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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 02/15/2013 5:21:00 AM PST by Lucky9teen

@JayLeno At the #SOTU tonight, when the President walked into the chamber, instead of ‘Hail to the Chief’ they played ‘Hey Big Spender.’

@JimGaffigan That was the most one-sided debate I’ve ever seen. #SOTU

@Bez "I am SO getting laid tonight" -Obama's speechwriter

@sixfoot6 Biden always looks like he's pridefully watching his son play quarterback. Boehner always looks embarrassed by his son at a ballet recital.

@JillMorris I feel like I'm watching an ad for ADD medication when I look at Biden. #SOTU


@JonasPolsky Saturday Night Live cold openings are pretty long, but this is ridiculous. #SOTU

@m_swartz Also as serious as this all is just imagine a bunch of orangutans hooting and clapping at each other and that's basically government.

@TheDweck Obama gives SOTU. Republicans respond STFU.

@biloon Somebody just said "Oh, Yeah" in the audience. Is the Kool-Aid Man in attendance? #SOTU

@SarahThyre I bet if you grated Boehner's cheekbones onto French toast it would be delicious. #SOTU #protein

@ToeKneeSam Obama looks orange on my television, Boehner looks red, and Biden looks confused. #sotu

@JonasPolsky John Boehner has been warned, whenever he gets the impulse to applaud or smile, one of his children is stabbed with a rusty syringe. #SOTU

@Dave_Horwitz The State Of The Union should be retitled, "Hey, You Know What Would Be Cool?"

@sucittaM If Biden's mic was on you would have heard him drop seventeen F-bombs so far. #SOTU

@dansinker Boehner's gone from deep orange to a rich Corinthian leather in a year.

@gabedelahaye John Boehner and Joe Biden clearly go to separate tanning salons with competing formulas. #SOTU

@BorowitzReport Fox News: Obama Speech an Enormous Failure #SOTU

@sucittaM State of the Union prediction: Obama walks up, clears throat, says "Shit cray", drops the mic and walks off.


@ChaseMit The Republican response to the State of the Union is just seven minutes of Ted Nugent firing an AK-47 into a buffalo carcass. #SOTU

@DamienFahey The State of the Union should just be an hour and a half of a guy crying in his car outside of an Arby's.

@ChaseMit John Boehner is glaring at Barack Obama like he just said there are no more beds available at Planet Tan. #SOTU

@BillMc7 Man, I can hardly wait for none of this to get done.

@alexblagg Biden and Boehner's ties should team up to fight crime in '80s Miami.

@DamienFahey I don't have the sound up on my TV, but Joe Biden just stood and applauded, so I assume Obama just gave America his BangBus password.

@ChaseMit A disappointed Joe Biden looks down at his handful of beads and realizes he came to the wrong place tonight. #SOTU

@louisvirtel Seems cruel of Biden to match lavender glasses and a tie with no promise of performing "Bennie and the Jets." #SOTU

@alexblagg When's Obama gonna get to the part where he looks directly into the camera and goes, "But seriously: we've got to get rid of Chris Brown"?

@ronradu Biden keeps putting on his glasses and looking down to check his Twitter feed

@EJDionne Good line ‏RT @grossdm You've heard of arch-conservatives? Rubio is a parched-conservative. #sotu

@BloombergView This speech will forever be known as The Water Break Address | http://bloom.bg/sotu #sotu

@AmandaMarcotte That water bottle gif will stand in for people saying "awkward!" for at least a year. #sotu

@barrylyga That moment where Rubio dodges off-camera for water is gonna live on YouTube forever. And I bet Poland Spring is PSYCHED for the plug. #sotu

@BloombergView .@paulaEdwyer: Can't wait for the SNL skit showing Rubio soaking his head under the tap #sotu

@smotus Rubio: Ask not what your country... OH GOD I'M THIRSTY #sotu

@kthalps Rubio is right. Government can't solve every problem. Namely, dry-mouth. #sotu #fb

@AmandaMarcotte Has anyone gif'd that water bottle moment yet? Get on it, internet! #sotu

@BlameTelford Nothing rebuts a #sotu like an awkward mid-speech lean across the room for a tiny bottle of water.

@goodasyou That was a really awkward Poland Springs commercial #sotu

@DJMOS Damn, that was the most uncomfortable drink of water in the history of television... #sotu #gop

@calebhays Ok, that drink of water will end up on #snl this week #sotu

@JohnFugelsang And now, Marco Rubio presents the 1st campaign ad for Hilary 2016. #sotu

President Obama wants Congress to increase the minimum wage. Believe me, when it comes to doing the minimum for their wage, Congress knows what it’s talking about. ~ JAY LENO

The most impressive thing about President Obama's State of the Union speech last night was that he did the whole thing without a single drink of water. ~ JAY LENO

Be honest. How many of you never heard of Marco Rubio until last night? How many thought Marco Rubio was a game you played in a pool with the kids? ~ JAY LENO

At every State of the Union address the president is introduced by some guy who walks in and says, “Mr. Speaker, the president of the United States!" If we're really serious about reducing the size of government, start with that guy. What does he work, one day a year? ~ JAY LENO


You gotta wonder what Biden said to Boehner...


