Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 03/08/2013 5:11:17 AM PST by Lucky9teen

Tips for Avoiding U.S. Drone Strikes

One sure fire way to avoid being targeted is to assume the low information voter position. This is a modified duck and cover pose, just stick your head between your legs and…well you know the drill. Otherwise, here are some other suggestions:

  1. Join the church where Al Sharpton is a preacher. No one knows where it is.
  2. If you can’t find it, join the church Obama frequents.
  3. If you can’t find that: register as a Republican Senate candidate from New York, New Jersey, or California.
  4. Get a federal “green energy” loan, then declare bankruptcy. The U.S. government will cover for you.
  5. Proclaim you are a victim of black-on-black crime. The media will render you invisible.
  6. Come out as a black conservative. The media will render you unrecognizable.
  7. If you are a woman: confess that Bill Clinton or Ted Kennedy once propositioned you.
  8. Hide in the back of a Massachusetts senator’s submerged car. It will buy you at least a few hours.
  9. Become a member of Obama’s Job Council.
  10. Insert yourself in the next 2,000-page bill.
  11. Follow Jesse Jackson to an honest day’s work.
  12. Get friendly with Sandra Fluke. Nobody has ever been able to find any of those guys.
  13. Say “Hi, I’m Jon Huntsman and I’m still running for president.”
  14. Pretend you’re a salad; at least the First Lady won’t spot you.
  15. Never walk in New York holding a 16oz Styrofoam soda cup.
  16. Never drink from a bottle of water in front of a camera. This will put you in the media spotlight 24/7 for days.
  17. Get in line at the DMV or another government office; by the time you emerge, drones will be obsolete.
  18. Impersonate an American taxpayer.
  19. Hide in plain sight in Benghazi; it makes a lot of difference.
  20. Camp out at Obama’s shooting range; no one is ever there.
  21. Stay where Obama keeps his college transcripts, U.S. passport records, or financial records. You will never be disclosed.
  22. Set up in one of Chicago’s highest murder-rate zones. A truckload of fighters with RPGs will go undetected.
  23. Hold a sign, preferably bilingual, declaring a “Drone-Free Zone.”
  24. Buy a Prius or Chevy Volt
  25. Put a COEXIST bumper sticker on your car
  26. Avoid racist code words like "budget" or "fiscal responsibility"........or "Lie"
  27. Are you a Conservative Blogger? Maybe you shouldn't be....
  28. If you are a world famous rapper or movie star, remember drone strikes never hit the Obama's campaign bus
  29. Minorities....it's better to have a victim mentality, than to be a drone strike victim.
  30. If you are Caucasian.....going tanning will ensure that Obama won't target you for drone attacks.
  31. If all else fails....contribute to Obama's campaign.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: drones; friday; ofst; silliness
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-83 next last







1 posted on 03/08/2013 5:11:17 AM PST by Lucky9teen
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...


SPEAKING OF DRONES

DRONING ON TO


CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST

 

2 posted on 03/08/2013 5:12:51 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

IBTROTTT (In Before The Rest Of The Top Ten)!

Good Morning!


3 posted on 03/08/2013 5:13:51 AM PST by Disambiguator
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen
We are living in upside down world

4 posted on 03/08/2013 5:14:51 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Disambiguator

5 posted on 03/08/2013 5:16:09 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Top ten


6 posted on 03/08/2013 5:19:44 AM PST by verga (A nation divided by Zero!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen
Put a COEXIST bumper sticker on your car


7 posted on 03/08/2013 5:20:52 AM PST by Disambiguator
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

I’m here this morning!


8 posted on 03/08/2013 5:24:49 AM PST by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ShadowAce

Here, here


9 posted on 03/08/2013 5:33:33 AM PST by DooDahhhh (ma)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Top 20 fo’ sho


10 posted on 03/08/2013 5:36:03 AM PST by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Top Twenty!!


11 posted on 03/08/2013 5:37:56 AM PST by RandallFlagg
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen
 photo POP2_zpsfaec37c0.jpg
12 posted on 03/08/2013 5:50:53 AM PST by baddog 219
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Why did the stonecutter quit his job?

He felt like his boss was taking him for granite.


13 posted on 03/08/2013 5:54:24 AM PST by Drawsing (The fool shows his annoyance at once. The prudent man overlooks an insult. (Proverbs 12:16))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen


Men are so misunderstood...



14 posted on 03/08/2013 5:55:42 AM PST by TheOldLady
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Why did the chicken cross the road halfway and then stop?

He wanted to lay it on the line.


15 posted on 03/08/2013 5:56:08 AM PST by Drawsing (The fool shows his annoyance at once. The prudent man overlooks an insult. (Proverbs 12:16))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen
How can you tell if a baker is lucky?

He has a four loaf cleaver.

16 posted on 03/08/2013 5:56:27 AM PST by N. Theknow (Kennedys=Can't drive, can't ski, can't fly, can't skipper a boat, but they know what's best for you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

What do you put on a pig that has a wound?

Oink-ment.


