Skip to comments.The Difference Between Cats and Dogs
Posted on 03/09/2013 11:51:18 AM PST by mkmensinger
Watch to the end.
Thanks for the laugh! I needed it.
Thanks for the laugh! I needed it.
I'll second that.
I figured out what was coming within the first few seconds; that didn't, however, make it any less funny.
ROFL.... I luv it... that’s great! Thank you.
LOL OMG thanks so much that video was HILARIOUS I saw that coming at the end LOL
Take two minutes and watch this! :-)
I’ve seen both videos separately, but together, they make a seriesly hugh point! LOL!
How To Give A Cat A Pill:
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat’s head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse’s armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat’s mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill you just swallowed is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Get a screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Clean and bandage slashed, bloody arms and face. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw bloody, shredded T-shirt away and get a new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire dept to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat’s mouth open with small adjustable wrench. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm, and removes pill remnants from right eye. Also, be quite still for your tetanus shot before beginning your 10-day regimen of antibiotics. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for vet to make a house call.
1) The cat is not allowed on the furniture.
2) Alright, the cat can go on the furniture, but NOT on the kitchen counter.
3) OK, the cat can go on the kitchen counter, too, but just not when I’m preparing meals.
4) Fine, The cat can go wherever it wants, whenever it wants, as long as it doesn’t swat me in the face at 4:30 in the morning, demanding to be fed.
5) Yes, the cat will be fed at 4:30 in the morning.
6) Dogs have masters, cats have staff.
Cat Bathing As A Martial Art:
1. Know that although the kitty cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Dont try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, we recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)
2. Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. We recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.
3. Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule.)
4. Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo.
5. You have now begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life.
6. Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. Hell then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so dont expect too much.)
7. Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared with what you have just been through. Thats because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg.
8. You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.
9. In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.
10. You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isnt usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. But at least now he smells a lot better.
Thanks for sharing. One thing to note...you don’t have to teach cats to walk down stairs ;-P
We used to have a rescued stray cat. Hed spend the night outdoors and sometimes came home smelling ripe. Id don leather jacket and gauntlets and the wife would bathe him. It wasnt fun.
Skunk whiz? Possum pee? Try a lemon wass, first, to neutralize the smell, then give him a “kitty valium” before the bath. Take 2 yourself, with a dbl scotch. You’ll still get ripped to shreds, but you won’t give a crap. LOL.
The difference between how dogs and cats view the world:
You go to the shelter, pick skinny dog, take it home, bathe it, feed it, put weight on it and the dog thinks you must be God.
You go to the shelter, pick skinny cat and do the same as the dog and the cat thinks it must God.
Thanks for the laugh! Great video! So true!
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