The Republican response to President Obama's State of the Union address was given by Senator Marco Rubio. It's just one more example of rich white guys getting a Hispanic to do a job they don't want to do. ~ CONAN

President Obama gave his State of the Union address tonight. The rebuttal will be given by Marco Rubio. Or as he's known in the Republican Party, "our black guy." ~ CONAN

Did you see the State of the Union address? President Obama spoke for an hour. One disappointment: not one mention about the zombie attack in Montana. ~ DAVID LETTERMAN

How many of you watched the State of the Union address just for the commercials? ~ DAVID LETTERMAN

I have to hand it to President Obama. He is full of confidence, really kind of cocky and full of himself. At the end of his State of the Union address he showed America his Kenyan birth certificate. ~ DAVID LETTERMAN

Last night while the president was speaking, the Westminster Dog Show wrapped up. The dog show and the State of the Union address are very different, of course. One's a lot of yapping and prancing and sniffing. And the other is the dog show. ~ CRAIG FERGUSON


President Obama made the annual State of the Union address last night. Then Florida Senator Marco Rubio rebutted for the GOP. He said you can't have a middle class without the rich. He's right. Just like you need "Biggie" fries to have regular-sized fries. ~ JIMMY KIMMEL

While Rubio covered a lot in his State of the Union rebuttal, everyone seems to be focused on him grabbing his water bottle. That's what you get when you eat a whole bag of pretzels before a speech. ~ JIMMY KIMMEL

How about the way Rubio never takes his eyes off the camera when he's reaching for the water. It's like, "Drop the gun on the floor. Put down the gun." ~ JIMMY KIMMEL

But what a night for Poland Spring water. You cannot buy that kind of product placement. At least I hope you can't buy it, but in Washington, who knows? ~ JIMMY KIMMEL

President Obama made his fifth State of the Union address tonight. Traditionally, following the State of the Union address, the opposition party rebuts what the president said. They don't know what the president is going to say, but they know they won't like it. ~ JIMMY KIMMEL

Following the State of the Union speech, Republicans gave their rebuttal. But yesterday Democrats held a press conference to deliver a pre-rebuttal to the Republicans' rebuttal. Democrats decided to pre-emptively rebut their rebuttal. ~ JIMMY KIMMEL

So Democrats gave a speech, responding to a speech no one had ever heard, which itself was in response to a speech no one had ever heard — which I think is the plot to "Inception," isn't it? ~ JIMMY KIMMEL


Before the State of the Union address last night, President Obama did an exploding fist bump with Republican Senator Mark Kirk. Which really goes to show you — it doesn't matter if they're black or white, Republican or Democrat, politicians are really awkward. ~ JIMMY FALLON

President Obama also gave House Speaker John Boehner a thumbs-up before the start of his State of the Union address. Or as Boehner put it, "Beats the finger I usually get!" ~ JIMMY FALLON

Do you know why the White House scheduled the State of the Union address for Lincoln's birthday instead of Washington's birthday? Well, it's because Washington was famous for saying, "I cannot tell a lie." ~ JIMMY FALLON

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said on Fox News Sunday that it's a false argument to say that we have a spending problem. You know something? I think she may be right. I think what we actually have is a "You don't have a clue" problem. ~ JIMMY FALLON



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: ofst; silliness; sotu
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CAPTION THIS!! Ted Nugent and Sheila Jackson Lee

1 posted on 02/15/2013 5:21:24 AM PST by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

Top Ten! Woo Hoo!


2 posted on 02/15/2013 5:22:54 AM PST by Disambiguator
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama


STATE OF

CREEPY


CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST

/center>

3 posted on 02/15/2013 5:24:39 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: absolootezer0; acad1228; AJMaXx; akatel; A knight without armor; alarm rider; Allegra; ...

SILLINESS PING


4 posted on 02/15/2013 5:26:11 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: absolootezer0; acad1228; AJMaXx; akatel; A knight without armor; alarm rider; Allegra; ...

SILLINESS PING


5 posted on 02/15/2013 5:26:28 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: absolootezer0; acad1228; AJMaXx; akatel; A knight without armor; alarm rider; Allegra; ...

SILLINESS PING


6 posted on 02/15/2013 5:27:23 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

Yippee!!!

Happy Friday!!


