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(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)
1-11-13 | Lucky9teen

Posted on 01/11/2013 4:24:19 AM PST by Lucky9teen






A guy cruises thru a stop sign and gets pulled over by a local policeman. Guy hands the cop his driver’s license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit.

“Okay, Mr. Smith,” the cop says. “I see your CCW permit. Are you carrying today?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Well then, better tell me what you got.”

Smith says, “Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There’s a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And, I’ve got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot.”

“Okay,” the cop says. “Anything else?”

“Yeah, back in the trunk, there’s an AR15 and a shotgun. That’s about it.”

“Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range...?”

“Nope.”

“Well then, what are you afraid of...?”

“Not a damn thing...”






Identify this:

This is a picture of:

1.) A 3-year-old's drawing of mountains

2.) Deep thoughts of a suicidal Slinky

3.) An abstract doodle of boobies

4.) Obama's Treasury Secretary nominee's signature








"Are you a Leftwing, Conservative or A Redneck"?

Here is a little test that will help you decide

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leftwing's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think? What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!

I need to discuss with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Conservative's Answer:

BANG!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click....
(sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter:' Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?'

Son:' You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?'

Wife:' You are not taking that to the taxidermist!


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: 2ndamendment; guns; ofst; silliness
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Here's a neat collection:











1 posted on 01/11/2013 4:24:28 AM PST by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

Early?


2 posted on 01/11/2013 4:28:39 AM PST by CPOSharky (zero slogan: Expect less, pay more. (apologies to Target))
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



3 posted on 01/11/2013 4:29:27 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



4 posted on 01/11/2013 4:29:27 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



5 posted on 01/11/2013 4:30:27 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen
Wow! Early today.

Happy Friday, FReepers!

6 posted on 01/11/2013 4:33:46 AM PST by eCSMaster (Palin was correct!)
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To: Lucky9teen

7 posted on 01/11/2013 4:36:28 AM PST by cartan
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To: Lucky9teen
6.5 Carcano
8 posted on 01/11/2013 4:47:49 AM PST by Ratman83
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP TEN!!


9 posted on 01/11/2013 4:56:40 AM PST by RandallFlagg ("Liberalism is about as progressive as CANCER" -Alfonzo Rachel)
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To: Lucky9teen
You forgot this one:



I'll be picking this one up VERY soon:


10 posted on 01/11/2013 5:04:38 AM PST by RandallFlagg ("Liberalism is about as progressive as CANCER" -Alfonzo Rachel)
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To: RandallFlagg
Would anyone like some eggs?
11 posted on 01/11/2013 5:04:55 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

You just might be a Redneck
12 posted on 01/11/2013 5:13:08 AM PST by fredhead (It's my Herbie year...check out the number on the side of the famous VW.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Homer Simpson tries to buy a pistol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIpLd0WQKCY


13 posted on 01/11/2013 5:13:53 AM PST by AppyPappy (You never see a massacre at a gun show.)
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To: Lucky9teen
Oh, good LORD!
Is that one on the right lower side Robocop's Beretta?

14 posted on 01/11/2013 5:16:54 AM PST by RandallFlagg ("Liberalism is about as progressive as CANCER" -Alfonzo Rachel)
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To: RandallFlagg

woot woot. Friday’s rock when you don’t have the flu.


15 posted on 01/11/2013 5:22:16 AM PST by Yorlik803 (better to die on your feet than live on your knees.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Man, I hope that Nokia isn’t using a Windows operating system. It would be a real downer to have your gun blue-screen while you’re popping zombies in the park.


16 posted on 01/11/2013 5:23:55 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Lucky9teen

I cannot honestly say that one of my guns was NOT used to kill someone.......two of my pistols were taken off Nazi soldiers by my Dad in 1944-45.


17 posted on 01/11/2013 5:26:38 AM PST by fredhead (It's my Herbie year...check out the number on the side of the famous VW.)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP 20!


18 posted on 01/11/2013 5:29:07 AM PST by Monkey Face (Trust me: I'm a mother. (Stolen from a T-shirt my sister was wearing.))
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To: fredhead

19 posted on 01/11/2013 5:30:02 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: RandallFlagg

If I had a “like” button, I’d hit it! That is a beauty!


20 posted on 01/11/2013 5:30:16 AM PST by freebird5850 (The only good thing about Barry getting re-elected is now we get to see him fall from a higher place)
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To: Lucky9teen
Thanks Lucky, that leveled the place!
Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click....
(sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter:' Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?'

Son:' You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?'

Wife:' You are not taking that to the taxidermist!

21 posted on 01/11/2013 5:35:39 AM PST by moose07 (the truth will out ,one day. The Edge of the world is Square and water pours over it!)
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To: Lucky9teen

My tax return

I just received my tax return for 2011 back from the IRS. It puzzles me!!!

They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.

I guess it was because of my response to the question: “List all dependents?”

I replied: 12 million illegal immigrants;

3 million crack heads;

42 million unemployed people on food stamps,

2 million people in over 243 prisons;

Half of Mexico; and 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate.”

1 useless President.

Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO DID I MISS?


22 posted on 01/11/2013 5:37:18 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 (0 bummer inherited a worse economy in 2012 than he did in 2008.)
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I’m sure that all you cattle breeders out there already recognize this substance!

A friend of mine spent $2,500 on a young Black Angus bull. He put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at a cow.

I was beginning to suspect he was gay, if that’s possible with a bull.

Anyhow, he had the Vet come have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly a little young, so he gave him some pills to feed him once per day.

