[zeugma]

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, ‘Do you know him?’ ‘Yes,’ she sighed, ‘He’s my old boyfriend... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.’ ‘My God!’ I said, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long? And that’s how the fight started...

[Girlene]

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, “ I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.”

So I bought her a scale.

.....and that’s when the fight started.