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Ban BREAD immediately
Russian blog | 12/20/2012 | Unknown

Posted on 12/20/2012 11:25:09 AM PST by Samogon

Bread control now!


TOPICS: Conspiracy; Food; Humor; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: gunban; vanity
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Did you know?

1. Over 98% of convicted felons eat bread.

2. Almost 50% of children who eat bread show test results below national average.

3. Over 90% of most heinous crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

4. Bread is made from dough, just one pound of which can choke a mouse to death. Average American consumes more than a lethal dose in a month!

5. Bread is addictive: during an experiment a person was begging for bread just after 48 hours of living on just water!

6. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400F - such temperature kills a human in less that a minute.

7. Majority of bread consumers are unable to distinguish a scientific fact from statistical nonsense.

Therefore, to save the nation, we must immediately do the following:

1. Limit bread purchases to adults only after passing background check and 5-day waiting period.

2. Ban bread multipacks.

3. Establish bread-free zones around schools, churches and universities.

4. Start "Say no to bread" campaign in all media.

5. Prohibit bread advertisement and sell licenses and permits to sell bread in specially designed enclosures.

6. Tie every subsequent societal problem to evil bread.

Marry Christmas to all!

1 posted on 12/20/2012 11:25:14 AM PST by Samogon
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To: Samogon

In before the yeast rises!


2 posted on 12/20/2012 11:26:43 AM PST by Zuben Elgenubi
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To: Samogon

Rye sense of humor.


3 posted on 12/20/2012 11:28:57 AM PST by Kirkwood (Zombie Hunter)
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To: Samogon; Revolting cat!
May have been what really sent the Manson family over the edge...
4 posted on 12/20/2012 11:29:48 AM PST by a fool in paradise (America 2013 - STUCK ON STUPID)
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To: Kirkwood

It’s the yeast we can do!


5 posted on 12/20/2012 11:30:14 AM PST by J. Worthington
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To: Samogon

Loafer bigot.


6 posted on 12/20/2012 11:30:14 AM PST by Proud2BeRight
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To: Samogon; Revolting cat!
May have been what really sent the Manson family over the edge...


7 posted on 12/20/2012 11:30:14 AM PST by a fool in paradise (America 2013 - STUCK ON STUPID)
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To: Samogon

Loafer alert!


8 posted on 12/20/2012 11:30:24 AM PST by shove_it (the 0bama regime are the people Huxley, Orwell and Rand warned us about)
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To: Samogon
Bread costs a lot of dough.

5.56mm

9 posted on 12/20/2012 11:31:44 AM PST by M Kehoe
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To: Proud2BeRight

You rose 19 seconds before me.


10 posted on 12/20/2012 11:32:48 AM PST by shove_it (the 0bama regime are the people Huxley, Orwell and Rand warned us about)
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To: Samogon

Well, pump my nickel. Who’d a thought it?


11 posted on 12/20/2012 11:33:16 AM PST by Eastbound
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To: Samogon

Just keep your hands off my hot-crossed buns.


12 posted on 12/20/2012 11:36:38 AM PST by Kirkwood (Zombie Hunter)
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To: Kirkwood

Leave it to the sandwich generation to come up with this.


13 posted on 12/20/2012 11:38:28 AM PST by J. Worthington
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To: shove_it

“You rose 19 seconds before me.”

Just a gluten for punishment.


14 posted on 12/20/2012 11:39:08 AM PST by Proud2BeRight
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To: Samogon

Ban high capacity packages!

15 posted on 12/20/2012 11:39:42 AM PST by kidd
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To: Samogon

Rather a flat statement and as far as I’m concerned, you can stuff it. But maybe I’ll just roll with it.

(I’ve hears that carrots are pretty dangerous, too.)


16 posted on 12/20/2012 11:40:10 AM PST by Exit148
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To: Samogon

But I Knead it!!!


17 posted on 12/20/2012 11:40:19 AM PST by txroadhawg ("To compare Congress to drunken sailors is an insult to drunken sailors." Ronald Reagan)
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To: Samogon

And spoiled rye bread caused the people who ate it all goofy and wound up slaughtering the Huguenots in France a while back. Check that pull date.


