Skip to comments.Dear Abby Tells Man: Get Over Your Girlfriend Having an Abortion
Posted on 02/14/2013 11:02:36 AM PST by Morgana
Until late yesterday, Id not read Dear Abby since the last time someone forwarded me a column with her advice on abortion. Its been so long I cant remember if came from the original Dear Abby (the late Pauline Phillips) or after her daughter, Jeanne, assumed the nom de plume (and the column) in 2002.
In a column that ran Tuesday, a boyfriend wrote that hed just found out that his girlfriend of nearly four years had an abortion when she was in high school. He explained that hed overheard a conversation after which he inquired about the implicationthat shed had an abortion.
She proceeded to tell me what had happened and then said, I never told you that? He then remarks, My reaction is feelings of disgust, betrayal and of having been lied to. Am I overreacting?
Abby takes the tact that if they had agreed to tell everything about their past, then the omission was deliberate. If not, she was under no obligation to reveal that she had terminated a pregnancy. Whats especially interesting is Abbys concluding commentary.
Abortion is a deeply personal and often complex decision for women. Ultimately, I am told, most women feel a sense of relief after an abortion. However, many do not feel that it is something to celebrate and may not be comfortable sharing that they have had one.
What can be said? We cant know what the boyfriend was really thinking, obviously. Were his feelings primarily because she hadnt told him about the abortion; because he sensed that the abortion was so inconsequential to her that it hadnt occurred to her to tell him; or because having the abortion was anathema to himor some combination of the three?
If I remember the typical Dear Abby reaction accurately, this is less than the solidly high-fives to the wonderfulness of abortion from years past. Abbys first impression answer reminds us that most people do not know (how would they know?) that while a sense of relief may come first, this often changes as the woman moves from being glad the problem has been solved to understanding that the childs death resolved nothing.
Moreover, without rehearing all the studies weve written about at NRL News Today, we know that as compared to women who have not aborted, those who have experienced an abortion have higher rates of anxiety, depression, alcohol use/misuse, marijuana use, and suicidal behavior. (See, for example, www.nationalrighttolifenews.org/news/2012/03/still-another-pro-abortion-attack-fails-to-make-case-against-dr-coleman/#.URv8EB2Ytbw.) And that doesnt address the separate issue of having a higher incidence of breast cancer.
Abbys last statement is important in ways she probably cant know: However, many do not feel that [having an abortion] is something to celebrate and may not be comfortable sharing that they have had one.
CLICK LIKE IF YOURE PRO-LIFE!
It is this fixture, this truth about abortion that the most militant pro-abortionists are determined to root out, as if human nature is mere putty in their hands. They believe the more women talk about their abortion affirmatively, the less stigma there will be attached and as a result the moral high ground on which pro-lifers stand can be overrun.
Not so. Women regret their abortions not because others will not affirm their decision, but because they cannot!
He should dump her, she isn’t worth it. How can live with someone like that?
There’s clearly something missing from a mother who’ll kill her own kids - some sort of deliberate defect, which grows worse every time she rationalizes the evil deed.
I wouldn’t trust her with my children.
“Oh, I forgot to mention that I had an abortion?”
D’OH! Other than having sex, what have these two been talking about for the past FOUR years?
did he do the killing?
Maybe he should have taken her to be stoned to death.
Dear Abby died and her column should have died with her.
The reason for non-disclosure could be many. Guilt, subconscious denial, fear of rejection are some. The woman is obviously messed up from it.
Why would he do that? Is it his job to punish people? Better just not to associate with her.
Yes it should have
You could wake up with a woman like this stabbing you to death in your bed or maybe even poisoning your food.
Not worth the risk.
1. They have been dating for 4 years and
2. She had an abortion while in high school.
So if they're in the mid-twenties and she had the abortion when 16 or so, then it was long before they met. Not exactly a real conversation item after dinner and a movie, "by the way, when I was I kid I had an abortion". Sheesh, everyone has secrets.
Was he? That’s not in the story. The story is about her highschool years ~ in the past.
Some stains never come off.
I know a young woman who got pregnant in high school just before graduation (she graduated) and wanted to put the baby up for adoption. The young man, wanted her to have an abortion and told her that he would not give permission to put the baby up for adoption, that if she went ahead with having the baby, he was going to see to it that his mother was given custody of the baby.
When she consulted authorities about putting the baby up for adoption, she was told that the father had to sign off on the adoption or the state would not allow it. I called, myself, and verified the information because I could not believe it. She could have an abortion without the father’s signature, but not put the baby up for adoption.
and that still does not justify killing the baby
Contrary to popular belief many men are highly distressed when their child is aborted with or without their knowledge, without their consent.
I,for one, am not comfortable with a woman who has or would kill her unborn child.Abortions are done because the child is inconvenient to the mother in some way.We have a nation almost equally divided between good people who stumble and sin,and evil people who put themselves first in everything.Most of the evil in America is actually rooted in selfishness.
The present. The future. Not everybody likes to talk about their past. Been married over 20 years and know almost nothing about what my wife did in high school, and she probably knows even less about what I did. For a lot of people the past is passed, no reason to talk about it.
Ultimately, I am told, most women feel a sense of relief after an abortion
That’s probably the most atrocious and contemptible lie I’ve heard in a long, long time.
Corrected: Ultimately, I am told, most women feel a sense of GREIF, SHAME, REMORSE, GUILT, SADNESS, DESPAIR AND REGRET after an abortion
He should also be distressed that he is dating a woman who murdered her baby, and he should think about whether he really wants a relationship with someone like that
“She could have an abortion without the fathers signature, but not put the baby up for adoption.”
Shocking. Is this still the case?
“Shocking... is this still the case?”
I believe it is. Have you ever read a local paper in the court section part and it will list unnamed child X and the father’s name... with adoption also mentioned. I think with respect to adoption, the courts wanted the biological father to be allowed to raise his own child IF the Mother didn’t. There were cases where the father never knew and would have taken/raised his child. This became problematic later because the child could be taken away from the adoptive parents and placed with the Father. If the Father did not contact the court and requested custody of the child for a certain amount of time.. the child was deemed “free” for adoption. If the court knew of the Father’s address, he would receive legal papers to either come forward or relinquish custody.
If it’s none of the man’s business if his child is killed or not, then it’s nobody’s business if he leaves the mother when the child is born. After all, by the logic of the feminists, he’s only incidental to the fact.
“Dear Abby died and her column should have died with her.”
Yea, and as I understand it, these columns are now “representative cases” rather than real cases.
Yes, in WA State, the woman can have an abortion without the consent of the father, but not put the baby up for adoption. I think that is the case in CA, as well. I knew a young girl that it happened to, under the same threat, that the boy’s mother would take the child away from her and raise it and force her to pay support.
The young woman did not agree to the abortion and the boy’s mother was not successful in having her declared an unfit mother. As it turned out, having the baby and fighting to keep her turned out to be the best thing that every happened to the young woman.
She sought the help of social services, who sent her to career training classes, parenting classes and even helped her find a job and paid for the day care. Then before she was 21, she built her own house on one of those you build it equity programs. She got married to a nice Christian guy, moved to a bigger house, and had three more children, all because the first boy friend threatened to take away the baby, saying that she would never be anything but a welfare queen. She proved him wrong.
That is the type of story that girls need to hear!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.