Dang! The bull started to service the cows within two days. All of his cows!

He even broke through the fence and bred all his neighbor’s cows! He’s been breeding just about everything in sight.

He’s like a machine! I don’t know what in hell was in the pills the Vet gave him, but they kinda taste like peppermint..............


23 posted on 01/11/2013 5:39:50 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 (0 bummer inherited a worse economy in 2012 than he did in 2008.)
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Biology Exam

The truth of the matter

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.

The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.

The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

However, he wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it.

He got an A.


24 posted on 01/11/2013 5:42:16 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 (0 bummer inherited a worse economy in 2012 than he did in 2008.)
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To: Arrowhead1952
I don’t know what in hell was in the pills the Vet gave him, but they kinda taste like peppermint....


25 posted on 01/11/2013 5:47:09 AM PST by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: RandallFlagg

Which version of map software does the iGun come with?

I’d hate to shoot the wrong person because I found myself in the wrong place.


26 posted on 01/11/2013 5:55:28 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Arrowhead1952
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it.


27 posted on 01/11/2013 5:55:38 AM PST by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: moose07

The officer sat across from the elderly woman in the interrogation room.

“Why,” he asked her, “did you shoot the victim six times?”

“Because,” she answered, “when I pulled the trigger the seventh time, the gun only went ‘click.’”


28 posted on 01/11/2013 5:56:47 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: JRios1968

A teacher asks each of the kids in class what they need at home.

*

Joey says, “A computer.” The teacher replies, “That would be very useful.”

*

Kimmy says, “A new lawn mower”, and gets a similar response.

*

Little Johnny pops up and says, “At my house we don’t need anything!” The teacher asks him to think again carefully, as everybody needs something.

*

Little Johnny replies, “No I’m sure. When Obama was re-elected, I remember my dad saying, ‘Well, that’s the last *&#^*+$ thing we needed!’”


29 posted on 01/11/2013 5:57:12 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 (0 bummer inherited a worse economy in 2012 than he did in 2008.)
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To: Arrowhead1952

Really, this place needs a “Like” button.


30 posted on 01/11/2013 5:58:41 AM PST by LadyBuck (Strangeways, here we come....)
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To: Arrowhead1952

31 posted on 01/11/2013 6:00:26 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee
LOL,
The perils of bringing a Revolver to a ‘Semi-Auto’ event.
32 posted on 01/11/2013 6:04:45 AM PST by moose07 (the truth will out ,one day. The Edge of the world is Square and water pours over it!)
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To: JRios1968

33 posted on 01/11/2013 6:07:22 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 (0 bummer inherited a worse economy in 2012 than he did in 2008.)
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To: ArGee
I sure hope none of these software-enabled guns has flood control like some message boards do.

Imagine what a downer that would be when trying to double-tap a zombie.


34 posted on 01/11/2013 6:16:35 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Arrowhead1952; Lazamataz

35 posted on 01/11/2013 6:29:28 AM PST by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: Arrowhead1952
One of the longest OFST threads on record - almost 1500 posts, included a gripe session about too much cheesecake.

Maybe you'd like to put us on a record setting pace? :-D

36 posted on 01/11/2013 6:32:37 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Arrowhead1952

37 posted on 01/11/2013 6:34:45 AM PST by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: JRios1968

Bad pic linky


38 posted on 01/11/2013 6:35:01 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 (0 bummer inherited a worse economy in 2012 than he did in 2008.)
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To: JRios1968
Discretion

Not in the Wizard's handbook.

39 posted on 01/11/2013 6:38:10 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee

The only reason I posted that was from the Alabama vs ND football game. Someone posted a link to her pictures on the net. It’s the Alabama QB’s mom.


40 posted on 01/11/2013 6:38:10 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 (0 bummer inherited a worse economy in 2012 than he did in 2008.)
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To: Arrowhead1952

Look at 37


41 posted on 01/11/2013 6:39:37 AM PST by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: Arrowhead1952
The only reason I posted that

Did I sound like I was complaining?

I hope I didn't sound like I was complaining.

:-D

42 posted on 01/11/2013 6:43:00 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee
More pictures of her Here. Enjoy!!
43 posted on 01/11/2013 6:45:56 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 (0 bummer inherited a worse economy in 2012 than he did in 2008.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 50 TGIF!!!!!


44 posted on 01/11/2013 6:50:49 AM PST by Currentriverrat (People are calling our President the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, that's not allowed is it?)
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To: Lucky9teen

It’s Friday! Happy Happy Joy Joy!


45 posted on 01/11/2013 7:08:41 AM PST by jag.drafting
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To: Lucky9teen

46 posted on 01/11/2013 7:12:19 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Currentriverrat

In before page 2 silliness!


47 posted on 01/11/2013 7:20:08 AM PST by CSM (Keeper of the Dave Ramsey Ping list. FReepmail me if you want your beeber stuned.)
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To: Lucky9teen

48 posted on 01/11/2013 7:21:39 AM PST by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
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To: ArGee
One of the longest OFST threads on record - almost 1500 posts

I remember that one... heck... you and I were just kids... I think this is a photo of us from that day...


49 posted on 01/11/2013 7:22:11 AM PST by r-q-tek86 ("It doesn't matter how smart you are if you don't stop and think" - Dr. Sowell)
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To: Liberty Valance

Dr Seuss VS Shakespeare. Epic Rap Battles of History #12 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3w2MTXBebg


50 posted on 01/11/2013 7:26:32 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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