Skip to comments.(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)
Posted on 12/07/2012 4:52:26 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Please don't give your child this toy. Please.
Gasoline-Powered Audi Two Seater Car For Kids - Get your little yuppie on his way with this gas-powered accident-waiting-to-happen.
For just under $14,000 you can watch your kid tear ass around the cul-de-sac at a maximum 13 MPH,
but keep it off the road because it's about as street legal as a lawn mower.
Reaction Extreme - The idea of this game is to not be the slowest person to buzz in or you get shocked.
Or, try the "Extreme" version where only the fastest player is safe and everyone else gets shocked. The point is: Electrocution = Fun.
I'm confused. I thought Spiderman was already an "Adventure Hero" and now he's dressing up in various outfits like a Barbie would?
He also apparently loves soccer and short shorts. (From i-mockery.com
A girl wears a special halter top with flowers instead of nipples that cause the baby to make sucking sounds and move its mouth.
The tagline for the toy reads, "Because you shouldn't have to wait until you have breasts before you start breastfeeding your baby."
The premise of "Video Girl Barbie" is simple: take a toy targeted for young girls and install (between the doll's breasts) a video camera capable of recording about 30 minutes of video. What better way to foster you daughter's interest in filmmaking than with a doll that looks like the Terminator?
(Check out the product's official site to see the cyborg up close.)
But before your kid gets excited about filming in breast-view, heed this warning from the FBI: In the wrong hands- specifically pedophile hands-
Video Barbie can be a "possible child pornography production method." For a full review of the product, check out TechCrunch.
A cross-over from "Fast Food Fails:" You have to give them credit for trying to secure their workforce as early as possible.
This is hands down the creepiest toy ever. Just watch.
Super Soakers' more extreme line of squirt guns were always intended for older children, and the "Oozinator" is no exception. Luckily, these boys appear just the right age to discover this addictive toy for the first time start using it a couple times a day (at least). Check out the full commercial here.
Dr. Drill n' Fill: The revolutionary new toy that promotes children's healthy and active lifestyle
by teaching them to associate fun with gouging out cavities. (Watch the commercial here)
Elmo has a little computer in his brain so he can learn your child's name and other phrases.
However, don't change the batteries or Elmo starts threatening to kill you. (Watch video here.)
This microphone is named after a rapper whos known for using auto-tuning so he can sound relatively in pitch when he sings.
Now, in this no-child-is-allowed-to-be-mediocre era, your kid can get the illusion that he can sing,
even if he sounds like a cat held over a bathtub when he belts out the national anthem.
Under the loose category of chemistry, this perfume kit enables your children to mix potions and create a signature scent. There are aromatherapy options that purportedly help your child sleep or energize her even more. Essentially, its science for Snooki.
Perfumery retails for $19.99, and if your children dont produce enough noxious smells on their own, its a viable option.
Pregnant Barbie - Where do babies come from? Good luck with that one.
Every parent wants their daughter to be covered in tattoos, right?
IATDP In after the double piing
Spiele Max is huge in Germany!
But no free coffee.
Drinks for Everyone
A union boss walks into a bar next door to the factory and is about to order a drink to celebrate Obamas victory when he sees a guy close by wearing a Romney for President button and two beers in front of him.
He doesnt have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Republican. So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Republican.
Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him, then says, Thank you! in an equally loud voice. This infuriates the union boss.
So the union boss once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, Thank you!
So just to make his point one more time, the union boss once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. But, as before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, Thank you!
Frustrated, the union boss asks the bartender, What the hell is the matter with that Republican? Ive ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the silly ass does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?
Nope, replies the bartender. He owns the place.
OH! This thing is positively EVIL! My cousins have had it for years, and every Christmas we all sit around and play with it. It's a very low amperage shock, but it truly does hurt if you're on the receiving end.
Thankfully I don't play until later on in the day when everyone is soused and my sobriety gives me a leg up on reaction time. Fun for the whole family!
Top 100. Thanks Lucky9teen.
In case you didnt know this little tidbit of trivia, on July 20, 1969 as commander of the Apollo 11 Lunar Module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.
His first words after stepping on the moon, Thats one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind, were televised to earth and heard by millions. But just before he re-entered the Lander, he made the enigmatic remark Good Luck, Mr. Gorsky!. Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut.
