Per Scientology, we are all born with aliens inside us. Occassionally they bubble to the surface and an alien war destroys the planet.
Chosen ones like Cruise vanquish their inner alien, and are ‘here to help’ the rest of us do the same.
I imagine scientologists buy alot of junk from late night infomercials, as they seem to be a weee bit on the gullible side.
I wish I had known about this inner alien thing a long time ago. It’s nice to know that I wasn’t responsible for all the mistakes I’ve made and things I did wrong. It was the inner alien.