***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

It's all about the timing...

Never have I seen such commitment to photobombing as this woman's.

Yes, penguins have rocket propelled poop. You won't learn that on Discovery Channel.

He wanted soda. He got soda. To the faaaaaaaaace!!!!

Not sure what exactly is going on here, but $100 says that alcohol was involved.

A painful bee sting is the price you've got to pay for a photo as awesome as this.

"Pleased to meet you, concrete."

"It is the last time you'll sh*t on me!"

His thoughts became a shadow.

"CRATE-ZIRRA!"

Little did Gary know that the right combination of Coors Light, beef jerky and Molly Hatchet
was all it took to summon the ancient fire god of Hawkins county.

Probably not the new Facebook profile photo they were hoping for.

Enjoy your new broken camera.

One of these cats will pee on your couch.

[Lucky9teen]

[BerryDingle]

Oru little girl is growing up.
Last week Monica Lewinski turned 50.
Can you believe it?
Seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White house on her hands and knees, putting everything in her mouth.
They grow up so fast, don't they?

[stuartcr]

I had a polygraph tester ask me once if there was anything I had ever done, that I didn’t want anyone to know about. After I said yes, he got really upset with me because I wouldn’t tell him.

[ArGee]

I've cleaned this up as much as I can. I can't be responsible if your imagination replaces the dirty parts. Mr. and Mrs. Green had heard of a great therapist to help them improve their love life. When they arrived at Dr. Gray's office he gave them a thorough workup which included a physical and psychological exam. When he had finished he said, "I can help you, but you will need to follow my instructions exactly." The Greens agreed.

"First, on your way home stop and buy a bunch of bananas and a dozen plain donuts. When it's time for lovemaking, you are to both strip completely naked. Mrs. Green, you are to sit across the floor from Mr. Green and present a suitable target for a peeled banana. Mr. Green, you are to attempt to slide the banana across the floor into the target. When you are successful, crawl across the floor and remove the banana without using your hands.

"When you have completed this exercise, Mr. Green is to sit across the floor and present a suitable target for a donut. Mrs. Green, you are to attempt to toss a "ringer." When you are successful, crawl across the floor on all fours and remove the donut without using your hands."

Mr. and Mrs. Green followed the instructions and within a month their love life had been totally rejuvenated. They couldn't talk enough about how wonderful Dr. Gray had been for their marriage.

When Mr. and Mrs. Brown found out, they immediately made an appointment with Dr. Gray. He gave them the same complete work-up, but at the end said, "I'm sorry, I can't help you."

"But," protested Mrs. Brown, "You were such a help to our friends, the Greens! We're at our wits end and we're afraid our marriage is about to fail. Won't you please help us?"

With a sigh, Dr. Gray said, "I will try, but you must follow my instructions to the letter. On the way home buy a dozen cucumbers and a box of Cheerios."

[Heartlander]

The Wonderful World of Stu: Anti-Social - Assault Weapons

[IYAS9YAS]

Last week Monica Lewinski turned 50.

Whoa! Where have I been? I used to be 4 years older than her. Now I'm 6 years younger.

[Arrowhead1952]

Sign at a Gun Show

“My brother and I went to the Gun Show at Reliant Center Saturday, Mar. 23, 2013.

An all-day big show and lots of guns. Looked like people buying mostly hand guns and a lot were just looking, as we were.

Thousands of people, hundreds signing up and joining the NRA - wow!

The best sign I saw there was at a booth that read:

“IF YOU VOTED FOR OBAMA, WE DO NOT WANT YOUR BUSINESS. YOU’RE TOO DAMN STUPID TO HAVE A FIREARM!”

[Heartlander]

Cat In A Shark Suit Riding A Roomba and Chasing A Duck

[Graybeard58]

Last week Monica Lewinski turned 50.

50 tricks, not 50 years old.

[Arrowhead1952]

Beware of older men......

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.

She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.

Before leaving, she says to the clerk, “I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am.”

“About 32,” is the reply.

“Nope! I’m exactly 50,” the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, “I’d guess about 29.”

The woman replies with a big smile, “Nope, I’m 50.”

Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street.

She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, “Oh, I’d say 30.”

Again she proudly responds, “I’m 50, but thank you!”

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, “Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.”

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her.

She finally blurts out, “What the heck, go ahead.”

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she asks, “Okay, okay....How old am I?”

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, “Madam, you are 50.”

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, “That was incredible, how could you tell?”

The old man says, “Promise you won’t get mad?”

“I promise I won’t.” she says.

“I was behind you at McDonalds...”

[Lucky9teen]

Love the pic Jan Brewer posted on Facebook the other day...

[Arrowhead1952]

Detroit, Michigan

Police in Detroit last night announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi-automatic rifles with 25,000 rounds of ammunition, 20 tons of heroin, 5 million in forged US banknotes, and 25 trafficked Latino prostitutes all in a
semi-detached house behind the Public Library on Woodward Ave.

Local residents were stunned, and a community organizer said:

“We’re all shocked; we never knew we had a library”.

[rockabyebaby]

Monica Lewinsky; Born: Monica Samille Lewinsky July 23, 1973

[rockabyebaby]

Monica Lewinsky; Monica Lewinsky, May 1997: Born: Monica Samille Lewinsky July 23, 1973

[Arrowhead1952]

Bad news about Grandpa

An elderly man had a masssive stroke and the family drove him to the emergency room.

After a while, the ER doctor appeared with a long face.

“I’m afraid Gramdpa is brain dead, but his heart is still beating”.

“Oh dear God”, his wife cried. “We’ve never had a liberal in the family before.”

[Lucky9teen]

[relictele]

Samille is French for stogie

[Lucky9teen]

[Lucky9teen]

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

Is this the right room for an argument?