7 posted on 02/15/2013 5:27:58 AM PST by moviefan8
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To: Lucky9teen

WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO TOP TEN
TGIF!!!


8 posted on 02/15/2013 5:34:25 AM PST by Currentriverrat (People are calling our President the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, that's not allowed is it?)
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To: Lucky9teen

Oh God to be a fly on the wall during that conversation (between Nugent and Lee)!

“Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and savior?”

“Does Jesus Christ translate to Barack Obama in some African language, dear?”


9 posted on 02/15/2013 5:39:12 AM PST by rarestia (It's time to water the Tree of Liberty.)
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To: Lucky9teen
TOP TEN!!!!
10 posted on 02/15/2013 5:39:56 AM PST by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Lucky9teen
TOP TEN!!!!
11 posted on 02/15/2013 5:39:56 AM PST by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Lucky9teen
TOP TEN!!!!
12 posted on 02/15/2013 5:40:02 AM PST by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Currentriverrat

Top 10 just means “I didn’t even read any of that”.


13 posted on 02/15/2013 5:41:40 AM PST by AppyPappy (If you aren't part of the solution, there is good money to be made prolonging the problem.)
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To: Lucky9teen

14 posted on 02/15/2013 5:43:01 AM PST by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP 20!!


15 posted on 02/15/2013 5:43:14 AM PST by RandallFlagg
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To: Lucky9teen
 photo missed_zps7ba0cd14.jpg
16 posted on 02/15/2013 5:52:06 AM PST by RetSignman ("...a Republic if you can keep it")
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To: Lucky9teen

Friday already? Well, okay!


17 posted on 02/15/2013 5:52:44 AM PST by InvisibleChurch (the mature Christian is almost impossible to offend)
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To: All

Top 20!!


18 posted on 02/15/2013 5:53:08 AM PST by KevinDavis (And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 42 for sure


19 posted on 02/15/2013 5:58:42 AM PST by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP 20!!!!

YAY!


20 posted on 02/15/2013 5:59:01 AM PST by Monkey Face (There is no "Chocoholics Anonymous" because no one wants to quit. ~~ Shoe)
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To: All

Dentures...

A couple of old guys were golfing when one mentioned that he was going to go to Dr. Smith for a new set of dentures in the morning.

His elderly buddy remarked that he too had gone to the very same dentist two years before.

“Is that so?” asked the first old guy. “Did he do a good job?”

The second oldster replied, “Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when a guy on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at least 200 mph when it smacked me right in the testicles”.

The first old guy was confused and asked, “What the hell does that have to do with your dentures?”

“It was the first time my teeth didn’t hurt.....”


21 posted on 02/15/2013 6:01:59 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 (Dims are stupid, period. End of conversation.)
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To: Lucky9teen
New picture of the Russian meteor strike


22 posted on 02/15/2013 6:02:14 AM PST by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: Lucky9teen
 photo drymouth_zps10a5ec59.jpg There's an app for that Rubio.
23 posted on 02/15/2013 6:03:37 AM PST by RetSignman ("...a Republic if you can keep it")
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Since I be votin’ for Obama, my taxes have gone up, my employer stopped offering health insurance and my guns were taken away.

Damn you George Bush.

24 posted on 02/15/2013 6:05:32 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 (Dims are stupid, period. End of conversation.)
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To: Lucky9teen

25 posted on 02/15/2013 6:08:14 AM PST by the_devils_advocate_666
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To: Lucky9teen

For those of you who might ask "Why would SJL hug on Ted Nugent?" I have an answer. Cynthia McKenney (BatSh*t Crazy - GA) Had a plaque on her desk in Washington that said "Buck Fush." Yet the woman with the worst attendance record in Congress showed up four hours early for the SOTU speeches so she could get a middle aisle seat and have her picture taken hugging the President when he came in. These people will do anything for 15 seconds on camera.

26 posted on 02/15/2013 6:14:25 AM PST by Pan_Yan
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

Keep Calm and Carry On, ladies...


27 posted on 02/15/2013 6:14:58 AM PST by TADSLOS (The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
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To: JRios1968

Swiped and spread for maximum hilarity!!


28 posted on 02/15/2013 6:16:19 AM PST by Old Sarge (We are officially over the precipice, we just havent struck the ground yet...)
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To: Lucky9teen

Gonzo, I gots the cat scratch fever bad.

29 posted on 02/15/2013 6:29:46 AM PST by crusty old prospector
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To: Lucky9teen
SJL's career is over. She was just photographed holding a *gasp* bottle of water! Oh, and Ted Nugent was there.


30 posted on 02/15/2013 6:37:11 AM PST by Disambiguator
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To: Lucky9teen

SJL is simply acting out her political strategy. When someone accused her of being a racist, she can just pull out this photo and insist that she is not.