18 posted on 12/20/2012 11:41:22 AM PST by SkyDancer (Live your life in such a way that the Westboro church will want to picket your funeral.)
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To: J. Worthington

I knead to go now. No matter how you slice it, this thread is toast.


19 posted on 12/20/2012 11:41:51 AM PST by Kirkwood (Zombie Hunter)
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To: Samogon

I hoped to have a witty rejoinder, but my humor is a bit crusty.


20 posted on 12/20/2012 11:42:02 AM PST by exit82 ("The Taliban is on the inside of the building" E. Nordstrom 10-10-12)
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To: kidd

“Ban high capacity packages!”

Is there a suffocation warning on that package?


21 posted on 12/20/2012 11:42:15 AM PST by Proud2BeRight
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To: Exit148

Carrots?! Please don’t talk about carrots! That’s a hare-y issue around here!


22 posted on 12/20/2012 11:42:23 AM PST by J. Worthington
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To: Samogon

Can I put this on my FB page?


23 posted on 12/20/2012 11:42:23 AM PST by BreezyDog (Illegitimi non carborundum)
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To: BreezyDog

This thread is so frivolous; we should be talking about the fiscal jam we’re in. Spread the word.


24 posted on 12/20/2012 11:50:22 AM PST by J. Worthington
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To: Samogon

Why didn’t they mention that Big Bread bakeries have been putting DHMO into bread for years . . . ?


25 posted on 12/20/2012 11:52:43 AM PST by Olog-hai
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To: BreezyDog

Sure, I don’t think that author would mind.


26 posted on 12/20/2012 11:53:25 AM PST by Samogon (Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. - Plato)
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To: Samogon
No to mention that BREAD is lethal to those with gluten allergies. That stuff is evil and should be banned, along with the lethal solvent Dihydrogen Oxide.
27 posted on 12/20/2012 11:53:48 AM PST by left that other site (Worry is the Darkroom that Develops Negatives.)
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To: J. Worthington

“we should be talking about the fiscal jam”

Or spreading that fiscal jam on the banned bread — with p.b., of course!


28 posted on 12/20/2012 11:55:11 AM PST by MayflowerMadam
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To: Samogon

Everyone who eats bread eventually dies.


29 posted on 12/20/2012 11:57:27 AM PST by bmwcyle (We have gone over the cliff and we are about to hit the bottom)
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To: Samogon

Uh, don’t worry. Bread will soon be sparse. That’ll take care of itself.


30 posted on 12/20/2012 11:58:20 AM PST by SoFloFreeper
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To: Samogon

You’re definitely going against the grain...


31 posted on 12/20/2012 11:59:31 AM PST by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (Some cultures are destined to remain stupid and we need to quit trying to uplift them.)
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To: SoFloFreeper

When bread is outlawed, only outlaws will eat sandwiches.


32 posted on 12/20/2012 12:00:52 PM PST by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (Some cultures are destined to remain stupid and we need to quit trying to uplift them.)
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To: MayflowerMadam

The biggest problem with the current economic situation and enormous rising debt is that people don’t understand that it’Sourdough.


33 posted on 12/20/2012 12:01:30 PM PST by J. Worthington
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To: Samogon

What would the peasants eat?

Let them eat cake!


34 posted on 12/20/2012 12:06:27 PM PST by CSM (Keeper of the Dave Ramsey Ping list. FReepmail me if you want your beeber stuned.)
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To: bmwcyle
Everyone who eats bread eventually dies.

Drop "eventually" and you got yourself a headline: BREAD KILLS!!!

35 posted on 12/20/2012 12:06:43 PM PST by Samogon (Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. - Plato)
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To: Samogon

Don’t forget that bread can cause white women to date black jazz musicians, makes you schizophrenic, oversexed, leads to communist behavior, gives you cancer, makes men grow breasts, impairs your memory, kills brain cells, and is a gateway baked good that leads users to hardcore pastries. Now pee in this cup so we can test you for yeast.


