Skip to comments.***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Posted on 04/05/2013 5:16:03 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
When : Always Apil 5th
Are you a gambler? Then, today, is your day. It's Go For Broke Day. Today is a day to put it all on the line, and take a chance. It might be money. Or, it can be a love relationship. Perhaps, it's time to initiate a risky project, or to take a new job.
Many of us go about our daily lives playing it safe, not taking big chances. If you are of a conservative ilk, you may have never gone out on a limb, or taken big risks. If this sounds like you, maybe today is a day to really let loose and "Go for Broke".
If you can muster up the courage to take a big risk, you can enjoy today by taking big risks and "Going for Broke". We will leave it up to you to decide whether the risk is worth taking.
Former President George Bush has invited President Obama to the opening of his presidential library later this month. President Obama said he's looking forward to going through the library to see if there was anything else he could blame Bush for. ~ Jay Leno
The White House has now put together a website for kids. It's a website to teach kids how to manage a budget responsibly. The website is called "Irony.gov." ~ David Letterman
The Associated Press, the largest newsgathering outlet in the world, will no longer use the term "illegal immigrant." That is out. They will now use the phrase "undocumented Democrat." ~ Jay Leno
Yesterday President Obama shot baskets at the White House and made only two shots out of 22. Even Dick Cheney was like, That guy needs to learn how to shoot. ~ Jimmy Fallon
President Obama went only two for 22. Its tough times for Obama one minute, hes asking Congress to raise the debt ceiling; the next, hes asking them to lower the hoop. ~ Jimmy Fallon
Today President Obama asked Congress for $100 million to map the human brain. And believe me, if anybody needs a map to find their brain, its Congress. ~ Jay Leno
Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano the person in charge of our national security recently said she doesnt email, text, or tweet. So remember: If you see something, say something because theres literally no other way shell get the message. ~ Jimmy Fallon
Everybodys still talking about March Madness, and it turns out that President Obama has correctly predicted 11 of the Sweet 16 teams. When Joe Biden was asked about his Sweet 16, he said, It was great I had a petting zoo and a clown."
Top 10 Woot!
A man came home from work and found his 5 children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden.
The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found ...an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel... She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, ‘What happened here today?’
She again smiled and answered, ‘You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?...
‘’Yes,” was his incredulous reply..
She answered, ‘Well, today I didn’t do it.
Have a Good Weekend Everyone!
God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him resting on the seventh day. He inquired, “Where have you been?”
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downward through the clouds. “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.” Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?”
“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a place to test balance.”
“Balance?” inquired Michael. “I’m still confused.”
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. “For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while Southern Europe is going to be poor.
“Over here, I’ve placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things.”
God continued pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”
The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land area and said, “What’s that one?”
“That’s Texas, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people of Texas are going to be handsome, modest, strong of character, intelligent and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things.”
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, “But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance.”
God smiled. “I will create Washington DC. Wait until you see the idiots I put there!”
The Nun and the Golf Game
A nun walks into Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.
‘What troubles you, Sister?’ asked the Mother Superior. ‘I thought this was the day you spent with your family.’
‘It was,’ sighed the Sister. ‘And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.’
‘I seem to recall that,’ the Mother Superior agreed. ‘So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?’
‘Far from it,’ snorted the Sister. ‘In fact, I even took the Lord’s name in vain today!’
‘Goodness, Sister!’ gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. ‘You must tell me all about it!’
‘Well, we were on the fifth tee, and this hole is a monster, Mother Superior, 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dog leg left and a hidden green and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made.
And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted, and it hits a bird in mid-flight!’
‘Oh my!’ commiserated the Mother. ‘How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!’
‘No, that wasn’t it,’ admitted Sister. ‘While I was still trying to fathom what had happened; this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball, and runs off down the fairway!’
‘Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!’ sympathized the Mother.
‘But I didn’t, Mother!’ sobbed the Sister. ‘And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!’
‘So that’s when you cursed,’ said the Mother with a knowing smile. ‘Nope, that wasn’t it either,’ cried the Sister, anguished, ‘because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!’
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said, ‘You missed the dang putt, didn’t you?’
I love that cartoon, but I have a feeling the mod will remove it, since Ramirez cartoon are not allowed to be posted.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOO TGIF!
Love it! And how true!
Here is silliness.......
We had a rainstorm and cold front move through last night. EVERYTHING is wet. It’s cold outside.
Were going camping.
I think I’ve lost my mind..........
First 3,233,812.6th or something.
Whew! I made it in the top 16.736 Trillion on GOPHER BROKE day.
Six Basic Rules for Good Health
1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, every day is even better.
2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body.
3. F***ing refreshes you.
4. After F***ing don’t eat too much; go for more liquids.
5. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol level.
SO, REMEMBER ...
6. FISHING is good for your health and soul,
And may the Good Lord cleanse your dirty mind
Called a Barka
Leaving for a hike in the mud in just a few minutes ...
The Pope was sitting next to this guy on a jetliner, and they were an hour or so into the flight. The Pope, who was working a crossword puzzle, asked his seat mate, “What’s a four-letter word ending in ‘unt?’”
The fellow answered, “Why “Aunt,” of course!”
The Pope replied, “Thanks! Uh, do you have an eraser?”
Sven gets in line, and when its his turn, the preacher asks: Sven, what do you want me to pray about for you.
Sven replies: Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing.
The preacher puts one finger in Svens ear, and he places the other hand on top of Svens head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Sven.
After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks,Sven, how is your hearing now?
Sven says, I dont know, Reverend, it aint til next Wednesday!
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Oh no, definitely not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special.
Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too -- he was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. I just married his frigging widow."
“I just got a new hearing aid”
“Oh really. What kind is it?”
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.