’s up with that?


31 posted on 11/30/2012 5:56:04 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: MestaMachine

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back when you throw it?

A stick.


32 posted on 11/30/2012 5:57:16 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Lucky9teen

33 posted on 11/30/2012 5:58:52 AM PST by petercooper
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To: ArGee

I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette!


34 posted on 11/30/2012 6:00:27 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee

Thank you. I feel much better now. LOL


35 posted on 11/30/2012 6:00:41 AM PST by MestaMachine (It's the !!!!TREASON!!!!, stupid!)
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To: petercooper

36 posted on 11/30/2012 6:01:18 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee

What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm!


37 posted on 11/30/2012 6:16:57 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Lucky9teen
Mr. Rogers has had enough silliness, kids!


38 posted on 11/30/2012 6:17:42 AM PST by dead (I've got my eye out for Mullah Omar.)
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To: ArGee

39 posted on 11/30/2012 6:18:00 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee

My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.


40 posted on 11/30/2012 6:28:56 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Lucky9teen

“Texas executes last remaining citizen.”

LMAO


41 posted on 11/30/2012 6:41:02 AM PST by Salamander (If animals could speak, mankind would weep.)
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To: Lucky9teen

WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO top 50


42 posted on 11/30/2012 6:41:19 AM PST by Currentriverrat (People are calling our President the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, that's not allowed is it?)
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To: occamrzr06

test


43 posted on 11/30/2012 6:43:28 AM PST by nothingnew (I fear for my Republic due to marxist influence in our government. Open eyes/see)
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To: ArGee

Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, ‘Do you think we’ll ever find them?’ He said, ‘I don’t know kid, there are so many places they can hide.


44 posted on 11/30/2012 6:51:15 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: MestaMachine

“Hi. I’ve never posted on this thread before, so I am not sure what qualifies as a silly post. Do you allow like, really stupid jokes?”

Can I ask you a rhetoricle question?


45 posted on 11/30/2012 6:54:43 AM PST by Tenacious 1 (The Click-&-Paste Media exists & works in Utopia, riding unicorns & sniffing pixy dust.)
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To: ArGee; Lucky9teen

HOW TO BE A GRACIOUS MOTHER
Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent’s nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her
father’s new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!
Jennifer asked her father’s new young wife to exchange it, but she refused.
“Absolutely not! I look like a
million bucks in this dress, and I’m wearing it,” she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ‘’Never mind
sweetheart. I’ll get another dress. After all, it’s your special day.’’
A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ‘’Aren’t you going to return the other dress?
You really don’t have another occasion where
you could wear it.”
Her mother just
smiled and replied, ‘’Of course I do,dear.....I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.’’


46 posted on 11/30/2012 6:54:58 AM PST by sunny48
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To: ArGee

Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often. But push the wrong button and
your a$$ is disconnected!


47 posted on 11/30/2012 6:58:06 AM PST by sunny48
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To: Tenacious 1

No.

Woman charged for sex with human skeleton...
How much?


48 posted on 11/30/2012 6:59:14 AM PST by MestaMachine (It's the !!!!TREASON!!!!, stupid!)
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To: MestaMachine

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father...I’m very sorry. We did everything we could...but he pulled through.


49 posted on 11/30/2012 7:01:37 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Tenacious 1
I know how lawyers' friends are always trying to get free legal advice from them and they hate that, so I try not to do the same.

The other night I asked a lawyer friend of mine if I could ask him a couple of questions if I paid him $50.

He said, "Sure! What's the second question?"

50 posted on 11/30/2012 7:03:19 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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