(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

1-11-13 | Lucky9teen

[Lucky9teen]

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A guy cruises thru a stop sign and gets pulled over by a local policeman. Guy hands the cop his driver’s license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit.

“Okay, Mr. Smith,” the cop says. “I see your CCW permit. Are you carrying today?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Well then, better tell me what you got.”

Smith says, “Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There’s a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And, I’ve got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot.”

“Okay,” the cop says. “Anything else?”

“Yeah, back in the trunk, there’s an AR15 and a shotgun. That’s about it.”

“Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range...?”

“Nope.”

“Well then, what are you afraid of...?”

“Not a damn thing...”

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Identify this:

This is a picture of:

1.) A 3-year-old's drawing of mountains

2.) Deep thoughts of a suicidal Slinky

3.) An abstract doodle of boobies

4.) Obama's Treasury Secretary nominee's signature

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"Are you a Leftwing, Conservative or A Redneck"?

Here is a little test that will help you decide

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leftwing's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think? What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!

I need to discuss with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Conservative's Answer:

BANG!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click....
(sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter:' Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?'

Son:' You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?'

Wife:' You are not taking that to the taxidermist!

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[JRios1968]

[JRios1968]

[a fool in paradise]

When we are born, we are cold, wet, and screaming. Life only gets worse.

[ShadowAce]

[a fool in paradise]

"President Clinton, the plane will be landing soon. Please return your stewardess to her locked upright position."

[ArGee]

On the difference between authority and power:

The tax assessor wanted to visit Farmer Joe's farm. Knowing that assessments never fail to go up, Farmer Joe refused him entry. The assessor insisted he could get a warrant. Farmer Joe didn't budge.

Several hours later, the assessor returned and showed Farmer Joe a piece of paper. "This paper," the assessor informed him, "gives me the authority to go anywhere on your farm I please."

Farmer Joe said, "Be my guest. The pasture's unlocked."

So, the assessor went out and entered the pasture to begin his assessment. He was about halfway to the barn when he heard a snort emanating from its dark, cavernous interior. The assessor froze in his tracks. It was too late, for the bull had espied him and was now determined to run him into the ground. The assessor turned and ran toward the opposite side of the field. He noticed Farmer Joe leaning calmly against the fence and screamed, "Do something!!!!"

Farmer Joe laconically replied, "Just show him your paper."

[skinkinthegrass]

My tax return
I just received my tax return for 2011 back from the IRS.
It puzzles me!!!
They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.
I guess it was because of my response to the question:
“List all dependents?”
I replied: 12 million illegal immigrants;
3 million crack heads;
42 million unemployed people on food stamps,
2 million people in over 243 prisons;
Half of Mexico; and 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate.”
1 useless President.
Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.
I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO DID I MISS?

I'm stealing borrowing that

[ArGee]

[ArGee]

[ArGee]

[ArGee]

[llevrok]

Waa Hooooo
First 88.

[r-q-tek86]

[llevrok]

A Kentucky Soap Opera

A young man comes a runnin’ home, a yellin’- “Pa! Pa!, I'm a gittin’ married !!!!”

Now slow down, son. Tell me about this lucky child, says pa.

Well, she's reeeel purty and she can cook biscuits and squirrel almost as good as Ma. But the best part, pa? She's a virgin!!!

A virgin!! yells Pa. You ain't a gittin hitched to no virgin, son. If she ain't good enough for her kin, she's ain't good enough for our’n!!

[ArGee]

[ArGee]

[ArGee]

[ArGee]

A physicist, an engineer, and an architect walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Do you fellas want to wait until the architect is done, or should I just ship him home?”

[Old Sarge]

[the_devils_advocate_666]