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Dave Says Say No to Mom
Townhall.com ^ | May 22, 2013 | Dave Ramsey

Posted on 05/22/2013 12:02:02 PM PDT by Kaslin

Dear Dave,

I live outside Houston with my wife and our 9-month-old daughter. I’ve received a job offer from a company on the other side of the city that would pay, with bonuses, $25,000 a year more than I’m currently making. This would require moving to a new house and away from our extended family. My wife wants to move because my mom can be a little overbearing. I understand how she feels, but I’m not certain I want to move or take a new job. What’s your advice?

David

Dear David,

I’m not so sure this is a job change question as much as it is about the state of your relationships. I know it’s hard to keep the grandparents away when there’s a baby in the house; that kind of goes with the territory. But I can also understand how lots of unexpected visits and unsolicited advice can wear on a person.

If it were me, I wouldn’t change jobs just to run from something. My advice is to try setting boundaries in your relationships with your parents instead of installing geographical boundaries. You might want to pick up a copy of Dr. Henry Cloud’s great book Boundaries. Remember, your mom may not realize she’s intruding on your lives. This book is full of insight, and it will give you both some good advice on how to manage relationships in a healthy, loving way.

Like I said, I really don’t feel this is a job-move issue. I think you guys just need to establish some fair and reasonable emotional distance between yourselves and your family.

—Dave

Dear Dave,

My husband and I are debt-free except for our mortgage, and we make $65,000 a year. At this point, we have only $17,000 left to pay on the house. We haven’t fully gotten into all the retirement planning you say should come before paying off your home. But with so little left on the house, should we attack this last bit of debt and pay it off as soon as possible? We can have it done in five or six months.

Nancy

Dear Nancy,

I don’t see anything wrong with going ahead and knocking out the house, especially if you’re that close to making it happen. Normally, the people I talk to still have $100,000 to $200,000 left on their mortgages. This is a little bit different story.

Usually, I’m pretty hardcore about sticking with the proper order while doing the Baby Steps. Even in my book The Total Money Makeover, I didn’t leave room for people to go ahead and pay off a tiny, little mortgage ahead of investing for retirement. But in this situation, I think that’s exactly what I’d do.

Think about it, Nancy. You could be completely debt-free by year’s end, and you’re still underway with retirement planning. What a great Christmas gift for you and your husband to give each other!

—Dave


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Society
KEYWORDS: daveramsey; debt; money; ramsey

1 posted on 05/22/2013 12:02:02 PM PDT by Kaslin
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To: Kaslin

This guy is ready to move because of a new job across the city? I commute 60 effing miles one way and I refuse to move.


2 posted on 05/22/2013 12:05:27 PM PDT by TheRhinelander
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To: Kaslin

This guy is ready to move because of a new job across the city? I commute 60 effing miles one way and I refuse to move.


3 posted on 05/22/2013 12:05:47 PM PDT by TheRhinelander
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To: Kaslin

Must be a really big city if moving to the other side would be too far away from the grandparents.


4 posted on 05/22/2013 12:08:25 PM PDT by Wolfie
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To: TheRhinelander

Maybe the “city” he’s talking about is LA or Chicago, and “the other side” takes 3 hours to get to.


5 posted on 05/22/2013 12:08:47 PM PDT by Still Thinking (Freedom is NOT a loophole!)
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To: Still Thinking; Wolfie
Maybe the “city” he’s talking about is LA or Chicago, and “the other side” takes 3 hours to get to.

Houston.

6 posted on 05/22/2013 12:12:54 PM PDT by mountn man (The Pleasure You Get From Life Is Equal To The Attitude You Put Into It)
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To: mountn man

Yes, and it can be 2 hours on an average day if one catches it at the wrong time.

Not that you were saying it wasn’t. But for the thread.


7 posted on 05/22/2013 12:16:17 PM PDT by F15Eagle (1Jn4:15;5:4-5,11-13;Mt27:50-54;Mk15:33-34;Jn3:17-18,6:69,11:25,14:6,20:31;Ro10:8-11;1Tm2:5-6;Ti3:4-7)
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To: TheRhinelander
Now I see why he's having a problem with his mom. He thinks a little drive across town is difficult.

Like you, I often drive 60 miles one way to work. I'm in construction. any job less than an hours drive is in my back yard, to me.