However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the Good Luck, Mr. Gorsky statement meant. But Armstrong always just smiled.
On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could now answer the question.
In 1938, when he was a kid in a small mid-western town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbors yard, by their bedroom window. His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard
Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. SEX! You want SEX? Youll get SEX when the kid next door walks on the MOON!
True story. It broke the place up.
The lawyer quickly said, "In my defense, it stared at me first."
WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO TGIF!!!!
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.
The red neck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and, wanted to let him go.
In before the real fun begins. Happy Friday Y’all.
Eddie Murphy talking about James Brown: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewvQWuRUhM0
Guess what...that is NOT coffee at counsel table. It’s nasty water..and you’re better off bringing your own bottle in a your trial case.
40 THINGS YOU’D LIKE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK
1. “I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of sh*t.”
2. “I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.”
3. “How about never? Is never good for you?”
4. “I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.”
5. “I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.”
6. “I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.”
7. “I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.”
8. “I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.”
9. “It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a damn word you’re saying.”
10. “Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.”
11. “I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.”
12. “You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.”
13. “I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.”
14. “I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.”
15. “I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.”
16. “Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.”
17. “The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.”
18. “Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.”
19. “What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?”
20. “I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.”
21. “It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.”
22. “Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.”
23. “And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?”
24. “Do I look like a people person?”
25. “This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.”
26. “I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.”
27. “Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.”
28. “If I throw a stick, will you leave?”
29. “Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.”
30. “Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.”
31. “I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.”
32. “A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.”
33. “Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?”
34. “Too many freaks, not enough circuses.”
35. “Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?”
36. “Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.”
37. “How do I set a laser printer to stun?”
38. “I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary.”
39. “Who lit the fuse on your tampon?”
40. “Oh I get it... like humor... but different!”
You’re not supposed to say those out loud? %-P
When he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner.
They had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.
At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang.
“Is this the vet?” asked an elderly lady’s voice.
“Yes, it is”, replied the vet, “Is this an emergency?”
“Well, sort of”, said the elderly lady, “there’s a whole bunch of cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can’t get to sleep. What can I do about it?”
There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied, “Open the window and tell them they’re wanted on the phone”
“Really?” said the elderly lady, “Will that stop them?”
“it should,” said the vet, it Stopped Me!”
December 13st To: All Employees:
I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi’s Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10. Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
December 14th To: All Employees:
In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.” The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung. Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
December 15th To: All Employees:
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I’m happy to accommodate this request, but, don’t forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, “AA Only,” you won’t be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts exchange — no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money.
Patty Lewis, Human Researchers Director
December 16th To: All Employees:
I’ve arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men’s table. Happy now? Patty Lewis, Human Racehorses Director
December 17th To: All Employees:
People, people — nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of “Santa” does happen to be “Satan,” there is no evil connotation to our own “little man in a red suit.”
Patty Lewis, Human Rat Races
December 18th To: All Employees:
Vegetarians — I’ve had it with you people!! We’re going to hold this party at Luigi’s Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the “grill of death,” as you put it, and you’ll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them right now... Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
The Bitch from Hell
December 19th To: All Employees:
I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I’ll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Terri Bishop Acting Human Resources Director
(Yes, there are duplicates. I don't have the patience to remove them. Besides, if they were funny once...)
‘Never Say Never Again’ did it MUCH better...
In Houston, city employees are now exempted from jury duty.
The grifting and special perks continue.
Probably just as well. Would you want your case decided by someone who couldn't get a better job than a Houston city employee?
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldnt want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think Ill bring you something you can go outside and play with.
Seeing that I have fulfilled the naughty vs. Nice contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldnt want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, dont you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
While I have acknowledged you have met the nice criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. Im about to tweet my boys and were gonna be waiting for your fat ass and Im taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? He sees you when youre sleeping; He knows when youre awake. Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your s—t wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, youd throw up your Totinos pizza roll all over the carpet of your moms basement. Youre not getting what you asked for, but Im still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in youre ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
Bring me whatever you see fit. Ill appreciate anything.
Thats what I thought you little b@stard.
Oh, well, at least it wasn't Hillary.
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