17 posted on 03/08/2013 5:58:17 AM PST by Drawsing (The fool shows his annoyance at once. The prudent man overlooks an insult. (Proverbs 12:16))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Disambiguator

That is awesome... searching the googglewebs now. Must have one of those.

My coworker has the coexist bumper sticker. ‘Someone’ put a stickynote on it that said “...with suicide bombers? I don’t think so.”

(he knew it was me and we are cool like that. Otherwise I would not touch a man’s car, moonbat or not.)


18 posted on 03/08/2013 6:01:37 AM PST by envisio (Its on like Donkey Kong!!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen
Well, it has Friday in the title...


19 posted on 03/08/2013 6:06:19 AM PST by Old Sarge (We are officially over the precipice, we just havent struck the ground yet...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: N. Theknow
I try to avoid funerals.

I'm not a mourning person.

20 posted on 03/08/2013 6:21:00 AM PST by N. Theknow (Kennedys=Can't drive, can't ski, can't fly, can't skipper a boat, but they know what's best for you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

I iz here.

Where iz here?

Does it matter where here iz?


21 posted on 03/08/2013 6:23:16 AM PST by ArGee (An open mind is like an open window - if you don't have a screen, you get flies.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: N. Theknow

I spent all day yesterday trying to get my computer reports to reconcile.

I now know why they measure computing power in hurts.


22 posted on 03/08/2013 6:24:08 AM PST by ArGee (An open mind is like an open window - if you don't have a screen, you get flies.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: Disambiguator

Got one from my brother for Christmas. :o)


23 posted on 03/08/2013 6:25:28 AM PST by mykroar (Sig is pending a Conservative party.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Will any of those tips to avoid drones work to avoid the IRS next month???

Pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseoh


24 posted on 03/08/2013 6:27:21 AM PST by ArGee (An open mind is like an open window - if you don't have a screen, you get flies.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Apologies to all Catholics in advance.


Succession of the Pope

WASHINGTON, DC - Sources close to the White House have learned that Barack Obama is planning to run for the office of Pope when the College of Cardinals convenes to elect a successor to ailing Benedict XVI at the end of this month. Calling on the promise of Equality for All, Obama is said to firmly believe that the time has come for a non-Catholic to occupy the Vatican’s highest office.

Foreseeing a looming citizenship issue he states that he has discovered an Italian birth certificate that proves he was born in Rome before he was born in Kenya. “That Hawaiian birth certificate never has been worth what I paid for it anyway”, he noted.

Continuing, he concluded, “And there’s no way that a handful of cardinals could be more expensive to buy than 10 million voters in Michigan.”


25 posted on 03/08/2013 6:29:07 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 (Dims are stupid, period. End of conversation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

The Old Woman

She walked up and tied her old mule to the hitch rail. As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, saying, “Hey old woman, have you ever danced?”

The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No, I never did dance... Never really wanted to.”

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, “Well, you old bag, you’re gonna dance now,” and started shooting at the old woman’s feet.

The old woman prospector - not wanting to get her toe blown off - started hopping around. Everybody was laughing.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman’s hands, as she quietly said, “Son, have you ever licked a mule’s ass?”

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No ma’am... But... I’ve always wanted to.”

There are a few lessons for us all here:

1 - Never be Arrogant.
2 - Don’t Waste Ammunition.
3 - Whiskey Makes You Think You’re Smarter Than You Are.
4 - Always, Always Make Sure You Know Who Has The Power.
5 - Don’t Mess With Old Women; They Didn’t Get Old By Being Stupid...

I JUST LOVE A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING, DON’T YOU?


26 posted on 03/08/2013 6:32:00 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 (Dims are stupid, period. End of conversation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: N. Theknow

27 posted on 03/08/2013 6:41:43 AM PST by N. Theknow (Kennedys=Can't drive, can't ski, can't fly, can't skipper a boat, but they know what's best for you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

28 posted on 03/08/2013 6:42:49 AM PST by N. Theknow (Kennedys=Can't drive, can't ski, can't fly, can't skipper a boat, but they know what's best for you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

29 posted on 03/08/2013 6:44:07 AM PST by N. Theknow (Kennedys=Can't drive, can't ski, can't fly, can't skipper a boat, but they know what's best for you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, ‘ ‘You had a good
Idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It
worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now. ‘ ‘

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, ‘ ‘And, you told me
adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to
church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock ‘n roll gospel
choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the balcony. ‘ ‘

’ ‘Thank you, Father, ‘ ‘ answered the young priest. ‘ ‘I am pleased that you
are open to the new ideas of youth. ‘ ‘

’ ‘All of these ideas have been well and good, ‘ ‘ said the elderly priest,
‘ ‘but I ‘m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru confessional. ‘ ‘

’ ‘But Father, ‘ ‘ protested the young priest, ‘ ‘confessions and donations have
nearly doubled since I began that! ‘
‘Yes,’ replied the elderly priest, ‘and I appreciate that”.

“But the flashing neon sign, ‘Toot’n Tell or Go to Hell’
Cannot stay on the church roof!”