“She, I hugged a white man only this year . . . or was it last year. I’m too busy to keep track of such mundane issues!”


31 posted on 02/15/2013 6:58:07 AM PST by Pilgrim's Progress (http://www.baptistbiblebelievers.com/BYTOPICS/tabid/335/Default.aspx)
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To: Lucky9teen

32 posted on 02/15/2013 7:01:48 AM PST by fidelis (Zonie and USAF Cold Warrior)
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To: Lucky9teen
You gotta wonder what Biden said to Boehner...

If you're going to use the rest room....I suggest you light a match....I just got out of there...

33 posted on 02/15/2013 7:07:32 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Monkey Face

34 posted on 02/15/2013 7:08:23 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Rummyfan

35 posted on 02/15/2013 7:13:40 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: InvisibleChurch

36 posted on 02/15/2013 7:14:59 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Lucky9teen
Festivale!

37 posted on 02/15/2013 7:16:29 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Lucky9teen

A guy had been working all his adult life to be more. To make more. He was never the success his family wanted. 60 hour weeks and still he’d only get small promotions , always passed over for the big ones. Every night, he’d come come and his wife would tell him how “The So and So’s” had a bigger house or how other people’s kids were could afford elite colleges - why not theirs??

Then one day, it all fell apart. The job he was a shoe in, that one that would have “fixed everything”, was filled by the boss’ 24 year old son. When he went home, feeling down and breaking the news, his wife announced that she was leaving him - for his best (and more successful) friend. Despondent, he decided to give it all up. No more chasing the brass ring. His family was gone, so why not?

He decided to join a monastery and live a simple life. When meeting Brother Superior, he found that this was all that he wanted. A life with no pressure. Work was rewarded with a basic room and good, solid food. In exchange, all the monastery asked was a vow of silence. “But”, the brother advised, “once a year you will be allowed to say two words.” “Easy”, thought the man. “Time to myself and to reflect is just what I need”.

And so the first year went by in a flash. He was called into the Brother Superior’s office and advised now was the time he could say his two words. “Food cold”, the man said. “I see.”, said the brother. “I will make a note of that. See you next year.”

The second year went by as fast as the first. The man was again called in for his “two words”. This time, the man said “Bed hard”. “I see.”, said the brother. “I will make a note of that. See you next year.”

The third year went by, and the man was in the Brother Superior’s Office. “OK, brother. It’s again time for your two words. What are they?” asked the Brother Superior. “I quit!”, said the man. The brother superior looked up from his notes and said , “You know, I am not surprised. It’s been bitch, bitch, bitch ever since you got here !!!!”


38 posted on 02/15/2013 7:19:26 AM PST by llevrok (The only thing Obama has achieved are rapid executive orders.)
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To: JRios1968

39 posted on 02/15/2013 7:21:52 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Lucky9teen
I think they make a nice looking couple.

40 posted on 02/15/2013 7:25:27 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Lucky9teen
"You Should Thank the White People That Freed Your Stupid Ass!


41 posted on 02/15/2013 7:26:53 AM PST by TexasCajun
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To: Lucky9teen
"I had to go pee, hope it doesn't ruin my chances for 2016."


42 posted on 02/15/2013 7:31:39 AM PST by TexasCajun
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To: TexasCajun

43 posted on 02/15/2013 7:34:14 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: TexasCajun
"Been Pick'n Cotton Long, Have Ya?"

"You're From Texas & You Never Heard Of June Teenth?"

44 posted on 02/15/2013 7:40:34 AM PST by TexasCajun
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To: TexasCajun

Hey, you been takin' 2 step lessons, momma !!

45 posted on 02/15/2013 8:03:59 AM PST by llevrok (The only thing Obama has achieved are rapid executive orders.)
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To: Lucky9teen

46 posted on 02/15/2013 8:08:01 AM PST by Old Sarge (We are officially over the precipice, we just havent struck the ground yet...)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

I think I’m going to have Dear Wifey read this...


47 posted on 02/15/2013 8:14:18 AM PST by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'll stop being a cynic when the world stops giving me reasons to be cynical.)
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To: Lucky9teen
"Hey, Sheila, you up for a little Wango Tango?"


48 posted on 02/15/2013 8:17:42 AM PST by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'll stop being a cynic when the world stops giving me reasons to be cynical.)
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To: llevrok
Is that Marco Rubio water in her hand?
49 posted on 02/15/2013 8:21:36 AM PST by liberalh8ter (If Barack has a memory like a steel trap, why can't he remember what the Constitution says?)
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To: BenLurkin

LMAO!!!!!!


50 posted on 02/15/2013 8:37:15 AM PST by gimme1ibertee (When injustice becomes law, rebellion becomes duty.)
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