36 posted on 12/20/2012 12:09:30 PM PST by fattigermaster
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To: Proud2BeRight
"I can take all of youse!"


37 posted on 12/20/2012 12:16:09 PM PST by Uncle Miltie (The shooter in CT was a Satanist. Curtail Satanists' First Amendment Rights for the Children!)
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To: Proud2BeRight

38 posted on 12/20/2012 12:17:08 PM PST by Uncle Miltie (The shooter in CT was a Satanist. Curtail Satanists' First Amendment Rights for the Children!)
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To: Olog-hai
Why didn’t they mention that Big Bread bakeries have been putting DHMO into bread for years . . . ?

Dihydrogen Monoxide? Are you serious?

You can die from accidental inhalation of that stuff, and in its hydroxyl acid form, it's the major component of acid rain.

Where's the FDA in all of this?

39 posted on 12/20/2012 12:28:44 PM PST by Scoutmaster (You knew the job was dangerous when you took it)
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To: bmwcyle
Everyone who eats bread eventually dies.

I know. It happened to a third cousin of mine.

His family's been all hush-hush about it for years because of payoffs from the Leavened and Unleavened Bread Lobby.

40 posted on 12/20/2012 12:32:55 PM PST by Scoutmaster (You knew the job was dangerous when you took it)
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To: Uncle Miltie

We need to ban all semi-automatic assault Buns now,


41 posted on 12/20/2012 12:36:29 PM PST by J. Worthington
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To: Uncle Miltie
Great image! What a half-baked thread...ban bread and only criminals will have it.


42 posted on 12/20/2012 12:45:10 PM PST by Daffynition (Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious. ~ HLM)
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To: Scoutmaster
>>Where's the FDA in all of this?<<

They're loafers.


43 posted on 12/20/2012 12:51:21 PM PST by Daffynition (Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious. ~ HLM)
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To: Samogon

Reminds me of an old 1960s cartoon in Playboy.

Two hippie and mods rob a bread truck. One, inside says to the other...”Hey man! It IS bread!”

For those in the dark, back in the late 1960s money was also called “bread” by the mods.


44 posted on 12/20/2012 12:53:48 PM PST by Ruy Dias de Bivar (REOPEN THE CLOSED MENTAL INSTITUTIONS! Damn the ACLU!)
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To: Ruy Dias de Bivar

Two hippie and mods rob a bread truck. One, inside says to the other...”Hey man! It IS bread!”
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Like the hippy hitchhiker...
Driver comes to a stop sign and says “See anything”?
“Nah man, just a dog”.

Driver pulls out and is TBoned by a Greyhound Bus .....


45 posted on 12/20/2012 1:00:03 PM PST by xrmusn (6/98 "It is virtually impossible to clean the pond as long as the pigs are still crapping in it")
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To: Samogon

Why stop at bread when the obvious problem is food.

Ban all food NOW!


46 posted on 12/20/2012 1:25:21 PM PST by notpoliticallycorewrecked (Our military does not kill babies, those that commit abortion kill babies.)
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To: notpoliticallycorewrecked

C’mon people, this isn’t serious. Just roll with it.


47 posted on 12/20/2012 1:46:53 PM PST by EQAndyBuzz (You can't bring something to its knees that refuses to stand on its own)
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To: Scoutmaster

LOL


48 posted on 12/20/2012 2:11:42 PM PST by bmwcyle (We have gone over the cliff and we are about to hit the bottom)
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To: EQAndyBuzz

Did you mean series?

I croissant help it.


49 posted on 12/20/2012 3:04:18 PM PST by notpoliticallycorewrecked (Our military does not kill babies, those that commit abortion kill babies.)
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To: Samogon

The easy to digest starch in bread is a factor in our growing obesity epidemic.
Bread intake is considered a factor in our rising diabetes rates.
Bread and water has been a standard punishment for years.


50 posted on 12/20/2012 3:08:51 PM PST by tbw2
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