8 posted on 05/22/2013 12:16:31 PM PDT by mountn man (The Pleasure You Get From Life Is Equal To The Attitude You Put Into It)
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To: F15Eagle

I live NW of Chicago. For the last 3+ years I’ve worked SE of Chicago in NW Indiana. I’m extremely familiar with LOONNGG commutes.


9 posted on 05/22/2013 12:20:05 PM PDT by mountn man (The Pleasure You Get From Life Is Equal To The Attitude You Put Into It)
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To: Kaslin

He’s across the city! For an extra 25Gs that shouldn’t be a problem. I’m sure his parents would make the “trek” to see their grandchild.


10 posted on 05/22/2013 12:21:29 PM PDT by jimmyo57
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To: Wolfie

Houston, is what it said.


11 posted on 05/22/2013 12:26:05 PM PDT by NEMDF
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To: mountn man

Yeah. I’m trying to avoid that myself.


12 posted on 05/22/2013 12:29:29 PM PDT by F15Eagle (1Jn4:15;5:4-5,11-13;Mt27:50-54;Mk15:33-34;Jn3:17-18,6:69,11:25,14:6,20:31;Ro10:8-11;1Tm2:5-6;Ti3:4-7)
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To: jimmyo57

That is what I am thinking too. Now if he were across the country that would be a different story


13 posted on 05/22/2013 12:46:25 PM PDT by Kaslin (He needed the ignorant to reelect him, and he got them. Now we all have to pay the consequenses)
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To: Still Thinking
LA and Chicago are not near Houston. The article says he lives outside of Houston, and the job offer is from the other site of the city not the other site of the country.

Maybe his parents still live in the horse and buggy days? /s>

14 posted on 05/22/2013 12:53:06 PM PDT by Kaslin (He needed the ignorant to reelect him, and he got them. Now we all have to pay the consequenses)
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To: TheRhinelander

Ya, hahah, this guy is a big time wuss! “Commute you loser!” An hour commute is nothing.


15 posted on 05/22/2013 1:03:29 PM PDT by SgtHooper (The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.)
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To: Kaslin

My commute is 95 miles a day. I’m not moving one step closer to Cleveland.


16 posted on 05/22/2013 1:55:19 PM PDT by mom4melody
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To: Kaslin

I’m a grandma that lives near Houston. If you can commute against the traffic 60 miles is really no big deal. With the traffic it can turn into 2 to 3 hours one way.

Seems to me like the grandmother and DIL may not have the best of relationships. Happens all the time, is not the end of the world and can be worked around.

I don’t understand why someone would turn down a job that pays $25,000 a year more. So take the job and the extra money and move. Let Grandma pick up the child on Friday and keep at her house until Sunday evening if the grandchild’s activity schedule permits. Gives her uninterrupted time with her grandchild and gives the parents some adult together time.

Time with grandparents is very, very important to a child. My oldest grandchild lived a 3 hour plane ride away and I went to see him once a month when he was growing up. The youngest lives 10 minutes away and comes to my house every chance he gets. My DIL not so much but that’s fine. Boundaries in every relationship need to be established - especially and even with family members. Most grandmas I know will comply with the rules, their grandchildren are too important to them.


17 posted on 05/22/2013 2:04:21 PM PDT by Grams A (The Sun will rise in the East in the morning and God is still on his throne.)
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To: Kaslin

What? You think I read the articles before posting? ;) Actually, I did read it but managed to miss that detail.


18 posted on 05/22/2013 2:59:30 PM PDT by Still Thinking (Freedom is NOT a loophole!)
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To: Kaslin

I always love reading the financial advice columns. All these people wondering what to do with all their money—! I can’t imagine what it would be like to be getting job offers at all, much less ones that pay $25K more than one is already getting, or being in a position to put $17K into the house and have it all paid off. Some folks have clearly organized their lives and careers very intelligently.


19 posted on 05/22/2013 6:16:14 PM PDT by ottbmare (The OTTB Mare--now a Marine Mom)
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To: Kaslin; CSM

Dave Ramsey ping


20 posted on 06/05/2013 6:26:21 AM PDT by Altariel ("Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!")
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To: Hoosier Catholic Momma; CottonBall; TenthAmendmentChampion; Chickensoup; JDoutrider; ...

