Posted on 12/21/2012 4:24:30 PM PST by rightwingintelligentsia
DECEMBER 21--A federal employee was formally reprimanded this month for excessive workplace flatulence, a sanction that was delivered to him in a five-page letter that actually included a log of representative dates and times when he was recorded “releasing the awful and unpleasant odor” in his Baltimore office.
In a December 10 letter accusing him of “conduct unbecoming a federal officer,” the Social Security Administration employee was informed that his “uncontrollable flatulence” had created an “intolerable” and “hostile” environment for coworkers, several of whom have lodged complaints with supervisors.
The worker, a 38-year-old Maryland resident, reportedly submitted evidence that he suffered from “some medical conditions” that, at times, caused him to be unable to work full days. But a SSA manager noted in the reprimand letter that, “nothing that you have submitted has indicated that you would have uncontrollable flatulence. It is my belief that you can control this condition.”
(Excerpt) Read more at thesmokinggun.com ...
And we wonder why people go on workplace shooting sprees.
Maybe he could join the Army and they could use his gift to gas out the enemies and cause them to surrender.
He forgot to say “Here, pull this.” We humans never cease to amuse.
Federal Worker Takes “Farting Around” To A Whole New Level.
The pic at the link is of he and his “wife” with Pepe Le Pew? Looks like two guys.
“And just what is it you DO do?”
He probably eats menudo.
Otherwise, he was completely normal, married, kids and all.
A true stinking job environment!
It was in Baltimore. How could you notice the smell over the general stink of the City? Lots of mayors and local politicians in jail. Lots of crime. Lots of corruption.
That is the real “stink” of Baltimore, not one guy with bowel problems.
Did he carry around an aerosol to offer a courtesy stray before he fired? ;-)
The condition is probably “meteorism”. Adolph Hitler had the same condition.
Off we go into the wild blue yonder,
Climbing high into the sun;
Here they come zooming to meet our thunder,
At ‘em boys, Give ‘er the gas! (Give ‘er the gas now!)
Down we dive, spouting our flame from under,
Off with one heckuva roar!
We live in fame or go down in blue flames.
Hey! Nothing’ll stop the U.S. Air Farts!
Says that he’s lactose intolerant but will get gas-X to help out.
I have a child who is lactose intolerant and avoids anything that cause the incredibly foul gas that results.
A steady diet of Fiber One bars will do it
Maybe he should stop going to Taco Bell for lunch.
Sadly, I never worked for a company that would award such an employee performance. We did have a co-worker who was a little smell challenged. The boss allowed an expense account reimbursement for the one who bought all the soap and deodorant ...
I agree.
I wonder if his wife is female.
Also follow the 2 per person per visit limit!
This guy is no fool. A couple of more farts and he will be on Social Security disability and laughing every month when the check comes in.
I used to know a guy who could clear out an entire movie theater with one blast. He claimed to have some disease he picked up in Viet Nam.
I saw a documentary just a while back, a Dr said of Hitler “He ate only vegetables, took opiates at night (they cause constipation) and Methamphetamine during the day..No wonder the man had wind!”
There was an episode of an old TV show I liked (”Dead Like Me”) where an office worker had uncontrollable flatulence..it was a hoot! (or maybe a toot)
Two of them Fiber One bars for breakfast and I’m alone the rest of the day.
What constitutes “excessive workplace flatulence”?
“OK, Gene, here are the federal rules on farting. You can have three pants-splitters a day. You are only allowed one skunk-squeezer. And nothing that will leave a brown stripe in your underwear. Now, this does not include the state farting laws of Maryland, which, I’m told, really stink.”
High fiber diet, a little metphormin and sugar free cough drops. clear the room boys!
When are we going to see reprimends for Federal employees who are full of sh*t?
Looks like he’s already done some workplace shooting.
Wonder if any of the incidents were like this;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwgJc45_KYM
I read a piece some time ago by someone who was present during his rants where he would be screaming with spittle flying and machine gun farting going on all at once. And of course, one wouldn’t dare laugh.
Obviously he should either be the elevator operator OR restroom attendant.
He needs ‘people exposure’ to ferret out the weaklings and force them to retire, thereby saving the Govt money.
:Here I sit, broken hearted,
Paid to $hit and only farted:
Indian food will carve you a new @$$ hole!...
An in-law, while in England during WWII, was coming back to base after a night of leave, and was arrested for relieving himself on the side of the road. I wish we had a copy of the citation which read:
“Urinating on the King’s Highway”
Work place flatulence?...Just fire back with a few bad Mexican burritos!...Don’t get mad get even! Just start your own Air Biscuit Air Force!
When I was stationed on Guam in 1956 one of the Marine guards at the main entrance of the main Navy base was written up by an Officer’s wife for farting on duty. The document said something like, “I observed Cpl..... lift his leg break wind and say aah.”
>>> “I read a piece some time ago by someone who was present during his rants where he would be screaming with spittle flying and machine gun farting going on all at once. And of course, one wouldn’t dare laugh.”
Thank you for the visual. Oh, my achin’ sides (from LAUGHING, dangit)!
(Quoting Dave Barry) “Bean burritos could help explain why most of Mexico is located outdoors.”
Is this really serious? Not satire?
I can tell you Gas-X is not going to work. Maybe Gaviscon (I haven’t tried, although I think it’s more stomach-centered than intestines-centered). I have lots of chronic digestive disease, and occasionally I have gas inside so bad it’s really painful. Gas-X relieves that, if you know what I mean.
Actually the SS complex is literally west of the edge of real Baltimore. Our family friend lives down the street from it, and not much further is my aunt. Although I must say Woodlawn generally is not a real good place; takes the color of the worst of Baltimore.
ping for MD
No wonder Hitler was so anti smoking. One match and the whole room could explode.
This whole story stinks.
Maryland “Freak State” PING!
My 1st “pro” job I had some pals down the hall in the “big office”, with 4 people. The oldest of them (maybe 50s) was infamous as a flatulator. I didn’t know this until I asked what the deal was with all of them having dust masks hanging from their lamps. That’s when I found out they were symbolic of using protection against Tom and his frequent outbursts.
What is the workers name? Gaseous Clay? Fartholomew? Stinky Pete?
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