Skip to comments.Ban BREAD immediately
Posted on 12/20/2012 11:25:09 AM PST by Samogon
Bread control now!
1. Over 98% of convicted felons eat bread.
2. Almost 50% of children who eat bread show test results below national average.
3. Over 90% of most heinous crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
4. Bread is made from dough, just one pound of which can choke a mouse to death. Average American consumes more than a lethal dose in a month!
5. Bread is addictive: during an experiment a person was begging for bread just after 48 hours of living on just water!
6. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400F - such temperature kills a human in less that a minute.
7. Majority of bread consumers are unable to distinguish a scientific fact from statistical nonsense.
Therefore, to save the nation, we must immediately do the following:
1. Limit bread purchases to adults only after passing background check and 5-day waiting period.
2. Ban bread multipacks.
3. Establish bread-free zones around schools, churches and universities.
4. Start "Say no to bread" campaign in all media.
5. Prohibit bread advertisement and sell licenses and permits to sell bread in specially designed enclosures.
6. Tie every subsequent societal problem to evil bread.
Marry Christmas to all!
In before the yeast rises!
Rye sense of humor.
It’s the yeast we can do!
You rose 19 seconds before me.
Well, pump my nickel. Who’d a thought it?
Just keep your hands off my hot-crossed buns.
Leave it to the sandwich generation to come up with this.
“You rose 19 seconds before me.”
Just a gluten for punishment.
Ban high capacity packages!
Rather a flat statement and as far as I’m concerned, you can stuff it. But maybe I’ll just roll with it.
(I’ve hears that carrots are pretty dangerous, too.)
But I Knead it!!!
And spoiled rye bread caused the people who ate it all goofy and wound up slaughtering the Huguenots in France a while back. Check that pull date.
I knead to go now. No matter how you slice it, this thread is toast.
I hoped to have a witty rejoinder, but my humor is a bit crusty.