Another Dave Ramsey Ping


21 posted on 06/05/2013 9:13:28 AM PDT by CSM (Keeper of the Dave Ramsey Ping list. FReepmail me if you want your beeber stuned.)
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To: ottbmare

“Some folks have clearly organized their lives and careers very intelligently.”

You too can be in those wonderful situations. I don’t know your current specifics, but no matter what they are you can get to those very same situations!

“It CAN be done!” -President Ronaldus Magnus


22 posted on 06/05/2013 9:23:46 AM PDT by CSM (Keeper of the Dave Ramsey Ping list. FReepmail me if you want your beeber stuned.)
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To: mountn man

Or Dallas/FW. It can take an eternity to get through there.


23 posted on 06/05/2013 9:53:13 AM PDT by Silentgypsy
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To: TheRhinelander

Commuting in Houston is about the same a getting nail in your foot twice a day. Painful, not enjoyable and just plain stupid. The job might as well be in Atlanta if his commute would try to take him across Houston.


24 posted on 06/05/2013 10:50:01 AM PDT by IllumiNaughtyByNature ($1.84 - The price of a gallon of gas on Jan. 20th, 2009.)
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To: CSM

You’re very kind. I’m getting fairly old now, and have had many dreams shot down, despite the investment of enormous amounts of effort. At this point I’ve concluded that the Lord just did not intend me to be prosperous, and I’ll be grateful if He allows me to have the last dream: to live on a few acres in the country, have some kind of modest job for my old age, keep serious illness at bay, and avoid hunger. That sounds miserable but it’s not. I am a happy person by nature, and I could be happy with some chickens, a dog or two, and garden. If it’s God’s will to shoot down my efforts to put together a career in my late middle age, then all I can do is praise and thank Him.


25 posted on 06/05/2013 11:37:43 AM PDT by ottbmare (The OTTB Mare--now a Marine Mom)
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To: Kaslin
My husband and I are debt-free except for our mortgage, and we make $65,000 a year. At this point, we have only $17,000 left to pay on the house. We haven’t fully gotten into all the retirement planning you say should come before paying off your home. But with so little left on the house, should we attack this last bit of debt and pay it off as soon as possible? We can have it done in five or six months.

I'm impressed they could pay off their mortgage. Goes to show - it's not how much someone makes, but how they budget their money and their priorities.
26 posted on 06/05/2013 12:22:06 PM PDT by yorkiemom
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To: ottbmare


Please don't read these to make yourself feel bad. But to learn how to do what these people are doing. Sometimes it's luck also (as with a job offer) or who you know.

27 posted on 06/05/2013 12:24:11 PM PDT by yorkiemom
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To: ottbmare
You’re very kind. I’m getting fairly old now, and have had many dreams shot down, despite the investment of enormous amounts of effort. At this point I’ve concluded that the Lord just did not intend me to be prosperous, and I’ll be grateful if He allows me to have the last dream: to live on a few acres in the country, have some kind of modest job for my old age, keep serious illness at bay, and avoid hunger. That sounds miserable but it’s not. I am a happy person by nature, and I could be happy with some chickens, a dog or two, and garden. If it’s God’s will to shoot down my efforts to put together a career in my late middle age, then all I can do is praise and thank Him.

That is so sweet, humble, and inspiring. God would rather we be humble and ready to serve - than wealthy. And I find in my life that I am more humble when I have less. Otherwise I start to think that 'I' did it all myself. I think he knows what we each need.

Like you, a country home with chickens is my dream. A simple life tending the garden and the critters is all I need. Unfortunately, I have to get out of the city first - and hopefully, out of California! I'd like to get back to the US eventually. We're on the 5 year retirement plan, but it is seeming like an eternity at this point. Good luck to you - and hope you are blessed with this simple life as well!
28 posted on 06/05/2013 12:28:12 PM PDT by yorkiemom
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To: yorkiemom

I messed up the html....obviously!


29 posted on 06/05/2013 12:28:51 PM PDT by yorkiemom
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To: Kaslin
Take the job, commute for several months. If you like the job, move closer to work.

I know folks who've been commuting across Houston for years :(

30 posted on 06/05/2013 12:35:01 PM PDT by Jane Long (While Marxists continue the fundamental transformation of the USA, progressive RINOs stay silent.)
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