30 posted on 03/08/2013 7:05:18 AM PST by sunny48
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheOldLady

LMAO!


31 posted on 03/08/2013 7:13:30 AM PST by CatherineofAragon (Support Christian white males---the architects of the jewel known as Western Civilization)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 14 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

32 posted on 03/08/2013 7:15:08 AM PST by N. Theknow (Kennedys=Can't drive, can't ski, can't fly, can't skipper a boat, but they know what's best for you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: N. Theknow

33 posted on 03/08/2013 7:20:42 AM PST by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 27 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen; ArGee; N. Theknow; CatherineofAragon; Arrowhead1952

“On the Twelfth day of Blackout, the Freepers gave to me:

Twelve Freepers freeping,
Eleven trolls a-weeping,
Ten admins banning,
Nine Freepettes swooning,
Eight pimps a-spamming,
Seven posts a-locking,
Six mods a-blocking...

FIIIIVE GOLD-EN THREADS...

Four classic posts,
Three stuned beebers,
Two nuked accounts...

and a hamster runs the server faaaaarm!”


34 posted on 03/08/2013 7:20:58 AM PST by Old Sarge (We are officially over the precipice, we just havent struck the ground yet...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

35 posted on 03/08/2013 7:22:45 AM PST by sunny48
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

36 posted on 03/08/2013 7:27:29 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Old Sarge

37 posted on 03/08/2013 7:28:14 AM PST by sunny48
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 19 | View Replies]

To: TheOldLady

38 posted on 03/08/2013 7:30:09 AM PST by sunny48
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 14 | View Replies]

To: N. Theknow

39 posted on 03/08/2013 7:32:59 AM PST by sunny48
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 29 | View Replies]

To: sunny48

SWIPED!


40 posted on 03/08/2013 7:35:23 AM PST by Old Sarge (We are officially over the precipice, we just havent struck the ground yet...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 37 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen
Hospital Procedures

Standard Hospital pricing procedure

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where a family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
'I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said as he surveyed the worried faces. 'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.� It's an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN.'

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, 'How much will a brain cost?' The doctor quickly responded, '$5,000 for a Democrat's brain; $200 for a Republican's brain.'
The moment turned awkward. Some of the Democrats actually had to 'try' to not smile, avoiding eye contact with the Republicans. A man unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, 'Why is the Democrat's brain so much more than a Republican's brain?'
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, 'It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the Republicans' brains a lot lower because they're used."

41 posted on 03/08/2013 7:37:34 AM PST by BerryDingle (I know how to deal with communists, I still wear their scars on my back from Hollywood-Ronald Reagan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Arrowhead1952

Australian school’s answering machine message. Very good example for NY schools.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/Pwghabw4N80?rel=0


42 posted on 03/08/2013 7:38:39 AM PST by IM2MAD (IM2MAD=Individual Motivated 2 Make A Difference)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 26 | View Replies]

To: Old Sarge

LOL...like!


43 posted on 03/08/2013 7:38:48 AM PST by CatherineofAragon (Support Christian white males---the architects of the jewel known as Western Civilization)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 34 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

44 posted on 03/08/2013 7:40:09 AM PST by MarineBrat (Better dead than red!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: sunny48

Excellent!


45 posted on 03/08/2013 7:41:02 AM PST by Jane Long
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 35 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Winter Boots

(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this)

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her
pupils put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling, and him pushing,

the little boots still didn’t want to go on.

By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said,

‘Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.’

She looked, and sure enough, they were.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off,
than it was putting them on.

She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on,
this time on the correct feet.

He then announced, ‘These aren’t my boots.’

She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and
scream, ‘Why didn’t you say so?’
like she wanted to.

Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting
boots off his little feet.

No sooner had they got the boots off when he said,

‘They’re my brother’s boots. But my Mom made me wear ‘em today.’

Now she didn’t know if she should laugh or cry.

But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to

wrestle the boots BACK onto his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked,

‘Now, where are your mittens?’

He said, ‘I stuffed ‘em in the toes of my boots.’

She’ll be eligible for parole in three years.


46 posted on 03/08/2013 7:42:04 AM PST by BerryDingle (I know how to deal with communists, I still wear their scars on my back from Hollywood-Ronald Reagan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

I pointed to two old drunks across the bar from us and told my friend Dale,

“That’ll be us in ten years.”

He turned to me and said, “That’s a mirror, you dumb $_it.”


47 posted on 03/08/2013 7:54:45 AM PST by BerryDingle (I know how to deal with communists, I still wear their scars on my back from Hollywood-Ronald Reagan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: sunny48

48 posted on 03/08/2013 8:19:41 AM PST by Old Sarge (We are officially over the precipice, we just havent struck the ground yet...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 37 | View Replies]

To: MarineBrat

49 posted on 03/08/2013 8:22:22 AM PST by Old Sarge (We are officially over the precipice, we just havent struck the ground yet...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 44 | View Replies]

To: CatherineofAragon

50 posted on 03/08/2013 8:25:51 AM PST by Old Sarge (We are officially over the precipice, we just havent struck the ground yet...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 43 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-83 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson